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30 Green Flags You Should Look For In New Relationships, As Shared By People In This Online Thread
There’s hardly anything better than the rush you get when you’re in a new relationship. You’re all smiles. You can’t stop thinking about the person. And you’re daydreaming about all the fun and adventures you’ll have together.
However, all relationships are a two-way street: it takes two people to make them work. If you’ve got a keen eye, you can spot some signs very early on in the relationship that show whether or not everything will turn out great or not. Today, we’re talking about the ‘green flags’ that people noticed about their partners and how that led to happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationships, as shared by the folks over on r/AskReddit.
Scroll down for some truly wholesome and insightful posts, dear Pandas! Upvote the posts that brought a smile to your face, and you can tell us all about how wonderful your partners are in the comments. Oh, and if you’re in the mood for some more wholesome relationship green flags, you’ll find them right here, in our earlier article about awesome loving people.
Dating expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man, shared his insights about green flags in relationships with Bored Panda. We also had a chat about the opposite, too: red flags that you should definitely avoid if you want to have a fulfilling long-term relationship. Read on to see what Dan told us.
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#1
I have an autistic sister. Shes currently 20 with the mental capacity of a three year old. Not everyone knows how to handle that. Well, 4 years ago when my girlfriend met my family, the two immediately became best friends. My girlfriend has always cared so much for my sister and would even sit with her while I wasn't home so my mom could go have a life for herself.
To this day, my sister smiles and laughs like a mad man when she see my girlfriend. I don't know how much information she can retain but theyve always loved eachother, and I think my gf has had a huge impact on her life.
Sarah Ryan 2 years ago
I hope you put a ring on it soon. A family bond like that doesn't come along casually
Bored Panda wanted to get dating expert Dan's opinion on some of the green flags to look for early in a relationship. For starters, here are some of the signs that indicate things are on the right track if you're a guy who is going out with a woman: "She treats you well, loves you, cares about you, and is interested in your life. You don’t secretly think about leaving her for another woman," the expert told us what people should look for when taking an honest look at their partners, as well as themselves.
"She is your type physically and emotionally. Sometimes a guy isn't physically attracted to a woman, but she eventually grows on him due to them spending time together (e.g. coworkers, friends, talking for hours at a bar). In cases like that, his attraction for her will fade away in the relationship and it will end up feeling more like a friendship. Many guys get dumped in a relationship like that when the woman eventually tires of not feeling loved and wanted the way she wants to be," he said.
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#2
I grew up in an angry, volatile home. Anything could make the “adults” snap and go on a rampage.
When my then boyfriend, now husband, and I came home to find a major leak in the bedroom ceiling, which had leaked all over the bed and caused significant damage, he just flatly said, “Well, sh*t.” And called the building manager. No screaming, no throwing things, no blaming anyone, just a calm acceptance and then action to rectify the problem. We’re going on 16 years married and 20 years together.
lenka 2 years ago (edited)
I feel this one too. My partner at the time (now husband) had a "fight" with his brother. It went like this. Husband asked brother to do something. Brother said no problem. Brother didn't do it. There were serious consequences for Husband. My husband said to his brother, very calmly and without anger or aggression... "I am really angry with you". His brother accepted he screwed up, apologized appropriately, did the thing and that was the end of the "fight". My jaw could have hit the floor. I had never seen someone communicate like that before.
#3
I hate being tickled, but am very ticklish. She discovered it early in the relationship, and I asked her once to not tickle me. She has never tickled me again in the following 10 years. Just shows respect.
Something else that's important is that your partner loves you the way you are. However, it's also vital that they inspire you to be a better version of yourself because of them. "When a man finds a woman that he is sincerely attracted to, she will often bring out the best in him and if he approaches the relationship correctly, he will also bring out the best in her. They will become better people because of the relationship and their life will improve greatly over time."
Meanwhile, the dating expert explained to Bored Panda what the green flags are that women look for in a man. A quality guy is someone who has honesty and integrity, is respectful and considerate, and is confident as well as determined. The cherry on top is that the guy is fun to be around.
#4
Before my wife and I were dating, I very quickly noticed that she always invited the loners to join in the conversation. If she noticed someone we knew sitting alone she'd always extended an invitation to join or ask their opinion.
#5
When the other ladies at my work place were airing their complaints about their spouses, and I couldn't think of a single thing to contribute to the conversation.
Ren Karlej 2 years ago
Oh yes! Remember someone saying to me at one place I worked 'why don't you ever talk about your husband and the answer was because it was always a husband-bashing session and I had nothing I could contribute.
#6
I'd rather spend time with her doing nothing than doing something with anyone else.
Marco Hub-Dub 2 years ago (edited)
This! Communication, respect, honesty consideration are key, but this. If you’d rather spend time doing nothing together or, better yet, parallel playing, you’ve won. Our Fridays were spent out on the town in our younger years. Now, he builds LEGO or watches telly while I smash it with video games. Side-by-side, doing our own things together.
Some of the things that should make your inner alarm bells go off include your partner not really caring much about you or your life. What's more, Dan stressed that some other red flags include habitual dishonesty, being less happy than you were before you met your partner, feeling a sense of awkwardness when you're around them, and lacking a spark between you two.
He added that people should be honest about themselves when it comes to their partners. A vivid relationship red flag is when your partner is "not really your type and you’re just with them for now, or for something to do." He said: "As a result, you likely won’t feel motivated to put in the effort required to make a relationship work in the long run."
#7
The first time we had sex I got my period and didn’t realize until we were done and I went to the bathroom to pee. It wasn’t a ton of blood but I know it was enough to have gotten on him and the sheet. I walked out of the bathroom and he was standing in the doorway of the room and said something like “is everything okay? Did you get your period or something?” And then we both smiled big and started cracking up and he was totally cool and sweet. The next morning he invited me to go sheet shopping with him because he “needed new ones anyway and wants me to like the ones he picks”.
That was about 9 years ago.
Tigerpacingthecage 2 years ago
I wouldn't accept anything less regarding menstruation. I mean, you don't control that so why should that be a big thing? I personally would not think of this as something special, even with a one night stand for example.
#8
My son was two when my boyfriend and I got together, and after a few months he met my son. He didn't warm up to him in the first couple of months, and it really weighed on my boyfriend.
After I put him to bed one night, my boyfriend was quietly crying and told me how concerned he was that my son just didn't seem to like him. I explained that since his bio dad was never around, he didn't have a lot of men in his life, and I think he saw him as competition.
Fast forward to now, my son is six, and they're inseparable. My son considers him his dad, and we've talked about my boyfriend adopting him when we get married.
#9
Being around him recharged me instead of draining me like most social interactions do.
Together ten years and getting ready to announce our engagement!
Open and honest communication lies at the core of any good romantic relationship, as do boundaries. Both partners need to respect one another and be genuine in their affection. Believe it or not, relationships are a lot of hard work: things don’t simply fall into place without putting in the effort.
Relationship and self-love coach Alex Scot explained to Bored Panda during a previous interview that transparency is vital for the long-term health of relationships.
"If it can affect your partner or family, there absolutely should be transparency. Whenever in doubt, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself what you would like if you were in their situation," Alex said.
#10
I noticed that people genuinely liked him, even strangers. And he’d smile at babies.
Ren Karlej 2 years ago
Husband retrained as an electrician as he hated the corporate back-stabbing going on in his previous career. So now he meets a lot of customers. His brother, similar line of work, will often know someone for years and it will be 'hello Mrs Smith' but my husband is on first name terms on the first day and getting their life story! Elderly people always immediately trust him. He gets given the keys to people's homes happily handed over while they go out and, big one this, animals always head straight for him for cuddles! I get photos of 'pet of the day' sent to me and stories of how the dogs steal his tools to get him to play with them.
#11
Being able to discuss anything, even flaws, without them/me getting mad. Communication is the most important thing in a healthy relationship. (Love is just as important though, I guess).
Sareaesque 2 years ago (edited)
Coming from previous relationships where issues were argued not discussed if aired at all, or I was hit for expressing an opinion the other didn't agree with, there will never be enough words to express my gratitude being in a relationship where we can just sit and talk about anything and everything, any issues or criticisms are listened to without being taken as an attack, and disagreements are contained to only the point of issue and quickly resolved.
#12
He drove 2 hours on his birthday to pick me up when my mom abandoned me in a parking lot, brought me home, and sat with me while my parents and I tried to talk things over. My stepfather started screaming obscenities at me for no real reason, he helped me pack everything I owned in his truck and I moved in that night. After dating for two months. It's been two years, and we got married last month
"If it wouldn’t impact them, then you have the option of keeping it to yourself. The difference between privacy and secrecy is that secrecy has a sense of shame, guilt, or knowing that your partner or family member wouldn’t be ok with whatever took place,” the relationship expert pointed out to us that this is how you can gauge if you should be honest or not.
According to Alex, rebuilding lost trust is “always a challenge” in relationships. Once it’s been broken, it will take time and effort to rebuild it.
"For smaller offenses, it will take less time, but for larger offenses, be prepared to be overly transparent for a time and hire a therapist or coach to walk you through the process. Trust takes consistency to rebuild and consistency equals effort over time,” she explained.
#13
My partner never made fun of me or acted condescending when I didn't know something. They were also humble when it came to gaps in their knowledge too.
Mac 2 years ago
I am only diagnosed with ADD (I take daily meds for it) and anxiety and depression. Those three things together can sometimes make things very difficult for me to understand. I know I can be a little slow sometimes when it comes to grasp and concepts and my memory is quite terrible. My boyfriend has never been angry when I don’t remember anything for frustrated when I can’t understand something. It has made me feel so loved and so relieved it’s a great feeling
#14
We trusted each other to go out alone and have fun with friends of the opposite sex. No jealousy, just faith that you'd do the right thing.
Source: with her for 14 years and marries for 9.
Sarah Ryan 2 years ago
My husband, children and I were separated for nearly two years due to an immigration issue. In all that time, NEVER once did I second guess his commitment, and vice versa. We're going on 18 years this July!
#15
First date we were making out and I let out a really gross fart slip out on accident. She deada*s looks me in the eye, rips one, and says, "Top that motherf**ker."
Been married for 13 years.
#16
It's the little things, really. Like he will always respond and pay attention to me when I called his name, even if it's for mundane stuff like me wanting to point out there's a snail on the pavement.
#17
He can laugh at himself.
Crease Almighty 2 years ago
I love my wife for this… sometimes she says something completely random without filtering thoughts before speech and then chuckles and says, “i shouldn’t be allowed to be an adult,” 🤣🤣 18 years married and will be together forever.
#18
Sex was not transactional.
We don’t have to have sex because he took me out to dinner or I want something done around the house. We have sex because we want to have sex.
I also don’t get tired of being around him. I could hang out with him all day and night for weeks on end and never need a break, he’s my best friend.
#19
His apartment that he lived in alone was clean and neat and looked like a home. Like, not that "I just cleaned the place for the first time in months" look but "I'm a neat person in general" look. He'd also made a lasagna from scratch for our date.
For me, the fact that he was a grown man, living on his own and he knew how to keep his place clean and to cook was a green flag. This was not a man I was going to have to "mom" or argue about the disparity of chores.
My exhusband was the exact opposite so it was a breath of fresh air.
#20
I confessed about my anxiety disorder and he didn't use it to his advantage or make me feel broken or guilty for it.
#21
She isn't afraid to have a different opinion than mine, but she always hears me out and she ALWAYS supports me.
Every time I phrase something about myself in a negative way, she reframes it for me in a different light and more often than not it pulls me out of a dark mood. In my previous relationship I felt awfully critiqued for just being the person who I was, and that critique would often make me feel guilty for not meeting the standards set for me by my SO. Now that I've got a partner who celebrates who I am, I realise all along that I've been holding myself back from just doing what makes me happy.
#22
I was able to express my emotions and thoughts without him getting angry or judgy. He fearlessly lets me have my feelings without trying to change them, we talk them out and it feels so much better afterwards. I feel like I could tell him absolutely anything, so the trust between us is more solid than I’ve ever had with anyone else.
Gah, he’s just the best.
Also hot af.
#23
Evaluating my needs, something as simple as offering me some of their water after getting it for themselves.
Ren Karlej 2 years ago
Or asking before. When they get a drink I am asked every single time if I would like one as well.
#24
Didn't minimize or invalidate my emotions.
#25
Right from the first date, I had a good feeling.
We have really similar tastes. He could stomach embarrassing the hell out of himself and roll with it. Similar humour, willing to listen. We could talk and talk forever. Politically speaking, I lean fairly liberal whereas he’s more libertarian, so we balance each other out.
We’ve worked out some toxic traits that we brought to the relationship, and we are always striving to grow together as a unit. We moved in together fairly quickly, around four months after we started dating. I was escaping a toxic home life, and he stepped up to the plate, took a leap of faith with me. I never forgot it.
We lived in a studio apartment at first, so there were no doors to slam. It was one hell of a crash course in cohabitation and conflict resolution. We came out of that situation much stronger for it, but I know that lack of privacy/space can break a couple.
We’ll be celebrating six years together in January, and got married two and a half years ago
Teresa Spanics 2 years ago
Congratulations and I hope that your marriage is a long and happy one!
#26
I have Crohn's disease and was always kinda ashamed to be with someone, even if is just for a night. When I started dating her I thought I won the lottery. Zero fear of what she would think becouse she was always so good to me and supportive, even in the bathroom. Best girlfriend ever.
#27
Early on, she encouraged me to be more like me. Things that other people in my life didnt like about me or things that my ex told me not to do, she would embrace. things like taking risks on new hobbies, seeking attention in conversations, my particular humor; she liked these things about me.
All of that, and of course dat a*s! - Truth.
#28
She was always happy to hear about the things I did that I was proud of, even if they were objectively stupid or trivial.
pink_panda 2 years ago
I celebrate the everyday accomplishments of my partner. Makes life more fun.
#29
Showed real efforts in trying to improve/grow from their own traumas or baggage.
Kahna Wanna 2 years ago
My BFF and I are doing this together. It's hard AF! We've made it safe to do so and both have grown from it!!!
#30
We instantly became our weirdest, most authentic selves around each other. We also went to the same church before covid and never knew. Then over covid we matched on bumble. When church opened back up we were introduced to each other by an older couple at church. Its destiny or something like that
What do you think ?
Ren Karlej 2 years ago
This was a lovely read. Wonderful to read success stories for a change.
Beth S 2 years ago
Absolutely. BP has been on a massive depressive post kick lately. Posts like these are like a breath of fresh air.
Load More Replies...
Littlemiss 2 years ago
My husband and I shared the exact same goals for a future. He took large leaps to get to me, and in the end we finally made it. Took 7 years of long distance relationship before we got to live in the same country.
Tigerpacingthecage 2 years ago
A few of these are pretty bad, or, it's sad to be surprised over not feeling obligated to have transactional sex, feeling grateful that your partner isn't grossed out by period blood or happy that they don't use your mental illness against you. It's not really "green lights" as much as it should be decent behaviors. But I'm happy some found a better life!
Ren Karlej 2 years ago
This was a lovely read. Wonderful to read success stories for a change.
Beth S 2 years ago
Absolutely. BP has been on a massive depressive post kick lately. Posts like these are like a breath of fresh air.
Load More Replies... Littlemiss 2 years ago
My husband and I shared the exact same goals for a future. He took large leaps to get to me, and in the end we finally made it. Took 7 years of long distance relationship before we got to live in the same country.
Tigerpacingthecage 2 years ago
A few of these are pretty bad, or, it's sad to be surprised over not feeling obligated to have transactional sex, feeling grateful that your partner isn't grossed out by period blood or happy that they don't use your mental illness against you. It's not really "green lights" as much as it should be decent behaviors. But I'm happy some found a better life!
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