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No one is perfect; no matter how much we idealize a person—be it a family member, a partner, an idol, or someone else—they ought to have flaws. At least one. And even though it’s important to try and accept people for who they are—the good and the bad included—sometimes that one flaw can outweigh all the good qualities they possess.

Redditor u/WoodenInevitable1574 recently asked the ‘Ask Reddit’ community what is one red flag in a partner that negates all the green ones, and members had plenty to share. Ranging from dishonesty to the daily number of selfies taken, their answers covered all sorts of factors that would fend them off from otherwise even the most perfect of partners. Scroll down to find them on the list below, together with some of the OP’s thoughts on the matter, which they shared with Bored Panda during a recent interview.

#1

They voted for Trump. That shows a clear lack of kindness, integrity, and intelligence.

Catzrjoy Report

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Aaron W
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Supporting Trump is not a political position, it's a psychological one.

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    #2

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones There's a lot, but the one I have that isn't here yet is animal cruelty, except if it's towards a cockroach.

    achmadr_az , Tillmann Hübner Report

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    Loverboy
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hurting a grown adult is one thing. Hurting something that has no real way of stopping you or defending itself is another. F*****g pieces of s**t

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    #3

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Only respecting women they’re attracted to.

    roasttrumpet , Tirachard Kumtanom Report

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    Alexia
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And when they're not attracted to that woman anymore, she'd get the same disrespect as the others.

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    The redditor told Bored Panda that the reason they posed the question was an ended relationship. “I asked it as some surprising revelations came up from a failed relationship I was involved in, and I was curious if I was a unique case,” they said.

    Professor of psychology at the Derner School of Psychology of Adelphi University, Lawrence Josephs, PhD., pointed out that sometimes people turn a blind eye to red flags and character flaws while in a relationship, especially in the very beginning. It is related to the phenomena of ‘the primacy effect’, ‘the confirmation bias’, and ‘motivated perception’.

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    #4

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Having different levels of respect for people according to their profession, status, health, finances, popularity, race, etc...

    You know the ones that cozy up to their peers while yelling at the waiter that brings their food to the table, mocking a special needs customer on the other table for "fun" and/or talking trash about people with a different skin color behind their backs because how dare they?

    I hate those people, and make it a point to avoid them like the plague.

    RossaToad , Pixabay Report

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    D. Pitbull
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh hey, I see OP has met my sibling! Yeeah... don't ever EVER tell me "they're family! Forgive everything!" - no.

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    #5

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones I have a bunch, but the one that'll get me downvoted to hell? Extremely devout in their religion. Doesn't matter what religion to me - if they're seriously religious, I'm gone.

    sonicscrewery , Robert Stokoe Report

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    Deborah B
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Only if you're an a*****e about it, or disrespectful of the faith of others. There's a point where some athiests become just as dogmatic and convinced of their own rectitude as religious fundamentalists.

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    Kare Deter
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My best friend "found" religion and I couldn't stand talking to her anymore. All she did was hit me over the head with the bible trying to convert me. It broke my heart to go no contact, but she refused to respect my boundaries.

    Honey
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh wow. The thing is, I'm very religious but one thing I stand by is 'it's okay to say no'. Some people just don't want to hear you out so move on.

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    Haha Nope
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't think being devout is really the problem, I think the problem is when people try to force their religion on others and think that they are the only person in the world that is right because they are a part of __________ religion. My father is very devout, but he does not force it on other people, and he does not open religious conversations unless the other person wants to talk about it. When I ask him questions about his religion he will talk about it, and when I have not interest in those conversations we just talk about other things.

    Bina Wei
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My father is the same. I believe in God and it's how I try to be even if I'm not as devout (I am usually the one asking him questions, haha) also. It's a sensitive subject and many sides have gone very far before. It's important to respect other people regardless of what they believe.

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    Renee H.
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Those who are truly devote don't behave that way. It's the hypocrites that give people of faith a bad name.

    Haha Nope
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unfortunately, that is correct. Everyone should understand live and let live. If you are devout, awesome, more power to you. However, it is not your place to force your religion on to others. In fact, you will likely make people bitter by doing that. Unfortunately, those with bad behavior are usually the loudest.

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    D. Pitbull
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah... methinks this is referring to the "gonna thump it in your FACE" kind of devout - the kind where they'll give you (at least) looks and sighs of disapproval for you living your life (and I don't mean any sort of 'fast' life... I mean just... oh no, I celebrate a holiday you don't believe in, so I'm damned forever!!!) - and that's if you're lucky... the other ones have a whole scary tackle play, where there's a group and they come at you from all sides... and you're just trying to catch the bus!!!

    Diolla
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well it depends. If it's the same religion YOU are into, it's a match made in Heaven (pun intended).

    Sue Bradley
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My problem with anyone who is very religious is that I can't have a relationship with them that feels real. Despite maybe having common ground or interests, that they worship and give their lives to an unknown being, makes me question their ability to make sound judgments. For example some will accept scientific information - how can they then accept religion - based on folklore, and not much more!!!!

    luka! (she/her)
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Honestly I feel like it would only become a red flag once they try to force it on you

    David Fox
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Each to their own....it's not exactly a red flag more a personal preference.

    Steve Riddle
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A thousand years ago if the King of some European country disagreed with the Roman Catholic church he'd get a decree from the Pope that basically said "Either submit to my Papal rule or 'Off with your head!' " So it's been their unbending pattern to force their religion on humans for a very, very long time.

    Marie Dahme
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or just be like King Henry VIII and start your own Church of England ! I think even though Martin Luther even though wasn’t a king…did start his own movement:Lutheran.

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    Kady LaHaie
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because devout religion means they don't make their own decisions. Their xult.does.

    Crow Noir
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Can't vote for who you want, can't believe in what you want, this red flag list is a huge red flag in itself.

    VictoriaBee
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd love to know the logic behind this. Fanaticism isn't okay, but what's wrong with being devout?

    essie_bessie
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To me, if one believes in ancient scriptures on omnipotent beings and in rules to follow their will, we can't be buddies. I became an atheist when I finally understood what I read in the Bible. It is not a book of a father who loves his children, it is a book of people who want control over you and a weapon to beat you with.

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    Ambry Petersen
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In all honestly your hatred of religion would be a red flag for the religious to avoid you too.

    Maggie Fanelli
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think a red flag is being lukewarm in their religion. Either follow it or don’t, but don’t be a fairweather worshipper.

    Moo
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I do respect that. If you're with a partner there are a lot of values you're gonna wanna share. The older I get though, the more I find it's wonderful to be friends with devout religious people of all kinds, permitting that they're a good person who doesn't use their religion to hate or judge others. I think having a partner with starkly different religious views is a big problem. But I personally wanna explore the world through friendship <3

    Luther Kozhevnikov
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This. I'm religious (not Christian) but I don't really talk about it with other people or make it my whole personality. Makes conversations with people so much easier

    DM
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That counts! I think even if your atheist people can be annoying pushing their ideas and beliefs on those that don’t. Coming from an atheist here lol.

    Satan
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What about being worshipped? I never really asked to be worshipped, The Satanic Temple kinda just did that for me.

    Saint Tim the Godless
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Stop trying to force my children to follow rules defined by people who were too stupid to leave the desert 2,500 years ago.

    Karin Jansen
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, some did try. They just ended up lost and wandering after Moses for about forty years.

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    Dili Kanako
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have had the pleasure of interacting with people with many different levels of intensity about their beliefs. I have met people who are Atheist, Christian, Buddhist, Agnostic, Muslim, etc (with differing levels of devoutness) who are nice people. I have met some who are not so pleasant. It is, however, good to know with whom one would be compatible. Atheism can be a religion.

    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It depends on what the religion is. If you're a serious Buddhist, for instance, I might really like hanging out with you.

    Dusky87
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't think devout isn't quite the right word here. Any form of religious practice that dictates hate towards others or otherwise acting like an arsehole towards someone because their actions goes against their religion is what I have a problem with

    Lil Miss Hobbit
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And this is why many super religious people will only marry inside that religion. It kinda makes sense.

    Arunei Shade
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ironically this seems like a red flag to me. If you think someone is a problem simply because they're devout, that just seems ignorant and/or intolerant. There is a very big difference between devout and fanatical, and many religious people are very respectful and not bad people at all. It's the ones that spout hate and intolerance and judgement and try to force their beliefs on others that are the problem.

    Riley Quinn
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would never be friends with someone who was religious. What's the point? I'd never find a relationship with a delusional person satisfying.

    Cowws
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's good to have friends with people who see the world different to you. Otherwise you'll just end up in a personal echochamber. I'm a Christian and the anti-religious rhetoric has been rising on this site over the last two years, but I don't want to leave. I need people to challenge my views and I hope to challenge other people's views so that we can find the truth together

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    Thomas Ewing
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Every day is sacred, but I don't stand on street corners and thump Bibles. (I'm saved without bragging).

    Duane Johnston
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Tats funny my wife is quite devote and I'm an atheist. We both respect each other's position. We've been together for 23 years

    Marie Dahme
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That’s exactly how me and my late fiancé Dave was (RIP). He would watch Talk Heathen or The Atheist Experience…and he would be enlightened by some of the things he always wondered about Catholic Mass from me. It’s healthy to be respectful of each others ingrained beliefs. Honestly, what made him atheist he said ….he read the Bible. Wow. And I’m the Catholic who hasn’t. A head scratcher for sure.

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    Helen Taylor
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Depends on what you mean by devoutly religious. Someone who feels close to God but is open minded is fine with me. Anyone who thinks their religion is the only religion, I have a problem with.

    Katie Ramos
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a devout Unitarian Universalist, which means I am utterly devoted to human rights and treating others kindly whenever possible. Is that a red flag? 😄

    AngelWingsYT
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This. If you are religious ok. If you start pushing you beliefs onto others and expect them to agree not ok.

    Matt Harrell
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm devoutly agnostic. I believe God is possible, but I haven't yet seen proof.

    Dela Will
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am a atheist, but if someone is as devoted to their religion as I am to my non-belief then I praise them for their dedication. May be the wisdom of age that taught me that, but we need more respect for others.

    Where’s The Shovel?
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've come across severely religious people in my time, and tbh they're not the nicest ...

    Just another dot of the masses
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your honesty is commendable but if they are serious about their faith they would not be interested in someone that doesn't share their beliefs. That's always been my experience

    FlatEarf2.0
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For all those out there saying atheism is not a religion, you are wrong it is a religion.

    Cdlaw
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think it’s about having am open mind, people need to believe in something to find comfort. Who am I to say their way is wrong. But it can get a bit to deep with some, if your religion teaches you to hate, you’re probably not gonna do anybody any good.

    Maggie Mae
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Most of the Time it is the Seriously DEVOUT to All Made Churches and Religions that are the Pedophiles & Women Beaters!!

    Cate Cunningham
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You are free to believe or not as you wish. But to be so hateful against people who are . What a bigot

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    The primacy effect refers to people presenting the best version of themselves when they first start dating someone, in order to make a good first impression. Dr. Lawrence Josephs suggested that such a positive impression can influence our judgment and the way we perceive the person in the future.

    That often leads to confirmation bias, which means people tend to selectively look for evidence that could confirm their first impression. Similarly, they often choose to ignore anything that can challenge the positive impression, including all sorts of red flags.

    #6

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Never admitting they were wrong, even in the face of evidence. Never apologizing.
    No empathy for other’s distress.

    LaLizarde , Ryan Hoffman Report

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    Sue Denham
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This. And blaming any wrongdoing on someone else. "Someone told me to do it." "If he hadn't done . . . I wouldn't have had to . . .."

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    #7

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Racism/hate.

    ihithardest , Clay Banks Report

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    Alexia
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Many use their education/ background as an excuse for their racist views. Nope. At some point in life, you are making your own choices. My father is racist, homophobic, xenophobic and misogynistic (and also abusive and violent to his family). I moved away and haven't spoken to him in years.

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    #8

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Littering. Like , blatantly. Throwing trash out of a car window for example. It's my pet peeve. Of course, I'd point it out to them first and see if they stopped doing it but it would still be a huge red flag to me.

    Hippycowgirl411 , Karolina Grabowska Report

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    According to Josephs, cognitive biases are driven by motivated perception, as people are highly motivated to believe in the idealized image they’ve created of their partner (due to being tired of being single or lonely, and similar reasons). However, he believes that people do notice red flags despite the primacy effect, the confirmation bias, and motivated perception clouding their judgment.

    The OP revealed to Bored Panda what is one red flag that negates all the green ones for them: “I consider abuse of trust as the line that cannot be crossed under any circumstances. No matter what other qualities one may possess, once they break my trust, it's nearly impossible to gain it back.”

    #9

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Anti-science.

    Less-Mail-6708 , Edward Jenner Report

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    Ka Se
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As someone who works close to the scientific field, I would like to say that many seem to misunderstand the concept of science. Scientific knowledge is not fixed, it is what we think is closest to reality based on various sophisticated experiments and observations. Within the scientific community there is constant discussion and sometimes verification (unfortunately this is far too rare as there is neither prestige nor money for it and verification is even more expensive) whether all this is so.

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    #10

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Cruelty. People can hide it pretty well sometimes but when you see it, it’s best to dip.

    strawbisundae replied:

    Especially animal cruelty. My old art teacher from the third highschool I attended told me (literally old, she was 72) that, how someone treats animals is often how they treat people and you do not want someone like that in your life.

    anon , RDNE Stock project Report

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    Tams21
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Cruelty, full stop. If they're being cruel to animals, children or vulnerable people, it also makes them a coward but cruelty to anyone and anything would be an immediate deal breaker to me.

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    #11

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Absurd possesiveness („you can’t wear that“, „you cant go there“, „you cant talk to that guy“).

    stan-twice , Keira Burton Report

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    Black Cat
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Anyone who thinks they are entitled to even try to control their partner is a big red flag for me.

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    The OP believes that sharing stories and discussing similar topics can help people dispose of certain negative emotions. “Human beings are social animals. They take no joy in loneliness, and I'm not just talking physically. If someone else shares your uneasy feelings, they dissipate faster. I make these claims from personal observation and experience,” they said.

    #12

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Malicious manipulation of any form.

    PsychologicalRing959 , Trinity Kubassek Report

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    Alexia
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "You're too sensitive, stop taking it personally, I was only joking"- really?

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    #13

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones If they ever start bragging on how "fortunate" you are to be with them and how they have a roster of people they can be with at any moment.

    TheJeey , RDNE Stock project Report

    #14

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Victim complex.

    kgriff112 replied:

    Just ended a friendship I’ve had with someone since kindergarten due to this.

    She was always the hero or the victim (ya know, always the martyr), and it was always about her. Sad that it ended after so long but I couldn’t take it anymore, and I hated feeling like a hypocrite, calling myself her friend while growing to resent her more and more each day.

    WouldUKindlyDMBoobs , Anete Lusina Report

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    Tee Rat
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's for the better and now she'll be the victim of your broken friendship.

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    #15

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones How they treat boundaries. If you set one, someone is either going to test it, or they'll actively try to help you maintain it. And if they're the former, things will only get worse from there in how they treat you.

    fieldtripday , Thomas AE Report

    #17

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Extreme outburst of anger.

    itzrx , cottonbro studio Report

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    Alexia
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Anger issues can be managed with a good therapist. Otherwise, you'd be making your loved ones lives a living hell (and they don't deserve that).

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    #18

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Overbearing jealousy.

    No_transistory replied:

    My ex. She would go through my phone while I slept and remove and block people on my social media she didn't want me talking to. Complimenting someone's hair? Flirting. Smiling while talking? Flirting. Liking a photo? Flirting.

    She could not stand me having female friends. The irony being most of her friends were male. She also never had anything nice to say about anyone or anything. Left a few months ago and I miss her, but damn I tried and tried and just couldn't cope anymore.

    Ok_Advance6558 , Budgeron Bach Report

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    Alexia
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oooh. I used to spend hours trying to convince my ex that I travelled for business and that was it. "Yeah, sure, who knows what male colleague was with you in your so-called business trip?" How do you prove that you didn't do something? Why would need to prove smth. like that in the first place?

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    #19

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Dishonesty.

    pretty_monotonous , Timur Weber Report

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    Anya Beboop
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For me, it depends on the degree of it. Certain things would be a deal-breaker but many things can be worked through and you can find the cause.

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    #20

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones The older I get, the more there are. I'm not dealing with possessiveness, unkindness towards people or animals, gaslighting or other manipulative dishonesty, rage problems, irresponsible financial habits, excessive bathroom humor... I'm sure there's more. And I'm not in the business of changing people.

    If we are talking early/first date stuff, though, I'd say being unkind or stingy with wait staff. Quick and easy pass.

    BoraBoringgg , cottonbro studio Report

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    Kel_how
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep, thanks for showing your true colors early so I can get tf out

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    #21

    Misogyny.

    comemerrydol Report

    #22

    Overly sexualizing every interaction with everyone.

    No_University3872 Report

    #23

    Following anyone in the manosphere. Andrew Tate/Jordan Peterson/ Pearl for example.

    petielvrrr Report

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    Aiw Aiwou
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never heard of Pearl but agree with the other two. I know many men who find Peterson inspirational or even clever, I don't. He's egoist who twist others' words and rarely replies to a question when it's uncomfortable to him.

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    #24

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones What they say about people behind their back.

    Street_Piece8194 , Rachael Gorjestani Report

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    Corvus
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If they often talk about other people behind their backs, then chances are they are doing this with you as well...

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    #25

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Narcissistic behaviour/ manipulation. Doesn’t matter how perfect they are otherwise. Because chances are it’s not actually the real them.

    CrackMami , Min An Report

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    Em
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If it's their nature to be that way, then it is the real them. Doesn't mean you have to like it.

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    #26

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Quite a few. Just being rude to people. You can be nice to people in your life,but rude to strangers and I can't stand it.

    LimpAd5888 , Jessie McCall Report

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    Michael P (Perthaussieguy)
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Having worked in retail in my 20's & 30's I can quite agree with this. Some customers treat you as a servant.

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    #27

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Addiction.

    As a recovering alcoholic, that's no way to live.

    The_AmyrlinSeat , Vinicius "amnx" Amano Report

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    Shyla Bouche
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's too late for me. I read that as abduction. In my defense, I was watching X-Files earlier.

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    #28

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Finding out they want something like kids several months down the road, when in the beginning they swore not wanting any and you're concrete in not wanting any.

    Like, I'm not changing my mind so make up yours and stop wasting my time and effort.

    pyrnixas , Charles Parker Report

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    Mis Stake she/her 🇫🇮🇬🇧
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hate this! I make sure right in the beginning i dont want kids so no one is disappointed later on. If you lied to make me like you or to be with me its your fault thing are going to end or you are going to be childless

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    #29

    Smoking

    (Sorry, but kissing a smoker is absolutely gross.)

    Early_Scratch_9611 Report

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    David Fox
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not a red flag really, people have vices/habits. I quit smoking but I don't judge others for it.

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    #30

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Lack of communication.

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    iBlank
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Problems with communication is extremely common, and perfectly natural. But, if someone isn't willing to try to overcome those issues, it is time to walk.

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    #31

    The whole game mentality and trying to find things to be upset about so the other person has to make it up to you. Been with a few women who would try to make me feel guilty over nothing or just simple things like:

    Me: Hey, sorry, I have to work tonight since my major project is due tomorrow, can we get together tomorrow for dinner?

    Her: Oh, so what, you love your work more than you love me?!

    Me: No, I HAVE to work (this is the first reschedule in months). Maybe I can make it up to you tomorrow?

    Her: Yea, youll have to I guess...

    Me: *feels bed like Im a bad person and a bad partner, when it is a simple 1 day reschedule for a basic date*

    Like this s**t was exhausting and constant. Then for weeks after its brought up like it was a huge issue in our relationship and I still "owe" her something.

    I was getting a brand new car which was my dream car, and was so excited, that when I spoke about it, my ex said "sounds like you like the car more than me..." and got moody. Like cant you just be happy with me?

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    #32

    How they treat people in the service industry/hospitality.
    You can be the sweetest most caring woman I’ve ever met in my life that genuinely wants me to be better and is interested in my life and growing together as partners BUT the second they treat someone who may be serving us food or checking us into a hotel or restaurant and treat them like s**t for no reason, then it’s time to take my toast elsewhere.

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    #33

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones My first serious girlfriend went on a three year campaign to change everything about me she could.

    I started seeing a girl, beautiful, ambitious, came from money, our families had a long but good history together. About six weeks in its getting serious. She's talking about getting her dad to buy her/build her a location she can start a business near where I live and I'm a struggling video producer.

    I asked her flat out, "What makes this work for you? You've got these things going for you and I have months I struggle to pay bills."

    "You got a few problems but I think I can change you."

    Punched out on that relationship a few days later.

    Flailing_Aimlessly , Etienne Boulanger Report

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    Tee Rat
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I never understood people with this attitude. "I can change them and then they will be perfect." Couples naturally change together for better or worse.

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    #34

    Lack of empathy, impatient, selfish, to name a few.

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    Ken_Jane
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a conversation with a roommate once. We were high and tipsy and talking about how we want to make enough money to help alleviate social ills such as homeless. Next day (not even 24 hours later) we're out getting food and there's this teen boy who she assumed appeared homeless. With a disgusted voice she asked "what is he doing here?" He was buying food. The boy was just buying food. The lease only ends in a couple of months.

    #35

    "Have you ever considered an open relationship"

    Nope, goodbye.

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    Diolla
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Do not agree with this one. If you're not into that, OK. But it's not a red flag per se, it does not make someone a bad person.

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    #36

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Arrogance.

    B1rdPal , 100K MAKHASETTE Report

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    Satan
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is gonna sound bad for me, but the way I learnt that arrogance was bad, was through Anakin Skywalker in Revenge of The Sith.

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    #37

    - Lack of basic hygiene
    - Lack of basic skills (how to do laundry, cook simple meals, etc)

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    #38

    Being domineering and controlling. Just absolutely f*****g no.

    I_DRINK_ANARCHY Report

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    Black Cat
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree but domineering and controlling behaviour can be so insidious you don't even realise it's gotten really bad until you're having to do silly things like double checking you put the jam on the correct shelf of the fridge.

    #39

    Disliking dogs (or animals in general).

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    ADJ
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a general principle this is a real good measure. But there are cases in which it may not be so clear. I have a neigbour, otherwise very good and kind person, who does not like dogs because she was attacked and bitten by a dog when she was a child. So before you judge, check for the specific reason.

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    #40

    Getting upset at every little thing. Like don't get me wrong, I understand some people are a bit sensitive or emotional, but you can't be asking for communication and then get upset at everything I say.

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    D. Pitbull
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah... don't start demanding things then getting upset when you get the thing but it's not matching what you'd made up in your head.

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    #41

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Over the top solipsism. That "I don't perceive it that way, so it cannot be true" mentality.

    chilledkitkat replied:

    When I meet someone like that it reminds me of playing peek-a-boo with a baby and exploiting their lack of object permanence.

    UnoriginalUse , Ketut Subiyanto Report

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    D. Pitbull
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't perceive it that way so it can't be true... oh my GAWD the number of people who are like this... is depressingly surprising. I know more than once someone has said something like this and I had to pause for a moment ... because I honestly thought they were kidding - as in "You've lived to adult age... you ARE joking, right? You canNOT be this stupid and... oh my gawd you are."

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    #42

    Not lack of knowledge but lack of open-mindedness to new ideas and cultures. Lots of people who work against generational teachings of subliminal prejudice do a lot of work but cut ethical corners. It's not about being good or bad, being right or wrong, or holding an opinion. But just generally being humble enough to approach something without assuming or having a stance before a full mental image is formed.

    Revolutionary_Ball24 Report

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    Kel_how
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Went on a first date to an Indian restaurant and the guy had never eaten India. I really appreciated that he was open to the experience and asked questions to understand. We didn't date long-term but he was a good guy.

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    #43

    If they take more than 7 selfies a day... it's oddly specific in a number of ways but I find it says a lot about one's character.

    ButterflyOverkill Report

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    Tucker Cahooter
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unless you are taking a selfie of yourself standing next to the King of England I can't see the point. I don't need my ugly mug inserted into a snapshot of a tourist attraction as somehow giving credence to me being there

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    #44

    Malice.

    If they lie, it's usually because of trauma and trust issues. They fear the consequences of being honest. I can work with that.

    If they cheat, again they don't feel like they can trust me to talk about desires and kinks.

    I negate both of these by making sure we can say anything and we can talk about anything. A fling it's one thing. People have their own goals and desires, so long as we both have the same freedoms and understandings, we're good.

    Malice however it's different. Their goal is to cause misery to others, manipulate others for their own gain or even just ruin the lives of others. When someone is malicious, you're not a person to them but just a thing to use. There's no value of growth or partnership.

    There are people who seem to be straight up wicked beings that want nothing more than to harm others for one reason or another. You can't trust that. You can't work with people like that. They'll use you then blame you for trusting them.

    bluelifesacrifice Report

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    #45

    Hoarding. I just can’t handle the whole illness on a day to day. I’m not strong enough. It’s a huge red flag and hard pass.

    culady Report

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    Kel_how
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It becomes a health and safety hazard. I can't count the number of times I helped my mom clean out my grandmother's house for it to be 10x worse months later.

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    #46

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones Doesn’t see his kid.

    Away_Proposal2615 , Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas Report

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    Tams21
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If it's out of choice then absolutely. If it's because of a bitter custody battle then it might be worth listening to the whole story.

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    #47

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones How they handle conflict and disagreement.

    themightymoron , Timur Weber Report

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    Black Cat
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes like when they start belittling you if you don't agree with them or try to shut you down if they don't agree with you without even considering an alternate point of view.

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    #48

    When they simply can't speak to you in a respectful way. And I'm not talking about RESPECT I'm talking about they just say hateful, impatient, rude stuff to you seemingly because they think that's what you deserve.

    jdrewc Report

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    #49

    Nowadays for me the lack of a stable job or other clear way to support themselves.

    A student in college living off loans is fine if they have a clear career path thought out. Somebody on their third job this year because every shift lead they’ve had was supposedly a b***h has some stuff to work out before they should be dating.

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    #50

    1) Being strongly conservative. It sucks, because goddamn do I love cowboys, but every time I've tried it our values are just too opposing and it ends with them mocking my thoughts/beliefs.

    2) Becoming too attached/committed too quickly. Learned that the hard way - it isn't sincere overwhelming love, it's a manipulation tactic. Last ex remodeled a wing in his house just for me to use after 6 weeks of dating, and I seriously felt like I was Belle in Beauty and the Beast. It...didn't turn out well.

    3) Focusing too much on my finances. I have a graduate degree and a financially comfortable job, which I'm proud of. I still had guys that wanted me to "prove" I wasn't a gold digger by making me pay for everything I wanted, even if it was to benefit us mutually. Vacations, home repairs, holiday gifts for both our families, cars, whatever. Turns out I was the diggee, not the digger. I agree with sharing expenses, but when my ex wanted to skip a wedding and have my dad "cut him a check" for the wedding fund my parents saved for me, I knew I was played.

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    Elio
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It seems that guys paranoid about gold diggers are paranoid because they want to be the gold digger.

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    #51

    Any personality switch - sign of love bombing.

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    #52

    Snobby to everyone but you.

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    #53

    When my ex gf would talk about her ex as if she wished things would have worked out.

    georgeberg Report

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    Rahul Pawa
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Omg I missed that one early on, then guess who she went to when things got difficult. Made me realize I was never the guy she wanted. I was the guy she settled for.

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    #54

    When they answer most questions with a political statement.

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    #55

    Any previous infidelity. Once a cheater there is a large potential for them to repeat it.

    Also, being unwilling to spend money on me from time to time (covering dates or whatever). Gold diggers are a huge red flag.

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    #56

    People Share The Ultimate Red Flag That Overshadows All The Green Ones, Here Are 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones cheating

    disrespect towards me

    disrespect towards others

    disloyalty

    AffectionateAd2942 , RDNE Stock project Report

    #57

    Degradation. I don't care if it's in your nature to be the kind of comedian that always puts me at the butt of jokes or if you think it's sexy to emasculate me in bed, that is just a gateway to being a real d******d to me because I'm letting you get away with so much and there is no going back once I've let you have a few.

    I've had friends like this as well, had is the keyword.

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    #58

    Using ultimatums to get their way.

    "You have to choose between ____ and me"

    "If you don't like me doing ____ then maybe this relationship isn't working"

    "I don't like it when you ____, stop it or I'll dump you"

    It doesn't matter what the blanks are, it doesn't even matter if she's 100% right with her ultimatums, this type of behavior is an immediate no-go.

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    #59

    Refusal to talk about certain aspects of their past. If your partner can't be open to you about their life, including their relationship with their parents, their siblings or other family members, or the fact that they may have been in jail/prison in the past, been an addict or alcoholic - walk away. Your partner needs to be open to discussion about things in their past that could affect your life with them.

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    Marie R.
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Imma say I don't agree completely - I suffer from severe PTSD and am open about the general "What happened" - but everything else is too painful for me to talk about, that's something I only speak out about in therapy. Some things are okay to keep to yourself, as long as it doesn't affect the partnership and honest communication

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    #60

    Astrology.

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    Tucker Cahooter
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think astrology is a load of bunkum, and I'm sure my fellow Capricorns would agree with me

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    #61

    Lots of exes and all of them being irredeemable people, never any mutual break ups or "I just didn't really feel compatible with them."

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    #62

    Poor money management skills. Like having an income that can support a domestic driving vacation once a year, but then throwing down 4 months rent on an international vacation and putting it on credit cards?

    I went on a date with a chick, and she was telling me about her 3 week vacation to SE Asia. The flight alone would have been a months rent, let alone all the other costs. Then she drops "I had to max two credit cards, but it was worth it!"

    I would have stiffed her with the bill after that. Instead I went to the bathroom a short while later, paid my half of the bill, tipped generously, and left.

    I am not a sugar daddy, I do not want to be a sugar daddy, and money is probably like the 3rd or 4th most important thing to a functioning happy household.

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    Jill Rhodry
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No mention there that she has any expectation at all for him to pay off her credit card. Fine it's not something he would do - me neither - but to her it was worth it. Different values can cause issues to work through but I don't personally see this as a red flag if it's being paid off - or if she's smart transferring the balance to a new card at 0% interest.

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    #63

    Credit Card Debt.

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    Deborah B
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Depends on the debt, and how they're managing it. Credit cards are great for emergencies. If they had an emergency - vet bill, emergency plumber, etc, and paid with a credit card, and are slowly paying it off, that's completely different to constantly increasing debt due to a shopping addiction.

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