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We all know that words can heal, just as they can hurt. The same goes with asking questions. Sometimes even the most innocent ones, given the particular circumstances, like a simple “who are you?” and “why wouldn’t you stand up straight for a photo?” can hit us in the bones.

So when Redditor Sneha_magic asked people “What innocent question that someone asked you crushed you a little?” on the AskReddit community, it resonated with many people. And they shared their own emotional experiences when a single question made them very emotional, and it’s one hell of a read. It turns out, we should never take any question for granted, no matter how innocent and well-intentioned it may feel to us.

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#1

30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little I went to get a haircut for my Fiance's funeral. It was Friday. He had died on Tuesday. My stylist, all bubbly, said, 'It's been awhile!! The last time I saw you, you were just about to move in with your boyfriend! How's it going?' The words stuck and I kind of rasped it out.

Honestly though, her reaction was so wonderful. She was behind me, and just put her hands firmly on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes in the mirror. No shock, no stupid platitudes, just silent, genuine empathy. The rest of the haircut was pretty quiet, but she did everything so... like, lovingly, and didn't make a big deal out of it when I cried a little.

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    #2

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little A waiter asked me if my wife was pregnant once. She was just bloated from chemo side effects. Crushed me, so glad she didn't hear. She couldn't have had kids and she passed 2 years back.

    Edit: I just wanted to say thanks to those who commented on this, it wasn't expected. We went to the place a lot so as a young couple he had seen over the years it was probably a reasonable thing to assume.

    Also I'm doing ok, we knew she was terminal for most of our relationship, we probably did more in those few short years than we would have normally. It hurts a lot still but I know I have her everything I possibly could in that time. Just remember to live life like each day could be your last people, mend that broken friendship, ask out that girl, follow your dream. XXX.

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    #3

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little I teach 1st grade and was talking about how I've been married for 5 years. One student asked, 'How could you not have a baby by now?' Not wanting to explain multiple miscarriages and IVF to a classroom of 6 year olds I said, 'Being around all of you makes my heart so full that I don't think I have room in my heart for a baby!!' They all smiled. I smiled too. I've learned from my experience to never ask couples when/if they want to have a family.

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    Previously, Bored Panda reached out to Lynn How, the author of “,” about the psychology behind asking and receiving questions like that. Lynn specializes in supporting parents, teachers, and children navigating through mental health issues and prevention. According to Lynn, it is always a good idea to think carefully before asking a question. “There are so many variables to consider, such as, is my question too personal? Do I know the person well enough to ask this question? Should I ask this question in private rather than in front of others? Do I really need to know the answer?”

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    #4

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little When I was 13 my mom got a divorce from a man who I can only refer to as a “step monster”

    I worked all summer to save up money since we didn’t have a lot and I was worried we wouldn’t have enough to pay the bills.

    I ended up having a few dollars left over and wanted to buy my mom a gift and she mentioned she needed a new watch for her birthday.

    I went to the jeweler and got a $100 gold Citizen Evo Drive watch. It was functional and it looked really nice.

    When I gave it to her, her first response was “thanks honey, did it come in silver?”

    I was crushed.

    Insult to injury: she started dating a guy around the same time and he bought her a crappy silver watch. She ended up wearing his over mine

    18 years later and it still hurts when I think about it.

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    MaddaPanda
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your unconditional love and all the heart felt beautiful gifts couldn’t buy her a soul because she was empty in the first place.

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    #5

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little Just happened recently actually. A few years ago I had a pretty awesome life, I was married. My husband and I were trying to have kids and when I needed a car we just got me an SUV in anticipation for needing it for kids (he had two and we planned to have 2-3)

    Well things didn’t work out and he ended up dying from drinking himself to death in January and between that and 2 miscarriages, an ectopic and an IVF cycle that failed I’m slowly coming to the realization that I’ll never be a mother. It’s painful to say the least.

    The kid I nanny for was sitting in my car and we were discussing his day when he says 'nanny why do you have such a big car when it’s only you?' I wanted to cry right there on the spot, it just really stung. But instead I told him it was because I knew I would be watching him and I needed a car big enough for him which seemed to placate him and he then started discussing Batman with me.

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    #6

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little My mom accidentally called me after about 10 years of not talking. I answered all ready for a serious conversation. When I answered, she was like 'wait, who's this?' I say 'hey mom it's me.' Her reply is what hurt.

    Who? Why are you calling me mom?

    She was so drunk she didn't recognize her own daughter's name. F**k'aye.

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    Elliot Fowler
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Heart breaking but maybe since the mom called while drunk, in her subconscious mind she might still want to mend the relationship with her daughter

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    Moreover, Lynn argues, some questions can easily be taken to be offensive or out of context, even if no offense was meant. “Sometimes well-meaning people can ask something and be surprised by the blunt response! Sometimes we answer the question politely but are secretly dying inside due to sadness or embarrassment.”
    #7

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little My son undergoing chemo and radiation treatment for a bone marrow transplant. People, meaning well of course, would always ask 'how's your son doing?' I'd always have to fake a smile and give some shallow hopeful answer 'he's fine. He's a fighter' but deep inside the question crushed me every time. No, he was suffering. Teetered on the brink of Life and death. He was not 'fine' and Everytime I heard that question I was reminded of it and had to swallow the pain. My son has since recovered, but it was a very tough time.

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    Plenty Pineapples
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    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A genuine question- what should people ask? What question would be helpful? I know it would obviously not be the same for everyone... Edit- thank you so much for the responses!

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    #8

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little “Since when do you have a stutter?” -my mom

    When I get extremely anxious I stutter a lot. My dad had been incredibly hard on me that day and I was holding back tears. It hurt me that my mom had never noticed it before and she seemed annoyed by it rather than concerned.

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    #9

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little I grew up lower middle class and my parents had been severely injured by a drunk driver at the end of my 8th grade year and were disabled and no longer able to work. We basically had no money for school clothes but my mother tried to get me a few cool shirts.

    I wasn’t a popular kid and most people didn’t really know much about me. In my freshman year of high school, one of the popular girls in my class asked, “don’t you have more than 3 shirts? I only ever see you in the same 3 shirts.”

    High school in the 80’s in the United States sucked.

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    Mohammad Ammar
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    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is why school uniform exists. Saves kids from stuff like this, and saves parents time and money.

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    Moreover, there are many questions that are better left untouched. “There are a myriad of untouchable subjects that I've gleaned from various life experiences. I am certainly much better at question filtering than I was in my 20s. For example, having gone through fertility treatment, I would never ask someone why they were not pregnant yet because I know firsthand how upsetting it is.”

    Other taboo subjects include weight, relationships, salary, and age. “Of course, when it's your best friend, you can ask more deep and meaningful questions in comparison to someone you have just met,” Lynn concluded.
    #10

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little I got asked why I wouldn't stand up straight for a photo. I have kyphosis and am standing up as straight as I can.

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    #11

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little Mom asked me, 'Who are you?' when I visited her recently. She has dementia.

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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m sure she appreciates the “stranger’s” visits though.

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    #12

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little Someone jokingly asked me if I was high because my eyes were red. I had just been diagnosed with an eye disease and told I would go blind before 50. My eyes were red from my medicated eye drops and partially from crying. I was only sixteen and having a hard time coming to terms with it.

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    Samantha Power
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sorry to read this, always wonder why people can be so incredibly insensitive.

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    #13

    "Why did you did you teach yourself how to shave"

    My boss asked me when I missed a few spots when I was in work. We got into the topic of shaving properly. My father died when I was 12 of a heart attack. He wasn't really around enough or cared enough to be in my life. From when he left my mother when I was 5, she raised me until i was 18 and then thank god my step father came into our life. He married my mom and right after, took me to the court house and adopted me. I told him that it wasn't necessary since I was 18 and starting life as a man but he insisted that he wanted to be there for me until the day he passes away. I still cry till this day that a man who doesn't even have my blood, wants to be there for me for anything. I don't know where I would be without him. Him and my mom have been happily married for 10 years now!

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    #14

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little "When will we dig up dad?" asked by my almost 5 yo son. He's never met him as dad died three months before birth. This goes along the question "when will dad stop being dead?".

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    Debbie Barnes
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    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Death is so hard to explain to children. Many years ago my son died, when my daughter was 5 years old. Despite trying to explain why her brother was now living in Heaven (can there be any explanation?), she still made up her dolls bed up for him and a jar of rice pudding (that he loved) in the fridge 'for when he came back'....

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    #15

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little Specialist appointment and they did the normal thing of checking contact details. They asked if the contact number and details for my wife were still correct. I started crying - my wife passed away this time 12 months ago. Surprising how much one simple question asked in total innocence can bring you to your knee

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    Stoopham McFernybabes
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I did that with a patient, today. I asked if the emergency contact person, [name], was still correct and the patient said “Oh, no - [name’s] in a nursing home now with profound dementia”. I’m so sorry, patient. I really, really am.

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    #16

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little 'I could never imagine getting cancer at such a young age. How are you this strong/brave/do you stay so positive?' - I’ve stopped counting the amount of people (especially working at the hospital, I’d expect a bit more sensitivity from them) that have asked me that. Yes I’m mid 20’s, but it’s not a choice that I’m 'staying strong.' it’s freaking survival. Every time someone asks me that, it feels like getting punched.

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    Caro Caro
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You sigh and get on with your life. My husband always said "just go with the flow and we'll see what happens.". He never complained but the stories about fighting cancer, being brave and strong are bs, You just let it happen.

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    #17

    I always wanted to study psychology in college but my overbearing mother wouldn’t have that so I studied chemistry. In my last semester I took an abnormal psychology class just for fun and I crushed it, ending with a 99% average. After the final, my professor took me outside the classroom and said, “Why didn’t you major in psychology? You would have made a great psychologist.”

    That really crushed my soul. I think about that day a lot

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    #18

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little Rough night last night?' Usually asked with a big smile.

    I was asked that all the time when I was younger because I had a really obvious tremor. Thing is, I did not drink or do drugs at all and I had no idea what was wrong with me. I was eventually diagnosed with Graves' Disease and treated for it, but I still have a bit of a tremor.

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    Caro Caro
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My friend has a tremor. Her hands shake, not even a bit but really shake as if she's very nervous. I started after she lost her mother to an accident. She can deal with it but people tend to stare or make stupid remarks.

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    #19

    Someone once asked me "don't you want to be a mom?" Yes, I do. But as I'm single, over 40 and not rich, that's probably not going to happen and it devastated me. I had to say "Yes, I'd love that", and then excuse myself to go home and cry.

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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not that I think you should sacrifice yourself for some idiot, but maybe if you did cry straight away the idiot would realise that this is just not an appropriate question to ask anyone.

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    #20

    "Who do you want to list as your emergency contact?"

    At the dentist's office a few weeks after my mom died and four years after my dad died. I felt like bursting into tears because, at 22 years old, I really didn't know.

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    #21

    I was a freshmen in High School in 1992-93. My high school science teacher asked me if I was ever jealous of my older brother(he was a senior). I was kind of confused.

    She said, "You know, since he is so smart, popular, and just has everything going for him..."

    First time I had ever, in my entire life, considered that people viewed my brother as better than me.

    It has honestly kind of stuck with me. That was 26 or 27 years ago.

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    #22

    "So when are you going back for your master's degree?"

    I was so proud of getting my bachelor's and had no intention of going back because how rough school was for me.

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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well done you on your bachelor's 🎊🎊🎊yaaaayyyy🎊🎊🎊 all that hard work! I'm proud of you too 👍👍👍

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    #23

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little 'When will you get better so you can play with us?' My niece who was to young to understand what disabled meant. She's older now and understands I will never get better. And we have adapted play time to do things i can handle as well. But that broke my heart.

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    #24

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little Why don't you live with your parents?

    I live with my grandparents because I didn't want to live with my abusive stepmoms on both sides of the family. They all live down in Texas while I'm in Colorado. Still hurts a little when people ask, though.

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    #25

    Not a question but my 8 year old niece once remarked "you don't laugh anymore".

    Edit: this was over a year ago when I was having a rough time but I'm doing much better now. Thank you all for your support and for sharing your stories. I wish you all the best.

    Thanks again for the gold kind strangers xx

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    #26

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little “How’s your brother doing? Haven’t seen him in a little while.” He passed away 2 years ago. That wasn’t very fun

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    Samantha Power
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That must hurt, however they probably didn't know he had passed x

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    #27

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little 'How are you handling everything?' - my notary public who also happens to be my boss's boss while notarizing my divorce paperwork. Completing a divorce packet with no help from an attorney can be a real pain, but at least it kept me focused on the bureaucratic bullsh*t nonsense part of it rather than the fact that my 9 year marriage was ending. Turned out that as soon as someone asked me sincerely how I was doing, the answer was not at all well. I went back to my desk and had a panic attack.

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    #28

    “so why did you decide to take year off school right now?”

    I‘m a pre med student only half way though undergrad, so i get that it’s a weird time to take time off school. But i don’t think my new coworkers realize how personal of a question that is. I can’t tell them it’s because I was hospitalized for 2 weeks after trying to kill my self, jumped right back in to school the next semester, and then failed that miserably before realizing that i need to at least take a year off. so i say, “just really felt like i needed a break :)”

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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Discharged from Psyche ward during college (after 2 and a half months stay) Friday. Went back to college that Monday. Lasted a week before pulling out of the course as had projects due the following week!! Pressure not worth the paper cert at the end of it

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    #29

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little Why don't you have any kids? Sometimes it really bothers me when people ask me this.

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    #30

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little I had no friends in summer school and a girl asked me if I had any friends. Like straight up, 'Do you have any friends?' Then became friends with me but still.

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    #31

    This could get covered up but maybe it won't. My most heartbreaking question was
    "And who did you used to play for?"
    Background context. I come from a family of talented artists and musicians. As a child, I became a sort of music prodigy as I picked up music theory rather quickly along with instrument playing. I used to practice on this very old piano my granny (my great grandma on my dad's side) had. She would patiently listen to me plunk out tunes and became my music mentor.
    I had recently been asked by my teacher a couple of get-to-know-you questions and I had said I played for my family but just one person made me better.
    My granny passed away back in 2019, and it has been four years since she died on March 12.
    I was very close to my granny and her death had hit me hard. Her death was the one who made me realize how little time I had with my loved ones. I ended up just offhandedly saying "My granny."
    She asked about my granny and the questions made me uncomfortable before I told the teacher I was uncomfortable and that my granny had died. She just shrugged and continued to ask anyway. My least favorite was
    "Did you play anything for her before she died?"
    The answer is yes, I played her favorite hymnal but at this point I felt my anxiety act up and I walked out into my other teacher's classroom and told her about the incident. The nosy teacher ended up with a warning and had to give me an apology. Either way, those were some uncomfortable questions.

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    grindlewaldelderwand avatar
    grindelwald_the_insomnia_panda
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    you most likely aren't looking for anything but, I am sorry. your grandmother sounds AWESOME. if you believe in the after life, maybe she and my grandfather are hanging out? my nana says that if there is thunder it is your loved ones bowling.

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    #32

    “You good?” I’ve been struggling with myself a lot lately, mostly relating to my gender identity and my body. Thank god the friend who asked that is willing to help me out with what I need.

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    #33

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little What's on her face, mom? -little girl

    I used to be a cashier and had terrible acne at the time.

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    Emmydearest
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Similar thing happened to me. My driving instructor asked me out of the blue "why do you have so many pimples?". Like...what kind of question in that?! "Why"... If I knew what caused them, I would have done something about it, obviously. It's not a choice, you idiot. And mind that It wasn't a huge acne all over my face, it was a few pimples. Like: I'm 18, I have pimples, it's not a big deal. I'm sure a middle aged driving instructor must have seen people with any sort of "physical defects", by the way.

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    #34

    "Why are you so weird?"

    I never really fit in, but I'm not sure why this question crushed me so much

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    #35

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little Why do you work in a factory when you have an honors degree in physics...

    elfmere , Jezael Melgoza Report

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    womacody avatar
    Cody
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I worked at a call center for two years after getting a bachelor's degree in physics.

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    #36

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little My recently divorced ex and I worked at the same place. Divorce was not my idea but he'd found someone new and I was heartbroken. He ended up quitting at her insistence. 6 months after the divorce was final, a coworker asked how ex husband was doing, hadn't seen him since he quit yadda yadda.

    Behind my back another coworker was trying to wave 1st coworker off... spent the rest of the shift crying on and off. Apparently coworker #1 was oblivious and didn't know we'd divorced, just thought ex had quit.

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    #37

    I worked in retail when I was younger and people would always be like "oh, do you have any ideas for Father's day?" "What'd you get your dad?". My dad committed s*icide when I was 16. They had no way of knowing that but damn if it didn't hurt.

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    Joe Reaves
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Amazon needs an option for promotional emails where you're fine with being told offers but can opt out of specific things like mother's day or father's day.

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    #38

    when me and my dad and my sister were driving to another town to get away from my mom so we could eat without getting yelled at/stuff thrown at us my suster asked why mommy was so mean, and my dad had to simplify to her level that her mom was an alcoholic. she was six. edit: o shet this blew up thx i guess

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    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But now im curious if they were an alcoholic before/after they got married. And if it's after, then why did they start?' - - - SOrry if this upset anyone ;-; I try not to make anyone mad. I just wanted to ask a question about the past. - - - One of my friends had alcoholic parents. They STARTED drinking after a very close relative died. I'm just curious on the backstory ;-;

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    #39

    "Do you have a boyfriend?"

    "No."

    "Oh. Why not?"

    Because I'm a loser, lady, and nobody wants me.

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    Emmydearest
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "WhY nOt?" What a stupid question! Did she expected an honest answer by a stranger? Like, "I'm glad you asked. I don't have a boyfriend because I'm too ugly and i have a bad personality so nobody wants me", "...because I'm a lesbian", "...because I've been sexually assaulted and in result I am traumatized so I avoid intimate interactions", "...because my ex cheated on me and stole my money so now I have trust issues"... I mean... Seriously, some people should really start to think twice before talking. And them think some more.

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    #40

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little "When are you due?" I wasn't pregnant. Have since lost over 60lbs though.

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    MaddaPanda
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That’s one of the most stupidest and risky questions one can ask.

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    #41

    'Why don't you ever talk, are you unsociable?' By a classmate when I was in high school. As someone with severe social phobia who was struggling to hide it at all costs and to be normal at the time, I died a little inside.

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    mariancochran avatar
    Me Oh My
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A*****e. That's not an okay question to ask, no matter how innocent the intent.

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    #42

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little "Why don't you ever go out?" Well, because I don't have anyone to go out with. Damn

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    dragnore01 avatar
    Ka Se
    Ka Se
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Then go out alone. At least that is what I do if i want to see something / be somewhere no one else of my acquaintances want to go there/ does not have time

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    #43

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little Nonverbal, but the nurse at the flu shot station seemed unsure whether to give me the under-65 or over-65 consent form. If I'm going to be mistaken for being that much older than my actual age, at least it should be in the context of me getting a senior discount.

    Frankie_Bow , cottonbro Report

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    MaddaPanda
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So…wait, they give you the shots without having your personal info and ID cards in front of them?

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    #44

    One day i said to my mom i was going out with friends and she asked, You have friends? ik it was a joke but damn.. i felt that so hard.

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    #45

    "Are you okay? You seems a little off"

    I've been diagnosed with chronic depression and paranoia disorders for years and I thought I was doing a decent job hiding it from all my friends But apparently it wasnt good enough I guess.

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    mnmnfemalefemale avatar
    MN “MN Female” Female
    MN “MN Female” Female
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's not that you're not good enough sweet person, it's a person being sincerely interested in your well being. Don't hide....be open and talk about it. You'll be surprised how much people really understand.

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    #46

    My loving girlfriend ( I know backdoor brag) and I were watching a show that opens with a stoner dude playing video games; when his hardworking girlfriend pull up outside he scrambles to pretend like he wasn't being a lazy slob.

    My girlfriend off handled says "Oh, man just like us."

    About a year ago I had been out of work for 6 months while she had a steady job, for the record I didn't get stoned and play video games--I was constantly applying for jobs and dealing with emotional fallout of having a dozen job interviews that fell through for various reasons.

    It was just an innocent comment about the girlfriend getting home....but like damn.

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    deedee_4 avatar
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    dee dee
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ah I'm sorry that happened. My SO went throught the same thing, minus the comment (i hope). I hope you are in a better place now and that things worked out for you.

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    #47

    Speaking to my coach the other day she asked me "how are you feeling?" And i honestly did my best not to cry my eyes out. I just got out of school and have to figure out what i wanna study next year while balancing 3 jobs that barely gives me enough for rent... so... i feel bad to be honest...

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    n_c_obrien avatar
    N.C. O'Brien
    N.C. O'Brien
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Got asked that question once. I said "Ok". She told me that wasn't a feeling. I then said "fine" That's when she realised I actually didn't know what feelings were

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    #48

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little What do you see when you look in the mirror each morning?

    My friend was having some body issues and she asked me this question since I was one of the most confident people she knew. She learned maybe a bit too much that day.

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    noneanon avatar
    Random Anon
    Random Anon
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Since I started working in my teens, a tired fella wishing he didn't need to wake up when it's still dark outside.

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    #49

    If my girlfriend at the time was my daughter. We're only 2 years different in age but I look old AF. I was only 22 lol...

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    cbear6002 avatar
    Rage of Aquarius
    Rage of Aquarius
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oof, I get confused for my dad's girlfriend ALL the time. It's incredibly awkward, and absolutely terrible. (For reference, he's 45 and looks like an old Norse god with beer gut, and I'm a 16 year old girl.)

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    #50

    After I had my first child in 2013, which was a still birth, we went out together to get some oil for my stomach, because it was recommended to me by my midwife. At the store a woman working there helped us find the right thing and we of course explained what we needed it for, not mentioning the fact, that our daughter died. We did not want to talk about it at the time and did not want to upset anyone.

    The woman then asked: „Where is the Baby?“, assuming probably that it was either at home with a grandma or maybe still at the hospital…
    A perfectly valid question and I wasn‘t mad at her. We had our time to grief and I am a pragmatic and positiv thinking person, but that one question caught me off guard and my eyes teared up. My husband must have been either affected by the question as well or by my reaction, because he then said shakily that this was the wrong question to ask.

    I cannot remember what happened next, I think the woman apologised and we told her it was ok. And it was ok. She couldn‘t have known. It was just so unexpected.

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    tamrastiffler avatar
    Tamra Stiffler
    Tamra Stiffler
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Grief is very sneaky sometimes. You can be having a normal day, doing routine things, then boom - it blindsides you.

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    #51

    I have a tattoo on my chest that's a song title of my favorite band. I had the tattoo artist do it in the font style of their logo. It's in a runic looking style font and says "My Own Savior". The "S" in Savior" is kinda center of my chest. After about three years of having this tattoo now, someone at my new job last week cornered me asking what kind of "S" that is. Pretty much insinuating that it was some Nazi bolt "S" or something. I had to pull up a picture of the band logo to show it wasn't but f**k it still bothers me, I'm constantly hoping now that no one thinks I'm a Nazi jerk with this tattoo.

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    #52

    "You're so great, why are you still single?"

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    #53

    Went to get my eyebrows waxed today and the lady said “lip too?”

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    lindacowley avatar
    Auntriarch
    Auntriarch
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's okay from your beautician, it's her business (in both senses of the word)

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    #54

    I’ve suffered with severe depression since I was 12 as well as numerous other emotional and physical health issues. One day I was explaining to my sister that I was in a lot of pain from a dental abscess so didn’t really want to eat anything at the posh sit down dinner my family were having for my grandad’s wake. She just looked at me and asked “how do you even cope with life?”
    I told her life just keeps happening and there’s no way to stop it so you learn to accept that. She just shrugged and walked away. It happened just over a month ago but it still stays with me

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    ebytes avatar
    E Bytes
    E Bytes
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As someone dealing with similar issues, I am sorry that they didn’t understand. Thank you for continuing to exist even though it’s hard.

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    #55

    My mum used to complain that my dad didn't take her to the theatre so one Christmas I decided to suprise her with tickets to the nutcracker for us with the little bit of money we had left from my husbands redundancy pay. On the way in the car I asked if she was surprised to which she replied "well I should have been at my Christmas work party but never mind". Honestly thought I was doing a nice thing and was upset over this remark but wanted to make the best out of it so I never said anything back. Later found out she was actually supposed to be seeing the man she was having an affair with while my dad was dying.

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    #56

    30 People Are Sharing Seemingly Innocent Questions That Broke Their Heart A Little A friend looked at me and said 'I know we've talked about it before, but how did you break your nose?' I've never broken my nose this is just how it looks.

    HumpOnALog , Klaudia Ekert Report

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    moconnell avatar
    M O'Connell
    M O'Connell
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have one of those, my nose strongly favors one side of my face. I've explained this before, and have had people I barely know tell me that I am wrong and must have broken it.

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    #57

    My 5 year old cousin asked me where Grandpa was when we were getting ready to head to his funeral. Everyone went silent and we just kind of stared at each other until my dad managed to distract her.

    It was brutal.

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    Auntriarch
    Auntriarch
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not the same of course, but the first time we went to my mother in law's after my father in law died, my dog, who normally would never go into bedrooms, went in every room in the house. I swear he was looking for Tom. He never did it again

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    #58

    I dropped out of university a few months back because I wasn’t happy. I’ve since moved home and sometimes at work, people I haven’t seen in a while will approach me and ask how school is going. It was my decision to leave university but when people ask it about I can’t help but feel judged when I say I’ve dropped out.

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    inkslingerkate avatar
    Wednesday
    Wednesday
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There are so many things to do - University is only one of many

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    #59

    My 6 year-old little sister asked "what happened?" pointing at the self-harm scars on my legs

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    cbear6002 avatar
    Rage of Aquarius
    Rage of Aquarius
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    2 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    I will probably sound like an a*****e, but, If you didn't want any questions/attention then don't put the scars where they'll be seen. (That's what I did)

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    #60

    “How’s [my child] settling into kindergarten?”
    Suuuuuuch an innocent question.

    Of course I’d say “oh, fine”, but the answer really was “It’s horrific. There have been numerous incidents, meltdowns, he’s been violent, been bullied, tried to run away from school, we’ve been called into school and had multiple meetings etc., and now he’s being assessed for autism. I feel like an awful mother, I’m struggling to feel any affection for him some days, I want to run away, my marriage is suffering as is my relationships with my other kids. I want to run away and hide and never come out again.”
    Obviously not as awful as some of the other stories here, but that innocent question did crush me a little. We’re going ok now.

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    fredneobob90 avatar
    Huddo's sister
    Huddo's sister
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It doesn't matter how much someone else is suffering, your pain is real and valid. No matter the results of the autism assessment, if you care enough to worry you are not a good mother, it is not your fault. Parenting is hard even without a child with a disability. It sounds like there is support from teacher/health professional so it is likely to get better as everyone finds strategies to help him in school and daily life.

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    #61

    Didn't happen to me, but it happened to my mom. We were in one of those communal showers at a public pool. My mom has a lot of scars, from having me and my siblings delivered via c-section, various surgeries, and cancer. A little boy wandered into the shower we were using, said "A monster!" and ran out. My mom cried after he left, even though we both knew he didn't know any better, as he was about 4.

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    Me Oh My (He/They)
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    mariancochran avatar
    Me Oh My (Submission author)
    Me Oh My
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And for one that ACTUALLY happened to me, someone asked me why I never talked to anyone. I was recovering from a "friendship" with a psychologically and emotionally abusive person, whom I had only just gotten up the courage to ditch. I had severe trust issues at the time, and frankly, I still do, though I've been working on them.

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    #62

    "Are you feeling better yet?"
    As a teenager with a newly diagnosed chronic illness dealing with a huge lifestyle change because of it, it hurts whenever I'm asked this question. I'm not going to get 'better,' at least not for years, but the same well-meaning people ask me this question so often that I realize they don't really pay attention to the answer.

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    Moosy Girl
    Moosy Girl
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel this one. „Are you better yet?” „Are you cured now?” „Are you STILL sick?” …‚Chronic’ is a very hard concept for anyone not dealing with it.

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    #63

    Went to the Doctor's for a regular check-up and they asked me if I went out with my friends and I simply replied most are married and in other cities and the rest are working in other cities (I am currently looking for a job) so when they come to visit we go out and catch up. To which she replied, "So, no friends?"

    That definitely hurt.

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    #64

    “Are you okay?” Whenever I get this simple question I’ll realize I’m not okay at all

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    angeldrac avatar
    Stoopham McFernybabes
    Stoopham McFernybabes
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is a mental health awareness day in my country called “RUOK Day” a day to check in with the people around you and see if they’re needing support. Great idea - terrible execution as the initial promotion didn’t really include guidelines as to appropriate ways to do this. And so, I found myself, in the midst of postnatal depression, thinking I had no friends, my husband didn’t love me, I was a terrible mother, carrying my 3mo baby through a hardware store so I could try and get just one damn thing right that week, being asked by a chirpy young cashier “It’s RUOK Day today so we met asking all our customers RUOK. So…RUOK?”. I had a long hard cry back in the car park.

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    #65

    “What you’re looking at?” Dude, I have strabismus…

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    #66

    I once asked a lady I was meeting for coffee ‘what’s wrong?’ in regard to her prosthetic leg. I meant ‘what happened?’ We were getting to know each other so the question wasn’t off limits but the wording, f**k me, the word ‘wrong’ sent her off a little cliff. She kept crying and saying ‘there’s nothing WRONG with me!’ Then she asked me to call her a cab because she ‘wasn’t ready for all this PRESSURE!’ Her friend, who set us up, called apologizing next day, turns out her friend had issues and just wasn’t ready to date.

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    gr_4 avatar
    G R
    G R
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's a terrible thing to say to someone you just met.

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    #67

    How was your day? It hurt when people ask this because I know they don't really want to know if it was bad.

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    inkslingerkate avatar
    Wednesday
    Wednesday
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If it's not great or if it's super great, I ask in return, "Do you really want to know, or would you prefer the benign pleasantries..." People who know me, will answer honestly, one way or the other. People who do not will always say, "The Truth, of course." So I watch for that flicker in the eye, or facial expression that is either open (tell them) or tight, tense (I'm fine, and you?)

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    #68

    "How are you doing?"

    That always manages to break me. They asked me that after my friend died unexpectedly (this was three years ago. We were going into 8th grade). They asked me when I was being bullied so severely that I was su*cidal. I always said I was okay, because I have to be the strong one. I'm the therapist friend. That's what I do. I hated it when people asked me that because I would finally break.

    But somehow, it's worse when no one asks it. When they either don't notice or don't care. I'm not doing alright at the moment. My parents are divorcing, I'm stuck in the middle as the marriage counselor. They still aren't fully behind me being trans. My home doesn't feel as safe. They still don't support my autism diagnosis. I'm not okay.

    I hated it when people asked how I was doing. Now, I wish somebody would.

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    #69

    Once I had a little girl ask me if I was pregnant.

    I'm twelve.

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    #70

    "How's your mom?" Asked by a friend's mum. We were all catching up, so it was a normal question. But I was so relieved that my friend asked me to go to the theater with them because my mum (who has MS) was either hit by a bout of her Seasonal Affective Disorder or went off her antidepressants (she never told me what it was this time), and had been bedridden for almost two months. I was so glad to be out of the house and when she asked that it just reminded me of what I was going home to. I'm not a sensitive person by any means, but that question made me tear up.

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    Rage of Aquarius
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    martincon avatar
    Connie Martin
    Connie Martin
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a friend who would come for a visit from another city, staying with us, and we'd take her out to breakfast. My mother was in another city, bedridden after a series of small strokes, no recovery likely, really struggling and difficult. We'd be chatting at the table about all kinds of different subjects, but at the moment our food arrived she'd invariably say brightly, "How's your mom?" She knew ALL ABOUT my mom. Knew the only change would be if she got worse or DIED. I'd be sitting there staring at my breakfast with knots in my stomach. I'd swear she did this on purpose, but she was really a good-hearted person otherwise.

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    #71

    I was in the care system here in the UK from when I was 5 (1979) to when I was 18 (1992). The amount of times I was asked about my parents (both dead by the time I was 8), why I lived in a kids home, why I was fostered, how did I cope. All made me scream inside. Even still today I’m asked about my family every now and then.

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    Seán Baron
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    naesil avatar
    Naesil
    Naesil
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At least you can have good answer now, "well they both have been dead since I was 8 so nothing new, how are your parents doing?"

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    #72

    “I don’t mean these to be offensive, but like why do all the guys want you”

    truisluv Report

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    #73

    I once had someone ask me why do you have no friends? We were in elementary school, and I was kinda bullied/used for grades. I know it's not really the same as everyone else's, but it did hurt. And my parents still ask me(jokingly) "you have friends?" When I ask to go hang out with them.

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    Candy_Sneke!
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    inkslingerkate avatar
    Wednesday
    Wednesday
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There are so many things parents say to children that are supposed to be helpful, or funny, but are very hurtful. If you child gets upset when you try to make a joke - don't do that anymore... I had to learn the hard way with my kids - all very sensitive...

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    #74

    As an ICU nurse, I was holding pressure on a patient's femoral artery after a cardiac procedure. He noticed the wedding band on a chain around my neck and asked, "So, are you a married man?" My wife of two years died two weeks prior.

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    Theoretical Empiricist
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    inkslingerkate avatar
    Wednesday
    Wednesday
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ring on a chain usually means the person died. Not always, because some people want their ring on them whilst doing something, like a surgery, where the ring would get in the way, but better to let this question lie.

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    #75

    My boyfriend saying that he is not attracted to me anymore.

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    Alice
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    #76

    Is Nirvana a clothing brand? kinda broke my heart lmao

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    KurtCobainofficiallmao
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    #77

    My boyfriend of one year saying he didn't find me beautiful any more. I should have broken up with him long before, around the time that he said he never thought he'd be with anyone who didn't have perfect teeth.

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    Meg Jones
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    #78

    My friend (who also has depression) blatantly telling me that he didn’t consider my depression as an excuse to not finish my homework. He of all people should understand… I didn’t ask to have zero motivation most of the time and feel unhappy and tired all the time…

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    Inflatablelover
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    rkbarbo avatar
    RK Barbo
    RK Barbo
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's a crappy thing to say. Depression effects everyone differently.

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    #79

    My boyfriend of one year saying he didn't find me beautiful any more. I should have broken up with him long before, around the time that he said he never thought he'd be with anyone who didn't have perfect teeth.

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    Meg Jones
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