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Happy Valentine’s Day, pandas! Regardless of your relationship status, we hope you’re spending today surrounded by people who love you, devouring the most delicious chocolates and treats you can find. And if you’re single and wishing you had someone to cuddle up with this evening, allow us to remind you that not every relationship is worth envying. In fact, some are just outright exhausting.

Below, you'll find some posts from the “This Relationship Sounds Exhausting” Facebook group that might make you want to stay single for a long time, as well as an interview with Alan, one of the group's administrators. Be sure to upvote all of the pics that make you feel tired just by reading them, and don’t forget that Valentine’s Day can be enjoyed by everyone! So get yourself some roses and chocolate-covered strawberries if nobody else did, and do something that makes you feel joyful today.

#1

People-Share-Exhausting-Relationship-Screenshots

jayzee_moet Report

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Lee Banks
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

An ex told me he would jump off a bridge, if I left him. I said that was fine. He broke into my apartment two hours later to tell me he was okay.

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Every relationship has its ups and downs. Partners may have disagreements about whose family to spend the holidays with, how much money is a reasonable amount to spend on video games, and where the perfect place in their apartment is for that one adorable cactus. It’s completely natural to have arguments with your partner or spouse, as this means that you care about the relationship and you’re willing to express how you feel about what’s important to you. But there is a healthy way to work through conflicts, and if every day in your relationship is leaving you feeling more drained than a 40-hour work week, there might be a problem.

That’s why it’s nice to have people you can turn to for support, or to talk through your relationship issues with. And if you’re not regularly seeing a therapist and it’s challenging to get time in your busy friends’ schedules, groups like This Relationship Sounds Exhausting can be a godsend. This Facebook group is described as “a place we gather to discuss love, life, and happiness”, and provides a space for members to post memes, anonymous/support posts, and relationship questions/polls. We all know what it feels like to need to vent or seek advice about our relationships, so this Facebook page, which has amassed an impressive 75k members in just two years, can be the perfect place to do so. 

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    To learn more about This Relationship Sounds Exhausting, we reached out to Alan, one of the group's administrators, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda. "The group has a profound personal significance to me," he shared. "I grew up in a loveless, abusive home with higher-functioning autism. Love and relationships never made sense to me. The group is a platform where I am able to both learn from, and share my own experiences. The growth of the group has been breathtaking, and it's fantastic to see the positive impact we've had on some couples who finally took the courage to leave abusive ('exhausting') situations."

    Alan also added that the group's members are quite active. "The community is highly engaged, and will not hesitate at calling out 'exhausting' relationships/partners. We're proud to have grown a supportive community."

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    We were also curious what Alan considers an "exhausting" relationship. "I feel that most couples don't realize that the best relationships are good at sharing very frequent complaints within the relationship," he told Bored Panda. "To steal a line from Hannah Fry, a mathematician, 'The most successful relationships are ones with a really low negativity threshold. In those relationships, couples allow each other to complain, and work together to constantly repair the tiny issues between them'," Alan continued, noting the importance of open and honest communication. "Fun fact: It takes about 5 positive feelings to be 'equivalent' to 1 negative feeling, within a relationship."

    #4

    People-Share-Exhausting-Relationship-Screenshots

    georgeshakal Report

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    Cassi Lyris
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The toxic people in our lives aren't broken. They're functioning exactly how they want to. They're only interested in people who are broken because they tend to enable their toxic behaviour due to fears of being alone. My point is, you can't fix them, they're not broken, and they certainly can't fix you, broken is how they want you. We all have to learn to like ourselves so we don't fall prey to toxic people. Let's socially normalize liking ourselves enough to be ok being alone. Another person is not going to show up and magically make you feel better, not for long anyways.

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    #5

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    alexisscarrasco Report

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    Mohsie Supposie
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Definitely the first one! Worse is now having become that emotionally unavailable parent because of not knowing how to show love!

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    There are many things that might make a relationship feel emotionally exhausting. To learn more about this topic, we checked out this article from Bonobology where psychologist Shambhavi Agrawal broke down some of the reasons behind one of these exhausting relationships. First, she mentions that unrealistic expectations might be a contributing factor. “When a partner has expectations that you are not able to fulfill, or vice versa, there’s a very obvious misalignment in your dynamic,” she told Bonobology. “When there is a mismatch between both partners about what’s expected and what can be delivered, it can lead to a lot of emotional exhaustion.”  

    Toxic scenarios where unhealthy behavior like gaslighting is taking place can also make your relationship feel way more tiring than it should. “When a person has some narcissistic traits, gaslighting will end up causing a lot of mental harm to you,” Shambhavi explained. “Perhaps they’re overly dependent on you and it’s taking a negative toll on your mental health. This type of dynamic is bound to turn into an emotionally draining relationship.”

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    #7

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    hydrateyrself Report

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    Lakota Wolf
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This actually made me laugh XD Reminds me of growing up in the 90s and boys would make a mixtape for you that was an ACTUAL cassette tape!

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    #8

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    Aina Report

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    censorshipsucks
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well at least he realised she just wanted to be friends, and didn't sue her like the dickbag above.

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    Shambhavi goes on to note that our intrapersonal relationships can also play a part in how exhausting our romantic relationships are. When we are unhappy in our own skin, it’s very unlikely that we’ll be able to create a healthy relationship with another person. “For example, a person may be grieving, or they may not have a good financial structure, or they might be going through prolonged stress,” Shambhavi explained to Bonobology. “If such a person is in a relationship, they’ll tend to lean on their partner for support and functionality. But if their partner is equally involved in their own engagements or struggling with their own issues, it’s bound to result in an emotionally exhausting relationship.”

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    And when it comes to some of the signs of an exhausting relationship, one of the top indicators is that a fight might be waiting around every corner. If you’re scared to bring up certain topics or to spend too much time with your partner because you anticipate that a fight will break out, that’s not a great sign. Do you have to walk on eggshells around your significant other? Or do you feel like every little thing they do is a personal attack against you? Relationships should not be this stressful. 

    #10

    People-Share-Exhausting-Relationship-Screenshots

    Alexander Maxwell Report

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    HelluvaHedgehogAlien
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There ain’t a flag big enough OR red enough… But you could use that red flag to yeet the phone away, because that message is downright ridiculous and disgusting.

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    #11

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    Darlin the clown Report

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    ConstantConstance
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Obviously catfishing is bad and I feel bad for the guy that got catfished but I sorta like the chaotic energy of this?

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    #12

    People-Share-Exhausting-Relationship-Screenshots

    Nick Robbie Report

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    Lakota Wolf
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I spent almost 20 years in a relationship like this :( Many times I'd be in tears at the end of the "debate".

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    Oftentimes, individuals who are in emotionally exhausting relationships might start experiencing self-esteem issues as well, but they may not be aware of the cause initially. “When you’re constantly trying to prove your love to somebody and they haven’t been approving of it, your self-esteem is going to decline. It may leave you feeling unmotivated and riddled with insecurities,” Shambhavi told Bonobology. In a healthy relationship, your partner will ensure that you feel like enough, providing you love, affirmation and affection. But when we are deprived of these things, it’s easy to start to wonder if we deserve them at all. If your partner ever makes you feel that way, pandas, know that you deserve better.  

    #15

    People-Share-Exhausting-Relationship-Screenshots

    Benny Netzer Report

    Another sign that there might be an issue in your relationship is if you find yourself wanting to be alone, rather than wanting to be with your partner, a little bit too often. It’s completely natural to desire some space and time for yourself, especially for those of us who are introverted, but if you find yourself trying to avoid your partner or desperately wanting to be alone, that’s a problem. Why be in a relationship with someone if they make you feel so exhausted that you find yourself looking forward to the times when they’re not around? 

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    #16

    People-Share-Exhausting-Relationship-Screenshots

    Rose Medina Report

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    GenericPanda09
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'll frame this first with the theme tune to the twilight zone....... 'imagine a person... they weren't happy with having friends so they decided to scorch the very Earth they walked upon.... they've entered 'The Twat Zone'.

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    #17

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    DeNéé Elliott Report

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    Gaya Knust
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dhe requires loads and loads of psychological help, that's all I can say about that.

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    If you have found yourself in an emotionally exhausting relationship but you’re not ready to call it quits yet, the relationship might not be doomed. If both parties are willing to put in the work to adopt healthier habits and take the time and energy required to improve the relationship, it can be saved. To gain some insight on how to repair an emotionally draining relationship, we consulted this article from Rachael Pace at Marriage.com. She first recommends that anyone in this situation works hard to evaluate the problem. Issues don’t magically disappear without being addressed, so after identifying them, couples must work to communicate how they feel about them. Make sure you both have the opportunity to share and listen. You have to both feel safe to explain your side.   

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    Rachael goes on to note that each individual must know what they want when trying to fix an issue in their relationship. Once they understand what they want, it’s their responsibility to communicate that to their partner. Along the same lines, individuals must take time to focus on themselves and show themselves love as well. We cannot show love to others without becoming drained if we don’t first take care of ourselves. Mental health is always important, but especially when struggling with issues in your relationship, it’s crucial to still get enough sleep, nourish yourself and allow yourself to rest. 

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    Another key aspect in healing an unhealthy relationship is asking plenty of questions. It can be easy to make assumptions or project things onto our partner, but there is no way of knowing what they’re thinking without asking them. Don’t be scared to dig and get to the root of your issues, otherwise they’ll keep causing more problems as time goes on. Checking in with an expert might also be necessary. Don’t wait until it’s too late to see a therapist or marriage counselor. Sometimes, we just don’t know what questions to ask one another, but if someone else facilitates the discussion, it can be a lot easier to get to the bottom of our conflicts. Plus, your partner might start sharing things that you never knew before, which might just remind you how much you love one another. 

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    #25

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    Stitch World Report

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    Canis Rasor
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't think this one belongs here, they're just being cringey sweet lol

    Cassi Lyris
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel like these two unironically say "Lol" to each other. At least they're not being àssholes, so that's refreshing.

    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    About as helpful as "thoughts and prayers" - and probably more sincere.

    Emily C
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is actually kind of sweet. Yes it's a little cheesy, but a lot more wholesome than the other examples on this article.

    A. Starhawk Hunt
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think it is hilarious; It is quite a sweet thing to do. Despite the "all she wanna is lay in bed and talk to me part."

    Angelus Hënkel
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I asked an ex to text a guy to leave me alone. And he texted that exact thing... Maybe that's him O.o

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    #27

    People-Share-Exhausting-Relationship-Screenshots

    Santos Garcia Report

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    Backup Banana
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Reminds me of that BP post where a guy baked a girl a cake to celebrate the first fart, I'd rather have that, I love making random moments special and I love cake

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    If you’re in a relationship, I sincerely hope you’re not feeling exhausted by it, pandas. Our partners should make us feel excited and energized, rather than drain the life out of us by causing unnecessary arguments and setting unrealistic expectations. There’s a fine line between working to maintain your relationship and putting in more effort than should be necessary. Keep upvoting the pics featuring relationships that you find extremely exhausting, and then if you’re interested in reading a Bored Panda article discussing the red flags that women regret ignoring before getting married, you can find that piece right here!   

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    #30

    People-Share-Exhausting-Relationship-Screenshots

    Chantara Paxman Report

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    Elizabeth Tayler
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Omg, boot her out. & then see if you can get your car back. Honestly I would probably go for criminal charges if I could.

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    #32

    People-Share-Exhausting-Relationship-Screenshots

    Y’all, I can’t make this shit up. This is my ex’s mother. I broke up with her son like 6 years ago and she sent me this last night. Wtf 😬 yikes
     
    Y’all!! Update!!
     
    Her son works at a packaging company and was only a sous chef for a bit at via emilia, not even a high prestigious restaurant either. It's over by USA
    I’m weaakkkkkk

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    Fizzer
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    *your. If you’re going to be an a s s h o l e, at least effing mind your spelling!

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    #34

    People-Share-Exhausting-Relationship-Screenshots

    Kayla Baker Report

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    Lakota Wolf
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    30 push-ups before leaving? So... manly? I'm confused XD Was he trying to show off what a MANLY MAN she was going to lose out on?

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    #35

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    Group member Report

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    Domi
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Where there is an opportunity, take it? I'm just thinking about this woman's sad and empty life...

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    #37

    People-Share-Exhausting-Relationship-Screenshots

    Charles Schwacke Report

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    HelluvaHedgehogAlien
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Please do that. Maybe it will end the conversation if his phone gets destroyed

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    #39

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    Bárbara Chomalí Report

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    Okiedokie
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hope she finds someone wonderful & loving who is not a coward and scum of the earth.

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    #41

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    Cobratate Report

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    Caro Caro
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh Andrew, how are you enjoying prison??? I bet you'll be much "loved" by all your inmates and hope you drop the soap in the shower every.single.day.

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    #43

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    Rylee Vautour-Macaulay Report

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    Edda Kamphues
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I hear the words Valentine's Day once more, I'm going to throw something. Most likely a tantrum.

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    #46

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    Josh Ublansky Report

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    Cassi Lyris
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    See, he now knows you're so toxic that he no longer cares if you're okay or not. Hope he blocks you and continues to dodge those bullets.

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    #47

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    Areeba Syed Report

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    Lakota Wolf
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "POWER WORDS"? What is he, one of the Power Rangers? He-Man? A sorcerer? One of Captain Planet's Planeteers? Why does he need "power words"??

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    #50

    People-Share-Exhausting-Relationship-Screenshots

    Mari Faith Report

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    Lakota Wolf
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh, honey. That's not "separation anxiety". Your rescue dog gets "separation anxiety". YOU'RE a stalker. Say it with me: STALKER.

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    #51

    People-Share-Exhausting-Relationship-Screenshots

    Getting close to done. I’ve been making more money than my bf since we got together so I’ve been paying for a lot more than him. Which is totally fine, but with this reaction after I already told him I was having a bad day before finding out how much my insulin was? I’m pissed. Or AITA?

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    Lakota Wolf
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA. (Yeah, I know, OP isn't going to see it here, but I'm passing judgement anyway.) The fact that he didn't commiserate or even offer sympathy or empathy about OP's increasing costs for their LIFESAVING MEDICATION, but instead not-so-subtly insinuated that he wants OP to buy him a Lambo, is disgusting.

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    #52

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    Odus Odus Report

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    V
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hope that person made a them shaped hole in the wall, changed their name and moved to the other side of the country...

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    #54

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    Lakota Wolf
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Uh.. yes? If you're the one who forgot, then you're the only one at fault? Isn't that how it works? No one is OBLIGATED to remind you of things. You're an adult.

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    #55

    People-Share-Exhausting-Relationship-Screenshots

    I had a fling with this guy and long story short, I now live in the same apartment complex as him. I currently live with my boyfriend. We all park in a garage and unfortunately he had his car vandalized. He sent me this text and I’m just livid because my boyfriend and I have never gone near his car. And if he has camera footage, why didn’t he just review it himself instead of trying to scare me with this text? Like why send me this??

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    Very Normal Giraffe
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is just kinda stupid imo (if he had someone hired to key the car to blame you).

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    #59

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    He strung me along for our 2 years together telling me all sorts of bullshit about how in love he was and blah blah blah, borrowed $700 from me, then hits me with all this “I need space” cr*p. I just don’t think if you really cared about someone your response to ending things is “I’m sorry you feel that way”

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    #60

    People-Share-Exhausting-Relationship-Screenshots

    Christina Joy Report

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    Icecream Sarang
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Here is the best way this one can work…my husband told my father, “I know you raised her to make her own decisions. I didn’t want to insult you both by asking permission to marry her. We do want your blessing, but we’re getting married either way.” My dad said he would have said no if he’d been asked for permission, because only she (me) can give it.

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    #61

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    Amber Imone Report

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    Kristal
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She doesn't want her boyfriend thinking the person is prettier than her. Insecure much?

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    #62

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    Group member Report

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    Lakota Wolf
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Look: it's FINE if your partner prefers when you do your makeup a certain way. They can have their preferences. They can even express to you their preferences, and that they don't like it as much when you overdo your makeup (as an example). They can even ask (respectfully!) that you don't do your makeup in that way, when you two are going out on a date/going somewhere together/etc. (Which you can of course still say "no" to, you have the right to do your makeup how you want to, as well!) But this is NOT the way to express those preferences or make that request. Telling someone that you don't feel "attracted" to them when they do their makeup a certain way, or dress a certain way, or when you've gained 15 lbs (my personal example from my own life......) is just hurtful and completely not constructive at all. It's best to try and talk things through and see if the both of you can make compromises so that no one is left feeling miserable or angry.

    #66

    People-Share-Exhausting-Relationship-Screenshots

    rdarrielleee Report

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    Kristal
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why is this a bad thing? It's nice to know a first so I can make it special (first flight, first time at a restaurant I love, etc).

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    #69

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    Jose Gonzales Report

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    Jay TheSaltLord
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's the kind of guy who punches holes in walls because he lost at a video game.

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    #70

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    Andrew Riggs Report

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    KittyGotClaws
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Like, come on bae, it's just the ramifications on our daughter's life during her tender, formative years.

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    #71

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    Alan Gordon-Levitt Report

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    Rebelliousslug
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Again I feel like there is a lot missing here. If he/she was the one escorted from the property, there is very likely a good reason. People can react very violently to being cheated on so I’m guessing OP left that part out intentionally.

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    #73

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    Shayne Rossini Report

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    Penny Fan
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ofc he did, he's a master manipulator. All that stuff? Just for show. Real people don't need to do all that.

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    #76

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    Mitchell King Jame Report

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    Rebelliousslug
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m not sure what the virginity part has to do with anything, unless they’re thinking he used/lied to them just so they could hook up…maybe? Screaming and crying for two days is unhealthy though and I hope they get the help they need.

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    #77

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    Group member Report

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    KittyGotClaws
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Talking past reach other. Not really listening to what the other one is saying.

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    #78

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    Ch Jm Report

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    Rebelliousslug
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel like there is some important info missing here like…how did she react to Anna’s confession, how does she feel about Anna and are the little “dates” they go on actually dates that are romantic in nature? OP intentionally left out some important details trying to get the NTA here.

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    #80

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    Juan Britt Torres Report

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    KittyGotClaws
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think you need to stop getting relationship advice from reality shows.

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    #81

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    Charles Finly Report

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    Lakota Wolf
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had to re-read this like 5 times before I finally got it, as I am old and my brain is dumb. Translation: she found a great guy that she likes a lot, but she feels that because she's 22, she's too young to date seriously and needs to use this time to be in her "th0t phase", meaning (more or less) "a woman who has many casual sexual encounters/relationships". While I applaud her acknowledging that she may feel that she is too young to be in a serious relationship, I'm saddened that some young women today seriously feel like "thot" is a GOOD description to append to themselves. It's usually intended derogatorily, like other female-centric slurs that "thot" is a synonym for :(

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