From the description of the foods prepared and fed to the little girls, I am more wondering if the author and his family are overweight than about whether the “smaller and paler” girl is actually malnourished. Anyway, it’s wrong to secretly teach someone’s kid to disobey their parents. If he seriously believed she is malnourished, he should talk with her parents, teachers, contact the authorities etc. - that’s the right way to resolve such situations. And it’s hard to believe no one else in the school or neighbourhood wouldn’t have noticed. The fact that he described the girls family as “neurotic” also kind of indicates that he might be doing this because he disrespects their lifestyle rather than because of serious concern about the girl’s wellbeing.

Even when my kids were 12, I would have asked the parents first before doing something like that. This isn't about what's good for the kid, it's about this person making an ideological statement. Bad, bad judgement on the meat-eater's part.

I'm on the fence. I was raised strict vegetarian (no diary, meat etc) but we were allowed home farmed free range chicken eggs and honey (not commercial). We also wernt allowed lollies, breads or anything else with animal protiens or gelatin. At 12 years old I knew that a strictly vegetarian diet was not ideal for me. I didnt get enough protein, I was always hungry and often tired. I used to 'sneak' meat whenever I could. There were kids in our social group who were thin and pale, some becuase they were just supremely fussy and some, like me, who would have benefited from more fat and protein in thier diet. At 12 we are starting to get a better idea of what works for our own bodies and if this child is clearly consenting to and enjoying eating meat then that should be her choice. The judgement could be arseholery or from experience it could be genuine concern. What is sad about the whole story, is that the child does not feel safe enough to express to her parents that she is not vegan

Lady, you're going to cost your daughter a friendship, because there's no way a kid of that age will be able to keep a secret like that. And when her parents find out, she will never be allowed to associate with your daughter again! Not worth it, for a baseless assumption about her health. Some people are naturally smaller and paler than others, you have no idea whether her home diet is actually doing her any harm.

I grew up with someone who was essentially being raised vegan, but before it was a thing. Except there were damn good medical reasons why he couldn't have dairy or meat. As in, his digestive system really couldn't process it and it could land him in hospital. So yeah, he looked thinner and paler than the rest of us kids. He was getting all the nutrients he needed from additional supplements. Now, at 12 M should probably have been told about any medical problems by now, but I can totally see a 6 year old just trotting out "I'm not allowed to drink milk" without any further explanation as to *why*. This guy's heart may be in the right place, but his head is clearly absent.

I would be very angry to find out an adult man was encouraging my child to keep secrets from me. The proper response would be to tell the child to talk to her parents about her feelings, if she’d prefer to eat meat. Are we sure the kid understands what is happening even? This guy is presuming a lot and way overstepping his role.

I think a lot of people are biased against veganism so I think they also will look at someone and see them as less healthy when they are probably perfectly fine. A lot of people always assumed I was underweight but I actually have always been within the healthy range of my BMI and I have a very healthy diet. I do eat meat and animal products, but since I am a very small person, people see me and assume I was undernourished. Not something she should be doing. I think vegans typically take nutrition really seriously and work hard to make sure their kids are getting everything they need specifically because they get a lot of people judging them for starving their kids. Around 20% of children in the USA are obese and I don't see a lot of adults reacting by only feeding the kids salad and carrots when they come over. You refuse a decent meal to a child because you think they are over weight then people would flip out completely. Just not your place. Between the parents and their doc.

Malnourished or not, her parents get the right to feed her the food they deem sensible. How do you define malnourished? Some children look smaller but are quite well-fed. The child is eating the food because it tastes different. It has nothing to do with veganism. Also, you are encouraging a child to lie to her parents. What if someone does that to your kid? The non-veg parent is way out of line in this because she does not get to say anything in thing regard. I am sure the parents are feeding M well. By the way, there are plenty of vegan food available that can be nourishing. India has vegetarian recipes that can be fine tuned to vegan meals.

"How much smaller and paler"? Some of us are smaller or paler by genetics, or kids just didn't hit growth spurts yet, etc. ------ And if the girl chooses to cheat, fine. That's her choice. But that's not an indictment on veganism. If they're worried, ask the parents to get the kid to a doctor.

Such a huge asshole! I'm not vegan but it's not your place to overstep another families rules and have their kid lying to them. You also don't know the reasoning for it, the post mentions nothing about religion or dietary needs. And for people to state that the child made a choice are also assholes. There are children with Type 1 diabetes who would wolf down a bucket of sweets if given the opportunity, so if you offer them candy and they took it and go into shock you don't think you would be responsible. For an adult to say that the child made a choice is a bitch move. Maybe the family has a dietary issue or a religious belief or maybe not. You need to respect that family as you would expect for them to respect yours. Cause I bet that dude would be pissed as hell if someone gave something to his kid he disapproves of and was told "well chap, your kid made a choice". He also needs to take into consideration that his act can also have legal consequences.

This is a clear case where everyone is asshole except the poor kids who might lose each other's friendship because of stupid parents! You don't force to your kid your strict vegan diet and you don't make a kid lie to their parents because of what you believe is better.

I can only imagine how quickly this asshat would go absolutely f*****g ballistic if he found out someone was doing the same to his own child.

My children are 7 and 9. My younger is vegetarian and my oldest isn’t - fine. I’m vegetarian and husband isn’t. I make meals we can all eat and sometimes one gets meat and the other gets a plant substitute. They’re both small and pale. Why? Genetics. I would never let my kids go over to this persons house again, more because of the lying and deception than the meat, though.

How DARE you!! Non-vegans often complain "don't push your agenda/diet on me" - what exactly do you think this is?!?

YTA First, you shouldn't be altering her diet that dramatically because it can cause her all sorts of problems like intestinal cramps and diarrhea. Second, if her friend was not allowed gluten products, would you just pile her full of it not knowing if she has an allergy or a medical condition like Crohn's that can cause her more harm? Lastly, if you are that concerned with her health, contact her parents. They may be making her vegan diet so strict without realizing that she may have a medical condition that requires that her vegan diet be tweaked to allow her the proper nutrition. They can still be strict vegans and look out for their daughters health too. Maybe suggest a blood test to make sure she's not experiencing some deficiencies. If it comes back normal, she may have a different medical issue..something that pouring meat products on will not fix in the long run.