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35 People That Did Such Horrid Things Their Closest Friends Just Had To End Their Friendship
Interview
If you ever shared a BFF necklace with someone in your kindergarten class or got a matching tattoo with your college roommate, you know how strong the bond of friendship can be. But unfortunately, life is unpredictable, and sometimes we need to shut the door on people who were once our closest companions.
One curious Reddit user recently asked others to share reasons why their former friendships have ended, and hundreds of people weighed in with heartbreakingly honest responses. Below, you can read all about these friendships that reached their expiration dates, as well as hear from Licensed Clinical Social Worker Sarah Betz, and be sure to upvote the stories that resonate with you.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Me ghosting them.
I tend to lose touch with people when I'm no longer physically within their presence. Like, I lost my high school friends when I went to college. Lost college buddies when I graduated and started working. Lost my close colleagues when pandemic hit and remote work became a thing. Now I have no friends since I rarely leave the house anymore.
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#2
I stopped being the first to always initiate plans, and that was that.
ThisIsMe 1 year ago
This issue can be a two-way street. I work with someone that was in a position to make work life difficult if she didn't like you. And she clearly welded that sword. Many years ago we use to both be part of a group of friends at the office, but the rest have all moved on. We would still reach out to me to go places and do lunches, and I was afraid not to go because she could make work life hard. The time together was usually her griping about co-workers and griping about her own issues. I never initiated time with her, she did that. During COVID she was easy to avoid, but post COVID the invitations started coming again. I would go, but I never initiated. She eventually quit inviting me, but since it was on her terms I have not experienced any of the usual retaliation that I've seen other people suffer. I get I could have been clear on my boundaries about the negativity, but this way I get to keep some peace in my work life.
To learn more about what sparked this conversation in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user u/_ReDd1T_UsEr, who posed the question, "What was the reason why your friendship ended with someone?" Lucky for us, he was happy to have a chat with Bored Panda and shared, "I was inspired by my own experience with losing a friend and I wanted to see if anyone else had gone through something similar I also wanted to give them a chance to talk about it."
#3
I've lost like all but two of my 'friends' because I stopped drinking and doing hard drugs.
#4
No called-no showed to my wedding. We had been drifting apart already for a few years due to work and other life things getting in the way. But I made an effort to still invite him to because he had been an important part of my life and helped me through some hard times. He never responded to the rsvp. I called him up to see if he had lost it, gave him the date, and told him I was excited to see him there and celebrate.
Didn’t show up, didn’t even send a text or call with a reason, never even offered a single congratulations.
He instead messaged me a few weeks after with the audacity to ask if I wanted to take some photos of his dads car that he was trying to sell. When I confronted him and told him how disappointed I was, he gave some b******t about how we’ll always be friends no matter what.
Then almost a year later he comes back into town and texts my brother “Yo bro let’s hit up the bars tonight” and my brother as the ride or die he is lit him up. “Dude you bailed on my brothers wedding, never offered an apology or reason (he now claims his car broke down, but no text was ever sent) and you’ve never made any effort to check in on our lives. We don’t go out to bars anymore, we’re both in serious relationships or married, and your friend you bailed on is about to have a kid. F**k off”. I’m super grateful for my brother for that.
As for my former friend. F**k you. Actions speak louder than words.
Big Chungus 1 year ago
My dad's side of the family did the same thing to my wedding. All of them (excluding my dad of course he was obviously here) didn't even send an rsvp in which I had already put a stamp on and everything.
The OP also shared about how his own experience losing a friend impacted him. "When I was in high school, I had to end my friendship with my best friend because he began hanging out with negative people and became toxic towards me," he explained. "It hurt. Especially because on my first day there, he stood up for me when I was bullied. But I've also came to understand it was the best thing for both of us."
#5
She was a taker, constantly. When I needed something she made it about her yet again. Exhausting to be around.
#6
Her bf strangles her and put her in a choke hold one night bc she wouldn't let him have the keys to her car as he was intoxicated. I came over the next day to offer comfort and encouraged her to rethink the relationship. She took him back and now I'm not allowed to contact them for " trying to drive a wedge between them"
When it comes to why ending friendships is so difficult and painful, _ReDd1T_UsEr supposes, "[It's] because you aren't just strangers to each other. Both people have had good memories together, and they were people that you wanted in your life before you or they ended the friendship."
We were also curious what his thoughts were on all of the responses his post received. "I was very surprised at how many different people talked about their experiences and how many were in the right and wrong. The ones where they said their friends were badly influenced by someone and negatively changed as people reminded me of my own experience."
#7
He kept embarrassing me in front of girls to make himself seem cooler.
Sometimes he’d bring up embarrassing stories that i obviously wouldn’t want someone to hear. Often they were things I told him in confidence because i needed to get it off my chest.
I asked him to stop but he just kept trying it. Sometimes he’d deny doing it altogether and other times he’d bring up something i did years ago to justify why he was doing it and other times he’d just not care. In the end i just stopped talking to him
Dude was a massive prick.
#8
He told me that atheists should be second-class citizens, kept out of any form of government, and be prevented from voting or running for office.
I'm an atheist. I'm also a veteran and active in local politics. He only volunteers for his church, and the most political thing he has done is fly a flag and vote.
I thanked him and never said another word to him again. This was ten years before Trump was elected. He hasn't bothered to reach out.
DC 1 year ago
He's never been worth your time. But, this seems to be an opinion that is generally accepted, as then-candidate George Bush Sr. said pretty much the same in his campaign, and yet, got elected. Everybody giving the littlest damn about civil rights, and truly understands them for what they are and why they must be, could not vote for him anymore, and, still, he got into office. Seeing atheists as inferior people who shouldn't be citizens. "One nation under god". That old BS again, and they still poison the entire country and culture with this exclusionory attempt. Christian Supremacy isn't less evil than White Supremacy is, but, it seems, isn't even seen as a problem whatsoever by more than enough people to not have to care about even downright insulting and threatening atheists for what they are and, with every right imaginable, believe.
The OP also left us with some wise words for anyone who is considering ending a friendship of their own. "If you have tried everything, but you feel the friendship needs to end, talk to them. Be honest, and tell them why you don't want to be friends anymore. By doing that, you will be giving both of you closure, and you can then move on with your life."
#9
It was with a group. A bunch of guys I hung out with in high school and college, the quintessential role playing crowd. They were fun in high school, but when I got into college, I noticed these guys were kind of...well....dysfunctional. As in, none of them could keep jobs, none of them could enjoy a relationship, and they all sat around and complained about how the entire world was unfair, how it didn't recognize their collective intellectual gifts.
Meanwhile, I was not just busting my a*s in school but working my way through to pay for it. And while my dating life wasn't the best, I managed to have a couple of long-term girlfriends. But if I was going out on a date, there was something wrong with me because I wasn't hanging out with them.
But I'd still spend time with them. When one of them would lose a job, I'd lend him money. When another of them was arrested for DUI in a small town 150 miles away at 9 pm on a Sunday night, I drove down there to bail him out. And so on.
Then my father had a sudden illness and went into a coma. Died a week later. During that time, only one of them called and came to the funeral.
A week after the funeral, they just started calling me again as if nothing had happened. As in, "Hey, heard your dad died. Bummer. We're meeting at Dennis' apartment at 7."
I dumped them, with the sole exception of the friend who showed up to the funeral. I remain friends with him to this day.
But I remember reading something once: You are the sum total of the five people with whom you spend the most time. And, you know what? That's absolutely true. What they value, how they spend their time and energy, and everything else has a way of rubbing off onto you.
So when I dumped them, I made it a point to cultivate better friends. Friends who gave a damn.
Every once in a while, I still bump into one or the other of them. Two of them never could hold down jobs and live with their aging parents. Good decision on my part.
#10
When he started dating my ex but hid it from me for an entire year. Only told me when I was furious at him for a totally different reason, then when I was reasonably mad and told him to just leave me alone and that we weren't friends anymore, he went and told all of our mutual friends that I was in a murderous rage and it would be dangerous to hang out with me. Friends told me they didn't believe him but that it was just easier to go along with it than call him out on his BS and that I wouldn't be invited to things he was invited to.
Realized that day that my (former) best friend was a lying sociopath and the rest of my friends cared more about not making waves than they did about me.
Left the whole lot of them behind and went and found new friends. Best decision of my life.
We also reached out to Licensed Clinical Social Worker and the Founder of Meadow Therapy, Sarah Betz, to hear her thoughts on the topic. Sarah specializes in trauma, including childhood trauma, emotional abuse, physical abuse, and sexual abuse, codependency, mind-body work, addiction, PTSD, disassociation, anxiety, depression, and self-harm. She is also passionate about LGBTQIA-affirming, body-positive, and sex-positive therapy, and was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda about what it takes to have a healthy friendship.
"Healthy friendships are much like romantic relationships," Sarah shared. "They require communication, consistency, reciprocity, respect, trust, and authenticity. Conflict is healthy within all relationships if done with care. You can expect to disagree, argue, and not get your needs met sometimes. It's more about how you fight rather than if you fight."
#11
She was one of my dearest friends. Then my mom died unexpectedly, and my dear friend didn’t contact me. She was on Facebook, she saw the post. She just…didn’t contact me. I couldn’t believe it. With every day that passed, I kept waiting for my best friend to contact me and acknowledge my mom’s sudden death. She didn’t. The pain she put me through during what was already the worst time of my life…I hope she knows how violently scummy that was.
CD King 1 year ago
I'm very sorry for your loss. Why didn't you call your dear friend when your mom died? It's not a Facebook post that should have let her know of the painful situation you were facing. Not blaming the victim!!! Just curious as I would call the people closest to me first (and not posted it to Facebook but that's a personal preference)
#12
Of all the toxic friends I’ve had to drop in the past two years, there was one thing in common: feeling the need to put me down, whether they were insecure or just “making a joke.” Not worth any of that.
As far as why many friendships reach their expiration dates, Sarah says, "Many end because of a lack of honesty and communication about what is happening in the friendship itself. We put so much work into building a healthy family or romantic relationships but forget that friendships need time and attention too. When friends ignore their growing issues, resentment builds. When your needs aren't being met, speak up! Ask for support and help with meeting your needs. Remember to ask your friends what support they may also need from you."
#13
She was unvaccinated and refused to take a covid test before seeing me. My mother was terminally ill and severely immuno-compromised, so I was absolutely trying to minimise the risk of getting covid so I could still see my Mum.
She refused to take a test, twice, despite kind and calm requests and explanations, on the basis that she "didn't want to get a sinus infection." (This was in the time of nasal swabs, not mouth swabs, for covid tests. You know, those nasal swabs that are sterile and can't cause infection.)
I'm 100% sure that it wasn't about a sinus infection. It was about control. She had been annoyed because I hadn't validated her anti-vax stance in the past.
Similarly, I know she wanted more validation for her religious views, which she'd acquired in her 30s and which I didn't share. I'd told her that I was happy her faith made her happy, but I think she wanted me to truly share her beliefs. I'd also said that her sister's bisexuality was "fine with me" when she'd stated that a wedding of 2 women was "not what God wants."
I think all of those different views just threatened the way she saw the world, and how she saw herself.
Her last texts thanked me for "sharing my views" re covid and it's potential to kill my Mum, then became pseudo-concerned when I didn't reply. I read the whole situation as "I want to say whatever I want to you, but I want to still feel like a nice person, so please reply and give me that validation."
I didn't reply to her, but I still ask myself whether the mature thing to do would have been to clearly reply and state that I didn't want to stay in contact. It's taken me until now (over a year later) to see through the pain and formulate what I might have said.
We'd been friends since the first days of high school. 20+ years. In essence we just aquired very different views from each other as adults, but I can't pretend her attitude towards my Mum, and towards the horrible journey my family had to take, wasn't devastating.
Life is a bloody painful journey at times, that's for sure.
#14
I was a bad person and they ended it for perfectly sensible reasons. I would have done the same.
I've changed, but I don't blame them for not reconsidering contact.
Ingo Sauer 1 year ago
Recognizing your own past faults is major achievement per se. It shows psychological growth that some just cannot seem to attain.
Sarah also told Bored Panda that ending a friendship may be particularly difficult and painful because it's a loss. "A real loss of love and/or connection," she explained. "We only have rituals for mourning a loss of life, but there are more losses than solely death. Relationship losses can lead to sadness, grief, loneliness, and potentially feelings of mistrust or betrayal."
#15
How's this for oddly specific:
Friend since 1980, was hanging out at a bar in 1992 and there was a dispute of over a $15.00 bar tab. I was in the right, but whatever - he held a grudge for years.
Ran into him in 2017 and we were both too old to care. Started to see each other now and then. 2023 and we're at this local bar for a show and got into a fight about $15.00 a ticket.
Maybe he'll call me in 2063.
#16
I lent them $20 and then they avoided me so they didn’t have to pay me back. Worth the 20
And if you're looking for the best way to end a friendship, Sarah notes that, "Direct communication is the most helpful way to end a friendship. While we want to refrain from being cruel, avoiding hurting someone's feelings to be 'broken up with' in a friendship may be impossible. Try to be kind in telling someone that you don't want to or cannot be friends with them anymore. Give them the reasons -- don't leave them in the dark wondering what they could have done differently or why things ended. And to the extent that you can, or it's safe to do so, tell them in person or over the phone. Texting someone can lead to miscommunication or a friend feeling that they weren't 'worth enough' to be told to their face."
#17
She joined a pyramid scheme selling butt-ugly leggings and it took over her whole life. When I finally told her it was negatively affecting our friendship, she accused me of not supporting her “business”.
Barbara Kayton 1 year ago
Having been a life=long sucker for the MLM schemes, I can say they truly create false friendships and ruin far too many relationships and finances. They genuinely should be illegal, even though they are not, legally, pyramid schemes.
#18
When he f****d my wife.
He had been my best friend since we were ~10. Best man at my wedding. All that.
F**k you, Bruce.
"Treat your friends with as much care as possible. Friendships often outlast romantic relationships and can sometimes be more intimate than family bonds. Let your friends know what a gift they are to you," Sarah added.
If you're looking for more wise words from Sarah, you can find her information right here, and if you are seeking a mental health professional in your area, you can find all the resources you may need at Zencare's website right here!
#19
They s**t-shamed me and didn't support me when the guy I lost my virginity to spread my naked pics.
#20
There was a position open in a different department. I encouraged her to apply and told her I would be applying as well. What was the worst that would happen? They tell us we don’t qualify? Up until this point, we had been best friends for 3 years. Hung out with each others families and saw each other almost every weekend.
We found out at the same time. They emailed her letting her know she didn’t meet the qualifications. I received a call shortly from HR after they sent her that email asking me which interview time worked best for me. My previous experience is what qualified me. She got mad at me that I got an interview and she didn’t. Even contacted HR to ask why I got an interview and she didn’t. She stopped talking to me the same day we were both contacted by HR for that position. She deleted me off all social media.
I tried to talk to her about it but she flat out said she no longer wanted to be friends. I didn’t get the position, made being at work very awkward for the following 4 years I stayed. She was 35 and I was 34. Grown a*s adults yet she was acting like a child.
Turns out she’s one of the those that want the best for you as long as it’s not better than her. I ended up promoting out of the department and she’s still there.
#21
Feelings made things complicated. He knew I’d had a crush on him when we were in college, but he started to treat me like more than a friend – told me he’d want to date me if he wasn’t with his girlfriend, called me his soulmate, I was his lock screen picture on his phone, he spontaneously invited himself on my solo trip to Europe the week after he broke up with said girlfriend – and I fell for him, bigtime.
I went to therapy to talk everything out, then finally worked up the nerve to tell him how I felt. I told him I loved him and that we needed to be more than friends or we couldn’t be anything at all, because this weird in-between we’d been floating in was messing me up in the head. He told me he couldn’t reciprocate my feelings so we agreed to give each other space.
That was 4 years ago now and neither of us has reached out since that final conversation. I still miss him, but I don’t regret speaking up for myself
#22
I found out she’d been a willing participant, and even architect of, several good people losing their jobs or being scapegoated for stuff they didn’t do. She’s a horrible person. And that was that.
#23
I felt she only wanted me around when my life was a mess and worse then hers. Once I got a house and got engaged she distanced herself as I no longer had a purpose to her.
#24
He kept having kids with different girls and bailing on them. Coming from a "went out for a pack of smokes" Dad myself, I just couldn't watch it anymore. Bailed after the third one. Think he's up to 6 now.
#25
I was basically a taxi for my friends so I dumped them all.
CrunChewy McSandybutt 1 year ago
I remember when I scraped up enough money to get a sh*tty car in my late teens. My friends suddenly couldn't walk a couple of blocks to my house. They expected me and my car to be available to them 24/7. I was stunned at the entitlement.
#27
My former best friend got married and his “ posh” wife decided that she doesn’t want her husband to be seen with less rich people and he listened to her , the sad fact is , 3 years later her dad filed for bankruptcy and her husband ( my former friend) had to look for a new job which pays far less than all of us ( his former friends).
#28
Every interaction was draining, and they always needed something. It should feel good to be around friends, not like a chore to keep somebody else going
Ima Manimal 1 year ago
People like that don’t hit us up because we are their last resort. They hit us up because we are the most convenient. It’s OK to say no.
#29
After almost 10 years of friendship, they (M) fell in love with me (M). He was straight to my knowledge, had a girlfriend and all until a breakup.
I am straight as well, and had recently broken off a 5year relationship. He made a move, I turned him down very respectfully, 0 judgement but was not interested
Instead of accepting this, he wanted me to give it a shot. Became super toxic and I broke off all contact
Still feel like I lost a brother
#30
She constantly kept stealing money from my purse/wallet when I went to the restroom when we were out (left it with her to “watch”). She made more money than me but thought I was some wealthy person?!? When I stopped hanging out with that group I realized just how much she had been stealing when I started having all kinds of extra money.
Nika Strokappe 1 year ago
And you never thought about bringing your wallet with you to the bathroom?
#31
Constantly being the butt of every joke, and then they (literally “they,” it was more than one person) always said “I’m/We’re just joking” yet they never “joked” liked that with each other. I can take a joke, but when it’s just me, that’s a red flag. That and we used to work together. As soon as I quit, hardly a peep from any of them. No calls, texts, nothing.
#32
Because they were f*****g toxic and I was too dumb to realize it.
Tobias Reaper 1 year ago
this is why i ended a friendship of over 20 years dude was a toxic friend it took me meeting my now bestie to realise how you supposed to feel around a friend and how they supposed to treat you the one thing i will never forget that they did was when i was going through a pretty severe bout of depression they told me unless i cheer up they would stop hanging around with me its been about 7 years since i spoke to them i dont harbour any ill feelings towards them anymore and i wish them well but i have no place in my life for them i'm a different person now
#33
I identified an attitude of only doing plans with me if it was convenient to them, the last straw was this:
We hadn't seen each other in a while, I ran into them at campus, I said they should take a ride home with me so we could catch up while we got home (lived near each other) they said okay, and that they would leave their sibling with their car to take back home
After I waited for like an hour they just texted me that their sibling had already finished classes and that they would go home together
I had waited for them and this wasn't a favor I was doing them, it was an excuse to spend time together, so I just felt like spending time with me (even if it was for a little while) didn't matter, so I just stopped talking to them, and they never reached out
I've been wanting to text them for a while but never get to it
MacintoshID 1 year ago
People like that are not worth your time. Move on and find a friend or two that will appreciate you for you.
#34
He burned down his house because his wife demanded a bigger house and collected the insurance money.
Then, he grew a big head about having an expensive house in the better part of town. But, I was proud of him, assuming he did it the right way.
Then while we were hanging out, drinking of course, his wife wanted to know what we were talking about. So after a while he's too loaded to type and passes me the phone, too drunk to remember what he's been saying.....and I see it.
" I did what he couldn't do, in half the time".
I see it, control my rage, toss the phone back at him, and say " I think you can handle that chief".
Then he spills his guts about burning the old house down, because he can't handle the guilt.
A few weeks go by, and I refuse to bring it up because I know how I'll handle it. He asks my advice about buying a car he wants. But she doesn't want him to have it. I tell him to get it, because...f**k it...why not.
She has a ghost app that let's her see everything on his phone, and sees me encouraging him to get the car. She goes on Facebook and posts some s****y drawn out victim type sob story about losing all respect for " a person I thought was a good man, but he encouraged my husband to go against me".
So I called her up, and let her know I never respected her, and I damn well don't respect a coward posing as a man, that commits fraud by burning a house down for the insurance money.
I loved that a*****e like a brother. F**k'em both.
#35
They found other people that they consider to be more enjoyable than me
What do you think ?
UpupaEpops 1 year ago
She started mocking my native language and calling it ugly. I don't care what it sounds to you, I too have languages that I prefer over others. But under no circumstances are you to EVER mock another person's language or culture. Not on my watch.
Sami-Jo Ross 1 year ago
I was in a nasty car accident that tore the whole rear end of the car off, and needed a few days to myself to decompress because my anxiety was at its absolute worst (it was before I was medicated). She acted like it was the worst thing ever and blocked me on everything because I didn't sign on to say hi--even though I told her I needed time to myself.
Kristal 1 year ago
We were basically sisters. I literally held her father's hand while he was dying. We have been best friends since high school. In 15 years our lives separated because of moving and such but we were still always in contact. The first odd thing was that she forgot I was the first person she came out to (she told me she is a lesbian). I was so happy for her cause she's been unhappy not having a special someone and now she can finally find one. Then, as my now ex-fiance was emotionally abusing me (which I confided in her about), she decides to accuse me of all kinds of things, throwing the abuse in my face, and never admitted when she was wrong after I was able to prove her inaccuracies. This happened after going to a festival together and I realized she was just like as she was in high school ... she was mid 30s and she hadn't matured one bit. I figured we would just kind of drift apart until she did that. She projected a lot of insecurities and it was just sad.
UpupaEpops 1 year ago
She started mocking my native language and calling it ugly. I don't care what it sounds to you, I too have languages that I prefer over others. But under no circumstances are you to EVER mock another person's language or culture. Not on my watch.
Sami-Jo Ross 1 year ago
I was in a nasty car accident that tore the whole rear end of the car off, and needed a few days to myself to decompress because my anxiety was at its absolute worst (it was before I was medicated). She acted like it was the worst thing ever and blocked me on everything because I didn't sign on to say hi--even though I told her I needed time to myself.
Kristal 1 year ago
We were basically sisters. I literally held her father's hand while he was dying. We have been best friends since high school. In 15 years our lives separated because of moving and such but we were still always in contact. The first odd thing was that she forgot I was the first person she came out to (she told me she is a lesbian). I was so happy for her cause she's been unhappy not having a special someone and now she can finally find one. Then, as my now ex-fiance was emotionally abusing me (which I confided in her about), she decides to accuse me of all kinds of things, throwing the abuse in my face, and never admitted when she was wrong after I was able to prove her inaccuracies. This happened after going to a festival together and I realized she was just like as she was in high school ... she was mid 30s and she hadn't matured one bit. I figured we would just kind of drift apart until she did that. She projected a lot of insecurities and it was just sad.
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