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30 Times People Criticized Their Partners And Had A Price To Pay
Interview With Author
Successfully managing a healthy marriage or partnership is a thing most couples strive for. However, a good relationship doesn’t just happen—it takes a lot of hard work, patience and learning from failure. Yet, reaching this goal is quite difficult if your partner is constantly criticizing and nitpicking every single thing you do.
One Reddit user, Millie Barnes, knows this feeling all too well. The woman created a post on r/MaliciousCompliance telling about her now ex-husband and how he demanded that she cook the dinner only he wanted, the way he wanted it.
The author decided to follow his request to the letter, which led to completely ruining their brand-new Teflon pot. Her story was a real conversation starter—hundreds of people started sharing their own experiences about how their spouses revealed their true selves only after saying "I do". We collected some of the best answers from the thread, so check them out below.
Reddit user Millie Barnes created a thread about her ex-husband and his irrational demands
Image credits: milliebarnes
Her story went viral and many users started sharing similar experiences
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I got married in 1979 and have the opposite story! On our first morning as a married couple, I got up early and made a nice breakfast for both of us, just as my mom made for my dad every day. My husband ate it politely and then told me he didn't actually eat breakfast and I certainly didn't need to cook it for him.
We've been married 42 years now.
We reached out to the author of this post to talk about her experience and discuss how bullying and criticism can ruin a marriage. Millie Barnes said that she was really surprised at the amount of attention her story received.
"One of the replies that really stood out to me was a young woman in her thirties who told me that the same issues are still present in relationships, and that really shocked me. I guess we haven't come so far after all," she told Bored Panda.
The incident took place a long time ago, in 1971, to be exact, but the user decided to share it only now. The reason is simply that she has gotten more active on Reddit recently. Millie has been looking and reading others’ stories for years, so she figured to post one of her own and "see what people's response was."
RELATED:
#2
My parents got married in the late 1960's, and my mother began running the office side of his (their) business. Early on, she asked what her monthly allowance would be. He looked at her like she was crazy and said "we're partners, the money is ours, spend what you need to". They drove each other crazy and loved each other fiercely for over 40 years. It was a great marriage..
#3
My old college friend married up to an intelligent, kind, lovely woman. They were both teachers. Sincere young people. But not long after the wedding, knowing chili was one of his favorite meals, she made it as a surprise for him for dinner.
Dumb sh*t that he was, he spent the entire meal telling her how to make it better. They've been married for more than 40 years and have two beautiful adult daughters, but when he wants chili, he has to make it himself, because she has never made it since.
It seems that many found the thread relevant because only in a few days it has gone viral. It reached 17.7K upvotes and more than 1.3K comments where people started writing about their past and present experiences. Thinking about her own story, Millie remembers that it was a time when she was very young, "We hadn't even heard of the Equal Rights Amendment yet and my parents didn't care to hear what I was going through."
"They, along with a lot of other people, just simply said that I was married now and it was my job to be a good wife," the author told us that she didn’t agree with them and felt sick and tired of how she was being treated. "We did date for two and a half years but this was the late sixties and I was in high school, and there weren't that many things to fight about."
#4
I asked my new husband how come I always have to make the bed!!? He sweetly said, well when I get up you are still sleeping in it. I hadn't thought that one through.
#5
I had to laugh at this. When I got married my wife became a stay at home and I was insistent that my laundry be done a certain way. Well guess who’s been doing his own laundry for the last 11 years. Still married and still get the occasional opportunity to apologize for it, but damn I wish I could send a letter to my younger self that simply says, “say thank you and shut up”!
However, at the beginning of the relationship, she and her ex-husband didn’t fight and he didn’t seem that controlling at first. But some spouses wait until the wedding band is on to let their true selves come out. Millie said that the morning after they got married, he decided that he was the man of the house and was going to make requests and tell her what to do.
"That didn't fly with me. It wasn't so much criticism … as a power struggle," since Millie felt she was an equal partner in their relationship, but he didn’t see it that way. "I got pregnant within a month after the marriage even though by that time I was very unhappy. But when my daughter was born I knew I was going to leave. I left when she was 6 months old."
#6
I had to chuckle when I read this post. I too married in 1971 and my marriage also lasted only a year and a half. Ex was a misogynistic ex marine and I was naive while still learning my own life boundaries. He showed me how to fold all his clothes ”properly” including his underwear and t-shirts and exactly how they were to be placed in the drawers. He also wouldn’t ”let me” advance my nursing practice with more education. Yep…dumped his controlling a*s. UGH
#7
On a related note, does anybody else think it is wrong when the person who never actually DOES a chore criticizes or refuses any attempts to make said chore easier?
I often tell of my dad's grandpa who had a Category 5 melt down when my dad bought his grandma a washing machine. She was SEVENTY years old and still doing laundry twice a week IN THE BATHTUB. It took HOURS and physical strength she clearly no longer had. The reason he was losing his sh*t? The "expensive" laundry soap the machine would need. THE SAME DAMN LAUNDRY SOAP she was already using in the bathtub for the last 30 years.
When asked to share her thoughts on what a happy marriage should look like, Millie mentioned that respect is one of the most important components in a healthy coupledom. Often we seem to forget that "there are two people in a marriage and one doesn't get to tell the other one what to do."
"What I have discovered over the years is the vast majority of relationships in our culture are based on codependency. I've run my own business for 35 years and even the people I dated along the way either wanted to become a part of my business or tell me how to run it."
#8
My ex used to tell me in the morning what he wanted for dinner that night, then he would come home and start screaming at me for cooking it because he had changed his mind about what he wanted over the course of the day (but couldn't be bothered to call me and tell me). Then he would storm out of the house and go have dinner at a restaurant or at his parents' house. AFTER having thrown away whatever I was cooking so I couldn't eat it. He would tell me that I wasn't allowed to eat supper because I'd messed it up for him. Of course after he left I would order a pizza or run out to McDonald's or Subway and get myself something and make sure he didn't find out.
I only found out years later that he was using it as an excuse to spend his evenings with other women rather than at home with me. He had to make me feel like it was my fault that he wasn't at home in the evenings. And his parents knew he was doing it and covered up for him for years.
#9
Same year, 1971 my dad told my mum to put the dinner in the oven as he was out drinking. It was salad - he beat her badly for it and she said it was worth every punch. Obviously divorced shortly after!
Needless to say, the author of this post does not have time for such nonsense: "I'm a very strong person who considers herself an autonomous being who doesn't need to live with a partner in order to be happy. I have had two very very long-term relationships in my life but we never live together." And she thinks that the reason they have continued for so long is that the personal boundaries stayed intact.
Millie Barnes mentioned that she is now much better at recognizing red flags at the beginning of the relationship and ending it before it’s too late, or in her words, "when there is no emotional intimacy or the other person has no ability to effectively negotiate or reach compromises."
#10
My wife demanded I don't dig the knife into the butter but scrape across the top. Marriage lasted 1 month. Funny thing is it was her idea to separate. She said she couldn't be with someone who wouldn't agree to her way of doing things. Also I think she may have been cheating on me
#11
Reminds me of a story about my parents. My mom is from Missouri, dad from California. Shortly after they got married, my dad said he wanted some avocados. Mom has never even seen one before, and asked my dad how to prepare it. Dad was a smart a*s, so he just said to bake it, thinking my mom was joking. Mom split an avocado in half, baked it until basically charcoal, and when dad started laughing at her, she threw it on his plate and said if he didn't eat it, the next thing he tasted would be the pan she had in her hand. My dad ate it, and never again in almost 50 yrs of marriage specifically requested avocado.
#12
I know a couple that divorced because their washer broke. She was a sahm, and he did coal mining. When she'd been trying to wash the coal dust out of his clothes in the bathtub for a month, she got upset. The last straw was him getting a bonus and buying a new tv instead of a washer.
Nadine Bamberger 2 years ago
They didn't get a divorce because the washer broke, she left a selfish man who didn't care about her basic needs, the washer was just a symptom.
Glirpy 2 years ago
While that might be crappy, I don't think the people commenting know just what an incredibly horrible job coal mining is. I'm betting most people reading this wouldn't last a couple days doing it. It's one of the most dangerous jobs and just one of the reasons we need to stop using fossil fuels.
EEF🤓 2 years ago
Not their fault people cant figure out a four letter abbreviation.
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#13
My father was one of these people. We had to do everything according to his desires. As an example he made my brothers and I mow the lawn with clippers instead of using a lawn mower. And there are many more examples that I won’t bore you with. It was ridiculous. All of our friends made fun of us.
After that childhood, no one was ever going to rule my life again. I ran away at 16 and never looked back. Now everyone in my life knows that I do things my own way and have no expectations that anyone ever do anything ‘my’ way. What an exhausting way to live.
#14
My husband showed me how he prefers to fold shirts and couple pairs of socks. I basically told him, that’s nice! And kept doing it my own way. He can fold how he wants and I’ll fold how I want.
#15
Oh boy. I got married in 2017. He knew beforehand I didnt want kids but apparently after we got married, he thought that would change for some reason. He told me he wouldnt allow me to change my birth control out(implant in the arm) so we could have kids. I left him a few months later. Insane.
Have an amazing boyfriend now. Although, scared to get married so he's okay waiting for a while
De Gueb 2 years ago
I had the opposite, My GF and I moved in when I was 40 and she was 36. She said that she never wanted kids, happy to be a aunty. We had a great few years together until she started to want kids because all her friends & family where popping kids out like hot buns. I loved her and eventfully gave in and decided to try buy thank god she couldn't get pregnant. It destroyed are relationship and I had to split up with her.
#16
My mother told the story of my father pestering her to make stuffed peppers when they were first married.
She finally relented and made them.
He ate the filling and left the peppers.
That was the only time in her life that she made stuffed peppers.
#17
A coworker told me the "hilarious" story of his honeymoon, during which he caught a fish and demanded his new wife prepare and cook it for their dinner.
His wife, who he knew full well hated both cooking and fish, who had no idea how to gut and prepare one, was upset by this. He insisted she had no choice but to do it, and he hung it on a line to be prepared later and went off to shower.
As his wife enjoyed a nice cup of tea and pondered (presumably?) why she decided to marry such a prick, a goanna snuck up to the fish and nipped it off the line in one whole piece. New hubby heard laughter and ran outside just in time to see the goanna shuffling off with his tasty prize as wife collapsed in delighted giggles
She could easily have chased the goanna off, but karma is a bitch
#18
My ex would wake up and demand I give him a blow job and that I walk down to a local Taco Joe's and get him some breakfast. That marriage didn't last long, either. They wait until the wedding ring is on, then their true selves come out.
Susie Elle 2 years ago
Buy him a Dyson with his money and tell him to stick that on his peepee, then leave.
#19
My ex-FIL nearly had a stroke when my then husband cheerfully volunteered to change our newborn's diaper. I think he was trying to impress his mom. Anyway, the FIL angrily told him "No!! You've got to teach her that men don't do women's work, or you'll be stuck doing everything forever." I filed for divorce when our baby was 18 months old. I'm not cleaning up after a grown a*s adult. He would put all his trash on top of the refrigerator. I opened the freezer and empty Sprite cans and cigarette packets rained down on me.
Ines Olabarria-Smith 2 years ago
My father was “old school” but always tidy and polite. This guy was awful.
#20
Sounds a lot like my dad when he told me that I should "stop giving a sh*t" once I got married. Nowadays hes blocked on everything and divorced. Had "family therapy" where he claimed everything he did to my mother was fine because it was "what adults do." Some people are f*cked up
#21
The wife of a couple i know was married once before. He ex was a real prick and would get drunk and beat her. One day she cooked him a stroganoff from a jar. What she didn't realise was the jar had been opened and the sauce gave him food poisoning and put him in hospital for four days. The next time he beat her, she went and bought a jar, opened the lid and put it back in the cupboard.
Demi Zwaan 2 years ago
Why is there a "next time"? Don't do petty revenge, leave his ass after the first time he lays his hands on you! Glad it's now an ex, but I hope she didn't wait too long.
#22
My friend's husband and sons used to make fun of her cooking. After a while, she refused to cook.
Her husband is an excellent cook.
#23
My wife one day got pissy about how I was doing the dishes, while doing them. I stopped, poured a beer and went to watch TV without saying a word.
She hated doing the dishes the next week but she apologized eventually
Jo Choto 2 years ago
A lesson we could all learn is, don't criticize your partner for doing things differently from you. If it's a real problem (dishes not actually clean), it's okay to point it out after the fact and ask them to be a bit more fastidious. But if you want to share responsibilities, you have to accept that you may have different methodologies.
#24
This reminds me of a story my mom tells me about when her and my dad got married.
She was raised on a farm and got used to her mother making all meals from scratch, including homemade chicken soup.
She decided that night that they would have homemade chicken soup. She got everything together the way that her mother would and cook the soup just the way that my grandmother would. But she did not know that you are supposed to skim the fat off of the top of the soup and remove the skin after it's done.
Like you said, it was a different time back then. Dad came home and did not think twice about the soup. He had learned how to cook from his mother so he would have known better, if he had thought to check. But in those days the husbands expected their wives to know how to cook and what needed to be done in the kitchen.
They both got very sick from the heavy amount of fat they consumed. They also decided to check after each other from that day forward to make sure everything turned out good.
#25
There's a GREAT story about the beginnings of a marriage and now the tone was set.
A woman in the Midwest got married some time in the nineteen-forties, guessing from the context. After the wedding, the bride took her new husband's hand and said, "We are married. I am your wife. There are some things I won't put up with."
"If you ever raise a hand to me, one night when you are sleeping I will sew you* into the sheets and beat you to death with a frying pan."
The rest of the story is this, told by a grandchild: "Grampa was always the kindlest, gentlest man I ever knew."
*The asterisk is to tell you I recognize that this is a slightly archaic activity and you may not have heard of it. It has to do with creating clothing out of cloth.
#26
My brother got married in 1971. He was miserable with his b*itchy narcissistic wife. They produced two kids. He kept himself extremely busy with working 2-3 jobs, and attending meetings most evenings.
He refuses to divorce her. But both of their kids got married, and soon after, divorced. He was puzzled as to why. I told him they never learned how to be married because he was never home.
Duhhh
They both got remarried. One is divorced again.
Kudos to you for getting out of a bad marriage, and not allowing your ego to keep you there.
#27
My ex and I lived together for a couple months before we got married. She wanted to be a homemaker, so that's what she did: Quit her job a week before we got married. Okay, I'll try that. Get home from work, expecting a filling meal, and what did she prepare? A can of soup. One single can of tomato soup! This was supposed to feed Me, her, and her 3-year-old daughter???
I didn't yell or hit her. I just stood up, put together a couple grilled cheese sandwiches, gave one to the little girl, and kept one for myself. She asked where hers was, and I replied, "Well, since you think a bowl of soup is a meal, that's what you get."
Afterwards, I explained to her that I eat light during the day so I don't get weighed down by the food: when I get home from work, I'm starving. Likewise, a three year old needs more than just a small bowl of soup because she's growing and needs the extra variety. From then on, we generally had a 3 course meal for supper: Meat, Potatoes, and a veggie. (it was a bear trying to get her to buy fresh fruits and veggies: she only knew how to cook from a can)
Lord Mysticlaw 2 years ago (edited)
So what was she feeding the kid for 3 years? Also not sure why he said he didn't yell or hit her like that's some kind of accomplishment.
#28
I cook in my relation ship (cisM [me] married to a cisF [spouse]), the arrangement is I cook, she cleans. It is my responsibility to be mindful of how many dishes I make, and she tells me if the food sucks.
She had her grandmother's pierogi recipe that she want to to make for turkey day and it makes like 8 dozen wrappers, but only 4 dozen fillings. She got very upset when I asked about making a different filling to put some variety in them. I mean I felt like I was just trying to be creative with my solution to the problem but apparently I really hit a bad nerve.
I guess my point is, you need to know what your place in the dynamic is. Know when to push back, and know when to accommodate. But it should never feel one sided.
#29
When I was first married, in 1974, we were sort of hippies. My husband had the trappings but underneath was a straight catholic boy. Always willing to help out domestically, as he was brought up by a widow in the 50's/60's and knew a woman's lot was hard.
One day he comes out with the phrase 'Husband Time" I just looked at him and said I only have one kind of time, "My name, Time". I nipped that sucker in the bud.
Flash forward, married for 47 years. He still thinks about husband time, I can tell, but wouldn't dare mention it...LOL.
Demi Zwaan 2 years ago
So, what exactly is husband time? I mean, didn't he just want a little 'me time', just like you?
#30
In honor of the Holidays, imma share my story. I had worked 12 hour shifts all week, decorated the house, bought stupid toys the kids wanted and spent all day cooking festive meal (Turkey, sides, desserts, blah blah blah…) I was tiiiiiired. When I told my then husband I was tired, he said “I don’t know why you even bothered. Me and the kids would have been happy with grilled cheese sandwiches.”
A beautiful snow globe of a light bulb went off above my head. I gazed at him in wonder, and replied “For once, you are right. I don’t know why I bother either.” After that day, I packed up whatever sh!t I could fit in my car, took the kids and left. Fast forward 20 years and I still dislike Christmas.
Sincerely, Mrs. Grinch
What do you think ?
Jo Choto 2 years ago
The only "correct" way to divvy up responsibilities in a marriage is for you to discuss what feels fair and agree to it. For some people, that may be strictly 50/50. For others it may be 100 percent of some chores and 0 of others. There may even be people who are happy to have their spouse do everything and they do nothing. As long as you and your spouse agree, you will have harmony.
Demi Zwaan 2 years ago
Agreed! Like, I work and my husband is on disability. He cooks, cleans, does all the chores etc. I take care of the pets (walk and feed the dogs, clean the litter trays and feed the cats) and cook one meal a week, on Sunday. We go grocery shopping together. Works great!
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Rose the Cook 2 years ago
I married my first husband, from a country that no longer exists, to get out of an abusive family home. Because I grew up basically a servant to my mother and half sister I was used to obeying even the most absurd demands or being beaten if I didn't. From day one of the marriage I became a servant to my husband and his entire extended family including spending our wedding night sleeping in the car among all the wedding gift boxes and suitcases while all the in-laws who had travelled from another city spent the night in an expensive motel. All abuse was excused as "tradition" in their country. My parents were unsympathetic because I had "left the service of my family to serve strangers." All this was a long time ago but I still have the scars.
GoodWolf 2 years ago
I'm sorry you had to go through that. Sending you a virtual hug
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Caro Caro 2 years ago
My so had a toxic relationship before I came in the picture. He would cook and she hated it, she would cook and burn on purpose. Turns out the princess wanted to eat in restaurants all the time. We're together for 30 years and he's still grateful for my cooking and compliments me. He misses cooking (health issues) so I'll discuss weekly menu's with him.
ADHORTATOR 2 years ago
That's how we do it too.... but mostly it is me who is cooking
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Carol Emory 2 years ago (edited)
My parents were married 25 years. During that time, my mother kept the house clean, made meals my father wanted and took care of everything related to us kids. I was 17 when they divorced and I was still in High School, taking care of the house and cooking meals. When I graduated, I got a job and was going to night school. My father had a meltdown because the house wasn't as clean and he was having to do it before cooking for himself. I made him sit down and compare the fact that he was home more than I was, I was never home to dirty the kitchen, and that I was his daughter..not his wife or mother. He stopped complaining and actually started making breakfast for me in the morning.
Marcellus II 2 years ago
This was surely the most depressing article I read so far this year. Occasional chuckle surrounded by a sinking feeling of going deeper and deeper into a social gutter.
ZAPanda 2 years ago
relationships are apparently this wonderful thing that people make tons of pop songs about. meantime they're misery.
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Pena Perkele 2 years ago
Me and my ex were both trying to become chefs and had gone to culinary school for a while. We lived together for a bit over a year and I think he cooked maybe 2-3 times max. He didn't want to do chores, because they're a woman's job. He didn't even bake me a bday cake. He didn't have food waiting for me when I came home from camping. When I was so sick that all I could do was lay on the sofa all day long, didn't even have the energy to go make a sandwich, he just went to nap for 5-6 hours when he came home from his internship. I was so hungry I cried, but I had absolutely no energy to get up from the sofa. In the evening I asked him to feed me, he said no. I cried and then he angrily went to get us burgers because he didn't want to cook. I had just gone grocery shopping 2 days earlier. When he was sick he demanded I go get him a pizza across town, I said hell no, after what he had put me through just a week earlier. I made him dinner. He wouldn't eat leftovers.
Pena Perkele 2 years ago
He expected me to make him fresh food every day and then I'd have to finish off the leftovers on my own, except if it was lasagna. He never knew what he wanted to eat when I was making grocery shopping lists, but then he did whine when I didn't make the foods he wanted. He wanted a bag of chips and candy and a bottle of soda, and multiple puddings every day, and we were poor AF. He told our mutual internet friends that I was making him starve, even though there was always more than enough food in the house. Twice he nagged so much about food that I told him to feed himself. Both times he ran out of money in about a week and surprise surprise, wanted me to feed him again.
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UpupaEpops 2 years ago (edited)
As much as I feel sorry for these women, I feel so validated. You see, yesterday I have cooked cauliflower souffle after my dear father spent yet another day complaining about having to eat meat. The same man, that ordered 3 pizzas (with meat), 2 double cheeseburgers and had my grandmother make him Beef Wellington just a week before. So my stepmother buys all the ingredients, I make the souffle. With a look of disgust, he eats 3 bites, then throws the rest of it in the bin right in front of me and orders in a large McDonald's menu full of meat. This was the second time in my life that I had cooked for him. And the second time he had thrown it away. I must give it to him, the fact that he was gracious enough to try some of it, is a huge improvement. Last time, he asked for a pumpkin pie, which he didn't eat, because due to me having carried the damn pie over to his (around 130Km), the filling cracked, which made it inedible. I don't think I will be bothering again. Mind you, the only thing this guy knows how to cook is toast and scrambled eggs.
ZAPanda 2 years ago
f**k that guy. You know what, ignore him for a year. I did that to my dad. He learnt some manners after that.
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Deanna Crichley 2 years ago
We've been together 21 years. We each cook our own meals, because we like different things. He's more meat and potatoes, and I'm more chicken and pasta.
ZAPanda 2 years ago
Good for you. My wife's vegan, I'm not. We cook separate. Much easier than dealing with ingratitude.
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Kitty Jordan 2 years ago
I had a lazy ex who at first helped clean, but eventually stopped working, cleaning, or basically doing anything at all. I should have known early on to dump him when I spent a day cleaning the entire place, and I was so proud. He came home, looked around, and literally first thing he said was, "Did you have to leave the lights on in every room?".
ZAPanda 2 years ago
so glad I am out of this bullfaeces stuff. Stay single folks. Or don't move in together. Just my 2c, have had a rough time after 7-8 relationships. Yes, probably MY fault. I probably suck. Sorry at least I know I suck.
Rachknits 2 years ago
The men in this thread are almost unbelievably awful....oops sorry not all men (actually there is one who sounds decent)
Frannie Kaplan 2 years ago
They're still alive and well today. The types of their demands change but they're very entitled
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Rahma 2 years ago
In my country it's the women's job to do all the cooking and cleaning. All men are responsible for is "financial support". My husband of almost 4 years does nothing but criticize everything I do around the house especially my cooking and it drives me crazy because I know I'm a really good cook. I think of leaving all the time, but then it hits that's it's like this with all men in my country and nothing will actually ever be different so why bother 🙄
LynzCatastrophe 2 years ago
Currently looking like my own story. A few years ago my husband was laid off from his job and had a difficult time finding a new one. The deal was that whoever works the most doesn't need to do chores but you can't make it difficult for the other either. You'd think he'd do anything but I had a fight on my hands nearly every day to get anything done. Now it's reversed. He works full time at a really well paying job and I'm not. I actually enjoy being the house wife but I'm already sick of everything being criticized by someone who I had to fight with just to put away dishes, nevermind actually do them.
LynzCatastrophe 2 years ago
Even today: everything is frozen, from a melt and refreeze weather event, my leg is bothering me and making it hard to go out. He knows my limitations and yet I need to walk the dog, who is also having a hard time with the ice skating.
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The Starsong Princess 2 years ago
My mother tells a story of how she went for dinner at my dad’s family and one of his brothers started complaining about the food - the meat was too dry, the veggies too salty etc. My grandmother was a great cook but he just wasn’t happy that day and kept yammering on. So she picked up his plate, dumped in the garbage and put the empty plate back in front of him and said “there’s your dinner then”. In 50 years of marriage, my dad has never complained about the food he was served - he says his own mother trained him well!
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Jo Choto 2 years ago
The only "correct" way to divvy up responsibilities in a marriage is for you to discuss what feels fair and agree to it. For some people, that may be strictly 50/50. For others it may be 100 percent of some chores and 0 of others. There may even be people who are happy to have their spouse do everything and they do nothing. As long as you and your spouse agree, you will have harmony.
Demi Zwaan 2 years ago
Agreed! Like, I work and my husband is on disability. He cooks, cleans, does all the chores etc. I take care of the pets (walk and feed the dogs, clean the litter trays and feed the cats) and cook one meal a week, on Sunday. We go grocery shopping together. Works great!
Load More Replies... Rose the Cook 2 years ago
I married my first husband, from a country that no longer exists, to get out of an abusive family home. Because I grew up basically a servant to my mother and half sister I was used to obeying even the most absurd demands or being beaten if I didn't. From day one of the marriage I became a servant to my husband and his entire extended family including spending our wedding night sleeping in the car among all the wedding gift boxes and suitcases while all the in-laws who had travelled from another city spent the night in an expensive motel. All abuse was excused as "tradition" in their country. My parents were unsympathetic because I had "left the service of my family to serve strangers." All this was a long time ago but I still have the scars.
GoodWolf 2 years ago
I'm sorry you had to go through that. Sending you a virtual hug
Load More Replies... Caro Caro 2 years ago
My so had a toxic relationship before I came in the picture. He would cook and she hated it, she would cook and burn on purpose. Turns out the princess wanted to eat in restaurants all the time. We're together for 30 years and he's still grateful for my cooking and compliments me. He misses cooking (health issues) so I'll discuss weekly menu's with him.
ADHORTATOR 2 years ago
That's how we do it too.... but mostly it is me who is cooking
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 2 years ago (edited)
My parents were married 25 years. During that time, my mother kept the house clean, made meals my father wanted and took care of everything related to us kids. I was 17 when they divorced and I was still in High School, taking care of the house and cooking meals. When I graduated, I got a job and was going to night school. My father had a meltdown because the house wasn't as clean and he was having to do it before cooking for himself. I made him sit down and compare the fact that he was home more than I was, I was never home to dirty the kitchen, and that I was his daughter..not his wife or mother. He stopped complaining and actually started making breakfast for me in the morning.
Marcellus II 2 years ago
This was surely the most depressing article I read so far this year. Occasional chuckle surrounded by a sinking feeling of going deeper and deeper into a social gutter.
ZAPanda 2 years ago
relationships are apparently this wonderful thing that people make tons of pop songs about. meantime they're misery.
Load More Replies... Pena Perkele 2 years ago
Me and my ex were both trying to become chefs and had gone to culinary school for a while. We lived together for a bit over a year and I think he cooked maybe 2-3 times max. He didn't want to do chores, because they're a woman's job. He didn't even bake me a bday cake. He didn't have food waiting for me when I came home from camping. When I was so sick that all I could do was lay on the sofa all day long, didn't even have the energy to go make a sandwich, he just went to nap for 5-6 hours when he came home from his internship. I was so hungry I cried, but I had absolutely no energy to get up from the sofa. In the evening I asked him to feed me, he said no. I cried and then he angrily went to get us burgers because he didn't want to cook. I had just gone grocery shopping 2 days earlier. When he was sick he demanded I go get him a pizza across town, I said hell no, after what he had put me through just a week earlier. I made him dinner. He wouldn't eat leftovers.
Pena Perkele 2 years ago
He expected me to make him fresh food every day and then I'd have to finish off the leftovers on my own, except if it was lasagna. He never knew what he wanted to eat when I was making grocery shopping lists, but then he did whine when I didn't make the foods he wanted. He wanted a bag of chips and candy and a bottle of soda, and multiple puddings every day, and we were poor AF. He told our mutual internet friends that I was making him starve, even though there was always more than enough food in the house. Twice he nagged so much about food that I told him to feed himself. Both times he ran out of money in about a week and surprise surprise, wanted me to feed him again.
Load More Replies... UpupaEpops 2 years ago (edited)
As much as I feel sorry for these women, I feel so validated. You see, yesterday I have cooked cauliflower souffle after my dear father spent yet another day complaining about having to eat meat. The same man, that ordered 3 pizzas (with meat), 2 double cheeseburgers and had my grandmother make him Beef Wellington just a week before. So my stepmother buys all the ingredients, I make the souffle. With a look of disgust, he eats 3 bites, then throws the rest of it in the bin right in front of me and orders in a large McDonald's menu full of meat. This was the second time in my life that I had cooked for him. And the second time he had thrown it away. I must give it to him, the fact that he was gracious enough to try some of it, is a huge improvement. Last time, he asked for a pumpkin pie, which he didn't eat, because due to me having carried the damn pie over to his (around 130Km), the filling cracked, which made it inedible. I don't think I will be bothering again. Mind you, the only thing this guy knows how to cook is toast and scrambled eggs.
ZAPanda 2 years ago
f**k that guy. You know what, ignore him for a year. I did that to my dad. He learnt some manners after that.
Load More Replies... Deanna Crichley 2 years ago
We've been together 21 years. We each cook our own meals, because we like different things. He's more meat and potatoes, and I'm more chicken and pasta.
ZAPanda 2 years ago
Good for you. My wife's vegan, I'm not. We cook separate. Much easier than dealing with ingratitude.
Load More Replies... Kitty Jordan 2 years ago
I had a lazy ex who at first helped clean, but eventually stopped working, cleaning, or basically doing anything at all. I should have known early on to dump him when I spent a day cleaning the entire place, and I was so proud. He came home, looked around, and literally first thing he said was, "Did you have to leave the lights on in every room?".
ZAPanda 2 years ago
so glad I am out of this bullfaeces stuff. Stay single folks. Or don't move in together. Just my 2c, have had a rough time after 7-8 relationships. Yes, probably MY fault. I probably suck. Sorry at least I know I suck.
Rachknits 2 years ago
The men in this thread are almost unbelievably awful....oops sorry not all men (actually there is one who sounds decent)
Frannie Kaplan 2 years ago
They're still alive and well today. The types of their demands change but they're very entitled
Load More Replies... Rahma 2 years ago
In my country it's the women's job to do all the cooking and cleaning. All men are responsible for is "financial support". My husband of almost 4 years does nothing but criticize everything I do around the house especially my cooking and it drives me crazy because I know I'm a really good cook. I think of leaving all the time, but then it hits that's it's like this with all men in my country and nothing will actually ever be different so why bother 🙄
LynzCatastrophe 2 years ago
Currently looking like my own story. A few years ago my husband was laid off from his job and had a difficult time finding a new one. The deal was that whoever works the most doesn't need to do chores but you can't make it difficult for the other either. You'd think he'd do anything but I had a fight on my hands nearly every day to get anything done. Now it's reversed. He works full time at a really well paying job and I'm not. I actually enjoy being the house wife but I'm already sick of everything being criticized by someone who I had to fight with just to put away dishes, nevermind actually do them.
LynzCatastrophe 2 years ago
Even today: everything is frozen, from a melt and refreeze weather event, my leg is bothering me and making it hard to go out. He knows my limitations and yet I need to walk the dog, who is also having a hard time with the ice skating.
Load More Replies... The Starsong Princess 2 years ago
My mother tells a story of how she went for dinner at my dad’s family and one of his brothers started complaining about the food - the meat was too dry, the veggies too salty etc. My grandmother was a great cook but he just wasn’t happy that day and kept yammering on. So she picked up his plate, dumped in the garbage and put the empty plate back in front of him and said “there’s your dinner then”. In 50 years of marriage, my dad has never complained about the food he was served - he says his own mother trained him well!
felicia cole 2 years ago
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