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40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One ‘Unwritten Rule’ You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?”
There are rules, stupid rules, and rules that nobody argues about. Like, the one where you don’t answer out loud if someone whispers to you. Call it common sense, human behavior at its best, or an unwritten rule, that doesn’t change it—you just whisper if someone whispers at you.
So what are these unspoken rules that never get written down and are considered logical arguments or actions? Are they that different when it comes to various people?
A person on r/AskReddit dared to find out as they posted the seemingly simple, yet very illuminating question “What is one 'unwritten rule' you think everyone should know and follow?” 44.7k upvotes and 18.3k comments later, we’ve got some of the most interesting replies. They show some rules worth respecting don’t need to be carved into stone and can perfectly live in the part of the brain where “it’s just like this” is enough to explain why.
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#1
Never make fun of someone else's laugh — be it how they sound or how they look. Laughing is the most natural expression of joy and happiness, and for someone to feel self-conscious about that because of other people's comments is so brutal.
RELATED:
#2
Don’t put your music on speakers when in a public space. It’s not like everyone wants the same genre or was in the mood for music. Get your headphones.
#3
Don’t ever say ‘oh, you’ve only got one child. That must be so lonely for them.’
Because maybe that person tried for years to have that one child, maybe they chose one for good reasons, maybe that had another child that died that you don’t know about.
Or, maybe it’s none of your business how many children people have. Actually, it’s definitely not your business. So, shhhhh.
TexasWoman 3 years ago
My opinion is the only time you need another 'child' is when it's an animal; example: I have 3 leopard geckos--not just one--so they have friends.
Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Daniel Wendler, a therapist and author of “Improve Your Social Skills.” According to Daniel, the unwritten rules are really just an expression of the golden rule, “which is to treat others as you would want to be treated (or even better, to treat others as they would want to be treated).”
Dr. Wendler continued: “Many of society's unwritten rules are simple expressions of empathy and courtesy, a way to put yourself in someone else's shoes and realize what you can do to be kind to them.”
However, if you’re worrying about whether you or someone else lacks common sense, the therapist suggests not worrying about something “so vague that it could mean any number of things.” “Instead,” he suggests, “it's better to focus on the things we have control over—like trying to be a little more kind today than we were yesterday.”
#4
Be kind to people who are working: food staff, medical staff, etc. Don’t take your bad day out on someone else.
#5
For buses/trains/any other public transportation, let people exit first before you get on.
#6
Don't say s**t about someone's appearance if it can't be fixed in less than 30 seconds. Spinach in someone's teeth? Let a homie know. Body type? Bad haircut? Worn-out clothes? Don't need to mention it.
Dr. Wendler also said that there are many people who struggle to pick up on the unwritten social rules. “Sometimes, this is because they didn't have a lot of opportunity to socialize with others growing up, so they never got experience in putting themselves in someone else's shoes and learning what was expected.”
Other times, “it's because they have a condition such as autism or social anxiety that makes it more difficult to read other people and learn how to interact socially.”
Dr. Wendler claims that the good news is that whether it's easy for you to pick up on social rules or difficult, everyone can get better at it. “Just try to challenge yourself to get 1% better each day—maybe learn one unwritten rule, or practice one social action—and before you know it, you'll see dramatic improvement,” he concluded.
#7
Do not swipe left or right if someone shows you a photo on their phone.
#8
I live by this rule I made after thinking about things late at night.
If someone does something that makes them happy and confident. If it doesn't hurt them or anyone else, animals included. Then leave them alone, let them do that thing. Let them be happy.
#9
Don't propose at someone else's wedding.
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
That’s a given, the only time it is okay is if the bride and groom are happy with it. Also don’t wear a white dress.
Meanwhile, Lynn How, a life coach and author of “Positive Young Mind” who specializes in supporting educators, parents, and children with improving and prevention of mental health issues, told Bored Panda that unwritten rules are important to establish a certain culture, whether it is in a sports, company, or societal context.
“They are needed to ensure at least a basic level of expected behavior. For example, your boss has never said to you that you can't drink alcohol at work, but you know this already without needing it written down or having verbal clarification,” the author explained.
While most people do share a common understanding of unspoken rules, some have more difficulty picking them up. “We need to take time for a more detailed explanation of something we feel doesn't need to be said where required,” Lynn suggests.
#10
You can be wrong. It isn't a bad thing, either. And when you are wrong, acknowledge it, and learn from it, you don't need to dig down in your beliefs to try and comfort yourself because you can't handle not being right all the time.
#11
Always say please and thank you. Just because your an adult doesn't give you the right to stop practicing manners. Drives me crazy.
Jacob Allen 3 years ago
Guys they made a good point, whether or not they spelled "you're" correctly. Maybe we should learn some manners like the author suggested and stop rudely pointing out other's grammatical mistakes.
#12
Chew with your mouth closed. Shocks me how many adults i see chewing with their mouth open.
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
I agree for the most part but in some cultures it is a show of appreciation. We have a friend that is Chinese and he is an extremely loud chewer and chews with his mouth open and that is the way he was brought up. So whilst it maybe annoying for many we just have to deal with it because that is his culture.
“Perhaps the person has a particular additional need that would require a more detailed explanation or it may be that the person in question did not have good role models growing up, which means they may find that many things that were acceptable in their family are not acceptable to the wider world.”
Alternatively, there may be a solid reason why one unspoken rule or another has not established itself among groups of people. Lynn suggests various causes may be at play, like “maybe your company’s unspoken rules are quite strict or perhaps there is an unwritten dress code?” In that case, Lynn recommends turning this sort of unwritten rule into a written one.
#13
There was only 1 rule in my house growing up...do not wake anyone up. My parents worked shift work. Its amaZing to me now how many people don't respect sleep.
#14
There are 2 people in your life you NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LIE TO. Your doctor and your lawyer.
#15
If you're borrowing it for a third time, you need one of your own.
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
True but for some things the other person may not be able to afford one of their own. We have lent our lawnmower out to a friend a few times but he can’t afford to buy one for himself. He is trustworthy so we have no issues lending it to him.
#16
FFS be self-aware. I mean, be aware of the space you occupy, of your movements, of where you are. Don't zig-zag on sidewalks, don't fill the entire width of the sidewalk. Be aware of your kid moving their arms like a helicopter. DON'T STOP IN YOUR TRACKS TO CHECK THE F**KING PHONE, walk slower, or step aside but don't be that kind of person.
Just be aware of your body and don't be a dummy. This applies to whole families too, and people in cars, in supermarket lanes, wherever.
Karl Baxter 3 years ago (edited)
This should apply to big family groups walking at a snail’s pace in staggered formation through IKEA. Why on earth have you taken 3 generations there for a day out anyway? IKEA is a terribly disorientating circle of hell anyway without making it worse.
#17
Don’t leave your shopping cart in the middle of the grocery aisle!
#18
Don’t mess up an apology with an excuse.
Julie C Rose 3 years ago
When I moved back to New Zealand from Japan, I noticed that we tend to give a reason more than Japanese people do. I don’t dislike that; in fact, in a lot of cases I think just think “S**t happens; you don’t need to offer the reason for my approval”.
Kira Okah 3 years ago (edited)
Don't mistake an explanation for an excuse. Explaining why something happened is not excusing it, so many mistake explanation for excuse.
Beeps 3 years ago
It’s still not appropriate to explain yourself when you’re supposed to apologise. An apology needs to be an acknowledgment of what you have done and the hurt it caused. It’s about making it right for the injured party, and showing them that you understand why you should not have done what you did, not to give you a chance to make yourself look/feel better.
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Curry on... 3 years ago
Yeah, and don't offer an apology while blaming the person you're apologizing to.
Esca Sav 3 years ago
With all due respect... props to the guy that apologized to my friend for not showing up to a date and ghosting her for a few days. I think it's safe to say that "my hemmaroid exploded" is a pretty decent excuse...
Zaza 3 years ago
A medical emergency is a valid reason to not show up to something, it is however (unless the person is in a coma), certainly no reason to ghost somehone
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Lucy Skinner 3 years ago
Please, please don’t make an excuse after an apology. It won’t do you any favors.
CatWoman312 3 years ago
Apologies are also an action not just words. You have to change your behavior on top of apologizing otherwise your apology is meaningless
Mary Peace 3 years ago
When I was at school, we were taught that if we came in late, we should apologise and then give a reason. If you keep giving the reason that you missed the bus, the teacher will tell you to leave home earlier.
Giles McArdell 3 years ago
I get this wrong allot, it comes from a need to explain what I did but it comes out sounding like an excuse.
Kim Kermes 3 years ago
I'd like to hear a reason if it's better than "I had no consideration for you".
Nubis Knight 3 years ago
What's the difference? Just have a sort of English-understanding-meltdown. @_@
M Kate McCulloch 3 years ago
If you get one of those mixed ones, try to understand that your person apologizing could be an asshole, manipulative, or they just don't care, or they could just be super awkward - receivers - try to know the difference...
Baali Venomax 3 years ago
I still cant tell them apart. In my house if you apologised, you were weak and admitted you lost. Also if you weren't sorry and said you were: you were being a hypocrite.
Robert Thompson 3 years ago
Attitude of gratitude. Don't apologize for being late, thank them for waiting.
Great Panda Mamu 3 years ago
My friend told her kids, "Sorrys don't have buts. If your sorry has a but, it's not a sorry."
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#19
Wash your hands after the toilet. Walkouts are shocking.
Little Ms. Quirky 3 years ago
surprising how many people don't wash their hands after using public toilets even in covid
#20
If you borrow someone's car, fill up the tank before you return it.
Remi Flynne 3 years ago
Only borrow if you are insured to drive that car. Uninsured drivers are breaking the law.
#21
Announce your visits.
You can't be offended that nobody is home when you decide to drop by at random.
Plus it's super unfair to the host since it gives no time to prepare anything and they might have to drop everything they were just doing just to entertain you or cancel their plans.
#23
Don't let friends drive drunk. Maybe offer to get an uber or something for strangers, too, if you can
#25
Always ask if a dog is friendly. You never know what kind of weird behavior things a dog can have, even when they appear friendly at first.
I had a dog who would be fine until someone bent down to pet him. He was very protective and nearly bit a few people. I'd they has asked first we could have told them that he doesn't like being pet by strangers.
I would hate to have to put my dog down because you are an idiot around animals.
Jen Gem 3 years ago
Also, please put your dogs on a leash! I can't tell you how many times I have been walking my dog and someone's off leash dog has come charging at us. "Don't worry, he's friendly" they always yell. Well good for you, but my dog is not. He was bit by a "good dog" who was not on a leash and is traumatized by strange dogs running up to him. Just because your dog is well behaved doesn't mean everyone's is.
#26
Turn down your bass! Be more considerate of your neighbors in apartment complexes.
I'm tired of people sitting outside my window in their car with their bass on full blast...at 2-3am! ((That's why I'm awake right now.)) I'm also greatly annoyed at my neighbors turning up their music (bass) to the point where it's rattling things on my walls. After getting multiple complaints you know it's a problem thus are choosing to be bad neighbors. *Also they have a lot of small children who should definitely be asleep but of course arent.
#27
Be kind to strangers even if you’re having a hard time
#28
Don't cook fish in the office kitchen
#30
When driving a car, dont be nice, be predictable. People being nice leads to a s**tload of accidents.
elStiJneriNO 3 years ago
be predictable = use your blinkers and use them before your car is already turning
#31
When out to dinner with a group, only the person who ordered the least expensive meal/combo of things can offer to split the check evenly.
#32
I have two:
1. do not wear perfume or cologne if you’re getting on an airplane.
2. do not use speaker phone or play videos on your phone without headphones in public places. Especially in public transit.
María Hermida 3 years ago
Why not perfume or cologne? I'd say "do not pour half the bottle" as many people do, but a little? Everything smells, really, and I think the smell of "people", like sweat or God only knows what else, is far more annoying than perfume.
#33
If someone asks you a question, finish what you’re saying with, “what about you?”
Enjoy noticing how many people actually don’t do this.
#35
DON’T USE THE URINAL IN YOUR DREAM! You’ll thank me later.
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
I have done this once as a teen but instead of a urinal it was a toilet, and of course I ended up wetting the bed. I have had many dreams about toilets but they are usually gross, have no doors, flooded, full of crap, covered in toilet paper etc so I never use the toilet in those dreams and don’t wake up needing to pee. Bit of a gross dream I know but I can’t help it lol.
#36
If you have to cancel on a friend, it should be your responsibility to reschedule.
Elizabeth Stewart 3 years ago
Exception to this: chronic or severe illness (ex: cancer) I am in and out of the hospital frequently and am sick quite often. My brain is also drained dealing with appointments and treatments and such. The friends who understand when I have to cancel AND ask me again in a few days to reschedule make a huge difference. They are some of my biggest support while I am trying to fight this.
#37
If your going out to dinner with other people, and theyre paying, dont order the most expensive thing on the menu, go cheap
Final score:
192points
Jo Johannsen 3 years ago
With one exception: if a billionaire ever takes me out to dinner, I am gonna enjoy. Yes, I know it's not gonna happen, but being honest.
#38
If someone whispers, you whisper back.
#39
If you're going to listen to music, videos, or anything else on your phone that requires sound and isnt a phone call, either wait until you get home or invest in some headphones.
#40
Don't talk to anyone at the urinal.
What do you think ?
WilvanderHeijden 3 years ago
This is a basically a list of do and don't in normal every day life when you don't want to come across as a total uncultured rude swine. It's sad that this list exists. Just goes to show that there are people out there who need to be reminded.
Javiera Gotelli 3 years ago
Most of these are so obvious, it makes me wonder what kind of rude as-sholes some of you hang out with...
Nevits Yibble 3 years ago
If you wish to speak to person A but they’re currently engaged in a face-to-face conversation with person B, don’t walk up and interrupt the conversation, cutting off person B so you can ask your question or speak to person A. And if you’re person A, don’t allow this to happen. Tell the intruder to let you finish with person B first - then you’ll address their matter.
Lucas 3 years ago
Puts people on the spot though. If I don't want one some people are going to be offended if I say no. Maybe, if you care enough to want to hug a person, find out how they feel overall about it in a general conversation first.
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Isabella Vega 3 years ago
It is good manners but should just be common sense yeah
Load More Replies...
marianne eliza 3 years ago
Be as polite to your friends and family as you would be to an important client.
Jay Weigel 3 years ago
If it ain't yours, don't mess with it. Probably the first one I taught my kids, and I'm surprised this one didn't come up in some form.
Coo Dat 3 years ago (edited)
Unwritten rules are generally such because they are too dubious to go into print.
Steve in Denver 3 years ago
My rule: RESPECT IS MY BASELINE: it is not "earned," it is where I begin with everyone, unless they show that they don't deserve it.
Baking Cactus 3 years ago
Don't talk to somebody about their mental illness. Things like depression and anxiety can't be rushed through, so don't try to rush anybody. This is different from talking somebody out of suicide. Just know they will still need help if you have talked somebody about their mental health.
pusheen buttercup 3 years ago
Unwritten rule... You don't go through a purse or bag when the owner is not around to watch you, even if you are dating.
María Hermida 3 years ago
Obvious! Even if you are dating, or it's your mother's. Only if the owner tells you to get something there, or if it is an emergency.
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Lsai Aeon 3 years ago
1. if you are in a group chat like discord NEVER use the @everyone unless it's very seriously important. 2. If you are in a voice chat like zoom or discord etc, don't just sit there with your microphone on when there's lots of background noise, especially a crying baby/barking dog. 3. Again on voice chats, mute your microphone if you are eating, don't chew/slurp/smack your lips in other peoples ears
Octavia Hansen 3 years ago
My unwritten rule (guess it's written now): If you don't invite me to holidays and parties, don't call me when you need to be bailed out of anything.
Sean Harrison 3 years ago
I would add "Think with your intellect before you react with your emotions".
Morgan 3 years ago
You're missing "if you feel the need to keep something a secret maybe you shouldn't be doing it"
Aliquid A 3 years ago
Not necessarily. If you keep a secret because you are embarrassed and don't want to be judged... you need to either stop hanging around judgmental people, or stop caring what they think.
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Logically Reasonable 3 years ago
The problem is, most all breeders can't be bothered to teach their little abominations Social Manners or Social Responsibility. It's all "GIMME, GIMME, GIMME", "MINE, MINE, MINE", "What **I** want"!!!
Christina Brundage 3 years ago
Tip mainly for restaurants, having a group of us elderly women having lunch together often called "you guys" by the staff doesn't go over well.
John Ford 3 years ago
It doesn't mean they think less of you as women, it's just a casual saying.. Oh hey what's up guys? There is nothing negative about it.
Load More Replies...
WilvanderHeijden 3 years ago
This is a basically a list of do and don't in normal every day life when you don't want to come across as a total uncultured rude swine. It's sad that this list exists. Just goes to show that there are people out there who need to be reminded.
Javiera Gotelli 3 years ago
Most of these are so obvious, it makes me wonder what kind of rude as-sholes some of you hang out with...
Nevits Yibble 3 years ago
If you wish to speak to person A but they’re currently engaged in a face-to-face conversation with person B, don’t walk up and interrupt the conversation, cutting off person B so you can ask your question or speak to person A. And if you’re person A, don’t allow this to happen. Tell the intruder to let you finish with person B first - then you’ll address their matter.
Lucas 3 years ago
Puts people on the spot though. If I don't want one some people are going to be offended if I say no. Maybe, if you care enough to want to hug a person, find out how they feel overall about it in a general conversation first.
Load More Replies... Isabella Vega 3 years ago
It is good manners but should just be common sense yeah
Load More Replies... marianne eliza 3 years ago
Be as polite to your friends and family as you would be to an important client.
Jay Weigel 3 years ago
If it ain't yours, don't mess with it. Probably the first one I taught my kids, and I'm surprised this one didn't come up in some form.
Coo Dat 3 years ago (edited)
Unwritten rules are generally such because they are too dubious to go into print.
Steve in Denver 3 years ago
My rule: RESPECT IS MY BASELINE: it is not "earned," it is where I begin with everyone, unless they show that they don't deserve it.
Baking Cactus 3 years ago
Don't talk to somebody about their mental illness. Things like depression and anxiety can't be rushed through, so don't try to rush anybody. This is different from talking somebody out of suicide. Just know they will still need help if you have talked somebody about their mental health.
pusheen buttercup 3 years ago
Unwritten rule... You don't go through a purse or bag when the owner is not around to watch you, even if you are dating.
María Hermida 3 years ago
Obvious! Even if you are dating, or it's your mother's. Only if the owner tells you to get something there, or if it is an emergency.
Load More Replies... Lsai Aeon 3 years ago
1. if you are in a group chat like discord NEVER use the @everyone unless it's very seriously important. 2. If you are in a voice chat like zoom or discord etc, don't just sit there with your microphone on when there's lots of background noise, especially a crying baby/barking dog. 3. Again on voice chats, mute your microphone if you are eating, don't chew/slurp/smack your lips in other peoples ears
Octavia Hansen 3 years ago
My unwritten rule (guess it's written now): If you don't invite me to holidays and parties, don't call me when you need to be bailed out of anything.
Sean Harrison 3 years ago
I would add "Think with your intellect before you react with your emotions".
Morgan 3 years ago
You're missing "if you feel the need to keep something a secret maybe you shouldn't be doing it"
Aliquid A 3 years ago
Not necessarily. If you keep a secret because you are embarrassed and don't want to be judged... you need to either stop hanging around judgmental people, or stop caring what they think.
Load More Replies... Logically Reasonable 3 years ago
The problem is, most all breeders can't be bothered to teach their little abominations Social Manners or Social Responsibility. It's all "GIMME, GIMME, GIMME", "MINE, MINE, MINE", "What **I** want"!!!
Christina Brundage 3 years ago
Tip mainly for restaurants, having a group of us elderly women having lunch together often called "you guys" by the staff doesn't go over well.
John Ford 3 years ago
It doesn't mean they think less of you as women, it's just a casual saying.. Oh hey what's up guys? There is nothing negative about it.
Load More Replies... Related on Bored Panda
