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“[Am I The Jerk] For Refusing To Pay For My Bf’s Food On His Birthday And Getting Him Banned From A Restaurant?”
We’ve probably all heard the saying that if we wish to change the world, we should first change ourselves. This has to do with the understanding that not only are we not capable of changing every little thing and person out there, it probably wouldn’t even be moral from our side to recklessly force our understanding and preferences on others. Luckily, we can still make the world a better place by controlling the only thing we are truly in control of – our own behavior and impact. And while our values sometimes might be different from those of other people, it doesn’t mean we will be willing to give up on our own understanding without a good reason; at least this Redditor wasn’t when her boyfriend asked her to pay for his birthday steak.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
A boyfriend’s birthday celebration at a fancy restaurant turned messy when it came time to pay
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Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
The man expected his girlfriend would pay for his steak, even though she never uses her money on meat
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The woman is a vegetarian, who swore to herself to never spend a cent of her money on meat
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Image credits: Alpha (not the actual photo)
However, this time the man looked at his girlfriend shocked when she asked the waiter to split the bill
The story started with a young woman and her boyfriend John being all happy celebrating his 20th birthday at his favorite restaurant. However, their festive mood was disrupted when there came the time to pay for the meal.
Since there has been quite a bit of tension between them when it comes to the young woman being vegetarian, it reached its peak during the incident at this restaurant and suddenly revealed their disagreement at its core.
The girlfriend, having been a vegetarian since she was 11 years old in addition to having a rule that she has kept ever since she started making her own money – to not spend one cent on meat – was faced with her boyfriend’s expectation, that she would pay for his steak since it was his birthday.
Even though his girlfriend refusing to spend her money on meat is the one thing John has a problem with, usually on their dates, they either split the bill or he pays for it all. As an exchange, his girlfriend often pays for their concerts or festivals.
However, this time it was different: her boyfriend looked at her shocked when she asked to split the bill. Since her boyfriend couldn’t give a reason other than that it was his birthday, the woman refused to pay, while her boyfriend stormed off without paying for it either.
The woman ended up driving home without her boyfriend and got blamed later on that it is her fault that he can’t show his face at his favorite restaurant since he “dined and ditched”.
The boyfriend thought she should pay because it was his birthday and stormed off when she refused
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Image credits: Quang Nguyen Vinh (not the actual photo)
The man later blamed his girlfriend for no longer being able to show his face at his favorite restaurant as he “dined and ditched”
Verywell mind notes that, depending on, how you fight – whether you do it fairly and constructively – disagreements in romantic relationships might in fact be healthy. Mbgrelationships also advises to not throw away a relationship because you’ve hit a rough patch, suggesting that trust and commitment often can be deepened when working through disagreements.
Verywell mind is backed up by Dr. John Gottman, shedding light on how to develop a more loving style of disagreeing. He advises to start with one’s tone and intention, suggesting that one’s intention as well as one’s manner of speech should go beyond simply wishing to blame another person, but looking for a solution that would work for both people.
Dr. Barton Goldsmith for Psychology Today emphasizes similarly interdependence as crucial for making a relationship work, which he explains as being involved with each other in a supportive manner without compromising one’s values or sacrificing oneself for the relationship.
Finally, Mbgrelationships notes that while psychology may explain bad behavior, it does not excuse it. While one may understand why their partner does something, they should avoid indulging or enabling inappropriate behavior, even if it feels quite comfortable.
Redditors shared their take on the situation
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What do you think ?
Alexandra 1 year ago
Actually, it doesn't really matter who's what and why. A snowman in Hell has more chance of survival than this relationship.
Negatoris Wrecks 1 year ago
Trying to strong arm me by ditching for 20 minutes to stick me with the bill would have me done
lenka 1 year ago
Yeah. Regardless of her position on paying for meat this was the clincher for me. He left her alone in the restaurant without telling her he was leaving with the full intention of FORCING her to pay for his meal. Not OK.
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Betsy Ray 1 year ago
I understand her moral compass. She explains it clearly. They've been dating long enough for BF to know how it works. BF ordered a very expensive meal and wine (they're both underage in US.) He shouldn't have expected her to pay. She got him a birthday gift. He was rude and then aggressive. She needs to think if he's what she wants, even to just date. Many red flags here.
Debbie 1 year ago
He was forcing her to put her morals aside because it is his birthday. "just this once". What is next - "Oh honey I forgot my wallet, can you pay and I pay you back later?"etc.
Load More Replies...
Alexandra 1 year ago
Actually, it doesn't really matter who's what and why. A snowman in Hell has more chance of survival than this relationship.
Negatoris Wrecks 1 year ago
Trying to strong arm me by ditching for 20 minutes to stick me with the bill would have me done
lenka 1 year ago
Yeah. Regardless of her position on paying for meat this was the clincher for me. He left her alone in the restaurant without telling her he was leaving with the full intention of FORCING her to pay for his meal. Not OK.
Load More Replies... Betsy Ray 1 year ago
I understand her moral compass. She explains it clearly. They've been dating long enough for BF to know how it works. BF ordered a very expensive meal and wine (they're both underage in US.) He shouldn't have expected her to pay. She got him a birthday gift. He was rude and then aggressive. She needs to think if he's what she wants, even to just date. Many red flags here.
Debbie 1 year ago
He was forcing her to put her morals aside because it is his birthday. "just this once". What is next - "Oh honey I forgot my wallet, can you pay and I pay you back later?"etc.
Load More Replies...
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