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Nobody enjoys being cut off or bumped into, yet these things happen all the time — both to and because of us.
Experts say that such behaviors instigate a self-perpetuating cycle, hampering our productivity, our happiness, and our health along the way.
So incivility is like a virus. Contract the stuff, and there's a big chance you can spread it without even consciously wanting to.
Interested in which of its forms are the most common, Reddit user MaximumHemidrive asked others on the platform to share what people say and do without realizing it's actually quite hurtful.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
If someone declines alcohol, do not insist, and do not ask them why.
TotallyNOTAFox 9 months ago
Say you don't eat meat and everybody offers you some, say you don'T drink alcohol and everybody offers you some, say you don't have sex - nothing!
RELATED:
#2
LISTENING TO ANYTHING IN PUBLIC WITH YOUR VOLUME ON. This includes TikTok, YouTube, social media, face timing, phone on speaker, music, etc. No one gives a f**k what media you’re consuming. Airports especially seem to attract this in droves like earbuds or headphones don’t exist?? If i can hear your phone you are getting The Glare. Learn to adjust to polite society.
#3
Looking at your phone whilst someone talks to you. Put your phone DOWN and live in the moment that is REAL. Your phone is just a waste of your time 90% of the time! Enjoy a real face to face conversation!.
#4
Why don't you have kids yet?.
#5
Asking when you're going to have kids.
My fiancée had a hysterotomy a few years ago because reasons. We're planning to adopt and we're both fine with it. There's enough people in this world and we don't need to make more ourselves. She gets asked a lot when we're planning to have kids and she replies, completely deadpan, "I'm infertile" and the uncomfortable look on their faces when they don't know how to respond gives us both great joy. We hope it helps them think twice before asking someone else. I can't wait to marry that woman.
Jennik 9 months ago
In a similar situation, I used to be asked why I only had one child. Or told I was "selfish" for only having one. Or, in a slightly more positive way (I guess), "Your daughter is so gorgeous! I hope you're having another!". Yeah, well my daughter is the only surviving baby out of 10 pregnancies. I had 9 first trimester miscarriages, some of which became seriously life-threatening, so I consider myself pretty lucky to have one child, actually.
#6
Giving any sort of unsolicited advice on someone's physical appearance.
Karri Berkowitz 9 months ago
In my disliking of the whole "girls hating on girls" cliché, I always compliment other females on something they r wearing. I don't care that they didn't ask for it cuz sometimes ppl just need to hear something nice from a total stranger.
#7
Saying "it was God's will" when someone you care about dies. So inappropriate yet so many people do it anyway.
ScarletRos 9 months ago
Where I used to work, a colleague miscarried. Another colleague told her, “God needed the baby more than you” in some weird attempt to be comforting. Everyone else was like WTF?
#8
“Smile!” Had a coworker that kept telling me to smile and I had to talk to a manager about it. I’m a large rough looking man and apparently my resting staring off into space face offended her. I live with chronic pain, so no, I don’t feel like smiling when I’m not interacting with anyone. I’m not scowling, I’m not mad I’m just not happy.
Richi Weiss 9 months ago
I can totally relate to that. I hope the pain u suffer is at least bearable. Hope u find something that helps u out!
#9
Being chronically ill and constantly being told "well at least it isn't cancer". No but it's stuff I have to live the rest of my life with. Also "but you look ok". Crazy how most all of my body is on the inside me.
Louise Clarke 9 months ago
Yes, as someone with chronic daily migraine headaches, invisible and painful, I have had a headache every day for 20 years. And I hate when people tell me to pop an aspirin and it will be fine, or tell me that if I lose weight it will improve.
Ludwig Michiel 9 months ago
I only have migraine in periods I don't sleep well, and the only thing I can do then is take my medication so the attack only lasts 6-8 hours, and lay down in a silent and dark room. It must be absolutely terrible to have to go through that daily.
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Joshua Seaman 9 months ago (edited)
Brené Brown calls it "silver lining" somebody's experience for them, which interferes with empathy. I dealt with chronic illness for a decade, and every time someone said "well you look good", it completely missed the mark - I don't care how I look when I feel horrible. Connect with the person's experience ffs.
TheCrazyBunnyLady 9 months ago
Yep... People don't realise that you only see people with an illness/disability on their GOOD days. On my bad days my joints are so stiff that getting out of bed and getting dressed can take an hour. No way that I can go shopping or visit friends or family on a day like that. ▪️▪️▪️Some close friends have seen me on bad days because we were supposed to meet at my place. They quickly realised that my illness can be pretty damn serious. We just talked a bit over tea, because that was the only thing I could do. Couldn't even lift my teacup properly.
Lisa Westerfield 9 months ago
Or having survived cancer and have people tell you you were lucky. I would have been luckier not to have cancer in the first place.
FluffyDreg 9 months ago
Luck has nothing to do with you being very strong. I'm sorry you had to go through that but I'm glad you are here with us.
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Lucky2BAlive 9 months ago
My favorite is the judgement I hear all the time is “you don’t look like you need disabled parking, you don’t look like you need the scooter for shopping”. Not every illness or injury can be seen. And yes, I DO require the parking and scooter as I am relearning to stand and walk again after a traumatic injury.
Regina Holt 9 months ago
Years ago I looked perfectly healthy, but after a collapsed lung, pleurisy, uncontrolled asthma, I didn't look like I needed handicapped parking, but I did. On good days, I wouldn't use it, but would park in the regular spot farther away
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Belladonna.dreams 9 months ago
Saying "just be happy" is telling someone with a broken leg to "walk it off"
Jennifer Smith 9 months ago
As a chronically ill person with cancer I can say they both suck but I will eventually be done with the cancer treatment but my chronic illness will never go away
Ace 9 months ago
I can relate. As a sometime Ski Instructor I don't normally ever mention my fybromyalgia. Not that I don't want people to know, but I couldn't deal with the "how come you can do this if you're permanently in pain"? and the disbelief or at best incomprehension that might come with it.
Regina Holt 9 months ago
This is just so stupid. Some cancers are curable. Some illness are not.
Tobie Lynn 9 months ago
Or constantly being told, "ohh I forgot you have Z,Y, or Z, you seem fine most of the time"
shawna Reich 9 months ago
if you dont like sick or broken, than you're faking it. Seriously not all illnesses have a face.
Guess Undheit 9 months ago
There's a plethora of conditions that will get that stupid comment. It's only those who understand (the same or another chronic problem) who will show genuine empathy and not make stupid comments.
TotallyNOTAFox 9 months ago
That especially sucks if cancer would be the illness that's easier to treat
#10
Stepping off a full escalator and then standing still while looking around. Bro, just take 4-5 steps forward to figure yourself out!.
Hans Georg 9 months ago
Not just escalators, but also stairs at the train station. Or sitting on them. I do not want to hit them with my bike.
#11
Commenting on weight in any way - “you’re so skinny” isn’t always a compliment.
#12
Leaving your grocery cart in the middle of the aisle so others cannot pass. It’s inconsiderate and infuriating.
Donkey boi 9 months ago
Oh I'll move it! I'll take it for a little trip around the store if you're not paying attention. Might even add a few things it.
#15
People getting on an elevator before allowing people who are on it to get off.
#16
Approach a disabled person you don’t know to call them brave, inspirational, etc. Especially if you are using them as an example to children. Every single disabled person I have ever met HATES when people do this. It’s calling unnecessary attention to them and a lot of people feel put on the spot, so it’s not a kind or respectful thing to do.
Just leave people the f**k alone, they’re not here to be your example or your teachable moment.
censorshipsucks 9 months ago
I always think you can figure out how it feels by swapping the person around. If you think for example that hotpants are ok, visualise your dad in them and ask whether they're ok. No, they're not. They're lechy. Now, do the same thought with the above. Swap disabled person with black person. "Oh look how inspirational, a black person in a store!" ... f**k off. So if your gut reaction to the person swap is "ewww gross" then yes, ANY comment on ANY person in that scenario is "eww gross".
#17
Talking loudly while traveling in herds with no spatial awareness. The random scream. Think college freshman packs or middle schoolers at the mall.
#18
People who let their dogs jump up on you. Hey I love dogs but I’m not in the mood of having dirty paws on my nice clean clothes.
#19
"You don't look autistic"
Oh you don't say?.
#20
Talking to someone about work when they're eating their lunch on their lunch break.
Nika Strokappe 9 months ago
I don't mind discussing work with colleagues while on my lunch break, so not everyone will think this is rude...
#21
It amazes me how many people cut each other off mid-sentence. It doesn’t matter how many people are in the conversation, the topic, or nature of it, inevitably someone will cut the other person off mid-sentence.
#22
Immediately walking up the aisle once the plane lands and not letting those sitting in front of u get out first.
#23
Sharing your own experience before reacting to someone else sharing a story. No matter your intentions behind sharing your own story it will always seem like you are trying to one up someone or make everything about you. I'm not trying to say you can't or shouldn't share your story but react and ask a few questions before you do. Show that you care about the other person first.
Richi Weiss 9 months ago
It is super easy to step into that trap. I have to admit I also do that sometimes but if I do I wanted to tell the other person that they are not alone but I am also thinking "dammed u shouldn't do that" while talking. But then it's too late 😔
#24
*why are you so quiet?*
Why do you talk so much? See how rude that sounds?.
Mrs Irish Mom 9 months ago
Uncle asked my kid why are they so quiet and she said, why are younso loud, i could hear you even before i walked tru the front door the poor neighbours
#25
Commenting on a stranger's acne. Holy s**t, doesn't matter what 'hack' or trick or advice you have that you just have to share, the person KNOWS what their skin looks like, has almost certainly tried everything and then some, and is just trying to get through their day. That s**t hurts from friends and family, let alone some a*****e customer at your job or d******d at the bar. Just /don't/.
censorshipsucks 9 months ago
same for anyone suffering anything. I have loads of allergies and people tell me stupid s**t like "well if you only ate healthy like more nuts"... f**k right off... I am precisely allergic to that "healthy" s**t.
#26
When someone shares something tough they're experiencing, saying "Welcome to the club" is really invalidating.
#27
Touching people’s hair without their permission. As a black woman who wears protective styles I get this all the time. I am not a petting zoo.
#28
Rude to do? Cancel plans to attend an activity for the last minute or just not show up to something you've RSVP'd for. I understand sometimes people suddenly get sick, their kid gets sick, or they have a last minute work assignment, but I hate the "I changed my mind," or "I didn't feel like it" excuses. I actually had a birthday party where everyone I invited decided they'd just not show up, but it was okay because they assumed other people would come. I only invited four people, and nobody came. It was very hurtful and disappointing. Happy birthday to me!.
Lucky2BAlive 9 months ago
Just so you know, I would have shown up (unless death or a family member, or serious illness) - I don’t get invited to parties so when ai do, I take it seriously.
#29
“You look good for your age.”
There are so many ways to compliment someone on aging well, but that is not one of them.
censorshipsucks 9 months ago
I'm ok with this one. I'm definitely heading to old age now so if a youngish person says this I feel quite good about myself.
#30
Leaving your highbeams on whenever there’s a car in front of you, whether they’re on the same or opposite side of the road. I know for a lot of people this is obvious, but I was once in front of somebody who would always turn their highs off for oncoming cars and turn them on once said car had passed, even though they were 15 feet behind me and were still shining their highs into my face. I did not know this person, and had not committed some sort of traffic faux pas.
What do you think ?
Sky Render 9 months ago
Asking a transgender person if they've "had the surgery" is extremely rude, it's none of your business and has all sorts of unpleasant connotations when you ask about someone's genitalia. Although really, asking anyone what's in their pants is a huge WTF social faux pas, and I am quite shocked that it ever became normalized!
Guess Undheit 9 months ago (edited)
Asking should be considered sexual harassment. It's nobody's business other than their doctor or their sexual partners.
Load More Replies...
Steve Kenney 9 months ago
unsolicited advice on anything is rude. "I didn't ask you, so shut up"
rabbitthorn 9 months ago
adding my own, commenting on/blatantly staring at someone's scars. i have them on my arms and legs, and no matter what people have to comment or stare at me like i'm dangerous. i understand it's something different, but i'm still a person who lives with them. you can see them and move on, i live with them. just don't comment on anyone's scars or anything of that nature really. if i offer to tell my story, then by all means you can ask me things. but don't interrogate people, ESPECIALLY if you're a stranger
VOTE if you live in the USA 9 months ago
Taking up the entire aisle at the store with your cart/body/conversation is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. It amazes me that people are so situationally unaware and surprised other people exist.
Rose Thorny 9 months ago
I don't drink. When I'm offered a drink I politely decline and we go on with our lives. I guess my peers aren't pressuring me enough for me to fully understand why some posts make such a huge deal out of someone declining booze and being quizzed about your lifestyle choices. So much that they need articles and advice columns on how to deal with it??
Jeevesssssss 9 months ago
If I wasn't drinking I'd not be pressured either, but in some circles it really is a thing. I've had other friends who have struggled with it previously. It often happens when people don't want to look at their own drinking habits...
Load More Replies...
UncleJohn3000 9 months ago
So the basic problem here is people. I've always liked this one because there's no positive way to accept it - "You're a lot brighter than you look."
Will Cable 9 months ago
Speaking to someone on the phone and they have the TV volume up and so you are struggling to hear what they are saying. Please turn the TV volume down.
Don Adams 9 months ago
I am a former smoker. This May will make 23 years smoke free. Quitting is very difficult, and it really took several years to not have the urge, and it is one of the things I am most proud of accomplishing. That being said, the condescending "superiority" of non smokers who would offer non solicited commentary and advice, people who would start coughing loudly, and that idiotic hand fanning just annoyed the royal p**s out of me. Pretty much all smokers know it is a horribly expensive and unhealthy habit, they need support, not insults. Pretty much makes a smoker want a cigarette more every time it happens. If you are a smoker and want to quit, try. Don't get disallusioned if you stumble, just keep trying, get support from family and friends. You'll get there in your time. Best of luck!
Samara Morgan 9 months ago
You smokers are entitled a******s, you poison others with your disgusting, smelly cigarettes. People were acting like that because you didn't respect their space, just like a typical smoker. Thanks for my migraines.
Load More Replies...
Sky Render 9 months ago
Asking a transgender person if they've "had the surgery" is extremely rude, it's none of your business and has all sorts of unpleasant connotations when you ask about someone's genitalia. Although really, asking anyone what's in their pants is a huge WTF social faux pas, and I am quite shocked that it ever became normalized!
Guess Undheit 9 months ago (edited)
Asking should be considered sexual harassment. It's nobody's business other than their doctor or their sexual partners.
Load More Replies... Steve Kenney 9 months ago
unsolicited advice on anything is rude. "I didn't ask you, so shut up"
rabbitthorn 9 months ago
adding my own, commenting on/blatantly staring at someone's scars. i have them on my arms and legs, and no matter what people have to comment or stare at me like i'm dangerous. i understand it's something different, but i'm still a person who lives with them. you can see them and move on, i live with them. just don't comment on anyone's scars or anything of that nature really. if i offer to tell my story, then by all means you can ask me things. but don't interrogate people, ESPECIALLY if you're a stranger
VOTE if you live in the USA 9 months ago
Taking up the entire aisle at the store with your cart/body/conversation is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. It amazes me that people are so situationally unaware and surprised other people exist.
Rose Thorny 9 months ago
I don't drink. When I'm offered a drink I politely decline and we go on with our lives. I guess my peers aren't pressuring me enough for me to fully understand why some posts make such a huge deal out of someone declining booze and being quizzed about your lifestyle choices. So much that they need articles and advice columns on how to deal with it??
Jeevesssssss 9 months ago
If I wasn't drinking I'd not be pressured either, but in some circles it really is a thing. I've had other friends who have struggled with it previously. It often happens when people don't want to look at their own drinking habits...
Load More Replies... UncleJohn3000 9 months ago
So the basic problem here is people. I've always liked this one because there's no positive way to accept it - "You're a lot brighter than you look."
Will Cable 9 months ago
Speaking to someone on the phone and they have the TV volume up and so you are struggling to hear what they are saying. Please turn the TV volume down.
Don Adams 9 months ago
I am a former smoker. This May will make 23 years smoke free. Quitting is very difficult, and it really took several years to not have the urge, and it is one of the things I am most proud of accomplishing. That being said, the condescending "superiority" of non smokers who would offer non solicited commentary and advice, people who would start coughing loudly, and that idiotic hand fanning just annoyed the royal p**s out of me. Pretty much all smokers know it is a horribly expensive and unhealthy habit, they need support, not insults. Pretty much makes a smoker want a cigarette more every time it happens. If you are a smoker and want to quit, try. Don't get disallusioned if you stumble, just keep trying, get support from family and friends. You'll get there in your time. Best of luck!
Samara Morgan 9 months ago
You smokers are entitled a******s, you poison others with your disgusting, smelly cigarettes. People were acting like that because you didn't respect their space, just like a typical smoker. Thanks for my migraines.
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