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40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread
We are all products of our environment, and parents are a big part of it. For better or worse.
A few Mondays ago, Redditor u/i_cant_see_my_ears posted a question on the platform, asking other users what things did their moms and dads ingrain in them as problematic but they later realized were actually ridiculous.
From white lies ("Cracking your knuckles causes arthritis") to questionable social conditioning ("Women can't curse"), here are some of the answers that sparked plenty of intense discussions in the comments.
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#1
This is so dumb but just happened last week. I got out of the shower & grabbed a towel & started to dry my hair with it while I stood there cold & dripping wet. I had a flashback to when I was like 10 or something & asked my mom if I could use 2 towels, one to dry/wrap around my hair & the other to dry my body - like all the ladies do on TV. She said no, of course because " something something wasting towels because I said so blah blah blah" . I suddenly realized I'm an adult & this is my bathroom & my towels & I make my own rules. So for the 1st time in my 55 year old life I used TWO towels & it was was wonderful!
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
I thought it was weird that I was asked why I need 2 towels when I'm visiting other people. My mom used 2 all the time. Since I shed like crazy, a separate towel is needed otherwise I would get stray hairs all over me.
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#2
Girls take care of babies and kids. Men don’t.
Sometimes I still fall into the trap it’s so ingrained in my brain. I saw a Dad at a party taking his kid to the bathroom for a diaper change and my mind went “he shouldn’t be doing that. Where’s his wife?”. I quickly realized how dumb that was. But it’s so drilled into my head.
IlovemydogShilo 3 years ago
It's obviously a problem in most of society as you hardly see baby changing rooms in mens public toilets but they have been and always are in ladies rest rooms.
We got in touch with u/i_cant_see_my_ears and they were kind enough to have a little chat about the inspiration behind their now-viral post. "I was on lunch break at work and sitting in my truck. I had the interior lights on and randomly thought of when I was younger [and] my dad would freak out if someone turned a light on in the car while driving at night. Thought it was ridiculous and wondered what other things parents teach or do that stick with their kids," u/i_cant_see_my_ears told Bored Panda.
After going through the comments, they think "the biggest thing I learned is that many people have the same or very similar experiences and might not realize it; I read many similar answers.
#3
That I have to finish all my food which is on the plate. Whenever we would eat, at home or in the restaurant my mum would forced us to eat everything on the plate.
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
That can cause issues around food like eating disorders/habits.
#4
If you hate your job you just have to suck it up and make the best of it. Don't complain because you'll be pegged as a troublemaker, and if you quit you'll be seen as flaky and nobody else will hire you.
This nugget has caused more damage to my physical and emotional well being than anything else. You really don't want to hear their views on staying in an unhappy, dysfunctional marriage (they're similar).
WilvanderHeijden 3 years ago
"Nobody else will hire you" is so effing wrong and another attempt to shut employees up and keep them hostage in their sh!t job. I've been told so many times that I would never get a job again if I walked out of this job. I still walked out and always got a new job within one week.
#5
Going to church every Sunday or high holiday makes you a good person. It does not.
Susan Green 3 years ago
No it doesn’t. I’ve known people who would go to church every Sunday, then think it was okay to do whatever they wanted the rest of the week, even if it was wrong.
The number of things each of us has to "unlearn" can vary. But if you had a tough childhood, know that you’re not alone. Turns out, a not-so-ideal upbringing is extremely common.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 61% of adults report having at least one adverse childhood experience (ACE), with women and People of Color at a higher risk of experiencing more than four ACEs.
"I don't think it's possible to grow up without parents ingraining something nonsensical into their children because there will always be something kids disagree with their parents on at some point," u/i_cant_see_my_ears added. "Parents might think they are teaching their kids something very important but the kids [might not see it that way]. I don't think (good) parents try to teach their kids anything that's not important, just that everyone has different opinions."
The good thing is that we continue to grow and heal throughout our lives, and figure out healthier ways to navigate life as an adult.
#6
Indian food is disgusting. Just had it yesterday for the first time at the age of 27. Maybe the best meal I have ever had.
#7
That I had to take care of everyone else and make sure they were happy before I could be happy.
#8
That women can’t curse or be impolite in the very slightest.
#9
A man is never going to like me if I have a PHD. Men don’t like women who are smarter than them.
ADHORTATOR 3 years ago
My wife is a teacher for French, Latin and ancient Greek, so I guess she is smarter than me. Married for 25 years :-)
#10
Obedience. My dad tried to ingrain in us that the most important thing was being obedient.
Like... no. This taught me to blindly do whatever an authority figure told me to. Luckily I wasn't put into these situations, but this put me at a huge risk for sexual abuse. If an authority figure had told me to do something terrible to be doing with a child, I probably would have done it because that's what I was conditioned to do.
It actually almost happened in high school, and I had no idea what to do because it was a teacher and I thought I had to respect and obey them. So I just avoided the person, but I was so lucky I was able to avoid them and didn't have something worse happen.
I've grown out of it now of course, but teaching kids to blindly accept your authority translates to them thinking that's what they need to do for everyone. And it could be so damaging.
#11
You are supposed to accept abuse from anyone in a superior position to yours : parent, manager … If you don’t then you are a troublemaker and a shame to the family because you rebel. You will never get anywhere in life and end up alone. Be submissive. You are a woman, that’s enough of a sin already.
#12
That long hair and tattoos means you're a problem to society.
#13
That children aren't allowed to show emotions when they're upset at their parents. Doubly so when they're getting chewed out.
#15
My father used to make me wash my hands after greeting/handshaking with my uncle (who is homossexual), like you could "acquire gay through touching". My uncle is a respected surgeon dentist.
I know I was just a child following what my parent was asking me to do, but I still feel a deep remorse to this day for doing something so homophobic and pointless.
#16
If you work hard and go to college you'll get a great job.
What a load of utter nonsense. The first job I had in my industry stressed me out so bad I left entirely.
#17
Putting up with people and going to events because “family.” Yea, I want to keep my sanity, thank you.
Hannah Edwards 3 years ago
You don’t get to choose your family and they can be as toxic as anyone else.
#18
A whole bunch of misogyny from both parents, but mostly from mum. The highlights include being told not to play certain musical instruments, not to go into certain professions (only boys can be doctors. You can be a nurse instead), not to whistle as my future husband wouldn’t like it (I was five), not to say ‘I love you’ to other girls (again, five) and the good old lock/key analogy when I was old enough to question why only girls were sl*ts and not boys.
Caro Caro 3 years ago (edited)
I wish those types of women would stop being such shits. As if this makes them good (religion) women. You can be whatever you want, you can say fu*k and "I love you" to anyone you want and that lock/key should be at the bottem of the lake. Boys can be sluts and cheap too.
#19
‘Be a man’ ‘boys don’t cry’ ‘men don’t b*tch’
It doesn’t make anyone manlier, it just makes someone repress their feelings and become emotionally incompetent.
Teach kids honesty, and encourage them to say what they think. Also lowers the chances they’ll take their repression out on people, or start punching walls instead of verbalising their needs
#21
My parents always told me that because Canada's social security system is so good that homeless people are only homeless because they are drug addicts or schizophrenic, so you shouldn't give them money.
It wasn't until I was an adult that I learn a) how bad the social security system actually is, b) how hard it is to survive even if you are on government assistance and c) that having an addiction or mental health issue is not a reason why someone should be treated as less than human.
#22
“How can you be both depressed and anxious?!? By their very definition they would cancel each other out anyway.”
Those words are burned into my memory. This was my parents’ response to my therapist’s findings when I had just started middle school and was struggling.
I never saw that wonderful therapist again. They managed to find one that they could agree with, that I should just get over myself and stop being such a child…which I was.
It took me far too long to seek help again.
#23
That cracking your knuckles will cause arthritis. Not true at all.
V Michael Lazar 3 years ago
The sound is nitrogen bubbles popping in the synovial fluid of the joints. No damage occurring.
#24
That I had to fight back my bullies with wit and outsmart them. Yeah no, I had to kick their asses.
#25
That if I share a bed with a man he has full rights to do whatever he wants to me/my body.
#26
That as a girl, I should never be the one to reach out to the guy first, he must be the one to make the effort first. (Ex: if I want to hangout with a boy I like or even simply text him, I need to wait for him to text me or reach out to me first) it really messed up how I talk to guys I’m attracted too, because I’m 23 years old so I can do what I want when it comes to guys but I sometimes still have this mindset.
The crazy thing is now my parents wonder why we don’t even reach out to any guys we are interested in lol
#27
That being gay is a sin. Furthermore, the saying “love the person but hate the sin” when applied to our gay neighbors. I loved them but wasn’t allowed to walk their dog anymore once my parents found out they were gay. This is among many other ridiculous beliefs that came along with their extremist religion.
Andy Acceber 3 years ago
Oh yes. Your parents don't want you to catch "gay" from their dog. *eyeroll*
#28
You catch colds simply by being exposed to cold. For some reason I just never questioned the idea that temperature itself caused viruses, but it's such a ridiculous notion once you think about it
Cecily Holland 3 years ago
Well cold can lower your immune system making you more vulnerable so there is a little truth to that one
#29
The good ol' "You gotta learn to cook, clean, etc. because one day you'll have to do it for your husband. Do insert random hobby now because your husband won't tolerate it one day. The wife always needs to be less educated than the husband. Etc." They made a relationship with a man sound like servitude where my life is immediately over and after a liferime of telling me that they wonder why I don't want to get married yet
#31
That I need to maintain a positive relationship with people who don't like me.
My parents taught me to be on everyone's good side no matter the cost. In college, we had a serious rift in the friend group. They said that they had hated me all along and only hung out because I'd buy them things. Using my parents advice, I put too much energy into trying to "fix" those who I thought would change their hearts. Now that I'm older, I've realized that trying to fix people who don't care for you is manipulation and it's healthy to be selective about who you associate with.
#33
Hair grows back faster/thicker after you shave it for the first time.
Little Wolf 3 years ago
while this is not true, it looks thicker bc the hairs have been cut off at the root, where it is thicker and then that is the thickness of the hair the whole length through!
#34
Turning on the interior light in the back seat will cause us to immediately crash and die or go straight to prison.
#35
They used to basically tell me that driving on the highway was extremely dangerous and that I should stick to backroads. Turns out they were just projecting their own fears of cars moving really fast onto me.
For the first couple years of driving / my career I would go only backroads. One summer I got sick of having to drive for over an hour to get to work, and I figured it would be lower traffic then so I gave it a try, it was way easier than taking backroads, and the highways were better maintained than the roads I was used to taking, with far less turns, blind spots, etc. it was way safer and quicker.
Otter 3 years ago
I live in an area prone to dangerously thick fogs, and the freeways are one of the safer places to be when the fog closes in. The warmth of the asphalt helps to lift it a little and the speed of the moving cars creates enough wind to clear more, and the headlights and the taillights are sometimes the only things you can see. On the back roads the fog closes in and you can see absolutely nothing, stay on the freeways if you can!
#36
That spanking your children is acceptable, and that they were right no matter what. Discussion? What's that?
Now, I never agreed with them, and I frequently didn't know what I did wrong, but I just accepted it as something all parents do. Now, as an adult, I will say with 100% confidence that spanking is always wrong. Got studies to back me up, y'all!
IlovemydogShilo 3 years ago
My dad used to back hand me across the face and my mother used to force me to take my clothes off and she'd whip me with the dog's lead or hit me with the wooden spoon. ALL physical discipline is wrong.
#37
That if you don't like something, just keep your head down and push through.
#38
You have to wait 30 minutes after eating before you go back in the pool, otherwise you'll get cramps and drown.
#39
That growing facial hairs make you a thief, drug addicted and a failure to society. Still wonder how does that even make sense to this day.
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
I should tell my hubby this, he's currently been working 12-14 hours a day, 6 days a week. Geez, can't believe I married such a failure.
#40
That you are lazy if you watch TV during the day
What do you think ?
Scarlett 3 years ago
My mom is pressuring me to marry at 20 in college like she did. Number one, she divorced him, and number two, I’m not forcing me and my mental health issues on someone. That wouldn’t be fair. Also 20 is way too young, in my opinion.
Ian Reynolds 3 years ago
To always respect your elders, respect is earned, and just because someone has lived longer than you doesn't make them wiser. Some of the biggest racists and xenophobes are older, so according to this rule I should respect their backwards opinion.
J. Normal 3 years ago
For me ... I show respect as the default, no matter the age. The fastest way for me to realize someone is a loser is that they show me lack of respect from the start.
Load More Replies... whodunnitfan2013 3 years ago (edited)
Ah, yes. Teaching girls to be submissive and inferior to boys. And telling them that their only purpose in life is to be a submissive, quiet wife who has none of her own opinions and is dependent on her husband for everything and mother to lots of her husband's babies. And teaching girls that they must always be willing to do anything and everything to please their husbands, and that they mustn't have any other interests besides being a wife and mother, and that their husband and children should be their entire life. I've even seen girls taught that they need a husband (and children), and that they should be needy towards their husband for everything, including their happiness. Overall, that they need a husband and children to be happy and fulfilled, and "have it all", and that getting married and having children is the only way to be happy and fulfilled, and "have it all".
Susie Elle 3 years ago (edited)
My mom is a wonderful woman who, despite her always saying the exact opposite, showed me through her behaviour that you should always be subservient. Whenever my partner is in the need for something I immediately jump into action, without being asked to do so. I never accept help for myself though. My dad is a sweet man but through his behaviour he taught me that a man deep down doesn't really care about you, even though he says he does.
Matthew Smith 3 years ago
Surprise no mention of "Swallowing" chewing gum / bubble gum BS.....
KimB 3 years ago
Ah yes it takes like 7 years to digest or something was the rumor?
Load More Replies...
Amanda Reicha 3 years ago
I say I'm sorry for everything. I ask permission for everything. It bugs my husband. My mom made me say I'm sorry when I was a child until she was satisfied, even if I hadn't done anything or is it wasn't my fault. I also needed permission for everything so she wouldn't get mad and scream at me. I'm 41 and still do these things, like when I asked permission to buy some new underwear to my husband. My sister has similar issues.
OHIOWAndering_Around 3 years ago
That sounds like me. My husband hates it and every time he mentions it I have to apologize for it. We've been married for 10 years and I still flinch when he moves near, thanks to my mom, too.
Load More Replies...
Karen Lyon 3 years ago
My Mom never understood that I really wasn't a girly-girl growing up. I watched sports with Dad, played football and baseball with my three brothers. I was more comfortable talking about the Monday Night game than I was flipping my hair and batting my eyelashes.I have never dated a whole lot, although I was once married, have had a few boyfriends, and have upped the girly factor a bit. The men in my life are often just close platonic friends, though, and are frequently happily hooked up with someone else. This was beyond my Mom's comprehension. She never lost the attitude that men were basically objects of attraction/affection, and having a non-dating friendship with a man was odd or unusual. (Especially if he was in a relationship and the other woman wasn't threatened -- that kind of blew her mind.) In so many other respects my Mom was amazing, and I miss her all the time. She just was very old-fashioned in her notions about male/female relationships.
Scarlett 3 years ago
My mom is pressuring me to marry at 20 in college like she did. Number one, she divorced him, and number two, I’m not forcing me and my mental health issues on someone. That wouldn’t be fair. Also 20 is way too young, in my opinion.
Ian Reynolds 3 years ago
To always respect your elders, respect is earned, and just because someone has lived longer than you doesn't make them wiser. Some of the biggest racists and xenophobes are older, so according to this rule I should respect their backwards opinion.
J. Normal 3 years ago
For me ... I show respect as the default, no matter the age. The fastest way for me to realize someone is a loser is that they show me lack of respect from the start.
Load More Replies... whodunnitfan2013 3 years ago (edited)
Ah, yes. Teaching girls to be submissive and inferior to boys. And telling them that their only purpose in life is to be a submissive, quiet wife who has none of her own opinions and is dependent on her husband for everything and mother to lots of her husband's babies. And teaching girls that they must always be willing to do anything and everything to please their husbands, and that they mustn't have any other interests besides being a wife and mother, and that their husband and children should be their entire life. I've even seen girls taught that they need a husband (and children), and that they should be needy towards their husband for everything, including their happiness. Overall, that they need a husband and children to be happy and fulfilled, and "have it all", and that getting married and having children is the only way to be happy and fulfilled, and "have it all".
Susie Elle 3 years ago (edited)
My mom is a wonderful woman who, despite her always saying the exact opposite, showed me through her behaviour that you should always be subservient. Whenever my partner is in the need for something I immediately jump into action, without being asked to do so. I never accept help for myself though. My dad is a sweet man but through his behaviour he taught me that a man deep down doesn't really care about you, even though he says he does.
Matthew Smith 3 years ago
Surprise no mention of "Swallowing" chewing gum / bubble gum BS.....
KimB 3 years ago
Ah yes it takes like 7 years to digest or something was the rumor?
Load More Replies... Amanda Reicha 3 years ago
I say I'm sorry for everything. I ask permission for everything. It bugs my husband. My mom made me say I'm sorry when I was a child until she was satisfied, even if I hadn't done anything or is it wasn't my fault. I also needed permission for everything so she wouldn't get mad and scream at me. I'm 41 and still do these things, like when I asked permission to buy some new underwear to my husband. My sister has similar issues.
OHIOWAndering_Around 3 years ago
That sounds like me. My husband hates it and every time he mentions it I have to apologize for it. We've been married for 10 years and I still flinch when he moves near, thanks to my mom, too.
Load More Replies... Karen Lyon 3 years ago
My Mom never understood that I really wasn't a girly-girl growing up. I watched sports with Dad, played football and baseball with my three brothers. I was more comfortable talking about the Monday Night game than I was flipping my hair and batting my eyelashes.I have never dated a whole lot, although I was once married, have had a few boyfriends, and have upped the girly factor a bit. The men in my life are often just close platonic friends, though, and are frequently happily hooked up with someone else. This was beyond my Mom's comprehension. She never lost the attitude that men were basically objects of attraction/affection, and having a non-dating friendship with a man was odd or unusual. (Especially if he was in a relationship and the other woman wasn't threatened -- that kind of blew her mind.) In so many other respects my Mom was amazing, and I miss her all the time. She just was very old-fashioned in her notions about male/female relationships.
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