I had a similar experience. My mother never went to see my teachers with the reasoning there was no need as I did not struggle like my sister (my mother always went to my sister’s parent teacher nights). Other than that there was no acknowledgement for my abilities which made me think they were not important and didn’t matter and it left me desperate for recognition of any kind. And yes this was dealt with in therapy.

None of that is minor.

Kids need boundaries of course, but as they get older you need to start widening them. Give them space to grow and mature and learn for themselves. My Nan used to say children are like springs, if you try and hold it too tightly, eventually it will let loose and go wild. If they can’t make any decisions for themselves it can be overwhelming when they have complete freedom.

Oh, lord was this my childhood. I also couldn't bring up their names around each other, had to lie about seeing my dad to my mom, it was so toxic and sad. It took my mother getting a terminal illness for them to bury the hatchet, and when my mom died, my dad regretted all of that time wasted hating each other :(

This is quite sad. My parents are the complete opposite, teaching me a 3 hour long life lesson when ever I breathe. I don’t think I like it either way tbh

Especially #2. I have a difficult relationship with food because my parents insisted we eat everything on our plates.

It’s sad because a lot of the time it’s not on purpose. My besties mum was very insecure because of her mother growing up, and she genuinely tried not to let it affect her daughter. But her behaviour was always very…..on display. Like she was always very clearly unhappy and didn’t eat much, as a result my bestie now has body dysmorphia

My mums never did this and I can attest to being 100% confident in my body and looks, I get told it’s being vain, but realistically I was raised without that c**p and it served me well for loving myself, which aparently is the first step to being able to love everyone else ❤️ Also we don’t in our house say - wow you’re beautiful over something a benign as wearing a dress etc, it would be ‘that dress is amazing, I hope it makes you feel amazing too’ , a ‘you’re beautiful’ comment would come if we did something commendable like help her or a another person with something etc. so beautiful was more of an internal compliment, and we never talked weight or looks in the house, perks to having dykes for mums.

I was constantly given my sisters hand me downs, she was tall than me and skinny. I was average all around. they never fit right. She only bought me large or extra large when i was a clearly a medium. said i didnt have the back for a bikini top, then that i didnt have the thighs for bikini bottoms. ended up buying me a tankini with skirt bottom to cover my ugly body.

My sister had an eating disorder when I was 8 and she was 14. One night I came into the family room to find my mom yelling at her to eat. I'm sure she meant well and for it to be a wake-up call to my sister, but she grabbed me and compared the size of our wrists, and my sister's arm was smaller. (I was an active kid so I was by no means fat!) But this didn't help my sister, especially with the shaming of her disorder instead of talking through it, and it certainly didn't help me and led to my own eating issues from middle school through college. I started idolizing my sister because she was so small, and I believed that meant she had more control and was better than me. Only when I moved out on my own did I finally get help and escape from the negative body talk and comments. Please! Be careful what you say about your body to your children and definitely don't compare them to their siblings or friends! It does stick with you.

My mother started that when I was about 9 yo. She never stopped. I don't want to be around her too often, she brings me down. It's so important to accept your child, to let it know the body shape is not so important. Just to be healthy.

My 5 year old grandson was taken by my daughter for his 5 year check up and vaccinations. The nurse weighed him and took his height. She then told my daughter, in front of him, that he was grossly overweight for his height and that he should only eat very healthy products and she was going to make another appointment for 3 months and if he hasn't lost weight she would have to refer him to a dietician.. Now he is absolutely terrified about eating. Is it healthy, is it going to make him fatter. Keeps pointing at his stomach and saying he is fat. He isn't fat at all and I checked and his weight is fine for his height so I have no clue what graph she is using to determine he is fat. There is no way she should have said that in front of him. He is only 5 for goodness sake.

My dad was... on purpose. I brag to myself about a healthy weight/BMI/etc so I don't step over the line he cut right through my self-confience (and my sister helped!) about my body. Momw as great ----- you're healthy, your legs reach the ground, you have hair, you're able to do stuff, hurray! ----- but my dad and sis (she learned from him)? Opposite. Nothing was okay about me. Reality was, they hated tehmselves, but.... I didn't figure that out till I was about 30. Damage long done by then.

I will keep on mind to not talk about wanting to lose wait and stuff in front my kids I don't want them to ever worry about there bodies in this world that the last thing they should worry about. However for girls and women it just awful.

This is so true. My parents always made sure I ate super healthy which is good but then I started to lose weight and they tried to make me eat more to the point where I would like throw up because I ate too much.

My mother was tiny (5’ and 90#). From the age of 8 she commented on how big I was and how I’d never be as tiny as she was. Told me my outfits looked “jakey” and I had no taste. Criticized my make up and hair. Just the whole bunch of insults. She always told me (and convinced my father) that I should not try things since I would end up quitting it anyway. Criticized my choices for professions saying she didn’t need college to get where she was. As such, I have had low self-esteem and confidence issues my whole life. My kids were not raised with those shackles and I have three talented, intelligent, independent people who I love and they are raising their children as they were raised. Stopped the cycle!

At age 8, thanks to my maternal grandmother I knew that my "saddlebags" were too big. By age 10, she thought it was a good idea to buy me an exercise bike for my birthday.

I would like to add to this: "Don't talk about everyone's bodies in family reunions" this has lead to normalizing fat talk in my family, and since I'm overweight, it's lead to lots of insecurities along with a poor body image. Finally, I've found a nutritionist/psychologist who has taught me how not all bodies are meant to be European thin. And how this is the biggest lie we've been told by the western + white hegemony. In case you might be interested, read: "Fearing the black body - the racial origins of fat fobia" by Sabrina Strings.

Yes we should all be more body positive!

OMG I'm an insecure fat a*s lardo, I can't believe this is messing with my kid 😔 it's passed down for sure, my mom commented on my appearance here and there too...I didn't say much about my.daughter, but myself 😬

Mum was always a big woman and I was the one kid in the family that got her genes. Short and round, all my siblings were tall and skinny like dad. Mum often controlled what I ate, because she didn't want me to be fat like her. I grew up thinking that there was something wrong with me and the way I looked. It's taken years of therapy to accept myself for who I am.

I can remember my Gmother always going to begin a diet on Monday. Great emphasis was placed on attractiveness, so being a chubby child was not acceptable. My cousins were 'well shaped' which made me feel more self-conscious. I would wear a t-shirt over my togs. I was always encouraged to remove it.

I was called "fat" all the time

Oh lord. I've never had this problem and my mom constantly talked about her weight. Seriously people can't deal with anything anymore and are constantly blaming every issue they have on someone else.

I was raised like this. When I had my son I was determined to not be that parent. I told him, as long as he was respectful, he could tell me if I made him angry and why and he could tell me if he thought I was wrong or made a mistake about something. We had, and still do, an amazing open relationship where he always felt he could talk to me about anything.

I don't understand punishing kids over grades. It just pushes kids to cheat and pay more attention to the grades and not the material they're learning. If kids are struggling then there's likely other causes and not their other activities.

Or glossing over anything good and focusing in and hammering away on anything not good." You got an A in biology, we'll whoopty freaking do...but you got a D in math and you have to do better and blah blah blah go get the belt..."

I feel this one. My folks tried all manner of punishments to make me get better grades. Found out in my late 20s I have ADHD, along with some related issues. No amount of punishment was going to help. Not a fun time to go througj.

Denying is the worst imo because is just makes the accusers out as liars when all we wanted was an apology :(

I have done something like "here is a good place for my birthday, it costs ___ for 5 people, and it would be fun!" They laugh, and said "Ok, maybe!" I just felt silly. It sucked.

One trillion percent this. About 5 years ago my parents sold some property & my dad asked us to send him a break down of all our debt. When I was going over it with him he was like "how did you get so far in debt?" Like. Very disappointed voice. "You never talked to us about money. You never talked to us about saving. You never talked to us about investing. Not once. Money was never brought up." He didn't even have to think about. He said "you're right." That alone blew me away. In wasn't an unmanageable amount but my parents were the type they paid credit cards in full every month. Also, In my family it's "ours" not "theirs & mine." I think that's really messed my brother & I up, if I'm being honest. We didn't have to take responsibility. We also didn't know my dad was going to run off with a mistress & screw us either. It kills me watching my mom having to pinch pennies. I give her gifts all the time. I bought her a new car & that felt amazing.

I’m worried my sister is doing this one, the twins are nearly 11 and can’t use a microwave or anything. Its a massive contrast to me and her at 5&9 making pancakes unsupervised and alone at home. She says the upbring we had made her paranoid etc, but we never burnt the house down or f****d up, we learned so many life skills ahead of people our age out of necessity. Maybe she wants them sheltered for that reason though. They are at the point now where they wanna walk to school alone but can’t, I’ve tried to convince her. They need some freedom or they won’t survive out here in this shithole of a world

I’m so sorry. I hope your doing on now and away from your abusive mother

I can relate. My mother started asking me why I couldn't be more like my sister from the time I can remember. I was born on her 4th birthday, but we are polar opposites. She never went outside, never got dirty, was never noisy, in other words, perfect. I was very independent, a daddy's girl, but not in the traditional sense. I was a tomboy who wanted to do everything with him, and my mother hated it. Until the day she died, she hated it.

No baby it’s not your fault. Don’t ever believe that . It’s the insecurity and the immaturity of the parent saying this to you .

My parents let me eat how much I wanted all the time, which was always too much. The most they did was show me a diet I should do at the age of like, 9 but never truly helped me stick with it. Now that I'm older, I hate myself and how unhealthy I am, but due to some issues, I've never been able to get on a diet. Please help your kids stay healthy so that they don't end up like me...

Damn now I wish I had a Reddit account so I can be this persons friend.

My parents haven't taught me to do anything but instead of it being because they didn't want me to grow up they just... didn't teach me anything. Then i annoyed my parents foe being useless

my mom in a nutshell.

I feel your pain. I haven't seen my abusive sibling since 1993. I was forced to talk to him in 1999 when my father died, and the police had to get involved. This was over the phone. Jerry Springer meets Cops.

I was wondering when I'd see my one. My brother and I were fed and clothed and sheltered and educated and got gifts at birthday and Christmas. Never abused. But our parents never knew us. Because they didn't bother to. It felt like they had 2 kids because that's what people do. We were raised kinda Victorian. Children should be seen and not heard. We were smart, sensitive kids, and always felt unwanted. My brother and I are in our 40s, and it still deeply affects our sense of self-worth. Edit: I know my own kid really well, love to know her interests, talk openly with her, and tell her I love her multiple times every day. No way in hell will I let my precious girl think she doesn't matter to me.

Parents need to always support their child's interests. Unless it's illegal

A CULT, WHAT THE F**K!!! What was this cult about? Not trying to be nosy or anything just curious.

Can you imagine telling a child that you carried on your stomach for 9 months and birthed them out of you, that their ugly? It just breaks my heart

Ok OK I'll write it for you this time but no more Mister. Now go play your video games while I clean out the cat box.

This whole list is my childhood