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35 Cautionary Tales Shared In This Online Thread To Warn Others Not To Repeat Their Mistakes
Interview With Expert
Experience is a great teacher. When you make mistakes and learn from them on your own, those lessons stick very well. However, some errors are quite costly in terms of time, money, energy, and new gray hairs. So, ideally, it would be great if you could learn what nasty pitfalls to avoid from someone else who's been in the ‘trenches’ longer.
Inspired by user BrightInMyNorthernSky, the members of the popular Mumsnet online community shared their best cautionary tales to spread a bit of their wisdom on the internet. They touched a bit of everything, from work and relationships to health. We’ve collected some of their top tips to share with you. Scroll down to take a peek, Pandas!
Bored Panda got in touch with Glenn Geher, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the State University of New York at New Paltz and a published author. Dr. Geher shed some light on the importance of failure and how it relates to success in life. Read on for his insights!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Never Get personal loans to pay for something for your partner/spouse. If they can’t get it, there’s a reason. Don’t get into debt for them. No exclusions.
Tim Gearing 6 months ago (edited)
I’ll add; don’t invest money in your spouse’s name. I made that 10K mistake in the 80’s.
According to Dr. Geher, mistakes and failure are part of developing successful strategies in life. "My research team has recently found that the number of failures one can think of is strongly predictive of one’s successes," he told Bored Panda in an email.
"So, failure is actually an essential part of development in life. That said, leaning on the wisdom of others is often necessary. For basic things, like keeping your hand out of a lit flame or staying from the edge of a cliff, listening to others who have experience is simply smart—and often even life-saving," he explained.
RELATED:
#2
Don't marry an arsehole expecting he will change. If he's a selfish arse he will remain so and will always be a shit husband and father.
#3
Don't let anyone stay without a clear indication of when they will be leaving.
Invited a friend in dire straits to stay with me but never agreed a timescale. She ended up staying 18 months and barely paid anything in that time. Our friendship disintegrated for various reasons.
Never again!
Ravens Mom 6 months ago
That's a tough one especially if you are the type of person who likes to help people and gets taken advantage of all the time. Someone can agree to only stay a few days or even a week then manipulate you and end up staying a year +.
"Success in life truly requires a combination of both figuring things out on one’s own—failing partly along the way—and taking guidance from others who have simply been there."
Dr. Geher pointed out that failure is, quite ironically, one of the single greatest predictors of all kinds of things in life.
"Taking chances, being open to failure, and taking paths that have ambiguity in life are all required for effective development in life," he told Bored Panda.
"At a broader scale, we need leaders—in all kinds of fields—who are willing to take risks and who are willing to face failure in the eye. Because at the end of the day, progress does not follow from a status quo approach to life."
You can find more of Dr. Geher's thoughts about psychology on his Substack blog 'The Human Condition.'
#4
Never forgive a cheater - they will ALWAYS cheat again and if they left you because you're the OW they will cheat on you. I believe this to be very true having worked in domestic abuse for many, many years.
Lion King baby 6 months ago
There are exceptions and I'm one of them. Happened to be unfaithful once, when I was younger, now I choose to be faithful every day.
#5
Don’t be fobbed off by your GP. I saw four different GPs who fobbed me off. Eventually it turned out that I had a cancerous tumour on my left ovary, measuring 10cm x 6cm.
#6
If you’re not mature enough to have a conversation with your partner about contraception, then you’re not ready to be having sex.
Just because he’s not hitting you doesn’t mean he’s a great guy.. raise the bar or stay single.
Don’t accept the google log in notification thingy if you’re not 100% sure it’s actually you (ds learned that one the hard way recently).
When you consider all the things you have to do as an adult, it's no wonder that some grownups yearn to be kids again. (Either that or win the lottery!) To put it bluntly—adulting is hard. There’s a frustrating amount of responsibilities and upkeep you have to do.
The list is inexhaustible. Not only do you have to work or study, but you also have to stay on top of housework and childcare. File your taxes on time and pay your rent and bills. Answer emails and maintain your home with your (non-existent) DIY skills. Eat and exercise well. Remember to spend time with your loved ones, but also get plenty of rest. Don’t forget your hobbies, find purpose in life, travel, be happy… it can all be so overwhelming!
The fact is that there’s no way that you’ll fit everything into your schedule. You need to prioritize. Your relationships and health should be at the top of your list, for sure.
Next, you have to make sure that you can actually survive. That means having a roof over your head and putting food on the table. Do what you need to do to keep your job. If you enjoy what you do and find purpose in your work, that’s a huge plus.
#7
When you start dating you should be finding out, within the first few months:
If they want kids
If they like holidays
If they have debt
If they have kids/wife elsewhere (sounds obvious but you'd be amazed)
What they see as retirement
#8
If you need to exit a relationship which is volatile, do the prep work first very carefully. Make use of empty meeting rooms at work for lunchtime sessions of phone calls and messages to get your ducks in a row. Keep a coded notebook of all the things you need to do at work and plough through it every day. Make a timeline so you can see a clear end date you'll be out by and focus on that but dig deep if you have to push it back and play whatever role at home you have to play to keep yourself safe until then.
Thank your friends and family who stand by you in the tough times, don't take them for granted. They're not mindreaders and need to be appreciated.
Blue Bunny of Happiness 6 months ago
In the UK there are banks, chemists and supermarkets who will allow people experiencing domestic abuse to use a private room to make plans to leave etc https://uksaysnomore.org/safespaces/
#9
Always check your refund is in your bank account no matter how many times customer services say it will be there in x amount of days.
DennyS (denzoren) 6 months ago
This is a good one. I've had confirmation emails etc only for it to not show up.
Then you have a mile-long list of what we like to think of as ‘grown-up’ maintenance. From doing the dishes, taking out the trash, and exercising to buying groceries, brushing your teeth, and getting regular health check-ups. These will eat up a ton of your time. But they’re necessary. If you have a partner, you can split some of these responsibilities, and that’s a huge win for you both!
Now, try to remember to balance all of that with your leisure activities. Life’s not worth living if all you ever do is work, clean, cook, eat, and sleep. You have to carve out some time for fun wherever you can. You shouldn’t feel guilty about going on a long walk, dancing, painting, or kicking back with a good TV show. But there’s a balance to these things. If all you ever do is look for ways to entertain yourself, you won’t get much ‘adulting’ done.
#10
Check your credit card statements regularly. My balance was a bit higher than I thought but instead of going back through the statements, I figured I'd just lost track and did a 0% balance transfer for the whole amount.
It wasn't until a hotel charged me for a room I'd cancelled within the free cancellation period, that I happened to trawl back through the transactions and saw a £2,700 charge, 3 months previously, for a trip to Euro Disney.
I have never been to Euro Disney.
Ashlie Benson 6 months ago
I wish I lived a life where it took me 3 months to notice 2700 being gone.
#11
My cautionary tale would be not to ignore physical symptoms no matter how disgusting you feel, but seek medical help.
Otherwise you might end up very, very ill!
Blue Bunny of Happiness 6 months ago
You might be embarrassed, but the healthcare professional won’t be. Bodily functions and private parts of the body are just a normal part of the job to them. Source worked in healthcare, seen more bits than a brothel in Vegas!
#12
Never pool all your money in a joint account if you are the higher earner, no matter how "trustworthy" you think your spouse is. Also never, ever give them a credit card in your name.
Cindy Brick 6 months ago
Oh my goodness...I'd better let Husband of 42-plus years know that we messed up by keeping our money in a joint account -- and even having both our names on the same credit cards. Shame on us.
General Anaesthesia 6 months ago
Getting lucky doesn't mean one is smart, Cindy.
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Ravens Mom 6 months ago
This! I have my own accounts, my husband has his own accounts. We have one joint account and we each put half the cost of the monthly bills in it (mortgage, utilities, groceries, wifi, etc.) It works beautifully and we each have our own spending money after the bills are paid.
Debby Keir 6 months ago
OK, but so, I'm a boomer. Joint account all the way. When the kids were young, I earned less than him. Once they were grown, I earned more, but it all went into the same account. In 'those days' as both of us were professionals, we used the higher amount to live on, and saved what was left from the 'lower'. I have kids, so understand that times are different now, but if you don't trust your SO with money, then you shouldn't be together.
Hans Georg 6 months ago
Not a Boomer, but Gen Y here. We also have a joint account. You are right to say that if you can't trust your SO on that part, you cannot trust them in every other case.
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Sierra Tide 6 months ago (edited)
Always have a second bank account at a separate bank. Even if you only keep $100 in it. Keep it as a backup in case something horrible happens and you lose your main account. I kept a second bank account with a small amount of money for over 15 years. Never needed it until I was involved in a horrible accident.
Hans Georg 6 months ago
But that is a totally different case than the post.
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Frank Ricardo 6 months ago
That's a generational thing for sure. I'm 54 and my wife have everything together. Always have always will. Having separate account means you either not on the same page or are planning for the end of marriage
michael Chock 6 months ago (edited)
100% ! You never know which one of you will break down, get scammed, get sued or just be stupid. Split it up but communicate openly.
firecrackershrimp 6 months ago
Ooh the battles over this... Yes a lot of us were brought up you get married you combined everything... BUT there is a lot of wisdom in each having a seperate account away from the joint household .. for exactly the reason of each doesn't have to question each other's little expenditures... And what if you want to surprise your significant other with a gift...kinda hard to when everything is joint .. I think we could all learn something new here... So joint for most and smaller individuals for private purchases hobbies.
Michelle my Belle. 6 months ago
It's probably more important to do this if you're the lower earner.
Michael Largey 6 months ago
If you can't trust your spouse enough to share a joint account, it doesn't matter who earns more.
Marie BellaDonna 5 months ago
I'm a saver, and my husband is a spender. I'm also the higher earner, as he is on disability. But he has a much better memory for what bill is due, how much has to be paid, and when. So we have separate accounts. Most of the bills come out of mine. But he's the one who calls and pays them. We split our other expenses, but he pays the rent from his check, and since that takes most of it, he usually runs out of money before the end of the month. So if he needs something, he'll take my debit card. And I keep track of what is spent by using my online banking app. And we almost always discuss it, before we spend anything. All our decisions are made as a team. It may not be a perfect system for everyone. And I recognize that. But it's worked for us for 25 years now. And I think that's what it's about. Everyone is different. You just have to be smart, and find out what works for you. And if your partner isn't willing to work with you to do that, huge red flag.
30ninjazinmybag 6 months ago
We have a joint account and no separate accounts because if we didn't trust each other with money we shouldn't have got .married
JB 6 months ago (edited)
So judgmental of how others choose to manage their finances. Your way isn’t better. It doesn’t prove your marriage is superior. It’s nothing more than a different approach. You know what doesn’t happen to those who refuse to bow to blind, romantic, idealism? Peer pressure that it’s not a real marriage if you don’t pool all your resources? They aren’t left destitute or shut out of their accounts when they discover their very real trust was misplaced.”
Load More Replies...The reality is that you probably won’t have enough time or energy to visit every place you want to see or do every activity you have on your bucket list. That’s both scary (yikes, you’re getting older really fast!) and empowering (there’s less pressure to tick boxes and do things ‘perfectly’).
Sit down and think about why you want to do something or other. Aim for goals that are important to you as an individual, not just so you can impress others. If you have a passion for fast and fancy cars, by all means, invest in a good vehicle. Just don’t buy a Tesla, Ferrari, or Porsche to show off how successful you are. True confidence goes deeper than surface appearances.
#13
Listen to your gut instinct in job interviews.
If something feels off, but you're offered the job, don't accept it.
#14
Never start peeing unless you have checked there’s loo roll.
#15
Always check your bath towels for spiders before wrapping yourself up in one.
If you are a woman do not cry at the GP unless you want to be diagnosed with a mental health issue rather than diagnosed with whatever is causing you so much pain and distress that you cry.
Which of these pieces of advice did you find the most helpful, dear readers? What personal cautionary tale would you share with everyone to help them out in life? What tips would you give a younger version of yourself if you could?
We'd love to hear your thoughts! Feel free to share your opinions in the comments.
#16
If you're a runner, don't run behind a combine harvester going down a narrow country lane, because it might clip a wasps' nest, leaving you (and the dog) COVERED in really cross wasps.
#17
If you have a niggle or feel uncomfortable with a professionals advice press the point. Dont just accept it. Trusting my accountant rather than my own instinct cost me £20k in additional avoidable tax that I shouldn’t have had to pay
Joy Chapman 6 months ago
If they can't make it simple enough for you to understand, find someone who can.
#18
Never, ever mistake a tube of haemorrhoid cream for a tube of Deep Heat cream.
#19
Never walk on a hotel room carpet in bare feet, always use slipper socks/slippers.
Trust your gut when it comes to keeping safe and always cross the street several times if you feel unsure about someone following behind you.
Love and hate are two sides of the same coin, indifference is the goal during and after difficult times.
Meet anyone with dependencies? Run for the hills rather than let them waste your life aswell as their own. They won't change.
Accept that your parents are just people and not some saintly being just because they are older, they are flawed too.
Keep your face and hands out of the sun.
Don't spend time engaging with idiots, they are a lost cause.
#20
Stretch marks are not caused by not wearing a bra. Many/most 14 year olds will get them , perfectly normal .
#22
Do not, under any circumstances, break your employment contract by leaving before the end of your notice period even if it does feel like a lifetime. Always try to negotiate with your future employers. I didn't. I've had three incredibly stressful weeks with threats of legal action and the only reason they let me go in the end was because I spent all last weekend, including BH Monday, getting the company out of a very tricky situation.
#23
Always check how many items they’ve got when you brought a return. One time out of three they do a mistake.
And always check your shopping receipts straight after the transaction. The day when you forget to do this you will be overcharged.
Cindy Brick 6 months ago
Yes, yes... ohyes! Our local Safeways have a 50% record the past few years of overcharging for SOMETHING. (I've not seen them undercharge, for some weird reason.)
#24
Always remember to change the address on your V5 and not just your license. I didn't. DH got caught speeding twice on the same day on the same stretch of road (33 in a 30) in my car. Both fines went to old address. Didn't answer them, obvs. The whole sorry mess played out without me being aware and by the time it all caught up with me it was had been banned from driving for six months and fined £2k - five months earlier! So had been driving while banned for five months!!!
#25
Your mortgage insurance, critical illness insurance, income protection and so on have MASSIVE exclusion clauses and riders. They don't keep you safe. If you do manage to get them to pay out, they'll find reasons to stop paying within 18 months or less.
I ended up having to sell my flat for the outstanding amount. I honestly thought I'd taken all necessary precautions.
#26
Get a spare front door key cut and hide it somewhere safe outside.
Locksmiths charge a fortune to come out to your home to break you in.
#27
Don't underestimate the possibility and prevalence of hereditary personality and cognitive traits when considering procreation. DC's dad is definitely an acquired taste with some peculiar quirks which, when initially dating, seemed charmingly idiosyncratic at best and, on reflection, at worst constitute a life-time of struggle. One DC has inherited many of these (definitely nature as opposed to nurture) and their life is so much harder for it.
J. Oliver Scott 6 months ago
I've seen nature trump nurture a number of times when adopted children who never even met their biological parents somehow still ended up turning into the same type of people.
#28
Don't swing on your chair because you might fall and give yourself a black eye.
I tell my classes that I know a kid who did exactly this. They never believe me, because 'all the teachers say that'.
It was my DS.
nottheactualphoto 6 months ago
I was wondering what all these references to DS were about, but I see now it's the Citroën DS. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citro%C3%ABn_DS
#29
When making fresh chicken stock, drain and store immediately.
Do not store overnight in the fridge and do it the day after. Cos then you end up with chicken carcass jelly. And have to heat it up again to separate.
#30
NEVER assume that your toxic narcissist MIL made appropriate arrangements for absolutely anything at all when they inherited a large sum of money.
Also never take the advice of medical staff when they tell you how long someone with an inoperable brain tumour has left to live. They will be wildly wrong.
Samsquatch & Monko 6 months ago
OML STOP CALLING EVERY ANNOYING OR BAD PERSON A TOXIC NARCISSIST I AM TIRED OF IT
#31
When you are on the M1, slow down to 50mph by the time you enter the 50mph zone, and don't speed up until you have left it.
Don't assume your teenager is as focussed on their GCSEs as you think they are just because they haven't said they are not and you hope all is well. By the time the teachers tell you they have car crashed their mocks there is very little time to recover. I definitely took my eye off the ball there....
Bear in mind that spirits in the US are served as doubles by default and the measures are fucking huge.
Orange Frosting 6 months ago
For those wondering, the M1 is a motorway/highway in England. GCSEs are exams that all kids take at 15/16 years old.
#32
Never get married. Live with someone if you want but get proper advice on protecting your property first. So many people don’t look into the legal implications of marriage till it bites them on the arse at the end of it.
If you don’t entirely believe your doctor is right get a second opinion. Could have saved me years of pain, disability and perhaps my cancer having progressed to stage 4.
Join a union. RCN protected me when my employer turned out to have no integrity.
Don’t let a man persuade you he knows best. So many things I went along with against my better judgement which turned to shit.
Cat Chat 6 months ago
I think the getting married thing is a personal choice one should still make as a choice or not for themselves. But, for sure, if you go into it with your own property beforehand, know how to protect it, just in case. Also, if getting property with your legally married SO, make sure it's in both your names.
#33
If you see a tempting offer or competition, always ask yourself, 'What's the least they could give me without actually lying about it?' & don't take anything for granted or give them the benefit of the doubt. If you're happy with the least, go ahead.
#34
My DH was driving around without tax for a couple of months. We both now pay monthly so it can’t expire without us realising again
ElfVibratorGlitter 6 months ago
Not sure I understand this one. Was this a typo for "tags" like expired license plates? Or is there a tax you drive around with?
#35
Do not go to bed sooking a strepsil.
I fell asleep and woke up in the morning it was still in my mouth (albeit much smaller) and it had burned a hole in the roof of my mouth. It was weeks before it healed properly.
Also, do not sniff olbas oil whilst laying down. I did this and some dribbled out the bottle and down my nose and my nose and throat felt dry for days and days even though I guzzled water to try and get rid of it. It was awful!
UncleJohn3000 6 months ago
Doest thou not snort a bag of construction concrete. You would *think* that goes without saying but...
What do you think ?
T'Mar of Vulcan 6 months ago
I didn't understand a whole bunch of these because the people used acronyms or terms that aren't used in my country (and Google wasn't much help, not that I bothered after the third one).
ElfVibratorGlitter 6 months ago
I think DH is dear husband and DS is dear son, but I'm just guessing myself.
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David Paterson 6 months ago (edited)
Most of these are just saying "don't trust anyone". Which is totally wrong. Treat everyone you meet with an "innocent until proven guilty" attitude. Except for lawyers and investment advisers. And realtors. And jewellers. And ...
mhoulden 6 months ago
Mumsnet makes a change from Reddit, but it has a reputation for having quirks of its own.
BookFanatic 6 months ago
Why did half of these sound like they came from an alternate universe?
megasmacky 6 months ago
Never make a major life decision based on blanket, mindless advice from some Lithuanian content farm drone.
Hmmm hmmmm 6 months ago
Explanation for why this list seems a little off , it's from Mumsnet which is a British parenting website. So it uses a lot of British idiosyncrasies and acronyms unique too the site such as DH ( dearest husband ) and DS ( dearest son ). Hope that clears it up
Uncle Schmickle 5 months ago
Yeah .... let's write in plain English. None of these stupid acronyms. They only make sense to some people and as Bored Panda is a world wide site, make sure everyone can understand what you're trying to get across. Some posts are so badly worded surely the Editors can correct them first ?
Ryan Mercer 6 months ago
Bored Panda is based in Vilnius, Lithuania. That surprised me. I assumed it was British.
T'Mar of Vulcan 6 months ago
I didn't understand a whole bunch of these because the people used acronyms or terms that aren't used in my country (and Google wasn't much help, not that I bothered after the third one).
ElfVibratorGlitter 6 months ago
I think DH is dear husband and DS is dear son, but I'm just guessing myself.
Load More Replies... David Paterson 6 months ago (edited)
Most of these are just saying "don't trust anyone". Which is totally wrong. Treat everyone you meet with an "innocent until proven guilty" attitude. Except for lawyers and investment advisers. And realtors. And jewellers. And ...
mhoulden 6 months ago
Mumsnet makes a change from Reddit, but it has a reputation for having quirks of its own.
BookFanatic 6 months ago
Why did half of these sound like they came from an alternate universe?
megasmacky 6 months ago
Never make a major life decision based on blanket, mindless advice from some Lithuanian content farm drone.
Hmmm hmmmm 6 months ago
Explanation for why this list seems a little off , it's from Mumsnet which is a British parenting website. So it uses a lot of British idiosyncrasies and acronyms unique too the site such as DH ( dearest husband ) and DS ( dearest son ). Hope that clears it up
Uncle Schmickle 5 months ago
Yeah .... let's write in plain English. None of these stupid acronyms. They only make sense to some people and as Bored Panda is a world wide site, make sure everyone can understand what you're trying to get across. Some posts are so badly worded surely the Editors can correct them first ?
Ryan Mercer 6 months ago
Bored Panda is based in Vilnius, Lithuania. That surprised me. I assumed it was British.
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