One uppers. 'I feel...' 'Well at least [you don't have to...]' It's crushing. My kids are 21 and 18. 2020 affected their senior and freshman years, respectively. I got so much s**t from older people when I would say it made me sad they had to go through this, etc. 'KIDS THEIR AGE WERE GOING TO WAR,' blah blah. Like, yeah, and that really sucked for them. I'm not comparing the circumstances; I am just acknowledging my kids' feelings because it sucks?

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Marianne

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Gatekeeping at its best. You will always find a person who has it worse. That doesn't make your feelings invalid.

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Nitpicking. If I got a B, I was asked why wasn't it an A. When I got an A, I was asked why it wasn't it 100%. When I got 100%, I was asked why my handwriting was terrible.

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Biytemii

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Yessss and now I never feel like anything I do is good enough even when people tell me my cooking is amazing or something I think if so.ething that I did wrong with it or just think their being nice. I almost become a perfectionist in a way with just daily stuff....clothes folded exa try how I want them, dishwasher loaded the proper way, stupid things that shouldn't take much thought I overthink am I doing this perfectly?

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Forcing kids to eat, finish their plate, etc.... My mom had a terrible, abusive boyfriend that we lived with when I was 4 to 7. He would force me to eat all the food on my plate, and if I didn't, I was beat. The food was so disgusting, I just couldn't bring myself to eat it. I preferred his MRE's [military ready-to-eat meals] to the food he cooked. A few years later, I went to live with family friends. (They never knew about the abuse.) They ALWAYS joked and commented about what a good eater I was. I've always been severely underweight, so I've always been able to impress people with how much I can eat. ... I promised myself I would NEVER force my kids to eat, and I never did. When I cooked something new, my only rule was that everyone had to try one bite. That's it. If you don't like it, cool, but you can't turn your nose up to it without even tasting it.

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Uncanny

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I once as a kid sat at the dinner table for 3 hours with congealing Brussel sprouts in front of me. I tried to eat them, but would gag. My mum yelled ‘Stop boking!’. Like it’s something you can control? Then I was told to bugger off to bed. Have had a very wary relationship with vegetables ever since and still get nauseous at the sight of Brussel sprouts. And I’m 60. These things stick. 🤷‍♀️

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My stepmom used to record my mental breakdowns and threaten to post them on Facebook. One time she actually did…all of her friends and family commented how awful it was that she would post it, and she deleted it, but the harm was already done. Every single time I saw family for the next few months, it was just, 'Are you okay? I saw what happened; are you alright?' It was so embarrassing.

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Red PANda (she/they)

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At least it seems like the family was on your side

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My boomer mother thought it was hilarious to mercilessly mock anything I liked, no matter how harmless - not just to me but to anybody around. She basically embarrassed me out of liking so many things until I finally developed a "f*** you I won't let you spoil this for me" attitude about it. And no, before anyone says it, she wasn't doing me any favors. To this day I'm reticent to tell people about things I like because I'm half-expecting to be mocked.

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Poison Ivy/Boo

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When I was growing up, I was mocked for being a girl and loving Star Wars, Indiana Jones, The Matrix amongst other things and for also loving building houses and rooms in the Sims. I still don't discuss my interests with people as I'm not mainstream and I don't like a lot of movies/programmes/hobbies that other people like. I don't poop on your parade, don't poop on mine.

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My mom was actually the previous generation (silent) but my Dad was a boomer. Both of them smoked in the house, the car, made me sit in smoking sections. I have always HATED smoking so it was extra s****y.

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Little Wonder

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I had endless bronchitis as a kid and the doctor told Mum to not smoke in the car with me. I mentioned it when she lit up and she said "doctors don't know everything" haha, stubborn woman (still is).

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Satanic Panic victim here. My parents let my church exorcise my cabbage patch doll in front of me, in our living room. I was 6.

They burned Cabby in a stew pot on a stack of dictionaries with rubbing alcohol. I’m 43 and I can still smell him.

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Ovata Acronicta

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The Satanic Panic affected what I was allowed to do, even in the mid-nineties. Pokemon was definitely satanic because of the Abra line, and of course the flashing Porygon scene giving kids seizures in Japan was actually just satan. Not allowed to watch tv because most of the programming was satanic (that caused a lot of issues socially). Wore through a couple 'safe' VHS... and then there was the time that a bunch of our tapes 'had to' be destroyed so it turned into a thing where they were pulled apart and the living room floor was covered with film. Halloween was evil too of course, so we didn't trick-or-treat or otherwise engage. Dunno why all of these Halloween-decorated Pokemon and Mimikyu especially keep showing up in my space nowadays, of course. Also hail satan or something.

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Acting like my very existence is burdening them. Both of my parents, though excellent parents for the most part, were guilty of this. I get it, life can be frustrating especially as a single parent (my parents divorced when I was 6), but your kid doesn't understand any of that. They're not gonna know why you groaned or muttered 'goddammit' when they ask to be fed or say they don't feel well, and they're just going to think it's because of them. I'm 24 now, and to this day, I still have trouble asking anyone for help or expressing my needs, whether it's a friend or a coworker or my S.O. I'd rather just sit in discomfort or put my own needs aside so as to not 'bother' the people I'm with.

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ORSOrama

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My parents never divorced. But they made me grow up like this, making me always feel guilty anytime I needed something (even school stuff) because they would complain about how tired they were to look after me

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lucidmined: Touching me when I didn't want to be touched. Forcing hugs and kisses. Tickling me and getting mad when my body reacted and I hurt her. When my kids tell me stop, I will stop. When they say they don't want any physical touch, then we won't have physical touch (unless explicitly necessary — running in traffic or something else dangerous). She did the best with what she knew, but she didn't know much. I'll just do better when my time comes.
half-blood-: My parents were pretty great, but I hated how we were forced to greet our extended family members with a hug and kiss 'Give aunt Huan a hug and kiss.' How about no since I don’t know aunt Huan and don’t think I've even met her before. How about you let me just say hi and not be uncomfortable as f**k? Our kids only had to say hi to be polite. No forced physical contact.

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winterwidow87

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Teaching kids they have a right to say no to unwanted physical contact is extremely important. I don't care if auntie or grandma gets offended, you're teaching your kid the importance of bodily autonomy and consent.

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According to my dad, I have Pepsi in my bottles in pics because they thought keeping me caffeinated all day meant I'd sleep better at night. A lot more questionable decisions followed.

IDKHow2UseThisApp , Martin Péchy / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Sonja

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How exactly they came to this conclusion?

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To use ‘ I will pull down your pants and spank you in front of everyone’ as a behaviour modification technique.
It sounds soo wrong now
Needless to say the old witch will be going into a home.

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BoredPossum

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That's an effective way to destroy every chance of respect, trust or love.

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Remember how there used to be half-size cans of beer? My dad would give me a mini-Budweiser to 'settle me down.' This was ages three–four. I tell people I quit drinking when I started kindergarten and didn't begin again 'til college.

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lenka

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My dad used to give me a shandy, half beer half lemonade.

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My mom would send me to the nearby 7-11 with a hand-written note giving me permission to buy cigarettes for her…..and the clerk would accept it!

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October

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We did'nt even need a permission note.

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Fighting in front of us and slamming doors, complaining about the other parent to their kids behind another parent's back. Then consistently having the gall to literally tell us this is normal behavior in a relationship.

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ORSOrama

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My parents were just like this

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Ever be really excited about something you've done, tell someone about it, and have them give a half-hearted 'That's nice' before going back to what they were doing, as if just politely acknowledging you exist is the same as being supportive? I'm going to try my hardest not to do that.

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Black Cat

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Yeah, like they couldn't be less interested. Strikes me parents back then were just pathologically selfish. Why did they even have kids??

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She never had time for me. Now that I'm older, she wants all of my undivided attention, but when I was little, she could only take me in small doses. She acted like going to my school events was a chore. Driving me places was a chore. Anything that had to do with me was a chore. I want my kids to feel loved all the time. So I will do my best to give them my undivided attention when they need me, to happily show up to all performances and school events, and to always be there for them.

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FreeTheUnicorn

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That's because those chores were about you. Your undivided attention is about her. It's always been. The same problem.

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Using humiliation as a form of punishment.

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Abby Reynolds

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Again, this isn't specific to boomers.

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Stay married 'for the kids.' ... I never grew up knowing what a healthy normal relationship should be like and am only learning now in my mid-30s.

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Rose the Cook

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My parents had an arranged marriage, very unusual for Australians, hated each other and fought every day. Think two families with impossible relatives they wanted to be rid of. They didn't divorce because my mother was too lazy to work and my father was afraid of public opinion.

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Telling [kids] that their dreams/hopes/aspirations are 'really f**king stupid' because 'no one makes money doing ____'... Like, sometimes fulfillment is more important that being super wealthy, ya doink.

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Ralph Kretschmer

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Yes, I know this. Although my father was creative himself, instead of helping me to get into a creative profession, he talked me into studying economics. Boring as hell, two wasted years and making me sick. Since I'm in design, I was happy with it.

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hollyjazzy: Criticizing child’s weight.
114631: My dad used to make a pig oink sound every time I went for seconds or went to eat bread or any sort of sweets/dessert. I am so lucky I never developed an eating disorder from that.
Kazoua1: My parents sent me to a terrible dietitian when I was 8. I was put on a calorie counting diet as an 8-YEAR-OLD CHILD. My parents and sisters did not even support me while I was on this diet. They just kept eating all the things I couldn't eat in front of me. ... It is the reason why I keep contact with my family to a minimum.
RunnerInterrupted: I love my mom, and we have a great relationship, but I didn’t realize how toxic her relationship with her weight was and how it affected me as a child until well into adulthood. She urged me to count calories and watch my weight before I even hit middle school. I lost 15 lbs this summer due to a relapse of my depression, and she has been showering me with compliments ever since. Does not feel great

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Sonja

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My family did this constantly. Like my weight was the main subject to talk about. Now they are trying to talk like that about my child because she is a healthy chubby baby. Not giant, normal chubby. And when they started, I jumped out of the spot that this is absolutely none of their business and this stops right now. I won't let them do the same thing to my child as they did to me. It was on friday last week, I haven't talk to them since. I'll let you know how it worked out :D Guess they haven't expected for me to stand against their "tradition".

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Found this out in therapy but my mom knew that my grandpa had been in jail before for molesting little girls…. but still left me alone with him.

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Nicole

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Was it her dad? This is betrayal on a whole different level.100% child abuse, child endangerment, you name it. You could have been molested, which we all know messes kids up for life. And she didn't care.I'll say it again. You should have been removed and she should have gone to jail.I hope your pedophile grandpa didn't hurt you

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After breakfast Mom would kick me outside and tell me not to come home until the street lights came on.

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Carbonel

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I work in two locales in poorer areas of a city. This still happens.

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rowenaravenclaw0: Forcing [kids] to be a pseudo parent to younger family members. My aunt had 13 babies in 13 years, so during my childhood, she was nearly always pregnant, or post natal. Being the only girl in the family, I was expected to help her wrangle her football team of boys. From the age of 7, I was expected to spend the majority of my time doing chores for them. By 12, I was expected to miss school some days.

imthe1nonlyD: I routinely have told my oldest daughter (7) to let me be the parent, and in turn, she gets to be the kid. Let me worry about the parent stuff; that's not your concern. Focus on being a kid.

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detective miller's hat

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I raised my little sister. When she was born, my mother put her bassinet in my bedroom so I could get up and feed her at night. When I got older, I would be grounded for literally any reason at all, or often no reason, just so I had to stay home at take care of my sister on weekends so mum could go out drinking and partying with her friends. Pretty sure this is why I decided at a very young age that I NEVER wanted children.

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The silent treatment. I hated this method they both used as a form of punishment, so I swore I would never do this to my own kids, and I haven't. My kids are all grown now, and we might have disagreements, but I will always talk through and communicate with them. The worst part of my parents' silent treatment is that I would often not even know what offense I had committed. It's a great way to really sever any attempts for having a close and loving relationship.

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Abinaash

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Ah, the classic Asian parent punishment. It is torturous when you don't want to talk either but you have to anyways because they are your parent and basically in charge of your life, in a sense.

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Being jealous that [kids] have life easier than [they] did.

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Janice

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Nicole - you missed one

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I was born in 76 and saw poltergeist in the theatre (82). Who the f**k let’s that happen?

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Nicole

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So did I! I was born in '74. Our parents took us to pretty much every movie. If there was a lot of sex scenes, we'd have to wait in the lobby! I saw the Shining also, in 2nd or 3rd grade!

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My Dad worked nights and my Mom worked days, so Dad was supposed to watch me during the day. Instead, he dragged me to his favorite bars with him to hang out with him and the creepy drunk old men where this drunk old lady would take men in the bathroom and measure their "package". I'm sure other stuff went on that as a kid didn't make sense to me, but that stood out as a life long memory. My Mom was always mad about it, but didn't stop him.

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BoredPossum

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This is so incredibly sad.

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Freedom_fam: Being 'midwest nice.'
VagueSoul: Midwest nice is basically doing everything in your power to not 'make waves.' You don’t want to challenge anything, you don’t want to highlight anything 'bad,' and you downplay everything so that everyone gets along. 0chazz0: For example: "'Oh sweetie, let's talk about this later, we don't want to make a fuss on Thanksgiving.
Seagyspy: This was my life! 'What will neighbors think,' and 'you'll regret trying that.' I never fit in and knew my children wouldn't either. I moved many states away to a 'live and let live' environment. ... I recently went 'home.' I picked up the newspaper and saw all the gossip, and it triggered me. Everyone plays 'nice' while gossiping and taking joy in people's pain.

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Karl Havoc

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Ah, welcome to Nebraska where you’ll find the worst “nice” people you’ll ever meet

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My mom beat the c**p out of me anytime she felt like it and my dad was too busy visiting old people in nursing homes to care.

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October

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That was abuse even back then

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Drove three kids around in a car with a hole in the floor large enough for us to fall through.

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lenka

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Yep! We had a van at one stage and it had no windows. My dad used to insist that we drive with the van door open and I would sit in the doorway with my leg holding the door open and acting as a barrier so the little kids wouldn't fall out while we were driving because there were no seatbelts in the back.

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