9 Western Parenting Beliefs Everyone Thinks Are Healthy That Are Actually Bad For Kids
Interview With ExpertIn the Wild West of modern parenting, some Western parental beliefs are as misguiding as a GPS in a ghost town. Are endless extracurricular activities really forging well-rounded super kids? Should you really leave your newborn crying to “toughen them up”? Is circumcision necessary?
While science backs up many parental beliefs, others do not, in fact, promote the health benefits one might believe they do. As it turns out, sometimes, a bit of free-range parenting—letting kids be kids—might just be the healthiest choice, even if it means a few more scraped knees and a bit less résumé padding.
Dr Christina Scott, professor of social psychology at Whittier College in California, whose research focuses primarily on sex and relationships, has offered her expertise to comment on those beliefs.
This post may include affiliate links.
Circumcision
Circumcision, a procedure that involves removing the foreskin from the human penis, gained popularity in the US and English-speaking countries during the late 19th and early 20th centuries.
The procedure was initially promoted to discourage masturbation and reduce sexual urges based on moral and religious grounds, a study shows.
Later, modern medical understanding challenged newer claims that circumcision promoted hygiene and prevented disease.
For instance, the British Medical Association indicated in 2006 that circumcision's health benefits were limited and controversial.
Dr Scott told Bored Panda: “Most parents now cite their primary reasoning for circumcising their male infants as ‘wanting him to look like his father.’
“Social comparisons have long been associated with penis size and appearance, and while most of the world does not practice circumcision, most American families have continued the practice for aesthetic reasons and to ‘fit in’ with other males in society.”
thats bloody outrageous they are basically mutilating their babies for no reason to fit in with other males its not like when guys get together they get the knobs out and compare them for f***s sake man
"...it's not like when guys get together they get the knobs out and compare them..." Huh... ya don't say. I think I need to have a very serious talk with my friends.
Load More Replies...I have to say that I refused to circumcise our son, going against Jewish tradition. I couldn't bear to make a permanent change to his body without his consent. Judaism has moved beyond the ancient sacrificial practices and I believe that this is a remnant of that time. It is not required in order to be considered Jewish. There are more and more of us.
Same. I caught a lot of flack and there are some places in the world where the community does consider it to be so important that one couldn’t get married or even go to yeshiva. There are reform rabbis (in the US) that will do what’s called a ‘gentle brit (s), which is where they perform the ceremony but will symbolically cut a pomegranate
Load More Replies..."Look like his father"??? Honestly, this is disturbing. Why would I want to be reminded of my partners intimate body parts when changing a baby? Yuck. Also "look grandma, he's got your son's eyes and his d**k" just isn't something I'd want to say.
I agree! And it's not a part of the father or the son most people see, particularly not the same individual people.
Load More Replies...Absolutely uncommon in Germany. Mostly only for medical reasons and of course done by proper doctors.
Depends on the segment of society you're looking at. Among Muslims and Jews, it's still the norm.
Load More Replies...Barbaric practice and one of the greatest mass human rights violations in the world.
I do wonder at a culture that endorses widespread infant genital mutilation. It's bad enough what they do to intersex infants, but when nearly half the population is getting cut up on their ghoulies without consent or actual medical need, there's something VERY wrong!
Unfortunately this is carried mostly before the child has the capacity to refuse.
Formula Over Breastfeeding Or Breastfeeding Over Formula
Breastfeeding is generally recommended over formula feeding due to the numerous health benefits for both the baby and the mother.
Mayo Clinic Press, MedlinePlus, and the Cleveland Clinic support the fact that breast milk provides ideal nutrition tailored to an infant's needs, supports immune system development, and reduces the risk of various infections and conditions like asthma, obesity, and diabetes later in life.
For mothers, breastfeeding can promote faster recovery post-delivery, reduce the risk of certain cancers, and help in bonding with the baby.
While formula feeding is a viable and nutritious alternative, especially when breastfeeding is not possible, breastfeeding is often considered superior due to these comprehensive health benefits, as per the World Health Organization.
While breastfeeding does provide significant immunity benefits over formula feeding, it is critical to consider that some women simply cannot breastfeed, Dr Scott told Bored Panda in an email.
“Milk either does not come in or there are other medical considerations [that] make it impossible,” the professor said.
She added: “Women who breastfeed in public are often shamed for not ‘covering up.’ However, women who cannot breastfeed (or choose not to) often face even harsher criticism, especially from other mothers.
“Caring for an infant is exhausting, and how a mom chooses to feed her baby is no one's business but her own.”
Title is weird on this one. "...or breastfeeding over formula". It then goes on to state how breastfeeding IS better than formula. I agree with not shaming mothers who are not able to breastfeed for various reasons, but recommending it as the preferred thing for the baby is not shaming.
agreed...and, the milk is only better than formula when the mom is well-nourished, well hydrated, and not stressed...
I've had six kids and absolutely HATED breastfeeding. I was a teenager and my mother demanded that I breastfeed. You want to know how many people come to visit while your teenage boob is hung out? Every one you know. And they get right up close to you and put their face five inches from your own. Guess who who winds up with body dysphoria? Breastfeeding always felt like a parasite was attached to my boob every time I tried even as an older adult. My sister also has five kids and has NEVER bought a can of formula. My kids are humongous compared to hers. My preemie weighed more than her full term when the were six months old. People who say breast is best can kiss my grits. Fed is best.
My Grandad, born 1908, was given watered down condensed milk because his Mum was too ill to produce breast milk. His sister died from failure to thrive. There was no infant formula at the time and wet nurses were for the rich. Whilst breast is best there needs to be a safe viable alternative which formula is. Unfortunately capitalism got in the way and you have large corporations actively pushing formula over breast with deadly consequences in some developing countries with no access to sanitation of bottles or clean water. This does not mean that formula itself is evil. Personally, I had one formula fed (I lost 3 litres of blood in labour in a traumatic birth and my milk just didn't come in) and one I did manage to breast feed for nearly 3 years. There is no difference to their health even years later and studies agree that at age 5 you'd be pushed to scientifically discern the difference.
I tried to donate, after 4 months of feeding and expressing, I felt like I should start mooing! My freezer was full of bags of milk, I was expressing 2 full bottles per side every 3-4 hours, and there was no where in my area to donate. I called the hospitals, shelters, local charities...
Load More Replies...Baby Walkers
Dr. Annalisa Abjelina, a pediatrician, had some harsh things to say about the device used by infants who cannot yet walk on their own to move from one place to another.
“Using a baby walker will not help babies learn to stand or walk,” she wrote on Children's Primary Care.
The pediatrician added: “In fact, there are strong associations between walker use and developmental delays in balance skills that are needed for walking. “Walkers may also interfere with muscle and joint development.”
Baby walkers were initially adopted for the convenience they offered parents, allowing them to keep their babies occupied while attending to other tasks.
Research now suggests that baby walkers might cause more harm than good.
Statistics show that over 40% of children who use a baby walker end up getting hurt (an estimated 4,000 injuries occur per year in the UK), Walkerville Chiropractic notes.
Not everyone knows it. Hence why the things still sell in big numbers.
Load More Replies...My son scooted his walker over one shallow step and fell headlong. Still has a little scar at 40.
My two children both used walkers. One walked at 12 months and the other at 10 months. Walkers are not the problem; insufficient care and attention are the causes of accidents.
Your experience of two children does not win out over the research done by academics/professionals. Walkers are banned in Canada, and very heavily advised against in Europe.
Load More Replies...Baby walkers were always more of an aid for the parents than a benefit for the child. A child in a walker doesn't require being held up to walk which is a killer for the your back. We didn't use them in our house but my in laws have disabilities so we'd allow it for small periods at their house and only if 100% supervised.
Back when I was a young adult, it was simply a cage to put your kid in while you smoked weed, visited with friends, and ordered pizza. 30 years later, I'm soooo glad I've got a better class of friends.
I used it for my son when I needed to shower. He's scoot his butt in the bathroom and just be there. Scared tf out of me the first time. I've learned to listen to the quiet.
Load More Replies...In the 80s and 90s everyone used walkers for their babies, I'm so glad they aren't used anymore. I literally can't even remember the last time I saw one being used, it's got to be more than 20yrs ago. The thing I see all the time now is those stupid chairs that supposedly help babies to sit up, so stupid and dangerous. I've seen parents plop their tiny babies on them when they're so small they can't even lift their own head. Babies don't need to be forced to do things before they're ready, they will sit up when their body is ready to do that, forcing them onto an uncomfortable seat will not make them able to do it any faster.
y'all in the 80's my brother was in a walker and went down a flight of stairs.... twice! He survived. They aren't great but they aren't that bad either. You aren not supposed to put your kid in them for 10 hours a day!!!!!
Blondie, they are indeed 'that bad'. It's great your brother survived two falls down a flight of stairs. However, he should not have been put in a situation where this a known and studied danger. Have a look at this little article from Harvard Medical to check out some of the dangers associated with baby walkers. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/parents-dont-use-a-baby-walker-2018092714895
Load More Replies..."Sleep Training"
Sleep training methods commonly practiced in Western parenting, such as "crying it out," have been debated for their effectiveness and impact on infants.
Research suggests that while these methods may lead to quicker sleep onset, they do not necessarily improve long-term sleep patterns or emotional development.
"Western countries are typically more individualistic in nature, meaning that we put the needs of the individual above the needs of the group as compared to collectivistic nations, which focus on the welfare of the group as the priority," Dr Scott told Bored Panda.
She continued: “The Western practice of letting a baby ‘cry it out’ definitely matches with our sense of individualism and the need for babies to self-soothe.
“When asked ‘How would you describe yourself?’, most children from individualistic nations will pick personal adjectives such as ‘smart, funny, happy,’ etc., while children from collectivistic countries will choose words to describe their relationship to others, [such as] ‘sister, daughter, friend,’ etc.
“American babies typically learn to ‘self-soothe’ and ‘sleep through the night’ around six months of age, but the lessons on identity and community will impact them for a lifetime.”
This one really pisses me off. Crying is the main way babies have of communicating that something is wrong, and newborns don't have the capacity to deceive, so it's not like they're just crying for the hell of it.
Still, sometimes I cannot attend the baby right away (there are more kids involves) and frequently the baby stops crying within minutes, so how bad would it have been? I am against letting them cry until they eventually fall asleep but just for a small bit I do not see the harm...
Load More Replies...If I ask people to describe themselves, and they say "daughter, sister"... that tells me nothing about them. I'd much rather learn about the individual, not in relation to whether or not they have a mother or sibling.
Right? I'm asking who You are, not What are you? I'm a daughter too, but that doesn't let me know about your personality traits, or in the case of a job search, what you're like to work with.
Load More Replies...Yeah this one is bad for the baby forming attachment to the parents. If you don't come when they cry they learn they can't depend on you. And it affects your entire future relationship with them.
And when those parents call for their son or daughter to come help them when they get old, I hope their children will behave the same to them.
Load More Replies...We "sleep trained" our singleton & then our twins, by laying down on the floor next to the crib. They were still able to see us so were comforted by our presence and would fall asleep peacefully. Then we'd sneak out (may or may not have fallen asleep ourselves!) All 3 kids were able to fall asleep on their own after about 2 weeks, with no tears!
Scott’s quote on how people describe themselves has nothing to do with baby sleeping. There isn’t causation.
I got the feeling he was saying the western people are raised to be individuals, while eastern people are raised to be part of a herd and not as individualistic. It was irrelevant to the subject at hand.
Load More Replies...Let a baby cry until they give up the hope of their parent to come and pick them up to give them the comfort that they urgently need is just cruel. They are in fear of being left alone (even if it's only for short), they are highly stressed. This raises stress hormon levels and that again raises the risk of heart problems, depression and many other problems later in life. Please don't do that to your baby. Hug them, comfort them, let them sleep near you. Mom of 2, holding my sleeping youngest in my arm right now
Geez people are judgmental. We did this and in 2 nights they learned to fall asleep on their own.
Thos research is outdated. The research shows that inlt can increase the average sleep time for babies and can reduce the risk of post natal depression in women with children babies with sleep disturbances
Perfect School Attendance
Perfect attendance awards in schools have historical roots in promoting punctuality and discipline, traits valued during the industrial era when absenteeism could disrupt production.
According to educational historians, such awards were part of efforts to instill habits that would prepare students for future roles in the workforce.
Dr Scott told Bored Panda: “Especially with the interruption in learning due to COVID-19, schools are eager to motivate students to have perfect attendance.
“Unfortunately, many students (and parents) start to equate ‘perfect attendance’ with ‘perfect performance.’”
According to the social psychology expert, some students, especially in high school and university, may expect that simply showing up to all of their classes should earn them higher grades, regardless of the quantity or quality of the assignments they have submitted.
She further explained: “Encouraging students to attend class with an award can create an ‘extrinsic motivation,’ where we expect a reward instead of taking pride (internally) for our accomplishments.
“Without question, social recognition is valuable, but teaching children to take responsibility for their academic success and to have pride in themselves is priceless.”
Perfect attendance, be it at work, or at school, normally means the person doesn't care about the health and well-being of others. They come in when they are sick, and spread their germs. If they had just stayed at home, the total cases of sickness would be far less.
Perfect attendance also ignores an individual's mental health. Mental health days are very important.
Load More Replies...Wait... someone is clinging to perfect attendance awards post-Covid? We're still rewarding people for coming into school despite being infected?
So these are all very ‘USA’ western things though. All very different in Europe.
Exactly, always believing that they are the norm, and that every other country does exactly what they do. Get some info before speaking for us.
Load More Replies...I never cared for my kids having perfect attendance. My son gets sick. I don't send my daughter if he is. I let them have a "mental" day. Life is overwhelming asf and we all need a break from it.
School as babysitting so working parents aren't forced to miss work.
School funding is tied to attendance so encouraging perfect attendance is financial.
Well that's just a wrong meter to reward the schools as well as the students
Load More Replies...While "perfect" attendance perhaps should not be celebrated what do you do when the opposite happens? Children that only come to school 50% of the time only receive 50% instruction and therefore do not learn as fast as their peers. An employee that only shows up for 50% of their shifts isn't going to last long because companies hire people to get work done, and if they are not present, they can not get work done.
Schools in my area typically have a limit, like 25 days missed, or you can be held back... exceptions are made for students who are hospitalized and similar situations, but work is typically still getting completed so they can keep up
Load More Replies...We don't do this in Australia. If you miss too much school, you get checked up on but that's it. In the last two years in Victorian high school, you have to have 90% attendance, but you can apply for special considerations still.
Babies In Separate Rooms
In many non-Western cultures, co-sleeping with infants is the norm, often seen as crucial for nurturing and bonding.
On the other hand, the practice of having babies sleep in separate rooms has become common in the West.
With important social class disparities, co-sleeping came to be associated with poverty and racial minorities in Westernized society, Hey, Sleepy Baby reported.
In the early 20th century, Western parenting trends emphasized raising children to be tough and independent, which led to practices that encouraged emotional restraint.
This was epitomized by the book The German Mother and Her First Child, which gained popularity during the Nazi regime, promoting strict and detached parenting methods, Basis Online noted.
CPS here in America will take into consideration the space in your home, and whether or not each child has their own room when it comes to custody. If you don't have enough space for everyone to have their own room, it's used against you. So this is more than just a cultural/country thing. Our government is pushing this ridiculous agenda, while taking away reproductive choices and freedoms, forcing families to add to the overpopulation. Then threatening them if there aren't enough rooms in the house! It's a lose/lose on this subject.
My 3 boys refused to sleep in their own beds and slept together until they were tweens. As long as they all got a good nights sleep, what does it matter?
In every western country except the US, this is the norm. It is not common in the WEST!
If I co-sleep I will be monitoring the irregular breathing of the baby and thereby not sleep myself. This will not have a positive effect on bonding and thus baby goes to its own room...
There’s a difference between bedsharing and co-sleeping, but the terms are used interchangeably. The safest way is for baby to sleep on their own sleep surface in the same room as the parents. That’s the actual definition of co-sleeping
Load More Replies...American here, grew up with 6 siblings, parents always had the baby in their room sleeping in a basinet then crib, then transition to another room as the baby grew and became less fussy, don't recall a set timeframe, usually 8 months or so.
Pureed Baby Food
According to the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, solid foods may be introduced to a child in any order.
However, puréed meats, poultry, beans, and iron-fortified cereals are recommended as first foods, especially if a baby has been primarily breastfed, since they provide key nutrients.
The Academy states that softer textures are very important when first introducing foods, with infants usually starting with pureed or mashed foods around six months.
Certain research suggests pureed baby food was actually adopted due to convenience, both for consumers and manufacturers, and it was only later claimed to be better for digestion, according to Food Timeline.
Companies like Gerber launched extensive advertising campaigns in the 1930s to persuade parents and doctors of its benefits, emphasizing safety and ease of use over homemade options, Solid Starts and Science Minded reported.
I didn't think pureed food was easier for digestion, I thought it was easier for mastication on humans that have only a few teeth. Some food can be pretty tough.
Of course you don’t give them raw carrots from the get go, but babies can chew soft things with their gums just fine. Today my almost 6 months old ate vegetables and chicken from the soup, entire broccolis and oven cooked meatballs. She can take the food to her mouth and chew it, we enjoy dinner time together as a family and everyone eats at the same time. It’s amazing! And the higher likelihood of chocking is for kids who eat purées for long without trying different textures. They will not know what to do when finally they try normal food.
Load More Replies...My first child took matters into her own hands. Typically, she would want to breastfeed just as we were sitting down to a meal. I became an absolute wonder at feeding myself one-handed. After the little one had finished her milk, she'd be cradled in my arm, or sit in my lap. At about 6 months, she reached out to my plate and started gumming foods. I just made sure the things within her reach were safe for her to eat. Over time, it became less about reducing food to a gummy mess, and more about eating it.
Good news for my new baby food company and our first offering- Steak Jerky and Jawbreakers.
I breastfed and always started my kids on vegetables, one kind a week so I could watch for allergies. Since I was still breast feeding, I did not start them on any meat until they had enough teeth to chew it well (didn't want them to choke). They were all healthy.
BLW and also, it is NOT necessary to start at 4 months, like some of those companies suggest!
Tried purees with the 1st kid.....couldn't transition to lumps and even now very texture averse. Did baby led weaning instead with the 2nd...you just give them little bits of what youre having and let them gum on it. Her first food was stolen off my plate and that was hot chilli onion rings. That one will eat anything now.
With my first one I was constantly scared they could choke on pieces in puree, so I mashed it really fine. When my second wanted to eat I got him big pieces of cucumber to suck on them. But he started gnawing pieces off and ate them. No choking, no problems. Baby led weaning is great!
Screen Time
“There are plenty of concerns about kids choosing ‘screen time’ over social interactions with peers, sports, and academics,” Dr Scott told Bored Panda.
The mental health expert continued: “Research is piling up that says Gen Z (and likely Gen Alpha) lacks the social skills and self-confidence to interact with their peers in comparison to previous generations.”
Nevertheless, some research shows that certain concerns over screen time initially stemmed from anxieties about media influencing societal values, often driven by conservative viewpoints wary of moral impacts.
As highlighted by scientists, the evidence did not support implementing less than two hours of screen time a day, as recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics.
I am here to say that everyone can have screen time between 2-4 hours on bp and the interweb/screens. this is not bad in my opinion. screentime is not good, yet not bad. if you are abusing it to the point where you can not have the ability to interact with the world, touch some grass.
Screen time is fine as long as they're also getting lots other experiences, especially playing outdoors. My nieces and nephews all have tablets and phones but spend hrs outside every day without screens and spend weekends visiting museums and galleries or having playdates with friends at parks or softplays. They mainly use their devices in the evening to relax and de-stress at the end of the day.
I'd be more concerned about near-sightedness from not going outside and focusing on distant objects.
Screen time along with reading at arm's length has been proven to be harmful to eyesight in young children. The result is nearsightedness with risk of glaucoma later in life. Kids should spend as much time as possible outdoors and in environments where their eyes are focused at least twelve feet away. This is documented in multiple peer-reviewed studies: https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2830598
Braces
Braces have a long history, initially associated with status and wealth.
Ancient civilizations, including the Egyptians, used primitive orthodontic devices, often made from gold, to straighten teeth, Acceledontics explains. This practice indicated both a concern for appearance and social status.
In the 18th century, modern braces were developed by Pierre Fauchard and later refined by Edward Angle, primarily targeting the wealthy who could afford such treatments.
Over time, the focus of braces shifted from merely aesthetic improvements to emphasizing dental health and functional alignment, leading to their widespread use today, as explained by Loudoun Orthodontics.
How is providing dental health for your child 1.) American and 2.) bad for the child? I know many people that without the help of braces could not speak or chew properly or who were in pain before the braces.
And how many people do you know who were never in any pain and could speak and chew perfectly fine, but were put through months or years of pain just for esthetics? Dental health is better in the UK than in the USA, but we don't routinely straighten perfectly healthy teeth.
Load More Replies...Some of my adult teeth never came in and had to be pulled down from the gums. It makes sense to get braces...and then when I'm done my teeth will be straight! Because the teeth that didn't come down are both my canines, it's actually healthier for me to have them.
I had the same problem! And had to get braces to correct it. Funnily enough, someone said braces are such an American thing, but when I had to get braces I lived in Europe and my orthodontist was Dutch.
Load More Replies...Americans often make fun of brits for having bad teeth but statisticaly brits tend to have way healthier teeth. This is mainly because Americans tend to get a lot of unnecessary work done for aesthetic reasons, regular bleaching and orthodontic work to make teeth straighter or whiter is completely unnecessary yet very common in the US.
I had very crooked teeth, as an American child. Not a health problem unless you consider the crowding = increased risk of cavities. But anyway, I am forever grateful my mother managed to cobble together the funds for braces. I see so many ppl getting them as adults after spending their lives being embarrassed.
You forgot to explain how braces are bad for kids. Is this one on the wrong list?
That's an American thing. In Europe it's barely ever done for only emphasising dental health. I have one non straight tooth in the upper front, very visible. Nobody ever cared. My dental health is superb
And as I read you comment your mental health has not suffered from the crooked tooth.
Load More Replies...Theres braces for actual orthodontic issues (my jaw wasnt aligned and I had to have operations in additon to braces all done on the NHS) and there's wanting braces to keep up with societal expectations of being "perfect". If your teeth are clean and healthy and you can chew properly then you dont need them. Also, having extreme dental procedures done in the US is getting way more popular. Everyone on US TV and film has those fake plastic bright white veneers wheras 10 or 20 years ago people on TV had their natural teeth. It'll filter down to regular folk too and in another 10 years everyone with the money to do it will have those uncanny valley smiles. Personally having your natural teeth filed down to stumps and then sticking on fake ones which need replacing every 10 years is wholly unnecessary. I suppose dentists push it because they know it requires repeat business!
Me, who had to get braces because my teeth were crowded and my jaw wasn't working right:
"Hi, I only got my painful teeth fixed so I could prove I'm wealthy!" What?
I had multiple teeth come in my palate, some backwards, had to be pulled forward/ sideways and rearranged. 16 permanent teeth had to removed. Tell me how orthodontics is cosmetic?
Congrats! You finally found a new way to c**p on America. Thank goodness we don't have to hear about sugar bread and bathroom stall gaps for the 47th time.
I kind of like those bathroom stall gaps, when someone looks at me though one I just big time fart. Try it it works.
Load More Replies...Why is it titled "western" when it's just about the USA and the url also says American?
Probably a lame effort to camouflage the umpteenth USA bashing article.
Load More Replies...Congrats! You finally found a new way to c**p on America. Thank goodness we don't have to hear about sugar bread and bathroom stall gaps for the 47th time.
I kind of like those bathroom stall gaps, when someone looks at me though one I just big time fart. Try it it works.
Load More Replies...Why is it titled "western" when it's just about the USA and the url also says American?
Probably a lame effort to camouflage the umpteenth USA bashing article.
Load More Replies...
