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Sometimes the universe hits us with a curveball that seems impossible to fully recover from. Divorce is one of those things that can shake the ground under our feet and expose our deepest fears and vulnerabilities. Not to mention that it fundamentally alters the trajectory of our life.

However, we humans are often more resilient than we think and can come out of dark moments stronger than before. A good example comes from the Reddit user BondEmilyBond. They recently posted a question to the platform, asking divorced folks to share the lesson they took away from the experience. Here are some of the most upvoted replies they've received.

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#1

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced How content I could be on my own. Never having to compromise throughout the mundane moments because you are living alone is very freeing.

Independent_sunshine , Fuu J / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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#2

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced The person you married is not the same person you divorce.

Royal_Arachnid_2295 , cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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trollingergirl
trollingergirl
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's often a sobering realization that people can change in ways we never anticipated.

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Despite common misconceptions, the last few decades have seen a decline in such stories.

In 2000, a total of 944,000 divorces and annulments occurred, and the crude divorce rate was 4.00 per 1,000 population during that year. By 2021, it had fallen to 2.5 per 1,000 population, with just 689,308 people divorcing that year.

(Interestingly, the marriage rate has declined too, dropping from 8.2 per population in 2000 to 6.00 per population in 2021.)
#3

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced I expected to be heartbroken but mostly just felt relieved.

oddwithoutend , Ozan Çulha / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Pandemonium
Pandemonium
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Was deeply heartbroken for longer than I would've liked, but the relief arrived and has lasted much longer than the heartache. Time heals, but it takes, um, time.

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#4

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced Not me, but my dad and I once had a conversation about it. Basically he was pissed that he lived with 4 women and the top of the fridge was always dirty. ( He's 6'2" and the only one who could see it) he said once he was on his own he realized he should have just cleaned it himself.

katrose73 , Charlotte May / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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sofacushionfort
sofacushionfort
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you don’t care who gets the credit.”

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#5

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced Freedom after being controlled is amazing. Even in the little things. .

Beerwithjimmbo , Nathan McBride / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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#6

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced That I actually wasn’t the problem and how much of myself and my energy got diluted and stolen by him.

Moist_Departure_3975 , Ephraim Mayrena / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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LaserBrain
LaserBrain
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes! I had the same experience, only it was a her, not a him.

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#7

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced I felt even more lonely when I was married.

bunbunzinlove , Dương Nhân / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#8

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced That the person I thought was the love of my life and soulmate could be so unbelievably cruel.

RickLeeTaker , MART PRODUCTION / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Amy E
Amy E
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wonder if my ex thought I was cruel for kicking him out after his dozenth time cheating on me?

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#9

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced I always thought my older girls would one day resent me for getting divorced from their dad. 20 years plus later they told me it was one of the best things I ever did for myself and for them.

sanantoniogirl71 , leah hetteberg / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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Cat Chat
Cat Chat
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Both my parents are each twice divorced (once from each other, and each from a 2nd marriage). I applaud and am proud my mom eventually stood up for herself each time. Not so much for my dad for cheating on mom. His 2nd divorce was from my ex-stepmom cheating. He was livid about it, but still mad at my mom for divorcing him. Hypocrite.

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#10

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced How quickly I recovered financially without my ex’s complete dependence on me instead of helping to support the family.

treecatks , Karolina Grabowska / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Lizz
Lizz
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being financially independent is so important.... I have a financially dependent spouse and it sucks

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#11

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced How starved for love and affection I was and how much confidence in myself I had lost.

ineedamathclass , Sofia Alejandra / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Bananic
Bananic
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i feel this so much. hope you've found and now love your self worth 🤍

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#12

I am not the same person I was almost 6 years ago. A part of me had to die for the rest of me to flourish and see how bright the world truly is. It isn’t the end of the world when divorce happens, it’s the beginning of a new adventure!

I’m also shocked at how long a bag of Doritos lasts in my home now. And they are all for me!

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#13

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced It hurts like hell even if you should have done it years ago.

Crkshnks432 , Liza Summer / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#14

How much calmer I am. I had turned into a nasty person always yelling at my ex for not cleaning and doing basic chores for himself. I did not want to be a mom to a grown child who had yet to realize he was an adult.

Life is much more peaceful. The silence after was worth it.

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#15

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced That none of our friends believed that my ex was abusive. He was a covert narcissist and was extremely charming. I never knew who he really was even after 25 years.

SuperIngaMMXXII , MART PRODUCTION / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Jill Rhodry
Jill Rhodry
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6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Two things - you never know what goes on behind closed doors, so don't judge - second: - I had my own covert who become malignant after heart surgery (apparently realising their own mortality can trigger this), now as strange as this is going to sound it helped when I heard - 'if they're charming out there and cruel behind doors, they know what they're doing' (because they're turning if 'off' and 'on' at will )- OMG!!!! seriously?! I'd always thought that he gave his best to everyone else and his worst to us but it still never clicked how deliberate it all was - I don't know why knowing this makes it better (?) it seems as though it should make it worse but it doesn't.

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#16

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced He was able to feed and to take care of our daughter all by himself too! Who would have seen that coming?

CamillaMiles , Nathan Dumlao / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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DB
DB
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I saw the complete opposite. She couldn't do even the simplest things. Fortunately her sister was there to help.

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#17

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced You can almost die from grief and disappointment.

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#18

That you can survive on your own. A lot of time is spent wondering how you can make it on your own after so many years together. You can do it and it can be better on the other side.

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#19

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced That relationship PTSD is a thing. I have a hard time even forming new friendships with people, much less trying to date.

slh236 , Dev Asangbam / unspplash (not the actual photo) Report

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Meaghan Stewart
Meaghan Stewart
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

7 years on and I’m still horrified at the idea of a relationship.

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#20

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced That it's easier to be content with your life when you aren't feeling hurt, used, or ignored.

Missdermeanerthanyou , https://unsplash.com/photos/woman-standing-on-grass-field-frq5Q6Ne9k4 / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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#21

A lot of the people you think are your friends aren’t. If you met them through your spouse they may drop you like a hot rock when you divorce. Do not become too invested in other people’s families. You can watch their kids, be there through illness, attend weddings and funerals etc and 20 years later they might act like they’ve never met you. Mind your own and let them mind theirs.

No partner at all is worlds better than a bad partner.

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Candid Panda
Candid Panda
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No partner is better than a bad partner. It bears repeating.

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#22

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced Pretty much how awesome life can be with a caring, kind, supportive spouse.

I had no idea how bad I had it until the old one abandoned ship, and I met the true love of my life.

Relax-Enjoy , Nathan Dumlao / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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#23

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced How easy and cheap (for us free at city hall, a small lunch for the best man and maid of honor) it is to get married, and how time consuming and expensive it is to get divorced.

K_R_O_O_N , RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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LaserBrain
LaserBrain
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Want to know why divorce is so expensive? Because it's worth it!!

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#24

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced Shouldn’t have been surprising, but “It takes two people to keep a marriage together. It only takes one to tear it apart.” A therapist taught me this, which was revelatory. It helped me to stop believing there was some way I could save it, even as my partner was trying to actively sabotage it.

Utterlybored , SHVETS production / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Sven Horlemann
Sven Horlemann
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In a marriage you are a team. If one f*cks up, the team is f*cked.

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#25

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced Not from my experience, but having children with your ex means you're not really rid of them, ever. They will always be around unless the children choose to remove them from their lives at some point. That includes the extended family, too, so it's a package deal at every event. It's not like they magically go away after the kids turn 18, though you do get to deal with them a little less.

magicrowantree , Alexander Dummer / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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pineapple87
pineapple87
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why I'm so happy I had the sense to divorce before we had kids. The choices I've made are looking more and more like I may never have a family, but I don't regret it because shared custody with him would have been an absolute nightmare.

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#26

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced You know, I remember at one point in my marriage thinking "I guess this is just how it works." After being unhappy for so long, it just seemed like the normal.



But I've definitely found out that no, it's not how it works! A relationship can be happy and supportive, without you feeling like you have to do all the work!

anothercrockett , freestocks / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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Auntriarch
Auntriarch
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My brother and his partner are both survivors of toxic marriages, and they are loving how it turns out when both people are giving

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#27

Our friends were really his friends.

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#28

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced Although the situation sucks there are many positives that I wouldn’t trade and I’m thankful for. One of those is the realisation of how loved and valued I am by my friends and family. I have been more loved and supported over the last year than during my marriage but I am so thankful for each of my friends and family.

Brownpantsjnr , Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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Amy E
Amy E
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Single now & more loved than I've ever been in my whole life!!

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#29

One side of it is usually already moved on by the time the words "I want a divorce" are uttered leaving only one of the two people involved to be destroyed in the moment, and having to move forward while dealing with the dissolution of the legal side of things.

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Christina Born
Christina Born
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my case I had a fun year of grieving before I finally filed. I told my (now ex) husband and he got so excited to be on his own and go visit all the national parks within about 2min. See, he had "left" in all ways but moving out over 15yrs before. He was actively trying to sabotage things the last 3 or 4 years I just didn't get the message right away.

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#30

What a giant, time consuming, inconvenient and expensive pain in the a*s it is to change your last name.

You have to provide a complete paper trail of what your last name has been since birth, you have to handle the name change itself with different governmental agencies in a very specific order and if you’ve married more than once and don’t have any of your original certified documentation… it’s gonna cost ya to get those. Birth certificate, marriage certificate, divorce decree, passport, etc. You have to have original or certified copies to do this.

It was BRUTAL during Covid.

Then there’s changing your last name at the bank, anything remotely financial (add notarization/medallion signature costs to any paperwork).

*Then* there’s all your other minor accounts that have your old last name on it- stuff like retailers, car rental agencies, state toll road accounts, various websites you’ve done business with.

Never again.

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EmAdoresHerKats🇮🇪🇵🇸🇩🇿
EmAdoresHerKats🇮🇪🇵🇸🇩🇿
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I didn't and wouldn't change my name. My name is important to me and it was under my name i achieved brilliant things i never thought possible, like getting my degrees and my masters in my 40s, becoming successful after leaving school at 12 to work as a cleaner, to finding someone who loved me and was proud of me. All that happened with my last name. I wouldn't give that away.

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#31

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced Lawyers are expensive.

CatchABeatRunnin , Ruthson Zimmerman / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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DB
DB
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Worse when your ex has lawyers in her immediate family. She had access to free legal advice 24/7 from people who knew how to manipulate the system.

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#32

35 People Share The Most Surprising Things They Learned From Getting Divorced How many men I knew that wanted to date me lol.

Ok_Acanthisitta5022 , Vija Rindo Pratama / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#33

Never been divorced but people should know that a prenup is not a rock solid contract.

Made her sign the right before the wedding? She was under duress and the prenup is now null and void.

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Emma S
Emma S
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In England and Wales they are not legally binding. Courts can take them into account when deciding who gets what, but the courts have discretion to ignore the pre nup if it is unfair to one party or children.

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#34

You give up a lot of yourself in a marriage.

Not just emotionally and physically. But the day to days.

For instance. My ex wife was a Goo Hoarder. Soaps, Perfumes, Lotions, Shampoos, Conditioners, make up.

You name it. For 7 years of my life I Never needed to buy deodorant, Or Shampoo, Or Body Wash, Or shave lotion, or hand soap.

The first problem I encountered after getting divorced was when I went to go buy my own goo. I couldn't find a lot of the brands I liked from my marriage. God knows where she got them, and none of the scents I used before my marriage even existed anymore.

So I had to figure out scents, and experiment with my sensitive skin, and gauge price all over again. It was figuring out a me I didn't know anymore.

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#35

Fighting doesn't end once you're divorced, it can get worst. Now there is no bond to put a stop at how far you can escalate things.

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pineapple87
pineapple87
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my case, I decided to stop fighting two years after the divorce. When my ex tried to pick a fight over stuff that should have been ancient history, I told him we could sit down and discuss it like adults but I wasn't going to listen to his insinuations anymore. He decided to stop talking to me altogether. I have no need to stay on his good side anymore. He can hate me if he wants, but I don't have to take the bait.

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