The YYA comments from the people fantasizing about having control over a 16 year olds body are sad and pathetic but not surprising

In the end, the mother is STILL selfish. She is not looking for repair. She is looking for absolution so she can die without guilt. It's not the daughter's responsibility to absolve her. She will have to make peace with that all on her own. NTA.

C’mon. People believe this story? The biological mother had no way to stop the adoption even though her parents made her sign the documents under false pretenses? I’m pretty sure that kind of circumstance would void the whole process. And what about the father? It's not like one parent can unanimously sign away the kid. Really, people. Stop and think before you take a story on the internet at face value.

If you do get back in touch, don't bring your kids into it, unless they really want to meet their other grandparents. Making them pawns in the drama is not fair to them. You've done a good job shielding then from your parents, don't stop now.

OP's parents might say something sh!tty like "I told you we made the right decision." It could open up old wounds and cause new ones for her kids. Stay away. Living well is the best revenge.

Are the YTA responses for real? Just… what!? Insane evil people

I think the timing is suspicious. There was a whole lot of time in which OP's parents could have repaired the relationship. Also, what does 'repairing the relationship' mean exactly? Do they just want to forgive and forget so that the funeral will be less awkward because a daughter won't be there? Or do they want to acknowledge what happened and take responsibility? Or does OP's mother just wants to ease her conscience? Is this a way to ensure that OP's father will have access to his grandchildren after the funeral?

They only want contact to feel better about themselves and how horrible they were. Tell them to eat a bag of d**ks.

My heart breaks for you. And F them. They can rot. You are much kinder and more mature than me.

I am in the early stages of this grief. I am no contact for the time being. At this point an apology would not be enough. I have suffered a life time of manipulation at my mother's hands because I, like the OP, trusted unconditionally.

Oh, hell no. I could never ever speak to anyone who did something so awful and cruel. Her mum clearly doesn't care about her daughter or grandkids and just wants to feel better about herself before she kicks the bucket, she deserves to feel every bit of guilt and pain she feels now after what she did. Surely if they were tricked into signing the papers they could have got a lawyer and fought the adoption? Even 20- 30yrs ago most countries had laws to protect against things like this, my aunt gave up a baby in the 80s and was told she had 6 months to change her mind and had to sign additional papers confirming she wasn't being coerced or doing it under duress.

If her parents really cared they would not wait until one of them was dying.

Biological father left when I was 2 or 3. Don't remember him. Came back when I was in my early 30s. Refused to see him. Everyone said I'd regret it. He's been dead for about 10 years and NO REGRETS. He was and will always be, a stranger to me.

I'm sorry but doing well will just confirm to the idiots they did the right thing.

I see here another aspect: An unwanted pregnancy of a teenager, which caused too much pain and sorrow and could had been avoided if...! Because a stupidly conservative society refuses to accept the need of sexual education for its children. Pathetic.

If you met them they will just misinterpret you intentionally because they are desperate for forgiveness/vindication/redemption or whatever. They won’t listen to you and will continue to defend their actions, probably even use your success and your son doing well as “evidence” that they made the right choice for you and him. I don’t think you should have to endure that absolute failure to acknowledge their wrongs and their screwed up justification that they acted in your best interest. They aren’t sorry for anything and they don’t deserve the connection with you or the beautiful life you created yourself, they will try to scuff it up. Ignore them completely. Horrid people

I'll have to turn your invitation down. I just got the child back you stole from me two decades ago. I can't risk you stealing another.

OP should continue to go NC. They are DEAD to her.

She shouldnt give them the satisfaction of meeting the beautiful children they missed out on . Would the closure be for the daughter or the parents ? I would be hesitiant about my children meeting my parents if i were in this situation. What impact would it have on the child who was adopted out? If she feels she needs to see her parents her and her husband should go without the kids. It was a trap the first time .

Tell your son (and any other adult kids you may have) they want to meet him. He's old enough to make the decision and arrangements himself. If he wants to meet them, he can do so. But I don't think you should interact with them directly or have them meet your other kids (who aren't adults).

They made their choice back then, to rip out the heart from their child, to rip away the child she had made plans to care for. They also made the choice to NOT be grandparents. Just send a picture of the whole happy family, with the firstborn and the proper grandparents, and write "Haven't got time for people who refused to be grandparents".

I have been NC with my parents for 25 years. When he died I didn't go to the funeral and likewise when she dies, I will not go to that funeral either. I will have zero regrets.

I don't think she needs to meet with her mother, I do believe she would do herself a favor by extending forgiveness. The act of forgiving can be just for the one forgiving. That's why I don't see the necessity for her to visit her mother. Bitterness can eat away at us like a cancer. I hope she can move on without all the hate and enjoy having her entire family together.

No. Absolutely not. They lied about the adoption and DID steal the baby. Absolutely not. No.

I agree with those who suggest she go alone (if she wants to go), without the kids. She is the one who needs/deserves closure, even if it's not the closure she wants. It would be a hugely mature and adult thing to do for HERSELF, and she "owes" them absolutely nothing. Her husband's desire to "rub their faces in it" would be a regret later on in life, IMHO. You've been okay without them so far. You'll be fine without them still.

Give the adopted child their details. Let him make his own mind up. He has the right to know where he came from and why he was adopted. Keeping him from them is just another rejection, that he doesn't need. If he'd found them first, what would the story be?! Only fair he hears all sides of his own beginnings. It's about *him* after all, not the grand/parent.

It seems she will never forgive her parents so I don't think she should go see her mother. I don't like any of the nasty suggestions that were given. The woman is dying. Please don't go and say you still hate her & will never forgive her. If she wanted to send a card with a picture of her family & say your family is complete with the addition of your 1st born &you're sorry that she is dying but don't be hateful

Don't do it for them, do it for yourself and your family for closure, there is obviously still a lot of hurt there and there will be regrets if you don't at least try to resolve them (for your wellbeing) before it's too late. A lot of people are saying not to involve your children, I think you should give them the choice to meet their grandparents especially your eldest. A chance to ask why they did what they did. Your parents made a choice for you, dont make the same mistake.... I wish you and your family all the best whatever your final decision.

I would try to see them, with all children, husband in tow. Let them see how big of a mistake they made not having this obviously beautiful and amazing family in their life all this time.

I'd write them a letter, and that'd be it.

You have to show your happy family with FOUR kids that she never got to know in her face and leave. Edit: Better yet, mail her a picture of you all to her hospital room.