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People Are Sharing 30 Stories About The Mistakes Their Parents Made That Ended Up Affecting Them Long-Term
Having a healthy and emotionally stable environment is crucial for a child's well-being, but, like pretty much everything else in our world – parents are not perfect.
There's no one right way to become this flawless individual that'll spare their offspring of all the distress. Ideally, a parent will be there to support, encourage and guide their kid throughout the not-so-great periods of life while also allowing them to be independent. Yet, not every person is aware that the things they assume they do "out of love" are not loving at all.
"What was your parents' biggest mistake in raising you?" – an online user took it to one of Reddit's most informative communities to find out about people's parents and things they've done wrong in terms of their upbringing. The question has managed to receive over 4.3K upvotes alongside 2.9K worth of comments discussing some Redditors' troubled childhood.
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#1
I was one of those gifted kids that do very well in school without much effort. My parents were used to it so they never praised me for my results and expected me to always do good by default. This resulted in me thinking that very good was just average, and constantly striving for perfection in any aspect of my life. This led to countless problems that I needed therapy to solve.
Spellflinger 2 years ago
I had a similar experience. My mother never went to see my teachers with the reasoning there was no need as I did not struggle like my sister (my mother always went to my sister’s parent teacher nights). Other than that there was no acknowledgement for my abilities which made me think they were not important and didn’t matter and it left me desperate for recognition of any kind. And yes this was dealt with in therapy.
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#2
Giving me no privacy. My parents snooped way too much. Searching my clothes draws for hidden things, checking my phone, eavesdropping on my conversations, talking about my private life to their friends as if it was hot gossip, spying me when i was out, asking their friends to report in if they ever saw me out and around, checking my mail, checking the computer history every time i used it, listening to my CD’s to check they were appropriate, arranging additional meetings with my teachers to ask about me, asking me personal questions all the time. Basically not giving me any space to just be me.
They also made a lot of jokes about me to other people, right in front of my face. I often felt like i was their pet more than an actual human.
I’m now deeply self-conscious and suspicious as a result. I always have this feeling that people are watching and judging me.
Edit: reading it back, that all sounds minor. But believe me when i say i didn’t have even once second of privacy and they went to extreme lengths to find out every single thing i was doing at all times even when i was out of the house. They would then share that information about me with their friends and colleagues, like i was just a piece of gossip or a tv storyline.
#3
Wayyyyy too sheltered. I will definitely shelter my kids to an extent and raise them right but my parents took it to the extreme. I was only allowed to play with religious children and wasn't allowed to watch movies besides basically Disney movies until I was in High School. This led to a pretty rebellious phase when I was around 15 that I think could have been avoided if my parents weren't so strict.
𝖊𝖆 2 years ago (edited)
Kids need boundaries of course, but as they get older you need to start widening them. Give them space to grow and mature and learn for themselves. My Nan used to say children are like springs, if you try and hold it too tightly, eventually it will let loose and go wild. If they can’t make any decisions for themselves it can be overwhelming when they have complete freedom.
#4
the way they used to communicate through me because they wouldn't speak to each other after they seperated. when I had to deliver a message from one parent that the other one didn't like, I was the one who was yelled at, and both of them asked me to side with them instead of the other. there was no way to win, because I always either made mummy sad or daddy sad. good times.
Amy Taylor 2 years ago (edited)
Oh, lord was this my childhood. I also couldn't bring up their names around each other, had to lie about seeing my dad to my mom, it was so toxic and sad. It took my mother getting a terminal illness for them to bury the hatchet, and when my mom died, my dad regretted all of that time wasted hating each other :(
#5
Leaving me to my own devices so long as my grades were good. Not teaching me much of anything outside of knowing right from wrong. Outside of being kept alive I pretty much raised myself.
June’s Very Own 2 years ago (edited)
This is quite sad. My parents are the complete opposite, teaching me a 3 hour long life lesson when ever I breathe. I don’t think I like it either way tbh
#6
1. Teaching it’s never OK to lie is an awful life lesson for keeping yourself out of trouble.
2. Being a “member of the clean plate club” teaches kids to keep eating when they’re full.
3. teaching that the man is head of household, when that doesn’t work in a lot of relationships.
#7
My mom always meant well but I have body dysmorphia for life. I’m sharing because if any parents are reading this you should be diligent about how you talk about your body in front of your kids. Don’t talk about needing to lose or gain weight unless it’s for health reasons. Don’t put yourself down about how you look in front of your kids. This creates doubt and body image issues from the jump and that sticks with you forever.
June’s Very Own 2 years ago
It’s sad because a lot of the time it’s not on purpose. My besties mum was very insecure because of her mother growing up, and she genuinely tried not to let it affect her daughter. But her behaviour was always very…..on display. Like she was always very clearly unhappy and didn’t eat much, as a result my bestie now has body dysmorphia
#8
Never admitting that they did something wrong. An example is that when I was in second grade my mom would literally yell and scold me because she thought that HAVE was spelled HAV, and that also confused me with the word HAD. Even though at school the teachers and everyone else spelled HAVE, when I got home she would scold me for spelling it correctly until I told her that that's how everyone else spelled it. She just looked at the paper and never said a word about it again.
So now I always think that whatever I'm doing is wrong or if something did go wrong and was clearly out of my control I still get nervous.
Just a ray of f'ing sunshine 2 years ago
I was raised like this. When I had my son I was determined to not be that parent. I told him, as long as he was respectful, he could tell me if I made him angry and why and he could tell me if he thought I was wrong or made a mistake about something. We had, and still do, an amazing open relationship where he always felt he could talk to me about anything.
#9
Taking away sports every time I got a C in school. I will NEVER take away my future kids passions. Does not matter if it is sports, art, music, or anything else. Don't know if the frustration of that will ever dissipate for me. That was my outlet that was severely needed.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 2 years ago
I don't understand punishing kids over grades. It just pushes kids to cheat and pay more attention to the grades and not the material they're learning. If kids are struggling then there's likely other causes and not their other activities.
#10
Keeping me /s
Honestly, it would have been nice to hear they were proud of me - just once, don’t want to overdo it.
Chucky Cheezburger 2 years ago
Or glossing over anything good and focusing in and hammering away on anything not good." You got an A in biology, we'll whoopty freaking do...but you got a D in math and you have to do better and blah blah blah go get the belt..."
#11
Violently screaming at me for bad grades or poor performance in sports.
I think it had the opposite effect where I became afraid of making any mistakes, which would lead to more mistakes. Feel like if your kid is underperforming in any way, there’s a way to talk to them without making them feel stupid for f*****g up. There are better ways to motivate them.
Chucky Cheezburger 2 years ago
I feel this one. My folks tried all manner of punishments to make me get better grades. Found out in my late 20s I have ADHD, along with some related issues. No amount of punishment was going to help. Not a fun time to go througj.
#12
Never apologizing for anything and then taking it a level up by denying certain things were even f**k ups.
June’s Very Own 2 years ago
Denying is the worst imo because is just makes the accusers out as liars when all we wanted was an apology :(
#13
They didn’t take any interest in my interests. So now I’m 30 with parents I have virtually nothing in common with. It makes dinner chitchat very depressing for me.
#14
Not teaching me anything about financial responsibility.
Meredith 2 years ago
One trillion percent this. About 5 years ago my parents sold some property & my dad asked us to send him a break down of all our debt. When I was going over it with him he was like "how did you get so far in debt?" Like. Very disappointed voice. "You never talked to us about money. You never talked to us about saving. You never talked to us about investing. Not once. Money was never brought up." He didn't even have to think about. He said "you're right." That alone blew me away. In wasn't an unmanageable amount but my parents were the type they paid credit cards in full every month. Also, In my family it's "ours" not "theirs & mine." I think that's really messed my brother & I up, if I'm being honest. We didn't have to take responsibility. We also didn't know my dad was going to run off with a mistress & screw us either. It kills me watching my mom having to pinch pennies. I give her gifts all the time. I bought her a new car & that felt amazing.
#15
Never teaching me to be independent. My guardian was obsessed with keeping me way too close and I was always sheltered and now I'm alone and don't know how to function
Mermaid Elle-Jaye 2 years ago
I’m worried my sister is doing this one, the twins are nearly 11 and can’t use a microwave or anything. Its a massive contrast to me and her at 5&9 making pancakes unsupervised and alone at home. She says the upbring we had made her paranoid etc, but we never burnt the house down or f****d up, we learned so many life skills ahead of people our age out of necessity. Maybe she wants them sheltered for that reason though. They are at the point now where they wanna walk to school alone but can’t, I’ve tried to convince her. They need some freedom or they won’t survive out here in this shithole of a world
#16
Well my dad's f*****g great but my mother, constant screaming for everything, depriving me of any and all food a lot of the time, punishment for things someone else did, invasion of privacy, not giving a f**k about my mental health, not giving up custody to my dad, constantly degrading me
June’s Very Own 2 years ago
I’m so sorry. I hope your doing on now and away from your abusive mother
#17
Expecting me to have the same grades, activities, and social lives as my older siblings.
HarriMissesScotland 2 years ago
I can relate. My mother started asking me why I couldn't be more like my sister from the time I can remember. I was born on her 4th birthday, but we are polar opposites. She never went outside, never got dirty, was never noisy, in other words, perfect. I was very independent, a daddy's girl, but not in the traditional sense. I was a tomboy who wanted to do everything with him, and my mother hated it. Until the day she died, she hated it.
#18
If I had a problem, first thing they said to me "its your fault".
Valerie Smart 2 years ago
No baby it’s not your fault. Don’t ever believe that . It’s the insecurity and the immaturity of the parent saying this to you .
#19
Taught me nothing about nutrition, let me eat junk, and made excuses for my obesity. Took me 10 years as an adult to finally take responsibility for myself and shed the weight.
Small_Mushroom 2 years ago
My parents let me eat how much I wanted all the time, which was always too much. The most they did was show me a diet I should do at the age of like, 9 but never truly helped me stick with it. Now that I'm older, I hate myself and how unhealthy I am, but due to some issues, I've never been able to get on a diet. Please help your kids stay healthy so that they don't end up like me...
#20
Due to them giving me insane social anxiety, I now have the social skills of the new kid in elementary school. I can't hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes without making people uncomfortable. I have proceeded to lose all of my friends due to this and am now sad and lonely.
Jacob Nunez 2 years ago
Damn now I wish I had a Reddit account so I can be this persons friend.
#21
Mom's personality is very complicated and toxic, but what I really hated as a kid was that she didn't want me to grow up. She didn't teach me how to do laundry, pack my clothes, how to swim, anything. She was also overly protective and I still cope with bunch of irrational fears as an adult.
When I was 11 I was really ashamed that kids my age are much more self-sufficient. She was sabotaging me anytime I tried to do some 'adult' stuff like cooking, taking care of myself, nothing illegal - I was well behaved kid. At this time she started ruining our relationship with her behavior, I feel like she hates me for growing up and not being baby anymore
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 years ago
My parents haven't taught me to do anything but instead of it being because they didn't want me to grow up they just... didn't teach me anything. Then i annoyed my parents foe being useless
#22
They let their fear of dealing with their own trauma turn into causing and ignoring mine.
#23
Ladling out too much guilt and shame. They are not motivational forces for me to be “better”, in fact quite the opposite was true
Also telling me that I wasn’t good at math. Sure, it wasn’t my strongest subject. But don’t tell a kid that they will never ever succeed at a subject due to some inherent shortcomings
Playing favourites. My brother was allowed to grow marijuana as an “experiment “ by my very straight laced and anti drug parents. In fact they were enthusiastically supportive. Not so much for me. That’s just one example. Basically he could have pissed in my face and our folks would have blamed me. They always made me feel like I was inadequate because I wasn’t like him. My brother is a classic grandiose narcissist.
HarriMissesScotland 2 years ago
I feel your pain. I haven't seen my abusive sibling since 1993. I was forced to talk to him in 1999 when my father died, and the police had to get involved. This was over the phone. Jerry Springer meets Cops.
#24
Complete apathy.
My parents basically never got involved in me or my siblings' lives. Never attended things like school plays or parents evenings, never cared about how things were going or what was going on. So long as we didn't get into trouble and didn't cause them problems they didn't care and took no interest. "Anything for peace and quiet" as my mother frequently said.
As such, because they never tried to be a part of my life, they effectively aren't a part of my life anymore. We only speak out of obligation, and not very often at that.
Broad Panda 2 years ago (edited)
I was wondering when I'd see my one. My brother and I were fed and clothed and sheltered and educated and got gifts at birthday and Christmas. Never abused. But our parents never knew us. Because they didn't bother to. It felt like they had 2 kids because that's what people do. We were raised kinda Victorian. Children should be seen and not heard. We were smart, sensitive kids, and always felt unwanted. My brother and I are in our 40s, and it still deeply affects our sense of self-worth. Edit: I know my own kid really well, love to know her interests, talk openly with her, and tell her I love her multiple times every day. No way in hell will I let my precious girl think she doesn't matter to me.
#26
Forcing me to be a member of their cult under the threat of homelessness.
Toby Hawthorne 2 years ago (edited)
A CULT, WHAT THE F**K!!! What was this cult about? Not trying to be nosy or anything just curious.
#27
Not being supportive, not dealing with the abuse I suffered from family and school. Pretty much anything that involves my mental health was neglected. Being taught that women were pure and men were c**p, which lead to abuse from women in my adult life cause it had to have been some wrong I've done. Being told is was ugly and I would be inadequate for a woman. I could really keep going for ages on this.
June’s Very Own 2 years ago
Can you imagine telling a child that you carried on your stomach for 9 months and birthed them out of you, that their ugly? It just breaks my heart
#28
Spoiling us and always doing the chores. We ended up being lazy mfers. I'm currently procrastinating writing this.
Scott Crowell 2 years ago
Ok OK I'll write it for you this time but no more Mister. Now go play your video games while I clean out the cat box.
#29
The total lack of boundaries based on the believe that they had raised us to be responsible and smart, even though clear evidence were present that we were not.
#30
Not enough discipline
What do you think ?
Deanna Crichley 2 years ago
Denying the kid's reality. Saying, "That never happened.". Or denigrating their feelings. "You don't even have anything to feel sad (angry, scared, etc.) about!"
BobTDG 2 years ago
My mum is also a massive gaslighter, blaming me for things I watched her do.
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Sergy Yeltsen 2 years ago
The one thing this article shouts out loud is that too many people are not capable of being decent parents. Parenting should be a privilege, not a right. And it should not be a career choice.
lili 2 years ago
One I'd like to add... Saying that you need to listen to any adult and do what they say, just because they are an adult. It could've been a complete stranger, but since they are an adult you should listen. I've been r-ped, i still seek external validation for everything, javascript:void(0);and even though it always hurts me in the end, I am still over trusting.
ursula zaid 2 years ago
I hope things get better better you..absolutely don't listen to just anyone..adults are wrong too..and plenty monsters out there.
Load More Replies...
Deanna Crichley 2 years ago
Denying the kid's reality. Saying, "That never happened.". Or denigrating their feelings. "You don't even have anything to feel sad (angry, scared, etc.) about!"
BobTDG 2 years ago
My mum is also a massive gaslighter, blaming me for things I watched her do.
Load More Replies... Sergy Yeltsen 2 years ago
The one thing this article shouts out loud is that too many people are not capable of being decent parents. Parenting should be a privilege, not a right. And it should not be a career choice.
lili 2 years ago
One I'd like to add... Saying that you need to listen to any adult and do what they say, just because they are an adult. It could've been a complete stranger, but since they are an adult you should listen. I've been r-ped, i still seek external validation for everything, javascript:void(0);and even though it always hurts me in the end, I am still over trusting.
ursula zaid 2 years ago
I hope things get better better you..absolutely don't listen to just anyone..adults are wrong too..and plenty monsters out there.
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