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Parenting is a wonderful experience that lasts a lifetime. However, it does come with a fair share of trials and tribulations. And, as we're about to see, disappointments.
There's a post on Reddit by user Eyriesistable that asked moms and dads a question: "At what point did you realize you don't like your own kid?" As of today, it has received 869 comments, many of which describe the moment people were appalled by their children.
But it's not the only discussion on the platform that explores this nuanced topic. We at Bored Panda discovered two similar ones (here and here), so we put together the stories that received the most attention and invite you to spend some time with them. Hopefully, they will help you in navigating your own family relationships. Or at least provide some food for thought.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
He stole my cat.
Only 18 months old the little prick and he's always had a fascination with animals, any time he sees one he points, starts walking towards it going "aaaaaaaww"
Anyway, me and my cat used to be best buddies but currently my cat is sat in his lap whilst he's stroking him going "aaaaaaaww"
And it's the same every day
Talya Stone, a former editor-in-chief turned parenting blogger and the woman behind Motherhood: The Real Deal and 40 Now What, thinks that everyone has doubts about being a parent. "You worry if you will be a good one, or know what you are doing," she told Bored Panda.
"Nobody knows what they are doing and there is no handbook! Doubts are totally normal. But you need to tune into yourself. What are your doubts really about? Are they just a story you've created around yourself and your capabilities, or something deeper? "
"Also, if you have doubts because of perhaps stuff that you are carrying around from your past, now is a good time to work through all of that in therapy. And most importantly, be honest with yourself," Stone, who has touched on the topic in her own piece called 'Five truths about motherhood people don’t like to share', said.
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#2
I don’t not like them, but I am the current owner/operator of a 15 yr old gay son and a 12 year old hetero daughter and tbh if the fox and the cat from Pinocchio showed up and offered them tickets to Pleasure Island, I’d pack ‘em a bag quick as.
What a terrible age. Hormones + Opinions + Advanced Height Above Your Parent = every day I’m rolling my eyes and biting my tongue.
And yes, I feel their sexuality and gender identity come in to this. Until you’ve raised a middle class white male who’s hell bent on telling you, a woman with no education who worked in heavy, male dominated industry in her 20’s, that you HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE MARGINALISED you have simply not lived! Apparently i have no idea what it’s like to live like these poor kids who’ve lived in the same home since they were born, have parents who give them literally everything they need, and have minimum expectations.
But I suspect this will pass. It’ll pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.
Don Keideck 2 years ago
Honesty beats happy talk every time. Thanks for telling you truth like it is without the Disney spin
#3
I love my son, but ever since he jumped down the Q (QAnon) rabbit hole, i dread visiting with him.
#4
Not a parent, but I observed my sister treat my nephew like a king for years while treating my niece with contempt.
One night, while she was drunk I asked her why and she was quite candid. My niece was conceived as a way to save her marriage, and since that did not work, obviously it must be because something was wrong with my niece. That's fucked up.
#5
Dislike? Do not love? Too extreme of an expression. As a parent who's kids are grown now and have moved out and become successful and parents themselves (in one case), I would like to share this:
It is not fun to be a parent. Some people love it and find it the greatest honor and joy of their lives. I did not find it to be a joy nor an honor. It was an 18 year long war with a stubborn, ignorant, arrogant young person that ended only after they finally moved out, tried everything their way, failed, and finally admitted it and apologized.
I did not enjoy changing diapers or midnight feedings. I did not enjoy watching my wife be torn apart giving birth. I did not enjoy competing with them for attention. I enjoyed seeing them in plays, singing, doing sports, etc, but I did not enjoy how much of my time all of that took. I did not enjoy fighting with them about homework or not eating in the den or leaving dirty dishes laying around. The yelling, arguing, stupid idiotic bad decisions, destruction of our property from them getting angry at things or walls or breaking expensive plates or just playing around things and smashing them. The tremendous cost in money and time is just unbelievable.
I did not enjoy fatherhood, and I am glad it is over. I love my kids. I find them to be great people.
But goddammit, folks, if I had it to do over again, there is no f**king way I would get married and have children.
Some of your parents feel that way too.
These other posts on here about complete abandonment and drugs and s**t - I don't have anything like that in my life.
But seriously - wear a condom, and really think hard before you become a parent. It's not for everyone.
Bedlamite 2 years ago
My son was very troubled as a teen and young adult, during a conversation with him he stated that he knew I hated him. I said I while I did love him, I hated the things he was doing. He was quite shocked as I don't think it had ever occurred to him that there could be a difference. He's managed to turn his life around and I couldn't be prouder of him.
#6
I raised my brother and sister as my own children. I'm the oldest in an abusive family, and my mom was mentally checked out. Today I call my sister daughter, and she called me dad for a while (felt too weird for both of us).
I only tell people I raised my sister.
I think he has undiagnosed bipolar disorder, but by the time it showed up he was old enough to refuse treatment. He lives with our biological mom. I did not take him with me when I moved. He was too far gone by then in his own hatred.
He's a horrible human being even on his clear days and blames me for all of his problems, even though I cared for him and worked for a future for him as much as I did my little sister (she's in college now). I protected him from the sexual abuse I suffered. Even when he was a toddler I literally gave my own body to protect my baby brother. I also got us both out of that situation when he was too afraid to speak during the custody hearings. When I was old enough for college I even took parenting and childhood education classes to give him the best chance possible. I protected him, took care of him, fed him, helped him with homework, got exercise equipment and he lost a ton of weight because of it, yet he wishes I never existed.
He can f**k right of and enjoy his own failure. Everything is everyone's fault but his.
AsexualShrimp 2 years ago
i'm so sorry!! i hope you life is in a better situation now! hugs xx
#8
My son is only 6....well, 18months old on the latest evals. He's also huge for his age, so he's in the body of an average 8-9yr old. I love my son, but really hate his level of Autism. I have no idea if he knows or cares about anything really. I certainly don't know if he's hurt or feeling sick. He certainly doesn't sleep much and seems a bundle of energy. The destruction of our home is beyond comprehension. It's a war zone day in and day out and all on about 4-5hrs sleep per night.
Anna Gibson 2 years ago
I can totally empathise . My son was diagnosed at 4 year old. I cannot put into words how hard it was fighting for his education. He attended a special needs school who decided he would never sit exams. His meltdowns were off the scale. Head butting. Spitting kicking. But what hurt was seeing him so overwhelmed to the point he would hit his head on walls or punch himself in the face. Luckily he could verbally communicate by around 7 years old. It was so hard. Then he found his focus. Computers. Gaming. Digital sketch pad art. Fast forward to now. After studying IT at college (with fantastic support from staff) he achieved fantastic grades. Top 5% in the country. He attended University for the first time today. He has an EHCP so does get really helpful support. Autistic children each have something they can excel at. And luckily my boy is obsessed with IT technology and is now achieving things I never thought he would. I was single mostly throughout his childhood. I often felt alone. Hopeless and terrified for his future. I feel for parents of Autistic children who are non verbal. .please just look for any support that is out there. In the UK there is a course called The Early Bird Plus. 12 weeks long. It helped me try to empathise and understand how my son was feeling. Identifying his triggers...please stay hopeful. ..
Liz 2 years ago
ooo this sounds like my friend. you wouldn't know he's autistic unless he's struggling with having a meltdown. he's a genius programmer and we met online through a game. he helped me with my coding at work, so when he got into a top college here I helped him move in, and brought friends. we met his parents. they almost cried. I got asked about hanging out and I'm just Iike everyone loves your son. he did have some challenges during orientation but I just side hugged him and said we'll figure it out and he calmed down. only time I would ever believe him that he was on the spectrum! (I did ask what helped the most, and he said going to a specialized high school and getting more 1 on 1 attention).
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Matthew Cook 2 years ago
I'm a single dad of twin 13yr old boys and one is on the spectrum. I can handle a lot but he is nasty to almost everyone. I clicked on this article because I felt this. It sucks. I love my son. But can't really stand to be around him.
Raena Celis 2 years ago
I'm sorry you feel that way. Being a parent of an autistic child isn't easy. My oldest child is diagnosed with autism. I had it really hard during his toddler years because he didn't talk and it would drive me crazy trying to figure out how to communicate with . I can only imagine how he would feel the same way, trying to communicate with me and not get thru. Please be patient with your child. You'll see he's a shining star.
Electra Complex 2 years ago
Always assume your child knows and cares about what's going on, even if they are unable to communicate it
Mary Lou Peters 2 years ago
Yes my 9year old grandson is a shining star too.It takes love understanding and patience.
Kate Jones 2 years ago
I'm so sorry. I hope that you find some good programs for parents with autistic children to help with training. They really can be very helpful in teaching kids to enjoy structure and routine and help them to be less anxious. If you live in the US you should apply for help from social security/disability to receive funds to help care for your son. You might be able to afford a nanny or at least some extra help around the house.
SirWriteALot 2 years ago
My greatest fear was a son with mental issues or Trisomie 21, having read stories like yours really put the scare in us. I can completely understand your frustration and you are allowed to be ... angry? Scared? Frustrated? Resentful?
#9
The kid's perspective:
Mom told me about my dad being visibly disappointed when I was born and found out I was a girl. He wanted a son. Then he got one 3 years later and he didn't have to pay me any attention.
#10
My son has a lot of stuff that makes his brain not function correctly. Now I love my son but he is a very hard child to like. He constantly lies even when we already know the truth. Doesn’t understand emotions. Constantly interrupts, doesn’t follow simple instructions. Again I love my boy but with all of this happening hour by hour it’s very hard to like him.
#11
When she lied to me at every turn, even for stupid little things when lying wouldn’t make a difference. Sadly, she’s over 40 and still constantly lies to me.
BlindGirl UK 2 years ago
You need to find out WHY she's lying. Often it's because they don't trust the parent enough to divulge things that may be important to them, or that they fear the parents reaction and perhaps were mistreated by the patent when young.
#12
He started hating on me from an early age. He would literally give me the cold shoulder - monosyllabic responses to me while not looking up from his games, then become open and chatty when anyone else entered the room. I ate it for years - he's just a kid, right?
I ended up leaving his dad. He blamed me for everything and called the cops on me after yelling at me over the phone.
I talked to his brother after the cops left. He was so frustrated on my behalf and only then told me all the low-key things younger brother had done under the radar; he was more mean than I realized; I thought it was only directed at me. My older son was sympathetic and made me feel better. He said his younger brother had a lot of issues.
I really don't give my younger son an option to call the cops on me again.
Jessica Blankenship 2 years ago
Sounds like he seriously needs therapy and help to navigate the emotions like grief at yalls failed family, anger and rage directed at u and siblings, and it will be harder to manage the longer u wait to get him help to deal
#13
I have recently had to go no contact with my eldest child. She is in her early 20s and married with a one year old and one on the way. Over the years I have taken her to therapists etc with her mental health issues as well as epilepsy. Last year she told me it was all my fault and that she didn't need any of the therapy or medications. She was begging for mental health support at around 14 and was self harming. I did absolutely everything I could to make her happy and feel supported. But she threw it back at me. She would run away a lot so I would have to go searching for her and often get the police involved. I believe now that she wanted the attention. Since having her first child her mental health has declined significantly. Her wife has control over everything in their relationship but when I brought this up I was called everything under the sun. I have been stopped from seeing my grandchild on and off over the last year because I apparently don't do enough for them.
Nadine Debard 2 years ago
Sounds like an abusive wife bitching about the mother to separate the sensitive daughter from her family.
#14
When my stepson developed schizophrenia at 15, and became intensely neurotic, paranoid and combative, it was a really tough time.
His illness would cause him to start to build false realities that he absolutely believed were true.
He thought my husband murdered me, even though I was right in front of him. He claimed my daughter said terrible things all the time....she was only 3. He called the police and said I was robbing the bank account the State had for him for some mix tapes he sold to them.
I had to physically restrain him due to paranoid violence. I had to home school him even before the illness started, due to rebellion.
We had worked so hard to get him up to normal in school, only for him to destroy it all by smoking cannabis and trying PCP when he ran off with shit kids that we forbid.
The drug use potentiated an underlying susceptibility for Schizophrenia due to his biological mother's familial history.
Because he openly defied us constantly, looking for any opportunity to skip class and f*ck up, he will never be able to live a normal adult life. He will require supervision every single day, he may never have a full time job for cognizant adults, and he will require others to manage all of his typically adult responsibilities.... For the rest of his life.
#15
When they became a narcissistic adult-trash talking everyone for attention, me included. They are a user (of people) like I’ve never seen before. I still love them, but do not like them.
#16
For real, I used to have an issue for several years with my three daughters. I didn't feel the parental love that one would expect. I would still protect them from harm and all that but I did not have the emotional connection I thought I would with my kids. I spoke out of concern with my wife about it several times and she suspects that it was how I was raised by an abusive father figure. Nowadays the love is there but I feel that I missed out on too many things when they were growing up. I did not bond when I was supposed to I guess. I never really went out of my way to hold them when they were little. I just pray that I hid that fact well enough from them that they don't find out. I don't want them to think I don't care...
#17
At 2 he stabbed me in the eye with a colored pencil, at three he beat me with a toliet roll holder made of solid metal- i had to get stitches. At 5 he stole money from my wallet, & then at 10 he basically did everything he could to push me away but i still love my kid & would do anything i can to help him succeed & get him help
#18
my ex and I split after he took up a pretty bad drug habit. He left and I kept his son from a previous relationship that he had custody of. This kid was bad. I mean lighting things on fire, pissing on floors bad. I tried everything. I had therapists and medication and special schools. All while taking care of my own toddler. Eventually I grew to think of this kid as a major inconvenience, he would purposely hurt my son, especially if my mother was babysitting and eventually my mother called cps to have his father located (in jail, then rehab), ended up putting him in foster care. Was teetering on hatred. Even though I new the reasons for his actions. I limit my communication with him still out of fear of him influencing my son.
#19
When I first met him when he was 18. His mom kept me from him his whole life for very weak reasons at that. He was a complete stranger by then. I felt nothing for him. I actually found him to be a bit repulsive even. Maybe that's some subconscious guilt and shame of my own but I don't think so. He was just a stranger and not one that I would normally associate myself with in any other situation. It is what it is man. Life's a b***h.
PixieVonBehr 2 years ago
I personally believe relationships take a lot of time. Just because you share DNA with someone doesn't mean you're instantly going to bond. I first knew of the existence of an older brother when I was 11 but we're not close. He's a nice guy but we have nothing in common and no sibling bond because we simply didn't grow up together and we wouldn't be friends if we weren't related.
#20
I love my kids but my 19 year old male is something else. He is a straight up slob! Wears his pants so low you can see half his a*s crack! I throw all sorts of s**t in there. He showers twice a week and his place is a wreck! I get it that it's his life and his place, but damn! He has lost 2 gfs over his inability to at least keep his place clean.dirty clothes everywhere, he owns like 50 towels because he might do laundry this week or not. Oh his truck has trash shoved in it everywhere!
I just don't get it...but he is my pig pen and I love him.
Kate Jones 2 years ago
Sounds like he may have some psychological issues like borderline hoarding or depression. To not shower more than twice a week is gross and I could understand if he just never had a reason to before but to lose 2 relationships over it sounds more like an actual problem than just laziness. I wonder if he was like this when he was living at home or did something spark it? Being unhygienic a sure sign of some kind of depression. And if he's that bad he could end up losing his job or apartment because they can't take the smell/mess. He'd better try and get a handle on it now.
#21
I'll just tell my side for my mother. (For clarity, she has admitted all this to me in the past, these aren't assumptions or anything like that)
I was an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy in her teens. She didn't want me from the get go. She would often leave at night, with me in the care of my father, cousin or grandparents and go party. When I was 2, right after my brother was born, our father died in an accident. My mother took this opportunity to leave me with my grandparents after the funeral and just leave, taking my brother with her. Over the next several years I saw her sporadically and for maybe a few hours at a time once a year or so.
Fast forward to when I was teen and I was living with her because she wanted a babysitter for my younger half siblings she came home drunk and I had had the last straw and screamed out, "Why do you hate me??" And she point blank told me it was because I looked, spoke, acted and carried myself just like my father. The thing is, she loved my father with everything she had, she even kept my brother instead of abandoning him because he shared our father's name.
When she was sober, I confronted her again and I told her I wanted the rest of the truth (I just knew there was more) and she didn't even try to pawn it off as her being drunk. She told me the same thing but added on that she never wanted me in the first place, that she felt no connection or bond with me, never had and that I may as well have been someone elses child and with the way things turned out, I may as well have been my grandparents child rather than grandchild. She said she should have listened to her father (my grandfather) when he told her to abort me and that the only reason she didn't was because my father wanted me and she loved him.
This both surprised me but also....not really. Like I knew she felt like this on some level but to actually hear it sort of threw me for a loop. To this day my younger siblings, who I basically raised, do not know me as their sister, they have no idea. My mother has kept it from them, they just assume I'm another relative (likely a cousin) from our massive family. The other thing is that all 5 of my other siblings were also unplanned/unwanted but she treats them like kings and queens, they had the type of bond with her I only ever dreamed about as a child.
Your Neighborhood Alien 2 years ago
Thought I'd share this great comment on the Reddit thread: With all due respect, I hate your mother. what kind of b******t is that.
#22
Not me but my grandparents, i thought they loved my dad (who was verbally abusive to wife and kids, plus some physical abuse to me mostly) until we ditched him and he tried to move in with them but my pap called him a "deadbeat dad" and to get out
It wasn't until we escaped that my grandparents ever said a word against him but now it seems like they hate his guts
#23
My kid has several issues my wife and I are tring to solve. He beats up on us, tries to hurt himself, screams & yells whenever he doesn't get his way. Rages to the points where he's unable to control himself. I can go on and on, but you probably get the gist.
Having kids has turned into a very stressful & exhausting life. Since my kid is only four, I'm very scared for the future. But with everything we're dealing with, I love him more than anything else in the world and could never live without him.
Me 2 years ago (edited)
My husbands younger brother was the most exhausting toddler. Slammed his head on the floor when angry, constantly shouting, nearly never sleeping, not talking until he was four. A few years later he was a very relaxed, smart, charming kid and today he is a doctor and has a great relationship with his family. Things can change, but it's hard to believe when you are in the center of chaos.
#24
There are a few things that really irk me about my son and I recognize them as the result of me dropping the ball on being a good parent a few times. So I'm constantly trying to improve his behavior through improving my behavior. I feel bad for the people who were terrible parents and weren't able to recognize it or correct it, for whatever reason. :/
#25
My two year old got sent home from daycare today because he bit three different kids, unprovoked, before noon.
#26
My 2 year old just yanked my hair and laughed when I said 'ouch!'. I still love him but he's a little f****r sometimes.
#27
My grandmother had 3 kids and doesn't like any of them. Loves all three but doesn't like them. The first is just an a*****e used her for money and her house like a hotel. Second... they just don't click, total opposites. Third is a needy lil mooch/hoarder who throws tantrums over stuff like the frosting color on Easter cookies because "that's not how daddy did it when I was little"
#28
Now I'm not a parent, but damn is my mom pissed at my brother. The two were never really close, but after the divorce, my brother - call him Eric - clearly sided with my dad. Eric was already in the rebellious teen phase, so my parents' divorce really threw his emotions around.
It kept on escalating slowly, Eric refusing to clean up after dinner, my mother insisting that Eric always ask his friends for rides home from events, and that he be perfect in every way. My mother's side of it was always passive aggressive, never physical, all the way up to Eric's 16th birthday, almost a year and a half after the divorce.
He was upset with my mom because Angsty-Teen-Reasons, and wanted to spend his birthday with our dad, even though by the custody agreement, he was under our mom's jurisdiction. My mom felt that this was an assault on her as a person, and as a mother, and just lost her head. She started screaming her face off at Eric, saying how he was a terrible human being, and how she hadn't spent the past 15 years raising him to act like such a jerk to his mother. However, it was kind of my brother's 16th birthday, so he got pissed that she had forgotten his age. He stormed out, biked over to his friend's house down the street (No license yet), and then had his party with our dad like he had wanted.
The two didn't talk again for another month, until Eric started looking at colleges. Of course, since he's such an outstanding student and athlete, he had plenty of colleges that he wanted to go to. Unfortunately, Eric is shit at doing any sort of paperwork, so literally the first thing he says to my mom is, "Can you fill this application out for me?" Needless to say, it took a little more than that to convince her to lift anything other than her finger, but it reopened the dialogue between the two.
It's been two years now, and the two are still frosty, but at least they're talking. That month was one of the worst experiences of my life, having to deal with Angsty-Teen-Bitch and Eric my mother being so angry all the time.
#29
I wanted to be a parent and love my child more than anything in the entire universe. AND ALSO I hate how she makes my house messy, I hate that I have to put her first financially and she will never appreciate that, and I hate how much of my time revolves around her. I hate what pregnancy did to my body. So whenever I think of people subjecting themselves to parenthood and all of its struggles without actually wanting to raise a human... I just don't get it. Like no. You will hate every second.
#30
Even though he has some mental issues (thanks, drug-abusing bio-donors!!), the parental and school worker disrespect, f'd up attitude, stealing, drug-using, assaultive behavior towards peers, and hell-raising at school, and general dickishness (waaaayyyy beyond the normal pre-teen and teen dickishness) makes me flatly feel like not even trying anymore.
Even therapy and psych meds merely temporarily lower his extreme dickishness to merely incipid dickishness. Frankly, I'm just running out the clock until he more fully gets into "the system" (was already on probation for assaulting another student) until he does something truly stupid, and goes to the pokey. Until then, I don't really feel like investing much in the way of emotions in him. Just another person who happens to live in my house, and the more he's not there, the more peaceful life is.
Sad to say, I know...but too true.
EDIT: Holy crap, didn't think this would get as much attention as it did. To all of the kind folks (both professionals and fellow parents, and former "bad kids" who "get it"), thanks for your great advice. I'd really like to help my son be as successful as he can possibly be, and keep him from being the latest victim of a gang shooting gone bad, or a "I-was-in-fear-of-my-life" police event, or from irrevocably injuring himself with drugs or prison life (he thinks he's hard, but from personal experience, real criminals and gangstas would eat him for breakfast). All of these things are no bueno.
What do you think ?
AmmoniteCat 2 years ago
Think. A. Thousand. Times. Before. Having. Kids. If you're even 0.0001% hesitant, don't have them. PLEASE CONSIDER ALL FACTORS.
Disco Hippie 2 years ago
Why do you read a post like this if you don't like the content? I have a hard relationship with my 14 year stepson and sometimes I feel like I hate him for being so difficult. It makes me angry about myself, because I am supposed to be the adult in his life and he is just a jerk sometimes. This helps, to know I am not the only one having troubles with their children.
XenoMurph 2 years ago
Because we don't just stick inside a bubble of confirmation bias. It's better to read things that challenge you, and engage in a polite reasoned discussion.
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Hatred Pony 2 years ago
If you air out your issues in public forums how can you expect anything less?
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AmmoniteCat 2 years ago
Think. A. Thousand. Times. Before. Having. Kids. If you're even 0.0001% hesitant, don't have them. PLEASE CONSIDER ALL FACTORS.
Disco Hippie 2 years ago
Why do you read a post like this if you don't like the content? I have a hard relationship with my 14 year stepson and sometimes I feel like I hate him for being so difficult. It makes me angry about myself, because I am supposed to be the adult in his life and he is just a jerk sometimes. This helps, to know I am not the only one having troubles with their children.
XenoMurph 2 years ago
Because we don't just stick inside a bubble of confirmation bias. It's better to read things that challenge you, and engage in a polite reasoned discussion.
Load More Replies... Hatred Pony 2 years ago
If you air out your issues in public forums how can you expect anything less?
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