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In a healthy relationship, you honor the sense of emotional and physical privacy needed for yourself and your significant other. Otherwise, somewhat counterintuitively, you end up limiting your intimacy with one another, instead of enhancing it.
And there's a thread on Reddit that perfectly highlights it. Created by user u/Bisexual_Space_Lover, it asked people: "What's a secret you'll never tell your partner, but are willing to tell strangers on Reddit?" and the concealed truths it has received ranged from silly to sweet and wholesome.
So we collected the most memorable ones and put together this list to prove that absolute honesty shouldn't be the goal of commitment.
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#1
Using my alt because she follows my main account
My girlfriend of 5 years has been deaf since she was 6. She reads lips pretty well, but prefers Sign Language. I didn’t know a single sign when I met her, but I could tell right away there was something between us so I started learning after I got home from our first date.
Fast forward a few years, I’m now fluent in ASL and we use it to talk almost exclusively. When she’s not looking though, I talk to her even though she can’t hear me or see my lips to read. I tell her how much I love her, how I’m going to marry her someday, how beautiful she is, etc. I’ve even been practicing proposing, so it’s not so terrifying when I actually do it. She has no idea and I plan to keep it that way.
We managed to get in touch with Bisexual_Space_Lover, and the Redditor didn't expect the post would blow up the way it did.
"I randomly watched a video from 2021 where someone posted a Q&A asking their followers to anonymously confess their deepest secrets. Then I scrolled through Reddit and just kept thinking about the replies and just decided to post the question on r/AskReddit," they told Bored Panda.
"Most posts there don't gain much popularity ... so I thought that maybe it'll get 1 or 2 replies and left it at that. Came back 1 hour later and jeez, I saw over 100 replies! I read through all of them and sheesh, some [entries really] concerned me. I upvoted and commented on a few of the replies and continued with my day. I came back the following day and was surprised at the number of upvotes."
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#2
My best friend is a Badger and I feed him sweetcorn every morning at 5:20am
#3
That I am the one placing the googly eyes on everything in our house not our six year old.
According to Sari Cooper, an AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist, & Director of Center for Love and Sex, a boutique practice specializing in sex therapy issues in New York City, infidelity, substance abuse, pornography use, and considering leaving one's partner are the types of secrets that frequently arise in sex therapy and couples counseling.
"Partners keep a variety of secrets from their partners for many expected and at times surprising reasons," Cooper explained on Psychology Today. "They may feel something is too taboo to discuss—like marital problems, financial issues, sexual preferences, or their own or their partner's mental health and addiction issues. They may have broken their sexual exclusivity or monogamy agreement in a long-term committed relationship or marriage. And they may omit information or outright lie about topics like their physical health, their previous sexual partners, or beliefs on death or religion."
#4
My wife s**t while delivering our son. Something she was terrified she would do. The nurse cleaned up very quickly and gave me a look that needed no explanation. I never said a word. She talked after delivery about how happy she was that didn’t happen to her. I’ll let her keep that peace of mind for life.
Chicken Nugget 2 years ago
It’s perfectly natural to poop during labor there’s a scientific explanation involving pressure Or something
#5
The wholesome answer? That our youngest sons first word wasn't "mama". She was having a busy time at work and already felt guilty about not being home as much. Naturally he spent most time with me so his first word was "papa". I kept my mouth shut and waited untill he said "mama" and celebrated that as his first word.
"In my practice, I often see major changes in family dynamics because some family members know only a part of a secret—without knowing it is only part of the secret—which makes those who know the full secret cautious and distant for fear that the rest of the secret may accidentally come tumbling out," the therapist said.
"For example, I have worked with men whose secret of seeing sex workers get discovered by their female partners. A wife who discovered her husband’s past secret sexual alliances with sex workers disclosed this secret only to one of her siblings while her parents, her other siblings, and her partner’s entire family were kept in the dark. She did this so that she didn’t feel so lonely with the betrayal, which naturally devastated her emotionally."
#6
My husband loves talkative cats. When we first got our kittens I gave them a treat every time they made a meow or chirp. Since I was working from home they ended up becoming very vocal. He still goes on about how lucky we are to have such talkative cats in a weekly basis
#7
That I found the man who was speaking improperly to our very young daughter and made sure it wouldn't happen again.
Bisexual_Space_Lover believes that it's probably impossible to go through life without keeping a single secret.
"Some of the comments made me reflect on my own life and some made me think of things that happened in my past. I'm not in a relationship so I didn't have much reason to comment," the Redditor said.
"I don't think that [it's possible to fully reveal yourself to another person], there are lots of people who have taken many secrets to their graves."
#8
That he legit saved my life. He’s a nervous, humble guy who doesn’t like undue pressure or praise, so I keep it to myself just how bad off I was before he showed up. Because even in the aftermath of my mom’s death and even in the face of some pretty nasty health problems (which I was just letting slide because I was so depressed I was kind of hoping they’d kill me), I was very, VERY good at smiling and being charming. Three years of taking care of a terminally ill parent taught me how to smile and bear it and feint positivity even when you’re running on empty.
And I never felt like I could be anything other than The Fixer. The Doer. The Person Who Always Knows What To Say. The Reliable One. They Who Has Every Answer and Can Make Bad Feelings Go Away By Just Fixing the Problem For You.
I was not allowed to be negative. Ever.
But he… legit came in and helped me with mom’s estate and cheerleaded me into getting out of a dead-end career and put a stake in the heart of some severely toxic relationships I had and even helped me budget so I could “finally afford” health insurance… which wasn’t a moment too soon, because I caught s**t right in the nick of time.
And he just kind of… did it. In his mind it was nothing much because “you were on the right track, but you had a lot on your plate and needed help :).” And I just nod and agree because what else do I say?
“I actually wasn’t. I was just going to let myself die because I was exhausted and miserable, smiles aside. Thanks for intervening.”
#9
I never paid for her engagement ring.
I went to a custom jeweler to have her ring made. It’s a beautiful piece, and she loves it dearly, and it certainly wasn’t cheap - appraised and insured for around $10k.
The jeweler was dealing with a lot of family issues at the time, and was incredibly disorganized. I went to pick up the ring and brought my checkbook to pay for it, and when she handed me the ring I took it out and asked her who to make the check out to. She said “oh no don’t worry about it right now, just send me a check in the mail!”.
I thought that was strange, but sure okay. She then hurried off to help another customer and I left. But she never told me what the final price was.
For the next 6 months, I texted and called the jeweler asking “hey just tell me what amount to put and I’ll mail you the check!”, and there was always a reason she couldn’t tell me “oh sorry I’m out right now, I’ll find it and text you later!”. Her shop was a few hours away from where I live, so it wasn’t feasible to stop by and handle it in person.
I tried for 6 months, but after that I stopped calling/texting and just figured I got the ring for free. I wouldn’t tell my spouse, because I don’t want her to think I took advantage of the situation or that somehow the ring isn’t as ‘meaningful’ because I didn’t pay for it.
However, is something really a secret if the person keeping it is not experiencing anxiety, rumination, or guilt? Indeed, Cooper said there is a difference between keeping secrets and maintaining privacy.
Privacy is not bad for a person's physical or emotional health, while secrets can impact a person's well-being and decision-making. And privacy, rather than secrecy, can be healthy not only for the emotional but also for the erotic intimacy of a relationship or marriage.
"An existential anxiety provoking many people is that they’ll never fully know everything about their partner and alternatively, they won’t ever be fully known by them either. This dilemma of unknowingness and the fact that we change continually throughout our lifetime is the fear that many partners try to conquer through demanding full disclosure in their relationships, and this quest for knowing all can cause suffering and disappointment," Cooper noted.
So maybe we should stop expecting to know everything about our loved ones?
#10
That I know the word she’s looking for, but it’s more fun to hear her rattle off increasingly ridiculous, sometimes made up words instead.
Madison Feehan 2 years ago
Can't lie here, most of us have done this at one point or another for a good laugh. 😅
#11
When my Girlfriend and I go out to eat at a restaurant, they will sometimes let us order food through our phones at the table. I'll insist on ordering because it lets me write in their "special instructions" box where i request if they could compliment her outfit.
Honestly i think i get just as much enjoyment seeing her reaction. I can never let her know.
Laura Jackson 2 years ago
Where are all these sweet and loving guys? It could be raining guys like that and I'd get hit in the head with the only narcissistic jackass in the clouds!
#12
I got our toddler out of bed one morning and went to do a sniff test of their butt to see if they had poo’d over night and when I lifted my child up i stuck their head in the ceiling fan.
Oh and the time I forgot to put the car in park with them in it.
General Anaesthesia 2 years ago
I think Sigmund Freud would have a thing or two to say about this.
#13
Our cat didn't break the towel rack. I did. I was pretending to be fighting zombies and grabbed it and... ripped the god damn thing off the wall. I heard her coming to check out the noise and looked down at my cat.
She came into the bathroom to me asking my cat "Why did you think the towel rack could hold your weight? You silly cat!"
#14
I don't know why I can't tell her. But lately (3 years of marriage and a 9 month old) I am more attracted to her than ever. It becomes distracting as I think about it all day sometimes. I think I'm embarrassed that it used to be a more 'average' attraction and now it is in overdrive, been this way for months.
I know it probably sounds silly but Idk it just feels like I became a different person recently.
#15
That the thing that made me realize that i was in love with her is when i was taking a shower and got done, i walked into the room and she must not have heard me get out. She was laying on her side on the bed with her eyes closed, and she was picking her nose. I didn't want to embarrass her, so i stepped back out and from a distance asked where i set my clean clothes as i was walking back in, to make it seem like i was just coming in. She was visibly startled and quickly stopped, but continued to lay there with her eyes closed. I pretended that i saw nothing, but i couldn't help but smile. It was such an innocent and human moment. I have no idea why, but it made me realize right then and there that i loved everything about her. As silly as that moment was, there was a beauty in it, and i cherish that memory.
Cactus McCoy 2 years ago
Simple. In that exact moment, OP cared more about how she felt than he himself did, and realized it.
#16
Sometimes I just sit in my car outside work or our apartment for 20-30 minutes because I need some time alone. I have my mind full to the brim at work and rarely get time in the house alone. Sometimes I just need it to be quiet and not have to pay attention to anything!
#17
I’ve been so depressed lately. I do not like my job. I have crippling anxiety driving into work every day. I’m in six-figure debt so I can’t leave. I can’t provide the life my family deserves and it’s only going to get tighter in coming months. I cry most days.
My wife and son are the only things in my life keeping me going. They do make me happy though its a sad-happy because I feel like I’m letting them down. My wife knows I’m not myself but I won’t tell her how bad things are.
I know it will get better but it’s very hard right now.
Edit: thank you all for your words of encouragement. I will talk with my wife tonight and we’ll try to come up with a plan. Not quite sure how, but she IS going to get her husband back and my son is getting his dad back.
Edit 2: I did talk with my wife. She’s worried about me but so supportive. Things are tight but we’ll get through. I made an appointment to talk to a professional. I don’t have the energy now but I’m going for a run on Friday after work and swimming with my son on Saturday. Thank you all. I did read a lot of comments and messages and everyone was supportive or funny. You all helped.
#18
I hate that he doesn't want to go anywhere, ever.
Everything is always a chore or he dreads it.
I want to go on hikes, random car rides, a damn picnic. Just get out of the house with him, just him. I want to go on dates, I'm growing very tired of this lifestyle.
#19
I am terrified that my partner will die because I know I am not really a functional adult outside of my work. I am good for playing with the kids, bringing in a decent income and making food, but the idea of single parenting and taking care of everything fills me with existential dread I have a hard time describing.
Obligatory Edit:
Thank you all for the support and kind comments, I never expected my top comment ever would be about how I worry for the future because I feel like 3 raccoons in a trench coat instead of a human adult. If you feel the same way just know you aren’t alone!
Chicken Nugget 2 years ago
“Three raccoons in a trench coat” WAHAHAHA but why is that a bad thing? Also goodbye luck and stay strong!
#20
If not for my partner and my family, I would have killed myself a long time ago. They are literally what I live for, and I can’t tell them that because they would worry about me so much.
EDIT: I am NOT actively suicidal, and I will not harm myself in the foreseeable future.
#21
There has never been a time i thought my spouse was unattractive. Not even once whether it be personality, quirks or even situations that are irritating. He's been the most handsome man I've ever seen. I'm so lucky I got him (even if he put a little weight on-i have too so I don't care)
But may 26th 2022 the day we had our son (his first bio son) he cried. He cried through the delivery and never once left our sons side. He fell in love instantly. He's been a doting loving dad since day one. But.... I have never been more attracted to him.
It's hard to explain and I know sometimes the rush women get from giving birth is a high like rush. But I have been obsessed watching him take care of our baby. I'm sure you guys want to know why I will never tell him but I'd tell strangers? It's simple. Watching him dote on our son is my guilty pleasure. He doesn't know because it could ruin the way he is with our son. Sure he could say it wouldn't change anything but this is my secret. I have never been more inlove with this man.
Lady Goldberry 2 years ago
When our son was born, my partner inspired these feelings in me. They felt so strange, because my two elder sons' dad was not, and never has been, interested in them.
#22
My nieces don’t like the aquarium. I just constantly took them there because I thought my now girlfriend, who works there, was pretty and thought if she saw me constantly taking them it’d lead to us talking.
Phoebe Bean 2 years ago
Well, the strategy worked out just fine. I hope the nieces now love the aquarium.
#23
When I play video games and my wife isnt here, I narrate what I do and respond to fake questions from a non-existant chat like I’m some kind of big shot streamer. I even look at a fake camera when something happen lol.
#24
I've broken your personalize cup your sister got you three times.
I recreated the design on paint and got some screen printing stall at the mall to print it on the cup, each time it looks a little bit different 😂.
Weed in the Garden 2 years ago
That's a huge gesture for such a small thing. You're either a genuinely sweet guy or really afraid of getting in trouble.
#25
Every time we're playing Yahtzee and she asks "do I have one more roll or was that 3" I always say one more regardless of the truth
#26
No me but my friend
So his wife was really sick but was also extremely stubborn and religious she believed that God will heal her, so he cam to me and asked for a few of my sleeping pills
There really strong and get you into a deep sleep quickly. So puts the pills in her drink, like clock work in 30 minutes she's out cold he then asks me to help him get her to hospital. Next morning she wakes up in the hospital. Good thing too course on top of that sickness she had, she had stage one cancer she survived and it's all good now.
But he mad me swear I don't tell her what we did.
#27
I cant remember the last time I was genuinely happy more than just an in the moment feeling due to something happening. My default emotion is just depressed/tired
#28
Whenever she’s not home, I let the dog onto the bed and take a really comfy nap. I set an alarm for an hour and kick the dog off and clean the fur off before she ever gets home. I’ve been doing this for nearly 3 years now.
#29
That she killed a cat. She's very much a cat person, once she picks me up from a friend's house and driving through town, a cat ran in front of us and we heard a thud underneath the car, she screamed and looked in the rearview mirror and we seen the cat stagger into a driveway.
She was very upset and convinced she killed it, I told her no no the cat clearly ran across the street and is probably fine!
She was meeting some friends and I was taking the car home so she said would I check the driveway of that house on my way home to make sure the cat was ok, I said I would.
I drove back that way and parked a few houses down and looked in the driveways and there it was, lying motionless sprawled out on the ground, oh s**t.
Part of me was thinking just go home and say you seen it happily licking it's a**s, but curiosity got the better of me, I wanted to check to make sure it was still living.
The problem was it was a gated house that was also a b&b so I didn't want to just wander in on someone elses property, so I rang the phone number on the sign at the side of the road! By this stage I'm thinking what the hell are you at, you should have been home long ago but I was on autopilot and just went with it, the owner answers and I tell him there's a possibility dead cat in your drive, do you mind if I come in just to check its ok. The guy is like "um yeah I guess, it's just I'm out of town and there's no one here but it's fine if you want to let yourself in the side gate". He also says thanks so at this point I have to do it, I'm too far in now!
I let myself in and walk over and there she is, a big dead cat. Oh balls, well I'll just tell my wife the cat wasn't there and we can forget about the whole thing..except the owner now knows there could be a dead cat on his property, and when he gets home and sees it lying there he's got my number and will know I just left it there. So now I have to make a decision, do I leave this dead cat here or do I take it away and if I do what do I do with it. Across the street is a store so I walk over and buy bin bags and rubber gloves, make my way back over and scoop the fluffy corpse into a bin bag. Now I got a dead cat in a bag, I walk over to my car carrying this black bin bag.
People are walking past me on the street, smiling and giving that upwards nod that strangers give, I give a nod back but not I'm not fully into it because they don't know I'm walking past them with a dead cat in a bin bag. I don't feel like taking it into my car because, you know, it's a dead cat. So I google vets and there happens to be one not too far away, walking distance. I ring and ask them do they dispose of dead pets, they said they do. So I make my way down there, in through the front door and ask the receptionist, was I just talking to them about pet disposal, she looks at me slightly freaked and says yes. I produce the bag and say oh well I have a cat here, and can I just give it to her. She's like eh yeah you just leave it at our back door back outside, and charges me 50 quid for the pleasure.
I walk back to the car, and sat there for at least half an hour, in silence and as still as a dead cat trying to process the last hour of my life. I text my wife and say 'no honey, couldn't find the cat, she must be fine and ran off somewhere safe, see you at home xxx"
Weed in the Garden 2 years ago
I feel this with my whole heart and I love you for your sensitvity! Thank you.
#30
That time I asked you if I could have the last cookie, I implied there was only one left when there was actually two. I wanted both of them and didn’t want to share.
They were delicious and I have no regrets.
Weed in the Garden 2 years ago
...and then he bought more cookies and they lived happily ever after. Seriously - I mean that. It's the least you could do!
#31
I'm disabled, he works and brings home the bag. We do get disability pay, so it's still two incomes. I mostly clean, but my health gets in the way a lot.
But man, I don't think I can ever tell him just how guilty I feel over my inability to consistently contribute. I hate that my disability and health overshadow some days. He gets home from work, and the minute he sees how sick I feel that day he drops everything and ignores his own exhaustion to fuss over me. He should be able to come home to a meal cooked and a relaxing night of sitting on his a*s before the next day of work. Sometimes he does get that, but a lot of times it's just us making food together and cuddling and gaming rather than me being able to take care of him. I hate it deeply.
Edit: uuuuh I honestly expected this to get buried lmfao. Yes, I have talked to him about it a bit, just not about how often I feel guilty or how deeply I feel it. I do my best to make up for it on my good days. He has no problems with helping me out. At the end of the day, it's my mindset that needs working on.
Susie Elle 2 years ago
"Sometimes he does get that, but a lot of times it's just us making food together and cuddling and gaming rather than me being able to take care of him." This is also taking care of him.
#32
that she is far more similar to her mother and sisters than she would want to believe.
#33
I have been molested 4 time by 4 different old guys, and I am male.
Laura Jackson 2 years ago
I really hope OP at least was able to open up to someone about this, a friend or a professional, doesn't matter. What matters is to not carry that pain inside alone.
#34
My husband is too lighthearted during sex and it is a total turnoff. Like he will say “boobies!” or slap my a*s and thinks it’s funny. And like, I just want to be ravaged and whenever he does these things, I get dry as a bone downstairs. Idk how to bring this up without being an a*s.
#35
When I asked her dad for his blessing I had some liquid courage first and I can’t remember what his response was. Let’s hope it was yes because we’ve been married for over 2 years.
#36
That I wish she would find a career or pursue a degree so I don't have to work 1000+ hours of OT a year so she can sit at home.
#37
Sometimes when we play mariokart, I pretend to fail at the end so she can win
#38
That "family dinner" I coordinated with your dad was supposed to be a 1-on-1 conversation where I ask permission to marry you. Guess I'll just wait a few months since the whole family caught wind of our meeting 🤦♂️
Edit to clarify: I know I don't *need* to ask her dad permission, it's a choice between her and me, but it's a culturally polite thing to do where I'm from and I plan on proposing to her in the coming months. I was just asking in advance because we're moving away from the area
Edit 2: as others pointed out - I should have said "blessing" rather than "permission". We are later into our 20s and in our careers. No underage/mental ability stuff here. Sorry for the confusion
Weed in the Garden 2 years ago
Oh please, don't scold him over semantics. It's an honourable gesture.
#39
That I actually prefer creamy peanut butter. I buy the extra crunchy because that's what he likes.
What do you think ?
Airt 2 years ago
Something that my husband did for years without me realising (we are togeather ~10 years) and how I've learned about it. We were driving and I saw dead headgehog on the road. Before I said something he said "oh, look, wow, those clouds looks amazing!". It's something that he says from time to time so I was not surprise but I was a little irritated because you know - we just saw that poor thing and he is talking to me about clouds. And then I've learned that he has no interest in clouds, for all this years whenever he spotted dead animal on the road he was distracting me knowing that if I see it it will make me a sad (just for a minute or two but still - he didn't wanted me to experience it).
Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
This is something that sounds so simple, but honestly, a partner that pays attention to your emotional needs/responses, and then looks out for you?! Not as common as we'd hope. Glad you found one.
Load More Replies...
Black Pearl 2 years ago
At first the stories were pretty sweet, but after a while they just made me think "wtf"
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
I have to say my partners lack of scent makes me less attracted to them. It's such a shame because they're great otherwise. He has low testosterone and has zero scent even if he sweats and it just, not turns me off but does nothing for me and sexy time takes extra effort. Nothing he can do though since already taking testosterone and cologne just doesn't do anything for me; his soap smells nice though
Airt 2 years ago
Something that my husband did for years without me realising (we are togeather ~10 years) and how I've learned about it. We were driving and I saw dead headgehog on the road. Before I said something he said "oh, look, wow, those clouds looks amazing!". It's something that he says from time to time so I was not surprise but I was a little irritated because you know - we just saw that poor thing and he is talking to me about clouds. And then I've learned that he has no interest in clouds, for all this years whenever he spotted dead animal on the road he was distracting me knowing that if I see it it will make me a sad (just for a minute or two but still - he didn't wanted me to experience it).
Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
This is something that sounds so simple, but honestly, a partner that pays attention to your emotional needs/responses, and then looks out for you?! Not as common as we'd hope. Glad you found one.
Load More Replies... Black Pearl 2 years ago
At first the stories were pretty sweet, but after a while they just made me think "wtf"
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
I have to say my partners lack of scent makes me less attracted to them. It's such a shame because they're great otherwise. He has low testosterone and has zero scent even if he sweats and it just, not turns me off but does nothing for me and sexy time takes extra effort. Nothing he can do though since already taking testosterone and cologne just doesn't do anything for me; his soap smells nice though
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