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Parents Get Mad About Living In Daughter’s Totally Converted Garage, She Suggests The Nursing Home
Sooner or later we all get old and, no matter how sad it may be, we need care or support from other people. Such people can be our friends, acquaintances, but most often, in old age, we look for support from relatives. For example, from our own children, who by that time have long since grown up.
Of course, these very adult children may already have a lot of their own problems, but they are often ready to help. However, not always by sacrificing one’s own comfort. As it happened, for example, with the user u/Old_Programmer_5669, the author of our story today, and her elderly parents.
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The author of the post is a widow who lives with her dogs in her ‘forever home’
Image credits: Jellaluna (not the actual photo)
The woman also rebuilt the garage on her land plot into a pretty decent guest home
Image credits: u/Old_Programmer_5669
Some time ago the author’s parents asked if they could move in with her – and she agreed
Image credits: larsjuh (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Old_Programmer_5669
When the elderly couple showed up with all their belongings, they got upset that they’ll have to live in the former garage
Image credits: jacinta lluch valero (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Old_Programmer_5669
Some real family drama ensued – and the author firmly stated that her parents can move into a nursing home, then
So, the Original Poster (OP), in her own words, is a widow who lives in her forever house with her dogs. The author’s children have already grown up and live separately, and after the OP’s spouse passed away, she decided to rebuild the garage into some kind of guest house – especially since she herself does not drive a car.
That’s what she did – she completed all the necessary documents, converted the premises into housing, placing there, in particular, an independent washroom, kitchen and whatnot. It turned out to be quite a decent house, in which the OP’s children, who came with their families, sometimes stayed too.
And then, one fine day, the OP’s parents called and asked permission to move in with her. Well, the woman didn’t mind, but didn’t tell her mom and dad that she planned to place them in the former garage. The day of the move arrived – the parents arrived at the place… and got absolutely upset and even livid about their supposed new dwelling.
The parents made a complaint to the OP – why they would be forced to live in the garage, while she lives in a 5-bedroom house? To this, the homeowner replied that she uses one of the bedrooms as her office, where clients come, the second – as a private office, and the third is usually used as a hobby room. Finally, in the fourth bedroom, as the woman herself admits, her mutts usually live…
In general, a real quarrel broke out, during which the parents accused the author of being selfish and rude, largely because she did not warn them in advance where she planned to settle them. In turn, the OP stated that she is ready to provide the parents with rent-free separate housing, and if they don’t like something about it, then they can move into a nursing home…
Image credits: mrhayata (not the actual photo)
In fact, this story raises a whole layer of problems associated with Gen X-ers, who at one time were essentially left to their own devices because their parents were actively involved in their careers – and now, many years later, they have to not only arrange the lives of their adult children (who are far from sure that they want to live separately), but also to take care of aging parents.
Most commenters here are divided in their opinions about how right one or the other side of the conflict was. For example, some people, while completely sharing the original poster’s reluctance to share one roof with her parents, still criticize her for not telling them where she planned to have them live until they showed up on the porch with all their belongings.
And yet, many commenters sincerely believe that since the former garage has been officially converted to housing stock and has everything for fairly comfortable living – especially rent-free living – then the author’s parents should not be indignant at her ‘ungratefulness.’ “They wanted into the main house for you to be their cook, maid and carer. In the guest house they have to fend for themselves,” one of the folks in the comments states quite reasonably.
Be that as it may, the situation looks quite controversial, both from a rational and moral point of view. For example, when I told this story to my wife, we differed in our opinions about the correctness of the parties to the conflict. So what about you, our dear readers? Please express your own points of view in the comments below this post as well!
Most of the commenters do have mixed feelings over this complicated conflict
What do you think ?
Jeanette Thompson 1 year ago
I don't get the ESH comments. It's not like they're living in a dump or an unfinished garage. Also, Fonzie lived in an apartment over the garage. If my daughter offered me a rent free, fully up to code guest house that used to be a garage, I'd be thrilled and grateful, not act like a spoiled child.
BlackestDawn 1 year ago
Yeah, I don't get them either. Why would OP need to clarify (or explicitly state) something that was never a problem before? Communication is always a responsibility of all parties involved so it was as much or possibly even more so a responsibility of the parents to ask about this than it was for OP to state it unprompted.
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Alec 1 year ago (edited)
I will go with the ESH crowd on this one. Yes, she should have made it clear that they wouldn't be moving into the house proper beforehand, but on the other had there is a difference between providing a roof over their heads (something she is doing in the form of what is basically an independent apartment ) and becoming their full time caregiver, that may well have been the unspoken expectation, so setting up some clearly demarcated boundaries to keep that from happening is not unwarranted
ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago
She clarified they’d stay in the guest house on previous visits, I think. If their visits were in the guest house and they were invited to live with her, wouldn’t they assume it would be the same place they’d previously stayed? With a kitchen & washroom? Presumptuous on their part to think they’d get to take over her actual main residence.
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Trillian 1 year ago
I find it a bit weird that there was this misunderstanding at all. It seems like with a big thing like moving in there should have been more communication and planning, it should have come up at some point? But I do get that she doesn't want them IN the house. It's not only about room, but about privacy. As an adult, I want to be able to walk around naked in my house or bring people home without running into my parents.
Jeanette Thompson 1 year ago
I don't get the ESH comments. It's not like they're living in a dump or an unfinished garage. Also, Fonzie lived in an apartment over the garage. If my daughter offered me a rent free, fully up to code guest house that used to be a garage, I'd be thrilled and grateful, not act like a spoiled child.
BlackestDawn 1 year ago
Yeah, I don't get them either. Why would OP need to clarify (or explicitly state) something that was never a problem before? Communication is always a responsibility of all parties involved so it was as much or possibly even more so a responsibility of the parents to ask about this than it was for OP to state it unprompted.
Load More Replies... Alec 1 year ago (edited)
I will go with the ESH crowd on this one. Yes, she should have made it clear that they wouldn't be moving into the house proper beforehand, but on the other had there is a difference between providing a roof over their heads (something she is doing in the form of what is basically an independent apartment ) and becoming their full time caregiver, that may well have been the unspoken expectation, so setting up some clearly demarcated boundaries to keep that from happening is not unwarranted
ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago
She clarified they’d stay in the guest house on previous visits, I think. If their visits were in the guest house and they were invited to live with her, wouldn’t they assume it would be the same place they’d previously stayed? With a kitchen & washroom? Presumptuous on their part to think they’d get to take over her actual main residence.
Load More Replies... Trillian 1 year ago
I find it a bit weird that there was this misunderstanding at all. It seems like with a big thing like moving in there should have been more communication and planning, it should have come up at some point? But I do get that she doesn't want them IN the house. It's not only about room, but about privacy. As an adult, I want to be able to walk around naked in my house or bring people home without running into my parents.
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