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Nobody enjoys being cut off or bumped into, yet these things happen all the time — both to and because of us.
Experts say that such behaviors instigate a self-perpetuating cycle, hampering our productivity, our happiness, and our health along the way.
So incivility is like a virus. Contract the stuff, and there's a big chance you can spread it without even consciously wanting to.
Interested in which of its forms are the most common, Reddit user MaximumHemidrive asked others on the platform to share what people say and do without realizing it's actually quite hurtful.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
If someone declines alcohol, do not insist, and do not ask them why.
TotallyNOTAFox 9 months ago
Say you don't eat meat and everybody offers you some, say you don'T drink alcohol and everybody offers you some, say you don't have sex - nothing!
RELATED:
#2
LISTENING TO ANYTHING IN PUBLIC WITH YOUR VOLUME ON. This includes TikTok, YouTube, social media, face timing, phone on speaker, music, etc. No one gives a f**k what media you’re consuming. Airports especially seem to attract this in droves like earbuds or headphones don’t exist?? If i can hear your phone you are getting The Glare. Learn to adjust to polite society.
#3
Looking at your phone whilst someone talks to you. Put your phone DOWN and live in the moment that is REAL. Your phone is just a waste of your time 90% of the time! Enjoy a real face to face conversation!.
#4
Why don't you have kids yet?.
#5
Asking when you're going to have kids.
My fiancée had a hysterotomy a few years ago because reasons. We're planning to adopt and we're both fine with it. There's enough people in this world and we don't need to make more ourselves. She gets asked a lot when we're planning to have kids and she replies, completely deadpan, "I'm infertile" and the uncomfortable look on their faces when they don't know how to respond gives us both great joy. We hope it helps them think twice before asking someone else. I can't wait to marry that woman.
Jennik 9 months ago
In a similar situation, I used to be asked why I only had one child. Or told I was "selfish" for only having one. Or, in a slightly more positive way (I guess), "Your daughter is so gorgeous! I hope you're having another!". Yeah, well my daughter is the only surviving baby out of 10 pregnancies. I had 9 first trimester miscarriages, some of which became seriously life-threatening, so I consider myself pretty lucky to have one child, actually.
#6
Giving any sort of unsolicited advice on someone's physical appearance.
Karri Berkowitz 9 months ago
In my disliking of the whole "girls hating on girls" cliché, I always compliment other females on something they r wearing. I don't care that they didn't ask for it cuz sometimes ppl just need to hear something nice from a total stranger.
#7
Saying "it was God's will" when someone you care about dies. So inappropriate yet so many people do it anyway.
ScarletRos 9 months ago
Where I used to work, a colleague miscarried. Another colleague told her, “God needed the baby more than you” in some weird attempt to be comforting. Everyone else was like WTF?
#8
“Smile!” Had a coworker that kept telling me to smile and I had to talk to a manager about it. I’m a large rough looking man and apparently my resting staring off into space face offended her. I live with chronic pain, so no, I don’t feel like smiling when I’m not interacting with anyone. I’m not scowling, I’m not mad I’m just not happy.
Richi Weiss 9 months ago
I can totally relate to that. I hope the pain u suffer is at least bearable. Hope u find something that helps u out!
#9
Being chronically ill and constantly being told "well at least it isn't cancer". No but it's stuff I have to live the rest of my life with. Also "but you look ok". Crazy how most all of my body is on the inside me.
Louise Clarke 9 months ago
Yes, as someone with chronic daily migraine headaches, invisible and painful, I have had a headache every day for 20 years. And I hate when people tell me to pop an aspirin and it will be fine, or tell me that if I lose weight it will improve.
#10
Stepping off a full escalator and then standing still while looking around. Bro, just take 4-5 steps forward to figure yourself out!.
Hans Georg 9 months ago
Not just escalators, but also stairs at the train station. Or sitting on them. I do not want to hit them with my bike.
#11
Commenting on weight in any way - “you’re so skinny” isn’t always a compliment.
#12
Leaving your grocery cart in the middle of the aisle so others cannot pass. It’s inconsiderate and infuriating.
Donkey boi 9 months ago
Oh I'll move it! I'll take it for a little trip around the store if you're not paying attention. Might even add a few things it.
#15
People getting on an elevator before allowing people who are on it to get off.
#16
Approach a disabled person you don’t know to call them brave, inspirational, etc. Especially if you are using them as an example to children. Every single disabled person I have ever met HATES when people do this. It’s calling unnecessary attention to them and a lot of people feel put on the spot, so it’s not a kind or respectful thing to do.
Just leave people the f**k alone, they’re not here to be your example or your teachable moment.
censorshipsucks 9 months ago
I always think you can figure out how it feels by swapping the person around. If you think for example that hotpants are ok, visualise your dad in them and ask whether they're ok. No, they're not. They're lechy. Now, do the same thought with the above. Swap disabled person with black person. "Oh look how inspirational, a black person in a store!" ... f**k off. So if your gut reaction to the person swap is "ewww gross" then yes, ANY comment on ANY person in that scenario is "eww gross".
#17
Talking loudly while traveling in herds with no spatial awareness. The random scream. Think college freshman packs or middle schoolers at the mall.
#18
People who let their dogs jump up on you. Hey I love dogs but I’m not in the mood of having dirty paws on my nice clean clothes.
Loverboy 9 months ago
As someone who is slightly terrified of random dogs, I agree with the first sentence
Stardrop 9 months ago
yes. especially a big dog, because a dog can knock me over with relative ease and that scares me.
Load More Replies... TheAmericanAmerican 9 months ago
Happy dog owner here and one of the first things that I did NOT teach/reward my dog was any kind of "jump up" movement! It's a very slippery slope that dogs can very quickly fall down if positively rewarded!
Red PANda (she/they) 9 months ago
I’ve found that the best policy is to just ignore them till they calm down and stop jumping up. Don’t pet them, don’t talk to them, don’t look at them, if they scratch you on accident, just turn your back to them until they calm down a bit, then you can turn and give them pets :)
Load More Replies... censorshipsucks 9 months ago
yep it's bs. Not everyone wants to be scratched and jumped on. Even worse is when the benevolent but buffonish beings decide that they are so f*****g happy to see you that tehy need to jump up all over the driver side door of your car as you arrive home, and scratch the s**t out of the paint job.
OpheliaPoe 9 months ago
I had one who was like that. He wasn't allowed to jump on people but he figured that people he had never met before didn't know that so anyone new he'd jump on 🤦🏼♀️ I always had to tell him to get down and tell the person he wasn't allowed to do that so tell him no if he jumps on you.
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Madam Puddyfoot 9 months ago
This goes for veterinarians, too. I love dogs, but just because I love dogs doesn't mean I want every dog to jump up on me in an appointment. Give me a moment to squat down and meet them on their level!
Debbie 9 months ago
I wear dresses a lot, and I don't want them damaged by the paws/nails. I usually (try to) ignore very enthousiastic dogs - I might come across as not caring for dogs, not melting when I see a cute puppy, but I don't want to encourage wrong behaviour. When they are calmer, then I'll greet them. That realization and change in greeting came when our dog sometimes let go of a little pee in his excitement when we returned home. So we didn't greet him as extensively as we used to untill his excitement level was lowered. Then we'd hug.
Jeff White 9 months ago
My brother was mauled by a dog. 80 stitches. I do not give a F*&^ if you dog is ok or not, keep it off me.
Jessica Shookhoff 9 months ago
Oh God, it's the worst when they don't actually come over and immediately retrieve their dog, but just stand waaaaaaaay far away repeatedly calling for them. If your dog is jumping on someone, which happens accidentally on occasion, just retrieve them immediately and apologize.
meow point1 9 months ago
I try not to, but sometimes it's hard to make them not jump! But I try my hardest!
The Doom Song 9 months ago
Same! Mine gets over exited and forgets his manners. I DO NOT encourage jumping at all.
Load More Replies... TheCrazyBunnyLady 9 months ago
Yep, it can be really painful or dangerous for people, even if they have an invisible medical problem. I have a back injury and a nerve can get pinched if I'm pushed backwards. I can end up in bed for days with shooting nerve pain.
Becca not Becky 9 months ago
I've been terrified of dogs for pretty much all my life. Having a dog run at me is one of the scariest things for me, even if people say "oh don't worry, he's nice."
Alan Bright 9 months ago
Yeah, I noticed when I take my dog out to pee, he steps on it when he walks away.
Tracy Wallick 9 months ago
Look. I have tried to train it out of my bigger dog, I really have, but when she sees someone she knows, she gets so excited she completely forgets all her manners.
Regina Holt 9 months ago
A good trainer would train the family to teach the dog to not do that, but some folks think it's fun to see their dog happy to see people
Rosalind Heim 9 months ago
Thank you! I also usually like dogs, but was afraid of them for quite a while after my grandma's friend's extremely hyper Jack Russell terrier jumped me when I was 5. They laughed and said he was just being friendly and playing. I was terrified and did not feel the love
Donkey boi 9 months ago
I am always happy to have a dog jump up at me. Sorry if I'm messing with your training, but I will not discourage it.
The Other Guest 9 months ago
Ya know, I was just about to complain about people who do this, and here you are proudly proclaiming it. You might enjoy having a dog jump on you, but my elderly neighbors sure don't, and someone who allows my dogs to break the "no jumping on people" rule would not be welcome in my ohme.
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TheAmericanAmerican 9 months ago
And then I'll return the favor 😁 fastest way to a 🍑 kicking is hurting someone's friendly dog. Now if it's a bite, by all means, go apeshït on the dog. I would if one bites down on me lol
Load More Replies... #19
"You don't look autistic"
Oh you don't say?.
#20
Talking to someone about work when they're eating their lunch on their lunch break.
Nika Strokappe 9 months ago
I don't mind discussing work with colleagues while on my lunch break, so not everyone will think this is rude...
#21
It amazes me how many people cut each other off mid-sentence. It doesn’t matter how many people are in the conversation, the topic, or nature of it, inevitably someone will cut the other person off mid-sentence.
#22
Immediately walking up the aisle once the plane lands and not letting those sitting in front of u get out first.
#23
Sharing your own experience before reacting to someone else sharing a story. No matter your intentions behind sharing your own story it will always seem like you are trying to one up someone or make everything about you. I'm not trying to say you can't or shouldn't share your story but react and ask a few questions before you do. Show that you care about the other person first.
Richi Weiss 9 months ago
It is super easy to step into that trap. I have to admit I also do that sometimes but if I do I wanted to tell the other person that they are not alone but I am also thinking "dammed u shouldn't do that" while talking. But then it's too late 😔
#24
*why are you so quiet?*
Why do you talk so much? See how rude that sounds?.
Mrs Irish Mom 9 months ago
Uncle asked my kid why are they so quiet and she said, why are younso loud, i could hear you even before i walked tru the front door the poor neighbours
#25
Commenting on a stranger's acne. Holy s**t, doesn't matter what 'hack' or trick or advice you have that you just have to share, the person KNOWS what their skin looks like, has almost certainly tried everything and then some, and is just trying to get through their day. That s**t hurts from friends and family, let alone some a*****e customer at your job or d******d at the bar. Just /don't/.
censorshipsucks 9 months ago
same for anyone suffering anything. I have loads of allergies and people tell me stupid s**t like "well if you only ate healthy like more nuts"... f**k right off... I am precisely allergic to that "healthy" s**t.
#26
When someone shares something tough they're experiencing, saying "Welcome to the club" is really invalidating.
#27
Touching people’s hair without their permission. As a black woman who wears protective styles I get this all the time. I am not a petting zoo.
#28
Rude to do? Cancel plans to attend an activity for the last minute or just not show up to something you've RSVP'd for. I understand sometimes people suddenly get sick, their kid gets sick, or they have a last minute work assignment, but I hate the "I changed my mind," or "I didn't feel like it" excuses. I actually had a birthday party where everyone I invited decided they'd just not show up, but it was okay because they assumed other people would come. I only invited four people, and nobody came. It was very hurtful and disappointing. Happy birthday to me!.
Lucky2BAlive 9 months ago
Just so you know, I would have shown up (unless death or a family member, or serious illness) - I don’t get invited to parties so when ai do, I take it seriously.
#29
“You look good for your age.”
There are so many ways to compliment someone on aging well, but that is not one of them.
censorshipsucks 9 months ago
I'm ok with this one. I'm definitely heading to old age now so if a youngish person says this I feel quite good about myself.
#30
Leaving your highbeams on whenever there’s a car in front of you, whether they’re on the same or opposite side of the road. I know for a lot of people this is obvious, but I was once in front of somebody who would always turn their highs off for oncoming cars and turn them on once said car had passed, even though they were 15 feet behind me and were still shining their highs into my face. I did not know this person, and had not committed some sort of traffic faux pas.
What do you think ?
Sky Render 9 months ago
Asking a transgender person if they've "had the surgery" is extremely rude, it's none of your business and has all sorts of unpleasant connotations when you ask about someone's genitalia. Although really, asking anyone what's in their pants is a huge WTF social faux pas, and I am quite shocked that it ever became normalized!
Guess Undheit 9 months ago (edited)
Asking should be considered sexual harassment. It's nobody's business other than their doctor or their sexual partners.
Load More Replies...
Steve Kenney 9 months ago
unsolicited advice on anything is rude. "I didn't ask you, so shut up"
rabbitthorn 9 months ago
adding my own, commenting on/blatantly staring at someone's scars. i have them on my arms and legs, and no matter what people have to comment or stare at me like i'm dangerous. i understand it's something different, but i'm still a person who lives with them. you can see them and move on, i live with them. just don't comment on anyone's scars or anything of that nature really. if i offer to tell my story, then by all means you can ask me things. but don't interrogate people, ESPECIALLY if you're a stranger
VOTE if you live in the USA 9 months ago
Taking up the entire aisle at the store with your cart/body/conversation is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. It amazes me that people are so situationally unaware and surprised other people exist.
Rose Thorny 9 months ago
I don't drink. When I'm offered a drink I politely decline and we go on with our lives. I guess my peers aren't pressuring me enough for me to fully understand why some posts make such a huge deal out of someone declining booze and being quizzed about your lifestyle choices. So much that they need articles and advice columns on how to deal with it??
Jeevesssssss 9 months ago
If I wasn't drinking I'd not be pressured either, but in some circles it really is a thing. I've had other friends who have struggled with it previously. It often happens when people don't want to look at their own drinking habits...
Load More Replies...
UncleJohn3000 9 months ago
So the basic problem here is people. I've always liked this one because there's no positive way to accept it - "You're a lot brighter than you look."
Will Cable 9 months ago
Speaking to someone on the phone and they have the TV volume up and so you are struggling to hear what they are saying. Please turn the TV volume down.
Don Adams 9 months ago
I am a former smoker. This May will make 23 years smoke free. Quitting is very difficult, and it really took several years to not have the urge, and it is one of the things I am most proud of accomplishing. That being said, the condescending "superiority" of non smokers who would offer non solicited commentary and advice, people who would start coughing loudly, and that idiotic hand fanning just annoyed the royal p**s out of me. Pretty much all smokers know it is a horribly expensive and unhealthy habit, they need support, not insults. Pretty much makes a smoker want a cigarette more every time it happens. If you are a smoker and want to quit, try. Don't get disallusioned if you stumble, just keep trying, get support from family and friends. You'll get there in your time. Best of luck!
Samara Morgan 9 months ago
You smokers are entitled a******s, you poison others with your disgusting, smelly cigarettes. People were acting like that because you didn't respect their space, just like a typical smoker. Thanks for my migraines.
Load More Replies...
Sky Render 9 months ago
Asking a transgender person if they've "had the surgery" is extremely rude, it's none of your business and has all sorts of unpleasant connotations when you ask about someone's genitalia. Although really, asking anyone what's in their pants is a huge WTF social faux pas, and I am quite shocked that it ever became normalized!
Guess Undheit 9 months ago (edited)
Asking should be considered sexual harassment. It's nobody's business other than their doctor or their sexual partners.
Load More Replies... Steve Kenney 9 months ago
unsolicited advice on anything is rude. "I didn't ask you, so shut up"
rabbitthorn 9 months ago
adding my own, commenting on/blatantly staring at someone's scars. i have them on my arms and legs, and no matter what people have to comment or stare at me like i'm dangerous. i understand it's something different, but i'm still a person who lives with them. you can see them and move on, i live with them. just don't comment on anyone's scars or anything of that nature really. if i offer to tell my story, then by all means you can ask me things. but don't interrogate people, ESPECIALLY if you're a stranger
VOTE if you live in the USA 9 months ago
Taking up the entire aisle at the store with your cart/body/conversation is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. It amazes me that people are so situationally unaware and surprised other people exist.
Rose Thorny 9 months ago
I don't drink. When I'm offered a drink I politely decline and we go on with our lives. I guess my peers aren't pressuring me enough for me to fully understand why some posts make such a huge deal out of someone declining booze and being quizzed about your lifestyle choices. So much that they need articles and advice columns on how to deal with it??
Jeevesssssss 9 months ago
If I wasn't drinking I'd not be pressured either, but in some circles it really is a thing. I've had other friends who have struggled with it previously. It often happens when people don't want to look at their own drinking habits...
Load More Replies... UncleJohn3000 9 months ago
So the basic problem here is people. I've always liked this one because there's no positive way to accept it - "You're a lot brighter than you look."
Will Cable 9 months ago
Speaking to someone on the phone and they have the TV volume up and so you are struggling to hear what they are saying. Please turn the TV volume down.
Don Adams 9 months ago
I am a former smoker. This May will make 23 years smoke free. Quitting is very difficult, and it really took several years to not have the urge, and it is one of the things I am most proud of accomplishing. That being said, the condescending "superiority" of non smokers who would offer non solicited commentary and advice, people who would start coughing loudly, and that idiotic hand fanning just annoyed the royal p**s out of me. Pretty much all smokers know it is a horribly expensive and unhealthy habit, they need support, not insults. Pretty much makes a smoker want a cigarette more every time it happens. If you are a smoker and want to quit, try. Don't get disallusioned if you stumble, just keep trying, get support from family and friends. You'll get there in your time. Best of luck!
Samara Morgan 9 months ago
You smokers are entitled a******s, you poison others with your disgusting, smelly cigarettes. People were acting like that because you didn't respect their space, just like a typical smoker. Thanks for my migraines.
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