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GeronimoJak , RF._.studio / Pexels Report

30 People Reveal The Reason Their Kids No Longer Speak To Them Not me but I was on a Facebook group a few weeks back where this older woman in her 60s claimed to be estranged from her kids, and she didn't know why. She assumed that the kids were hard to deal with and she did her best but no matter what they were always out to get her or feel that she was being aggressive.

When someone made a comment or suggestion saying that the way she phrases things may contribute to it based on how she spoke, this woman flipped out on the person who commented. When I followed saying if that's how she speaks to them, then I can see why they may feel that way, she flipped out on me saying I don't know her story and that she was the nicest person she ever knew.

Some people just genuinely don't have the mental capacity to learn how to grow.

Final score:

145points

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35 cabbages in a trenchcoat 3 months ago

Sounds like a nightmare

52points

basketma12 , Keira Burton / Pexels Report

30 People Reveal The Reason Their Kids No Longer Speak To Them My kids still speak to me, but not much. I'm better than I was, but I was a c**p parent. Poverty was part of it. Hooking up with the wrong men, just to have a little more income, or not to pay for child care. Bed chemical decisions. I got myself cleaned up, got out of debt, got rid of the guy who was harassing my boy, and acting like the girl (our kid together ) could do no wrong. My parents were atrocious, and I really thought I was much better. Actually, I was much better, but I wasn't enough better. It was hard for me to show love because I never experienced it myself. There were times i didn't hear from my boy for years, and honestly, I know I deserved that. I wrote him a long letter, apologized for my faults, and honestly have tried to be better. We have a much better relationship now, and while we are not super close, we have something, and I'm grateful.

Final score:

130points

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Gaerwing 3 months ago

I'm glad they at least realise the damage they did, there are too many parents who are all "I have NO IDEA why my kids don't talk to me" and act the victim. Hopefully her kids will be the ones to break the abuse cycle.

64points

brotogeris1 , Vitaliy Rigalovsky / Unsplash Report

To gain more insight into this topic, we got in touch with Empty Nest Coach Pamela Henkelman, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda. First, we asked Pamela about some of the most common reasons why adults become estranged from their parents.

"Dr. Joshua Coleman lists six common reasons for estrangement: tension with a son or daughter-in-law; mental illness, addiction or abuse; the child has a therapist; divorce; feeling too close to the parent; and disagreement about choices, values or lifestyle," the coach shared.

30 People Reveal The Reason Their Kids No Longer Speak To Them May I?

“I grew up an orphan during the Great Depression, and there was no way in hell that my kids would have an easier life than me. I would do everything in my power to recreate my joyless, deprivation-filled childhood for them, so that they would know first hand what I went through. I would offer no emotional or financial support, because I had none. I would crush any interests they had, and sabotage their every action with the ferocity of Genghis Khan. I would do things to them that in today’s world would be on the news. I would put on a cheerful and friendly face to the outside world, and immediately revert to my evil self at home. I never tired of raging and shrieking. I would be completely shameless at all times. I thought nothing of living a life of deceit, yet paint myself as a devout religious person. I lived a life of agonizing pain, never had a moment of love, laughter, peace, or safety, never knew where my next meal was coming from, so was it really so awful that I continued that tradition with my own kids?”

I skipped her funeral.

Final score:

116points

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Julie S 3 months ago

Wow just wow. I really hope this isn't real but I fear it is.

48points

RefrigeratorSalt9797 , Kampus Production / Pexels Report

30 People Reveal The Reason Their Kids No Longer Speak To Them Sometimes children outgrow their parents whose development is halted.

Final score:

97points

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Angrywolf 3 months ago

If only the road to get there wasn't so damn hard and long

28points

twowaysplit , Brett Sayles / Pexels Report

30 People Reveal The Reason Their Kids No Longer Speak To Them My mom loves the non apologies. “I’m sorry you’re upset.” “I’m sorry if I hurt you.” “I think we all need to learn to forgive.” Who knows what she says to my dad, who knows how to apologize, but, when the cards are down, is never *actually* apologetic.

It’s exhausting.

Final score:

94points

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Joey Marlin 3 months ago

I really hate 'sorry if I hurt you'. If, IF????? There is no IF about it. Some people see not apologising as being strong. If you've done something wrong and won't admit it or try to make amends then you are absolutely the opposite of strong. Yeah... it hits a nerve!

45points

We also asked Pamela about the toll that being cut off from their children takes on a parent. "Estrangement is the deepest pain for a parent. It causes depression, shame, stress and deep loss," she shared. "Granted, if a parent isn't safe, it's wise for the child to keep their distance, but most estrangements can be worked out if both parties are willing."

My daughter and I were estranged for 18 months. It.was.hell.

It was also all my fault. I had crossed a boundary and god bless her, she called me on it and told me to go f**k myself.

I was incensed! How dare she!

Well she dare because she was right. And I had to go introspective and work on me. She reached out 18 months later and we have been in touch now and have a SOLID relationship.

It is a communicative relationship. Understanding and just being compassionate to each other.

bibliosapiophile Report

Final score:

85points

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35 cabbages in a trenchcoat 3 months ago

I laughed at, "she dare." Awesome growth from everyone!

47points

ConfectionaryRats , Valeriia Miller / Unsplash Report

30 People Reveal The Reason Their Kids No Longer Speak To Them My mother literally couldn't tell you. I don't mean she doesn't know, I've told her, but she's clinically delusional-an actual narcissist. Straight up rewriting memories AS THEY HAPPEN to the point she thinks we're plotting against her when we agree and she doesn't. She claims my partner is why. She told my family I was on d***s. Ironic, since she's on just about everything and can't see our youngest brother without supervision anymore. I don't know what she did for that, but due to my own childhood...I can guess and it's not good.

Final score:

84points

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Anna Ekberg 3 months ago

This hits close to home for me, you will never get closure when they keep denying, lying or like in my case blaming each other. It sucks.

29points

I want to add what drove me away, as a kid.

I was never protected. They protected their church and its members from me— from my truth-telling. They never protected me from them.

They didn’t let me feel my feelings. I had to bury every hurt, every fear, all my sad feelings. They left me to deal with what was happening to me all by myself. I was the loneliest kid in the world in a family of 8.

They didn’t heed warnings or get us adequate help when s**t came to light. They broadcast their own hurt, and made it known our hurt was a burden, so we didn’t dare add to it, and again, suffered by ourselves.

When chickens came home to roost and my emotional and physical health went to hell, they judged the s**t out of me.

When I started to leave my agoraphobic cocoon and live life again, and got f*****g assaulted by a predator, when I called them crying about it, they blamed me.

When I left the church that contributed to the life time of abuse, they ostracized me. My dad verbally berated me and called me vile names on the direction of my mother. My mom spread so much s**t that ALWAYS made its way back to me. (Moms, do not do this to your children.)

When I started trauma therapy, they called me crazy. They went on a PR campaign within the family smearing me. (Wonder why??)

I have been betrayed so many times by my parents, and I am covered in visible and invisible scars because of it. They treat me like I’m an embarrassment, like they wish they could change everything about me.

They’re the ones who drew the line in the sand. They made it impossible to be in a full relationship with them and still love and honor myself. .

ThenIGotHigh81 Report

Final score:

82points

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Elaine Van Zon 3 months ago

This is heartbreaking.

42points

Next, we asked Pamela if there's anything parents can do to try to repair their relationship with an estranged son or daughter. "It's the parent's responsibility to reach out to the child. A parent needs to own their role in the breakdown, and this is why it's difficult, because unhealthy parents will blame their children," the expert says.

"Unhealthy children will blame the parents. It's a complicated relationship. Dr Joshua Coleman recommends writing a letter of amends to open the conversation," Pamela continued.

#10

30 People Reveal The Reason Their Kids No Longer Speak To Them My daughter hasn’t spoken to much in the last 2 years. She’ll come to family (her grandparents aunts/uncles/cousins), but only replies to anything I say with one or two word answers.

I wish I could say I don’t know why. But I do. Her mom said she feels I put her second after her mom and divorced. I keep trying to rebuild that bridge. Hopefully in time.

The take away is this. It doesn’t matter how you perceive things, it’s how your child does. Don’t ever let them doubt how you feel about them.

G1optimusprime , Kelly / Pexels Report

Final score:

74points

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Ace 3 months ago

Hah! I never had any doubt about how my dad felt about me - he couldn't give a flying F. (Sorry, I'll probably stop commenting after a few more posts, but this is still a touchy subject to me, all these years later).

54points

#11

30 People Reveal The Reason Their Kids No Longer Speak To Them Father of three adult daughters here. I'll give the situation as it exists now then try to explain how/why it got there.

-- Oldest had completely cut me out of her life. We were always distant, even when she was younger, but it got much worse as she got into her 20s. We didn't speak for years. She is now 33 and we occasionally message when she initiates the convo. The coldest has thawed some but it is still delicate.

-- Middle girl is my carbon copy and we had a good relationship when she was younger. When she hit late-teens we drifted apart. Now she is 28 with four kids, only the oldest of which I've ever met. Not allowed to see the others. We rarely if ever message each other.

-- Youngest daughter treated me like I walked on water. Did so until just a couple of years ago. Recently (just a week or so ago) she informed me she no longer wants any contact with me.

As for the how/why part, I was raised in a single parent home. My mother did her best to provide for our needs but she was cold and distant. No hugs. Any event in school I was automatically blamed before she had any details. If it was proven I was innocent, she would brush off her previous accusation by claiming she was sure I probably did something anyway. Lots more I can add here. Some of it too sensitive to share even in an anonymous board.

I hated the way she was and vowed I would do things differently when/if I had children. Well, I had children. While I did attempt to change my behaviors from what I'd experienced, I slowly added my own ingredients to this soup.

Essentially, I ran our home as a military installation. My girls were quickly and harshly disciplined for even the most minor of offenses. While there were occasional spankings when they were little, the discipline evolved into very binary (go / no go) rules. For instance, you are expected to get this minimum score on a test at school or you can't go to your friend's house on the weekend. You didn't make that grade, you were not going. If you cried and begged and pleaded, you were still not going but now I would restrict / remove some other thing you wanted for not accepting your fate. And so on.

When they did things that were good, I would more or less dismiss this as me not rewarding them for what they should have done anyway.

Basically, they couldn't win.

I believed at the time that I was building strong girls into strong women. It feels as though I've done the exact opposite.

On the rare occasions I do hear from them, and the subject of the past comes up (this is very rare) I get the "I don't hate you but I don't want you in my life." speech. It's deserved but that doesn't lessen the sting.

My hope for the future is, as they grow older, time passing will allow them to be more comfortable around me. As they are all adults now, my desire to control them as I did when they were kids is gone. I simply want an adult-child/parent relationship. I guess I haven't earned that right, but I still hope for it one day.

This comment is late in this post's life so it probably doesn't really get seen; nevertheless, it has been cathartic to type it out.

BearSef , CDC / Unsplash Report

Final score:

74points

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35 cabbages in a trenchcoat 3 months ago (edited)

He didn't make, "strong children." He hurt them.

69points

RustBeltPGH , RDNE Stock project / Pexels Report

#12

30 People Reveal The Reason Their Kids No Longer Speak To Them I have no idea why i stopped talking to my parents.
It wasn't an incident. It was a slow moving snowball.
But the main thing is how f*****g unprepared I was for life. I'm in my 40s now, and still trying to figure out basic things. Google is my parent at this point. I can't remember the last time I asked either of my parents for advice/help.

Final score:

66points

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35 cabbages in a trenchcoat 3 months ago

I absolutely feel this. It was so weird... my parents just assumed I knew stuff? And punished me / were disappointed if I didn't. How was I supposed to learn those things, though??? (I grew up on a farm without Internet, in the 90s).

55points

vand3lay1ndustries Report

Pamela provided an example of a "letter of amends" that a parent might write to their child once all contact has ceased.

"Psychologist and author of Rules of Estrangement, Dr. Joshua Coleman recommends this script: Dear Son/Daughter, I’m writing to see if it’s possible to open up a dialogue with you. I know that you wouldn’t have this time apart from me if it wasn’t the healthiest thing for you to do. With that being said, I don’t completely understand why you cut off ties with me."

"It’s clear I have significant blind spots in either how I raised you or things I’ve done while you're an adult, and I’m writing to have better understanding," Pamela continued. "Would you feel comfortable letting me know? I promise to read it from the perspective of listening and learning and not in any way to defend myself. Love, Mom"

#13

I had a daughter that my parents kept making plans to come see, but then cancelling the day before each time. The last time, when my daughter was already packed to go see grandma and grandpa, and we had been hyping it to her for weeks, they called and cancelled the trip with no excuse and then I later found out they went to a baseball game with their friends instead.

I was used to this kind of abandonment and would laugh it off in the past, but as I held my 6 year old daughter while she cried her eyes out, I vowed she’d never know that kind of unreliability in her life.

That was the last time I spoke to them. My wife wrote them a letter a few years ago, but they never wrote back. My daughter is 14 now and I am toying with the idea of allowing her to meet them since she’s more mature, but they’d probably just cancel again. .

Final score:

66points

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V 3 months ago

We can't tell our kid about plans with family until they or we are on the way there because they flake so often and we got sick of dealing with the disappointment.

36points

ImACrawley , Jason Toevs / Pexels Report

#14

30 People Reveal The Reason Their Kids No Longer Speak To Them My mother and I didn’t talk for a few years. When I went away to college she said, “If you get on that plane, don’t bother coming back home.” I fell in love while in college and got engaged and he abused me. I never told my mom because I didn’t think she cared. It was my brother that came to another state to check on me. I finally did come back home but things were never the same.

Final score:

61points

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35 cabbages in a trenchcoat 3 months ago

That's awful :(

28points

#15

My mom and I stopped talking for a 14 year stretch. When my son was very little, we were on vacation with my mother. My wife and I had a small disagreement about his breakfast and afterwards, my mother pulled me aside and said I should take my son with me to a hotel for a few days to teach my wife a lesson.

I disagreed, telling her that I didn't feel that I should be taking marital advice from a woman who had been divorced 3 times.

She didn't take it as well as you might think. /s

We finally started taking again when my grandmother passed away and have been fine ever since.

angryshark Report

Final score:

60points

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KimB 3 months ago

Oh yeah kidnapping is always great parenting advice m! /s....

38points

Finally, Pamela added that repairing these relationships won't be simple, but it may be possible. "There's no easy way through this, but if both parties are willing to find commonality and extend forgiveness, relationships can be restored," she told Bored Panda. "It takes patience and ongoing conversations once you're communicating again. If the parent isn't willing to humble themselves, it is hard for reconciliation to occur."

#16

I started having babies when i was 18, and i was trying to raise children when id never had a good role model for how it’s done properly. I had untreated she’d misdiagnosed mental illnesses. I was a s**t parent. Their childhood was full of trauma and I was at the helm. I thought I was going pretty good, given the circumstances of our lives but I wasn’t at all. I was a baby with a sick brain and no support system trying to raise babies.

I believe I did my best but unfortunately sometimes our best simply isn’t good enough. I’ve recently been properly diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and yeah, growing up with a bpd mother is a horrific fate for a child.

I don’t know how to make amends with my kids, but I know that best course of action is to respect their autonomy and respect their wishes to not interact with me. I just love them from far away now. And I can absolutely say they are the most amazing, kind, compassionate, and beautiful people I’ve ever seen. I’m so proud of all of them.

Wrong-Half Report

Final score:

57points

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Paula Lopez 3 months ago

Sent with mY godmother when my brother borned and i was 15 months. Didnt reconized my mother when back. At 5 yo came back alone from.school cos nobody gets me. At 12 yo ordered me not to to hang whith my best friend cos smbody told then she was a lesbian. She didnt. Anorexia Pregnat at 18. Had an abortion alone, told nobody...they never talked to much with me. Always yelled , sometimes insulted ... Then i realize my mother never gonna change and father too weak. Pretend a good relationship but IS faked. I do what i have to do as a good daughter now they are on their 70',..but IS still hard now and then.

16points

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#17

30 People Reveal The Reason Their Kids No Longer Speak To Them In my case, the catalyst was January 6th. We had a family group chat and we were exchanging information about what we were watching with our own eyes. My oldest son started chiming in saying it wasn't that bad and the news was overblowing things. Up to that point I had no idea how far gone down the conservative hole he had gone. Of course he waited until after I moved him into a new apartment in the middle of July, cosigned for the apartment and paid the security deposit before he decided to cut contact.

He has gone no contact with the entire family with the exception of a conservative BIL, which we get along with fine. I thought we had shown all of our children how to get along with others even if their opinion differs. I guess that lesson didn't sink in.

horseloverfat42 , Michael Burrows / Pexels Report

Final score:

53points

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Papa 3 months ago

My children and I don't always agree on politics either (though no one is blindly following any political party), but we don't let it affect our relationship. We're all mature enough to realize that good people can disagree occasionally.

16points

Substantial_Lake_980 , Pixabay / Pexels Report

#18

30 People Reveal The Reason Their Kids No Longer Speak To Them My parents are too old for Reddit. I estranged from them because they never, ever wanted me. My mother didn't want kids but in that day, that wasn't an option. They had my sister first and sort of "used up" their love on her. When I came along five years later, they didn't have anything left. I didn't find out until 35 that it wasn't anything I did: my mother just really didn't want kids. By then, though, I'd internalized close to four decades of being unwanted. I am terrified of being abandoned and have had rafts of therapy. My parents were never abusive. We had food on the table and clothes on our backs. I had My Little Ponies and She-Ra figures. I also attempted s*****e for the first time when I was eleven years old. I started drinking when I was 15. My parents did not notice. They told me I was "the independent one" so I didn't need their love. We also were not a demonstrative family. My family did not hug or kiss or touch in any way. I think I have hugged my parents maybe ten times or so. Both parents are quite smart and there was always a kind of... judgement? about people who couldn't use their words and had to use their bodies instead. Like only poor or stupid people hug their kids. I could go through a list of what they did for my sister versus me, but f**k it. I would be accused of hyperbole, or of making things up whole cloth. We were only nominally raised in the same household; her life had a very, very, very different trajectory. Suffice it to say that it wasn't just the love that my sister used up - time, money, effort, ideas, conversation - I got none of those things. If it matters, I don't blame Sister - we still talk. It wasn't her fault.

Final score:

51points

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Stinky 3 months ago

I'm so sorry to hear your experience. I can relate to having a parent not want you (or my sister) and made no attempt to hide his contempt. Nothing I could ever do was good enough - I gave up on the entire family and went my own way. No regrets.

28points

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#19

30 People Reveal The Reason Their Kids No Longer Speak To Them 100% my fault, or to be fair 95%.
While breaking up with my high school girlfriend, after realizing there was something wrong with her and us, of course, she got pregnant. The breakup was precipitated by her sleeping around, so there was a real question of whether my daughter would be mine.

She was.

I moved back to my podunk hometown, and tried to be a good father. Ex-girlfriend, was looking for a boyfriend/husband, I was not willing to do this. She quickly got pregnant two more times, moving up the economic ladder with every pregnancy. The last guy to get her pregnant owned the country club, so her financial needs were met, but she really didn't have a man in her life yet. Through the multitude of boyfriends and lovers, I tried to be a father to my daughter, but I was constantly shut out. When I looked at going to court to have court-ordered visitation, I was told by my ex-girlfriend that I would be accused of abuse if I did so. This was not an idle threat.

So I left, and did not do nearly enough to keep in contact with my daughter. She did not like me because of my absence, and because of constantly hearing from her mother, what a piece of s**t I was. Again, I chose to leave. I was an adult she was a child, but I was fairly immature and did not see any way out. 25 years later I'm still not sure what I could've done differently.

I email my daughter every month or two and she emails me back every year or so. This failure is the great regret of my life.

Notfromiowa45 , Nicola Barts / Pexels Report

Final score:

50points

POST

TeenieMeanie 3 months ago

Parental alienation is real, don’t be too harsh on this dude.

32points

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#20

30 People Reveal The Reason Their Kids No Longer Speak To Them I am one of those Moms who always felt that providing for my kids, taking them on vacations, buying them what they needed was enough, didn’t realize love and nurturing were essential ingredients. Now my daughter is 28 and cannot hold a job, emotionally insecure, depressed and blaming me for her failures. She made me realize ( and therapy helped ) that how my actions, behavior might make a child feel they are not valued or loved. I am remorseful and regretting all my actions but unfortunately cannot undo the damage caused.

Crankyolelady_1967 , Karolina Kaboompics / Pexels Report

Final score:

49points

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35 cabbages in a trenchcoat 3 months ago

This comment has weird vibes, but yeah, it's important to be emotionally available for your kids

25points

#21

My mom will claim that I have no reason to no longer speak to her. She will swear up and down until she is blue in the face that I have no just cause. She will claim that my brother doesn't speak to her because his wife turned him against her. She will say that we both must take after our father who abandoned her too.

She will leave out the part where she is an emotionally abusive narcissistic alcoholic who repeatedly pushed my boundaries to the point where I had to cut off contact. I had worked with a therapist for over 10 years trying to set boundaries with her with ever increasing consequences (mostly via withholding contact) for disrespecting them. The last thing my mother told me in person was that I was "an ungrateful b***h just like my dead father" (a particularly terrible wound for me since I never knew him) after she tried to disregard a reasonable boundary yet again. She is a hoarder and tried to bring more s**t over to my apartment again to fill my house with junk. I wouldn't let her in the door and that's what I got.

She will leave out that my brother cut off contact with her when she wouldn't stop putting his wife down because he is her precious golden child baby she tried to engage in emotional incest with. The last straw was when she looked at his wife and called her a lesbian because she cut her hair short. (Not that being gay is an insult, but everyone knew she MEANT it is as the most heinous insult imaginable. Did I mention she also morphed into a homophobe/transphobe in later years?)

To add the finishing touches, all me and my brother asked was that she apologized to us and his wife for what she said. We even apologized for the very justifiable words of anger we said during the altercation as a result of her actions.

She refused. She claims she wasn't wrong and was justified. In that moment, I realized I never heard my mother apologize for anything even once in her life - even when she accidentally slammed my best friends fingers in a car door or rolled over my dog's tail with her car while backing out of the driveway. She cannot take responsibility for the pain she has caused for even the most blameless accidents.

Honestly, I get really sad sometimes that I don't have a mother at all. But I never feel sad I don't have her as a mother because she wasn't one. I fought so hard to keep her in my life, I did all the work to try to find a way for her to remain in it and keep my sanity, but she couldn't even lift one finger by giving a simple apology to fight for me.

NAparentheses Report

Final score:

47points

POST

G A 3 months ago

Give up and chalk her up as dead.

19points

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#22

My father recently died with 2/5ths of his kids talking to him. Both of those two had considered cutting contact.

I had a few emails exchanges with him before he died to discuss why he had never met my daughter. He made excuses for what he could and denied the rest. He couldn't live with his actions, I think.

Anyway, he told everyone that all his kids were just mentally ill and it wasn't his fault. I think he honestly believed it.

Then he ended up stealing 5/6ths of the money my mom had left to us kids (with him as trustee) and gave it to his second wife. Guy was a f*****g prince.

Uglypants_Stupidface Report

Final score:

42points

POST

G A 3 months ago

Surely that would be actionable?

12points

Hey__Jude_ , cottonbro studio / Pexels Report

#23

30 People Reveal The Reason Their Kids No Longer Speak To Them My daughter doesn't talk to me as much anymore. She moved out when she was 22. I had psychosis episodes for 5 yrs all of a sudden (no history of mental illness like that, just your old run of the mill anxiety and depression) and after her having severe mental issues dealing with the aftermath of a tragedy, I got the mental issues and I had to be hospitalized for s*****e attempts. It traumatized her.

I understand why she pulled away, even if it was for something I couldn't help, and I don't blame her. My last attempt was in Nov, so I hope with time we will be able to be close again. I text her every few days to tell her that I love her, and she responds in kind. We text about life a few times every few months, but we used to be best friends before the tragedy that upended her life and then mine. It altered the course of our lives.

Final score:

41points

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Alexandra 3 months ago

I feel in this case time will heal.

21points

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#24

A lot of kids commenting here. I'm a dad who's estranged from my adult daughter. It's been complicated. Her mom is a narcissist and bipolar. She left me with the kids when they were becoming teens after some massive weight loss. Went to chase a man. Unfortunately my daughter didn't fall far from her mother's tree. Tried everything with her, but she acted out, ran away from home, almost tore apart my 2nd marriage, etc. It was a nightmare. Constant lashing out, constant quitting school, constant burning through jobs, constant stealing from the house. As an adult she stole 5000 from me, and only really reaches out when she needs rescuing from her bad decisions. I developed PTSD from all my time dealing with her poor decisions and it lead to my heavy drinking and some health problems. She blames me for all her bad decisions and it's horrible. Last time she reached out to me was father's day with a wall of text calling me a deadbeat.

For context, I have an older adult son living with me and going to college, and I adopted my 2nd wife's daughter. We all have a pretty solid relationship. It just sucks I can't have one with my older daughter, it literally was killing me.

redbirdrising Report

Final score:

40points

POST

Okiedokie 3 months ago

She was the eldest daughter and therefore probably witnessed far more of the divorce than OP realized and it affected her deeply. It sounds like Mom just up and left so add to that losing your Mom and, yeah....I don't think the daughter is a narcissist. She sounds deeply traumatized and like the hole her mother left in her life was never filled. Unfortunately once a child is out of the house there is not a lot you can do to guide them into therapy if they don't want the help. It sounds like OP keeps an open line with her and doesn't prevent her from reaching out. That's all you can do. This is a no-win scenario. It sucks for everyone.

16points

Dad Accused Of “Robbing” His Kids Of Their Inheritance, The Internet Takes Dad’s Side

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Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

#25

Answering on behalf of my grandparents:

They know why. My grandmother sent a letter to my brother telling him that they don't accept his gay lifestyle despite being proud of him for other things. My grandfather signed it.

That side of the family blew up as they refused to apologize because they didn't see it as wrong; simply an expression of their faith.

The relationship between my grandmother and me/my dad/my brother is ruined. The relationship with my grandfather is much more complicated than it should be. He signed the letter, but there's some weird emotional abuse there that's hard to explain - he feels he owes his life to my grandmother because of circumstances when they got married, so he goes along with whatever she says, no matter how he feels in private.

Anyway, they're fully aware of why they're estranged. They just see *well it's an expression of our faith* as an apology and a sincere mea culpa, and no one else in my family does.

saudiaramcoshill Report

Final score:

38points

POST

35 cabbages in a trenchcoat 3 months ago

Wow, d(f)uck them and their awful, harmful views

25points

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

#26

I do not believe my mom has enough self awareness to understand why we haven't talked in years. I stopped contacting her because she lied, weaponized information, isolated my half sister from me and never had me as any kind of priority.

PiesAteMyFace Report

Final score:

36points

POST

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"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

#27

30 People Reveal The Reason Their Kids No Longer Speak To Them I was an a*****e, s****y parent and an alcoholic. He stood over me during an argument when he was 18 (he was 6'4 and I am 5'6) and scared the s**t out of me, so I kicked him out. That was 14 years ago and he hasn't spoken to me since. I have not been able to apologise, to show him how much I have changed for the better, nor how different I am with his younger brothers (also adults now, teenagers at the time). I miss him every single day, however, it's his choice and I have to live with that. Thankfully his brothers and I have a wonderful relationship, it took a lot of hard work, and tears, but I am so grateful they are a huge part of my life, along with two grandchildren now.

Exciting_Raspberry79 , Nik Shuliahin 💛💙 / Unsplash Report

Final score:

32points

POST

35 cabbages in a trenchcoat 3 months ago

Forgiveness is not a right. He was deeply hurt and there's no erasing that.

44points

djinnisequoia , Blue Bird / Pexels Report

#28

30 People Reveal The Reason Their Kids No Longer Speak To Them My son went NC with me because he feels that it's best for his personal growth and his peace of mind not to be around people who behave badly or have negative attitudes or dysfunctional ways of relating to each other, and yes, those things have been true of me. I believe that he and I may have differences in our sense of proportion, but it's really only his perspective that matters because it's his happiness at stake.

I don't want to be the reason that his life feels any more f****d up than it already is.

It makes me sad in a way that I can't even express. I can't change the past. I was trying so hard to change the present. Now it feels like the light has gone out of my life. It's so f****d up to know that the best thing you can do for the person you love the best, is to leave them alone.

Final score:

30points

POST

35 cabbages in a trenchcoat 3 months ago

This feels like what my overbearing, controlling MIL would say

15points

Puzzleheaded-Fix3359 Report

#29

My father would go long stretches not talking to me, then would ask why I'm not talking to him.

Final score:

29points

POST

Joey Marlin 3 months ago

Oh the same... but he would always say it was my fault so never asked why I wasn't talking to him. I'd have to apologise before he'd ever start again. If I didn't do the apology 'properly' it wouldn't work. If I sometimes row with my husband he ends up with me apologising over and over again because I'm never really sure I've done it well enough.

15points

#30

Just a sister of 2 other siblings who don’t speak to our parents here.

I talk to my mom a lot, I spend every Sunday with her and my dad. I was the baby of the family so I guess things were different for me than my older siblings…

My brother being the oldest, was responsible for everything. I think our parents expected too much from him so the first thing he did when he turned 18 was get the hell out of dodge. Also with him being the oldest, he always protected me. No matter how stupid it was, he would take the blame for things I did. Idk why. But he did. He doesn’t call or visit our parents unless they call him.

My sister, she took on a mom role to me. When my parents divorced, my mom worked her life away and my sister constantly had to watch me and take care of me and she took on a mom role…I don’t think she wanted to do it, but she accepted it because she loves me. But she also left as soon as she turned 18. My sister will occasionally call our parents every so often.

I go out of my way to see and talk to our parents. I love them whole heartedly and I can admit, the way I was raised vs how they were raised were completely different. But I think the disconnect with them and our parents is how much they just didn’t get to be a kid and enjoy being a kid like I did. Their childhood was always focused around me.

FizzlePop13 Report

Final score:

29points

POST

Joey Marlin 3 months ago

Brother took the blame for a reason...

27points

Note: this post originally had 40 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.

Howdy, I'm Adelaide! I'm originally from Texas, but after graduating from university with an acting degree, I relocated to sunny Los Angeles for a while. I then got a serious bite from the travel bug and found myself moving to Sweden and England before settling in Lithuania about two years ago. I'm passionate about animal welfare, sustainability and eating delicious food. But as you can see, I cover a wide range of topics including drama, internet trends and hilarious memes. I can easily be won over with a Seinfeld reference, vegan pastry or glass of fresh cold brew. And during my free time, I can usually be seen strolling through a park, playing tennis or baking something tasty.

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I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. I kickstart my day with a mug of coffee bigger than my head, ready to tackle Photoshop. I navigate through the digital jungle with finesse, fueled by bamboo breaks and caffeine kicks. When the workday winds down, you might catch me devouring bamboo snacks while binging on the latest TV show, gaming or I could be out in nature, soaking up the tranquility and communing with my inner panda.

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What do you think ?

POST

Captive 3 months ago

My dear father tells everyone we hate him because he divorced my mother. The fact that he tried to kill her twice is something he keeps to himself though

17points

KillerKiwi 3 months ago

Because god forbid anything be his fault, right?

5points

ElfVibratorGlitter 3 months ago

I'm estranged from both of my parents, which was my choice, but my daughter is also estranged and it's all my fault. I genuinely f****d up. I've apologized so many times, changed my life around to fix what was wrong with me. She's been basically no contact with me for 3 years. I often text her or call her just to tell her I love her. Usually she doesn't reply. I wished her a happy birthday on her birthday and she actually wrote back, "thank you, i love you too momma" I started bawling, I miss her so much. I'm so sorry Ella, I can only hope that as she grows up she can forgive me and allow me into her life just a little bit. Sorry this was so long, I just miss my baby (she's 20) so much. 😢😢😿

12points

TomCat 3 months ago

I'm sure she still needs to know she's loved, so kudos to you to keep reminding her. When we know better, we do better.

4points

Cyndi Moring 2 months ago

20 is still young enough to come home one day.

0points

BebeR 3 months ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

Savahax 3 months ago

Hope she does finds the strength to forgive you. Really hope she does.

0points

Ace 3 months ago

God this makes me sad. So many of these parents _still_ don't get it. Can some people who grew up in loving households with parents who cared and nurtured them please add some comments here? Would make me feel so much better to be reminded that not all parents are like this.

10points

TomCat 3 months ago

My parents are/were great parents. My dad was very emotionally and physically present while my mom worked her a*s off as a flight attendant, who was gone a lot. When my mom was home she made it a point to spend time with us. However, my family really struggled financially. We didn't have extra money to go on school trips or to tag along with friends who invited us. The three of us kids all started working when we were fifteen so we would have spending money. My oldest brother and I felt this was normal. My remaining brother didn't. He felt he should live like all his friends who got cars for their sixteenth birthday, parents who paid his college tuition, etc. He stopped contact with both my parents for years, until he had kids and slowly tried to initiate contact. It broke my parents heart and my dad died before they could talk. My mom is now in a nursing home and he has no contact with her either. And he doesn't speak to me or my brother. I guess what I'm getting at, is that people..

5points

KaiPonpon 3 months ago

I got really lucky with my parents, they weren't the best for a while but that was entirely my fault as I hid all of my pain and problems from them. The day I opened up and told them about my depression and then slowly the amount of trauma I had gone through (not because of them at all, all the ones I currently remember didn't happen at home) both of them became so supportive and understanding. Even my father has grown a lot to be more mindful around me. My mother is the most important person in my life and has been doing so much for me, I can't even put into words how grateful I am but I let her know any chance I get

2points

Jenna Kay 3 months ago

My parents were good people. My mom is not a nurturing woman, but she tried to be a good mom - I know now she has OCD and likely is on the autistic spectrum, which explains many things. My father worked his butt off for my family, sometimes working three jobs at a time, and never addressing his own mental health needs (he had an abusive mother and still has survivors guilt after his military service); he tried to be the parent he wished he had, taught me tolerance and a strong work ethic. I was not an easy teen, I suffer from chronic depression and they didn't know what was wrong with me. What I can say is they tried, they made mistakes, but at least they tried. I was always encouraged, was always told I was beautiful and smart, and they still tell me they are proud of me ... I am 50 and still talk to them every week. I hate that I live so far away.

1point

Papa 3 months ago

My parents weren't like that. They weren't perfect, but no one is. I made my share of mistakes as a parent also, but I'm happy to say that I have a good relationship with both my children.

1point

Kari Panda 3 months ago

I second that wish. I have a little daughter and the thought of no longer being in her life someday is agonising :(

0points

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Captive 3 months ago

My dear father tells everyone we hate him because he divorced my mother. The fact that he tried to kill her twice is something he keeps to himself though

17points

KillerKiwi 3 months ago

Because god forbid anything be his fault, right?

5points

ElfVibratorGlitter 3 months ago

12points

TomCat 3 months ago

I'm sure she still needs to know she's loved, so kudos to you to keep reminding her. When we know better, we do better.

4points

Cyndi Moring 2 months ago

20 is still young enough to come home one day.

0points

BebeR 3 months ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

Savahax 3 months ago

Hope she does finds the strength to forgive you. Really hope she does.

0points

Ace 3 months ago

10points

TomCat 3 months ago

5points