Older People That Chose Not To Have Kids Reveal If They Regret The Decision Now

A lot of people try to give meaning to their lives by building a house, planting a tree, and bringing up a child. There are some, however, who are content with just the first two options. In fact, recent U.S. population surveys show that a record percentage of women don’t have kids. Recently, reddit user throwawaygeneral8899 (who is currently getting married) decided to find out how these people are dealing with the consequences of their choice. They created a post asking "Older couples that decided to not have children ...how do you feel about your decision now that years have passed?" The responses started pouring in quickly, and you can really feel the honesty behind them.

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My husband & I are in our 50s & have been married 19 years. We both grew up with abusive dads, were the “smart kid” in the family, got the hell out ASAP, worked our way through college & made something of ourselves before meeting & getting married. A lot of common ground & we’ve built a strong, rock-solid marriage.

We considered having kids, but after working so hard on healing from the childhood abuse & escaping the cycle of poverty we grew up in, we decided long ago that just the two of us was enough. We still consider ourselves a family and we’ve been really happy with our life together. Our home is peaceful & that’s the thing we care about the most.

If I had to choose now, knowing what I do, between becoming a mother & having the marriage & home life I now enjoy, it’s absolutely no contest. Zero regrets.

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Jessica Bertram 5 years ago

I feel the exact same way. My husband and I chose this, to escape the cycles of poverty and abuse, and to build a life that is both satisfying and rewarding. So far so good: 17 years without regrets.

75points

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Researchers rarely collect data that distinguishes between the involuntarily childless and the consciously childfree. The 2014 census figures, however, revealed that 47.6 percent of women between age 15 and 44 have never had children ― the highest rate ever tracked. According to a 2014 Pew Research Center report, 19 percent of women remain childless by age 40 to 44.

We've been married twenty years. We are both 50. Neither of us wanted to bring children into our family.

I spent a WONDERFUL afternoon with my 16 year old niece yesterday. We talked about her boyfriend, picked blackberries and discovered a woodland clam [fingernail mussel] living in a mud puddle [vernal pool] in the woods, which we named Fred. It was magical. I just adore her.

Not having kids is just as normal as wanting kids, I've always felt.

Zero regrets.

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Elizabeth Shaaber 5 years ago (edited)

i fully agree... my decision to not have kids has nothing to do with how i was raised or my feelings towards children in general. it was just the natural decision, like others make when choosing to have kids, it just wasn't meant for me.

41points

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Amy Blackstone, a gender sociologist at the University of Maine who specializes in childfree research, hopes that her work at least helps question the assumption that little boys and girls will grow up to become parents. "Right now, girls in particular, but girls and boys both, are raised to imagine themselves as parents of children," she told Huff Post. "But if we more critically thought about the question of whether or not to parent, then everyone would have the opportunity to make the choice that’s right for them."

"Of course, the childfree would benefit... if we made it a choice rather than an assumption,” Blackstone said. "But I think parents would benefit, too."

No regrets. Not everyone wants them, and if you're not sure, it's best to hold off. Having ambivalent (or worse) parents does a real number on a kids self esteem.

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The Girl on Fire 5 years ago

The last part is very true

36points

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Blackstone conducted 60 to 90-minute interviews with 31 people (21 women and 10 men) about their decision to live childfree. The small qualitative study found out that the choice is not spontaneous but rather a complex and ongoing conversation. This pushes back on critics, saying that childfree couples are selfish or flippant.

Since publishing her research, Blackstone has interviewed 44 more people, expanding the diversity of her participant pool. She wishes to continue her research in the future as well, which will hopefully create a world where childfree people don’t have to defend their choice to others or suffer socially for it.

Well...I'm a dude in a relationship with a dude. 26 years. We could have had children but didn't. Have plenty of nieces and nephews to spoil.

Also...we've been able to save and we are retiring this week. I'm 54.

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Mary Jaye 5 years ago

My significant other and I have been a couple four 36 1/2 years. We don't even live together. In fact we live 15 miles apart and that's why we are together so long. Michael has an ex-wife and a son with her. I have no children and never had a desire. I am almost 67 years old I have absolutely no regrets. Some people are made not to have kids and they don't know it. I knew that it would not be the right thing for me or the kids.

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Mid-40s, married for 22 years. No regrets. We’re both extremely happy - we have a great marriage, fulfilling jobs, money (and time) for all the fun things we want to do, and as much travel as we want (currently on week 6 of a 7 week road trip). I have never felt a lack in my life for not having children, and have always felt that having children would be detrimental to my happiness. I’m sure it’s great for those that actually want kids, but I’ve never been one of those people.

I also have around 16 nieces and nephews, so we get to sort of experience that whole "having a kid" thing for a week or two at a time...and then send them home, which works out perfectly.

Our two cats and one dog are as close to having kids that we will ever have, and trust me - that’s about as much responsibility for someone else’s life as we should be given. I love our pets, but having a dog has very firmly shown me that it’s a good thing we never had kids.

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SBW71 5 years ago

No regrets at all. I got a husband and 2 fur babies. That's all I need.

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My husband and I are 48. Not having kids is a huge relief, still. We get to travel, have a nice house, walk around naked if we want, and I have disposable income to support causes that are important. My life is fulfilling and happy.

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Foxxy 5 years ago

I never understood the people who say that if you don’t have kids you aren’t fulfilled. Not everyone wants kids (as this post shows) and that is fine. They can still live very fulfilling lives.

83points

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Every kid I don't have is like $186,000 I don't need to make.

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Id row 5 years ago

Amen. Plus you don't have to worry about them screaming at you that you ruined their life when you say no to the thousand dollar iphone they want. The entitlement of kids today makes me double glad I didn't have them.

28points

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I love my life. Kids never factored into it. I never wanted them, so simply didn't have them.

Having never wanted them, I don't think about having missed out on anything or that I'm lesser for it.

Children aren't mandatory

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Jaguarundi 5 years ago

I love that last line.

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I'm not a couple, just a person. I've been in lots of relationships and was married twice. I would not have made a good parent. Regret sometimes I wasn't born into a different life, but given the cards I was dealt... I think I made the right choice in that department and have no regrets.

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Michyle Glen 5 years ago

Same here,,, Most of my relationships were short term, and I was always afraid I would be like my Father (he had a temper) and that I might put one of my kids into a wall. Better not to have kids if you you have a temper. Because Kids love to push the envelope to see how far they can get away with anything.

29points

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#10

I'm a 49 year old female and have never regretted my decision to not have kids. I think I've always been missing the mommy gene. I like not having the responsibilities and obligations (and expenses!) that go along with having kids.

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Nancy Jeckells 5 years ago

I am missing the mommy gene as well, although I like babies and little children, but when they start to talk back, forget about it, I just want to run for the hills. I was engaged at 26 but he wanted kids. turned out it was a deal-breaker . I could just see that it wasn't the life I wanted. this was in canada. because I wasn't tied down, I was able to move to england in the 80s, where I met a wonderful man who has been my husband for over 20 years. Luckily, he didnt want children either,. we have wonderful lives down in cornwall. be true to yourself. always......

34points

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#11

We're both in our mid 40s. When we got married in our mid 20s we were trying to have kids, until we realized that we were pretty much just doing it because it was expected of us by family. I decided to not get pregnant and my husband has supported my decision.

After a few years my husband started having spotty employment due to health issues and ended up on disability. We don't know if he'll ever be able to work again or what his long term health will be like. We were concerned that he wouldn't be able to contribute to a child's life, either financially or by providing care. Plus I found out I have fertility issues and it would be very expensive and difficult, if not impossible, for me to get pregnant. Also I've realized in the last few years that 1) my upbringing qualifies as abuse and I'm more like my abuser than I'm comfortable admitting; 2) I don't want to treat a kid the way I got treated but I'm afraid it would be inevitable without a crap ton of ongoing therapy for the entire family; and 3) I realized that I just don't really like kids that much. Having a kid around for a couple hours? Fine. 24/7 for minimum 18 years? No thanks.

Sometimes I worry that when we're old we'll be alone and regret it then, but we have plenty of nieces and nephews, and the fear of the possibility of regret thirty or forty years from now isn't a valid reason to get pregnant IMO.

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TD Baker 5 years ago

shouldn't worry, there are people with children, and the kids don't care or visit or ship them to a home and wash their hands of it. there are no guarantees in life, make the best of what you love starting with yourself.

24points

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#12

I'm going to give you the different answer. I met my guy at 26. I was ready for kids at 32. He started stalling, hoping to run my clock out. I thought I was 'too old' to find someone new in time to have kids.

I tried to accept it. To find something else to give my life purpose. I have a fulfilling professional career. I donate. I volunteer. I care for my older family members. I have friends.

But, you know what? I never got over my anger and resentment of being denied children. Last year, after 20 years together, I ended things.

Now I'm back to looking at ways to become a Mom, however that happens. I have my own frozen eggs. I'm open to fostering or adopting.

And I don't regret leaving my ex, not even a little. I feel resentment, and cheated.

For what it's worth, Embryo adoption is also a thing. It's far more cost effective than domestic infant adoption, and you can generally do it until age 55, after that on a case by case basis.

Some people can move past it, others can't until they have exhausted every possible outlet. I'm in the latter category. I wish you peace, with whatever you decide.

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Kimberly Young 5 years ago

Wow, her ex sounds like an awful human.

23points

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#13

I'm approaching 60, husband is approaching 70, and we get that question a lot. We know we made the right choice. I'm a teacher, so I've spent my life working with wonderful kids, but simply never wanted to go home to more kids after work. We don't know who will take care of us when we're decrepit, but adult children are no guarantee of having care in old age.

However, I think we both miss having grandchildren to take places, Christmas is quiet, and family barbecues are non-existant. That part is a bit sad.

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JP 5 years ago

There are more ways of having 'grandkids' than having grandkids. So many organizations out there that help kids and need volunteers. You don't have to become foster parents to change a child's life. A 'family' is what you make of it, so if you want family barbecues, full Christmas's and taking children to fun events, then become involved and create a family.

52points

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#14

I always thought I'd wake up one day and be clucky and ready to start a family. That day never came and I'm pushing 50 now so I've missed my chance.

I sometimes wonder if I made a mistake not having kids but its not something i really regret.

On the plus side, I am looking at retiring with a 6 figure income at 52, regularly donate and do charity work. In-fact I am looking at starting my own charity at the end of the year to dedicate more time to when I retire.

In some ways not having children has/will allow me to help more people than just my immediate family.

My suggestion is do what feels right, either way its a big decision that only you and your partner should make.

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Alex Bailey 5 years ago

If there is already a charity that covers the area you want to support then please don't start another. Doubles the admin and halves the support. Also, people don't usually understand the role trustees have to play. It's more convoluted than people realise.

17points

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#15

I'm 41 and chilling, do what I want when I want, no money issues, so I'm happy. I never felt like I wanted kids, I just didn't feel I would be a good parent, so I think it would be irresponsible on my part. People still like to tell me I just "haven't found the right girl yet" but I tell them the right girl is one who doesn't want to have kids. Not sure why it's such a big deal, but no one has ever said "good for you, that's awesome". Kinda f**ked up there's enough people on this planet already.

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Jessica Bertram 5 years ago

"Good for you, that's awesome!"

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#16

I’m not that old (37) and I’m not a couple, but I didn’t have kids and I can say undoubtedly, I wouldn’t have accomplished the things I am very proud of in my life if I’d gone down the family route.

My nieces and nephews are enough for me, and I can give them back and won’t be held responsible for how they turn out. It’s honestly not a bad deal at all.

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Erika Jones 5 years ago

I like how many people mention their nieces and nephews - spending time with other people's kids, family or otherwise, can be great, and much less of a commitment than having your own! I'm sure the kids appreciate the attention, too. :-)

17points

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#17

I’m 60 now, been married for 29 years. God did not provide me with the proper temperament to raise children. Have never regretted our decision to be child free. We’re good

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Id row 5 years ago

Same. A crying baby would have made me have a nervous breakdown. I just don't have it in me.

11points

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#18

My husband and I have been together for 27 years, and we originally said we didn't want kids. Then we thought we should have some, and tried for a decade with no luck. So we had a serious talk, and decided we didn't really want them after all, and stopped trying. Now that the pressure is off and we both feel nothing but relief, we are enjoying life so much. It's wonderful to just be selfish without having to make excuses or feel resentful and be able to travel on our own schedule and make decisions that just impact us. If we could have had kids naturally, no harm, no foul, and we would have loved and accepted them, but it didn't happen, so no worries. And we also don't have to worry about f*cking up another human accidentally. Life is good, and we have the finances and resources to take care of ourselves. The only negative is that we are both the end of the line for our genetic ancestors. But that doesn't seem like a good enough reason to try the crazy fertility treatments beyond what we already did.

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TD Baker 5 years ago

if you don't want children you are not selfish. you are realistic. there are a lot of people who have children and they are very selfish-the child suffers, and the world proves it with a lot of messed up families.

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#19

My wife and I are in out mid 40's. I hope that counts as "older".

We're very happy with our decision. We have the ability to live a pretty comfortable lifestyle, and I think we generally have a lot less stress than our child-having peers, and we'll be able to retire earlier.

Our lives are full and fun, and I get to spend a ridiculous amount of time with my wife (which is the best thing ever).

Also, there are some things that you may not think about. For example, I recently had some changes at my job that created a lot of potential income stress. I was flipping out pretty hard. If I had a kid in (or nearly in) college, I might have gone full meltdown.

Many of the concerns that went in to our decision not to have kids were centered around our own personalities, so I'm not a "child free" advocate, or anything, but I do think that many people have kids because they are "supposed to" or because the want "someone to take care of them when they're old," which I think is a terrible reason to have kids.

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FloC 5 years ago

I do agree with this about all the wrong reasons to have kids. I am childless myself (never wanted any). When people tell me "who will take care of you ?" I think that is very selfish to put this strain on the children.

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#20

I fear the answer to this. I'm ambivalent about kids. But I'll never forget holding the hand of a man on his last day in hospice as he said " Oh God, I wish I'd had a child."

He was married to one woman for close to 50 years, taught for nearly 40. His room was filled with cards and photos from former students, friends, and family. It's impossible to say if he was lucid, but the regret in his voice was heartbreaking.

I say now I'd be happy with children or none; biological, adopted, or step, but until the end I won't ever know.

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Id row 5 years ago

And even if he had kids, there's no guarantee they would have been there at the end.

30points

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#21

My wife and I have been married for 12 years - I am 36 and she is 40, so, yeah, likely not in the cards. It is a reality that, while tough, I am slowly learning to accept.

I realized that as a guy, I always look at having kids with rose-colored glasses - ball games, working on my classic car with them, dad jokes, the fun stuff. That's easy for me as it's not my body and sacrifice. My wife is not on board and it's her body and I love and respect her to much to force her hand. If either one of us are not 100% ok with a major decision, we don't do it, end of discussion.

I look forward to spoiling my nieces and nephews and spending more time with my wife and continuing to make our world about us, forever.

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Demi Zwaan 5 years ago

This is bad for your relationship. One person definitely not wanting kids and the other does, but goes along with the decision. In the end, he will resent her for taking away his chance to have children away and it WILL come up in an unrelated fight. You should really be on the same page on big things like having children and not just ‘respect her decision’.

14points

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#22

No regrets.

Until I was in my mid-20s I always thought I wanted kids. Then I stayed with a couple I knew who had toddlers. They were nice kids, but I remember one Saturday morning they poked me awake for cereal. It was an epiphany. I remember thinking "I will never want this."

Fast forward several decades. Not too long ago I was at a family function with an 8 year old. He's not a bad kid, but Christ it was just...loud. Everything was just really loud. XBox, talking all the time, interrupting with questions. Mind you, I'm not complaining about the childrens behavior. They were better than average, from what I can tell. I'm just celebrating my decision not to get involved.

I am soooo happy I did not subject myself to that.

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Id row 5 years ago

Those kettle whistle shrieks they do...makes me want to jam an oyster fork in my ear.

13points

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#23

I wanted them but never met the right person. I'm REALLY glad I didnt have any of my previous partners- they would either have made terrible mothers or we just did not make for a healthy couple.
I have the perfect partner now, and she did fall pregnant, but we lost the baby to Dandy Walker syndrome. Getting a bit too old to try again now. I am very upset that I will not have children, but I don't regret not having children with anyone but my current partner.

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Lousha 5 years ago

I always thought that if one day I'd feel that way, realising I wanted kids but by then being "too old" I'd just adopt a slightly older kid. That way a kid with very slim chances of a family would get one, and I'd get to be a mom still. A good deed and a blessing all in one. By now I know that this won't happen, I simply don't want kids. But I don't think those who want them shouldn't have one just because they waited too long or had issues getting a biological one. DNA would not mean anything for me. Apart from my parents I don't keep any contact with any of my family members because they are not worth one moment of my life. So much for blood and all that...

19points

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#24

I go through phases where I regret not having a kid, I still have plenty of time: My wife and I are 36, but we made the decision to be childless a decade ago, maybe more.

I understand the appeal of having children and feel it on some primal level, but logically the pros vs. cons of having a kid... there are just far too many cons.

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Wizardbg 5 years ago

This. This is exactly my thoughts on it. There is definitely this inherent feeling when I see my friends with children or see the students in my classroom, but at the end of the day the cons are far too much. If I ever decided to have a child, I would gladly foster kids who need a home.

16points

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#25

I’m sad and in many ways I think my husband is also. He is terrific around our friends’ kids. Me not so much. But I see the unbelievable love that my friends have for their children and that is something I will never know. We’ve had great careers and have a wonderful life together. But it is also true that we also are very much alone without family. Our siblings all live far away and parents are gone. So when we die,that’s it. We have lived a self absorbed life is my guess. It doesn’t feel that good deep down.

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Katchen 5 years ago

This is so sad.

12points

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#26

I go back and forth. My SO has some significant mental health issues and I know that I would be alone doing much of the emotional labor of raising a child, and I know I'm not really capable of doing it alone. Sometimes I worry very much about what I will do when I am old. I'm an introvert and dont have many friends and am not overly likable, so I assume I will be alone. I just hope that there are some kind robots to take care of me, and that I'll die before the robots turn on us.

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Alex Bailey 5 years ago

That is sad but it doesn't sound ideal for a child to be brought up in.

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#27

I love our decision not to have kids. I’ve always had trouble adulting well and the idea of spending all my spare cash on diapers and bottles didn’t appeal to me. I’m selfish, so is the husband, and we are okay with that. I have to prepare for old age because I’m not going to have any kids to look out for me when I’m frail and senile, which sometimes worries me, but then I remember that I didn’t have to raise kids and I smile a bit.

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TD Baker 5 years ago

why people say they are selfish? no, they are practical, realistic and self-aware. do you know how many children are raised by selfish parents. messed up for life, then the kids that survive being emotionally abused are either duped into taking care of them or abandoning them. stop saying you're selfish if you don't want kids. i say bravo to you for being responsible. btw, i love kids but grew up in a phyisical and emotionally abusive family, i couldn't run the chance of putting children through that, plus i do have the option of adoption.

17points

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#28

For my spouse, I can only say that they have physical and psychological issues that they've mentioned that they'd rather not pass on to a child.

For myself, I've always said that while I'm occasionally afraid that someday I might regret not having children, that's not the same as wanting children, and that's an important difference to me. I have my own reasons to believe I'd probably not be a good parent.

Yeah, we both get concerned sometimes whether anyone will be arsed to care about the sole survivor once the other's gone or incapacitated. But this thought is the result of our decisions, not a basis for changing our minds about having kids, which we will not. Having kids or not is no guarantee that you’ll end up cared for or not anyway, though it does probably move the needle on your odds.

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katarina 5 years ago

"I'm occasionally afraid that someday I might regret not having children, that's not the same as wanting children, and that's an important difference to me." - agree completely!

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#29

Not older, I'm 34 and my wife is 31. Our lives are pretty f**king awesome. We do whatever we want whenever we want, and our focus and attention is on one-another. This really is the life for me, and she would tell you the exact same thing about herself. We are also the super-cool-but-quirky aunt and uncle that spoil the nieces and nephews, take them to do s**t their parents wouldn't usually/ever do... I mean it's great. I feel I'm surrounded by far, far too many people who are far, far to envious of us when they hear about our lives vs theirs, completely consumed by their children.

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misteriosa 5 years ago

To be honest, I too would be a little bit envious while hearing such stories of awesomeness because I am supertired, chronically lacking sleep and my patience is stretched to the limits, but then again, when I come home and put these three monkeys to bed, I know there's no place I'd rather be at that moment but beside them. Sounds a bit masochistic, haha.

24points

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#30

We are in our late fifties, we earn average money but because we don't have kids we have a lot of disposable income. Also I don't think I could have coped with the worry of having a child in today's horrible world. Both our mothers are in homes. We still make sure they're ok. There's no one to look after us. I sometimes want to ask my wife if she regrets not having kids but daren't. If she said yes it would destroy me.

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Katchen 5 years ago

The average age of a child in the American foster care system is 8. If they wanted to they could positively impact the life of an older child without the 18 years and biological hardship of having their own children.

11points

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#31

Mid-40s couple. We feel regrets, lots of regrets.

However, we are a somewhat special case, and might still have a shot. We are past the normal age of having a child, but we froze our gametes ages ago, just in case we changed our mind about not having children.

For us, the decision not to have kids was more practical than ideological. At the time, we both had chronically ill family members that required a lot our time and, more importantly, mental energy. The idea of throwing a kid in the mix seemed unpleasant and unfair all around. Also, neither of us had much desire to have kids, we just enjoyed each others company and that was more than enough back then. Having kids seemed like a hugely stressful experience even in the best of circumstances and we could easily side-step it, so why not? I was the type of person who loved kids (I adore all my nephews), as long as I could give them back to their parents after some time.

I am a geneticist, and the full reason I thought we should freeze our gametes was that I thought, if we did ever decide to have kids - even while we can still do it "naturally" but we are older - I wanted us to have young gametes and to have the embryos screened. I know this seems unromantic, but see our practical attitudes towards life, above.

Things are really different now since we made that decision not to have kids all those years ago. We have fewer responsibilities and our financial situation is great. We've had the chance to live and travel all over the world, live for our careers, and spend years and years in just the company of each other. I feel like we got all we can out of being childfree, and we feel a longing to have a family of our own, meaning a family of more than just us two. So, now we feel a lot of regrets. Regrets about not having a kid at all and not doing it when we were younger. Old as we are, we will likely now go back to our egg- and spermcicles and give it a go if our doctor says it's OK.

The funny thing is, I think my answer might be completely different if we were in the same situation now but didn't have the gametes available. I think we might not allow ourselves the luxury of regrets. When what's done is done and can't be reversed, I think it's natural to just want to look at the brighter side of things, particularly when it's a mistake you can't learn much from.

academiclady Report

Final score:

10points

POST

Katchen 5 years ago

The way this person prioritized taking care of their ill family members makes me think they would be a great parent as well. Or a great aunt, uncle, or mentor.

0points

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#32

Not having children is a big deal in my life. Yet my husband was diagnosed with MS the year were were married. His mother had it and his grandmother did. Met with a geneticist and found out we had an 80% chance we would have a child with MS. He is and has been healthy for 28 years after 5 years of issues due to the wonderful medication that was finally invented. Yet we could not live with the guilt of having a child with MS. We could not adopt either. Before the ADA act was fully implemented we could not adopt a child because he had MS. Even after that, they left us on the bottom of the list. We did not choose this. But are fine without kids. We just love and care for the kids around us.

Tanyaschmidt Report

Final score:

10points

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Dr John A Truman 5 years ago

my thoughts and prayers to you and your family, I truly understand. I have been diagnosed with RRMS about 4 years ago however my two kids are 17 and 15, so far knock on wood they have no signs of MS at all but my fear is it could set in later in life like what happened to me.

4points

#33

Not an ‘older couple’ but my SO and I have been together for 9 years (now in our 30’s). I never wanted kids as long as I can remember and he doesn’t either. I have one nephew on my side and friends who have kids. That’s enough for me. The thought of being pregnant terrifies me. I legit have nightmares of being preggo or actually having a kid. I am content with caring for critters that will be spoiled AF and being the cool funky Aunt to nieces, nephews and friends kids.

ruthless870510 Report

Final score:

10points

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Katchen 5 years ago

She should be terrified of being pregnant.

-2points

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#34

Been married for 21 years and initially we tried to have kids but found out that it was going to be hard to do. Wife was heartbroken at first, but I was somewhat relieved. It's a lot of responsibility and your life changes to accommodate a child.

Over the years, wife has actually said a few times that she was glad we didn't have kids because we couldn't have had the adventures we did. I feel like it was the right choice and we're better off due to not having kids. We love our life and are continuing our adventures now in our 50's and we're starting to make plans for retirement.

grahag Report

Final score:

8points

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#35

I have a professor at my university who has been married to his wife for 50 years, and they have no children. He calls us his children and always talks about how he and his wife are inseparable. He's a really eccentric and energetic guy, even in his 70's. He gives out candy to the entire class before every lecture he gives.

He seems like he truly loves life and has no regrets about not having any children.

dailydonuts16 Report

Final score:

8points

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#36

Quite happy. My mom's not so happy about our decision but his parents are okay with it.

SthrnGal Report

Final score:

8points

POST

#37

Together for 20 years. We're the same age. Both mid 40's now. We were both on the same page about children for the first 10 years, which was "maybe". We felt no pressure to start popping on kids during our 20's and early 30's. We felt like we needed to make a decision around age 35. That's when we started actually telling people that we weren't going to have children. We're both career professionals. We have 4 legged children that we spoil and take with us on adventures. We live comfortably and play often. We got all the time we wanted nurturing 4 nieces and nephews and countless friends' kids. It was nice to try it on for an overnight or weekend here and there. We love to spoil the kids and then hand them back after mom and dad got to have a little time together. No regrets. Any longing for having a little one quickly passes and we go back to enjoying our romance and our critters. I'm usually saddened when I hear my friends complain about the woes of parenthood, and worse, when they become teenagers and start to have serious problems with school, drugs, and police. I feel that we're pretty lucky to be aligned in values regarding over-population and global instability. It would really suck to be stuck in a stalemate.

wereallcrazyson Report

Final score:

8points

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#38

Bf is in his late 50s and I am 45. No regrets. I got to live all over the USA and made some quick and dirty decisions that paid off which I wouldn't have been able to if i had a kid or two in tow. I feel a lot more nimble than any of my friends who have kids do. I also enjoy the downtime a lot. A LOT! I can't fathom having my day packed with shit to do like my friends with kids have. I don't even have a calendar and I often go days without knowing what day it is. Lol

I'm going to probably retire with my bf in the next decade unless something lucrative turns up...Would never have been able to do that with kids either.

I_like_the_word_MUFF Report

Final score:

7points

POST

#39

The biggest reasons I never had kids.

Im an only child and prefer being alone.

I would be scared stiff the kid would be disabled and Id be stuck with the problems and the guilt.

I dont like kids.

monkeypowah Report

Final score:

6points

POST

Sill Marien 5 years ago

Have kids or don't - either way is good if you chose it. Just don't go around and change your fu...ing mind after 9 years of relationship where you have both agreed not to have kids and then decide you do want kids and immediately impregnate some spring chicken -_-

0points

#40

I'm 41, hes 43 and we've been married 22 years. It just...never happened. We never have used birth control, but we never went out of our way find out if one or both of us were infertile.

The first half of our marriage I wanted children. I was very sad seeing my friends have their babies and raising them. Not jealous, just envious I guess. Now? I'm actually relieved. I have mental health issues and I'm sure I would have somehow screwed them up. I also wouldn't have had all the time with my husband to enjoy his love and company (I'm honestly quite codependent). All my friends with kids, save one couple, are divorced and it really sucks for the kids.

I love loving on my friends babies (and now grandbabies) but it's awesome to be able to hand them back when they poop or cry.

myystic78 Report

Final score:

6points

POST

#41

Sometimes it's not a decision.

My wife and I went through several rounds of increasingly serious in-vitro fertilization and ICSI procedures before the doctors told us they just couldn't help us. (Well, she went through the procedures, I just jerked it into a vial. Mother Nature is sexist AF.)

If there was a choice, it was that we chose not to adopt after all that. I think we needed time to deal with the emotional strain, or just didn't want to think about kids for a while, I dunno.

But the years have rolled by and we've gotten older, I'm more and more convinced I wouldn't have the energy to adopt now ... and hell, I'm not even sure we've got the energy to be good parents even if we'd started on schedule.

I get a little sad when I see cute little kids and their families out in the world, but for the most part it doesn't bother me much, and on good days I think it's probably for the best, both for my wife and I and for the world. Mostly anyway.

agate_ Report

Final score:

5points

POST

Katchen 5 years ago

“Mother Nature is sexist AF.” Amen.

0points

#42

Sad since I'm basically alone with no family or friends. I collapsed a couple of months ago with bad chest pains, and fortunately after a couple of hours I was able to reach my phone.

close-my-eyesforever Report

Final score:

5points

POST

Alex Bailey 5 years ago

Sorry about the situation you are in but having children doesn't guarantee that they'll be there for you either.

13points

#43

Have an aunt and uncle (not by blood but a very close family friend) who said he know he did not want them because he didn't want to risk exposing them to his temper. His wife (aunt) didn't feel she was capable to raise them. So they didn't. They told my dad (who is one of his best friends) that they would be disappointed if they had them and they did not turn out like my siblings and I. Also, they said they had enough friends who had kids that if they needed to get a parent-child experience taste then they could just give them a call, enjoy it for a few hours, then get back to their life.

Autski Report

Final score:

5points

POST

#44

Considering any kids I have would have a 50% chance of having friedrich-like ataxia with vitamin e deficiency. I don't feel bad at all.

olbaidiablo Report

Final score:

3points

POST

#45

Been married almost 19 years. We tried to have kids in the beginning but couldn't get pregnant. What followed were serious health issues between the two of us that stalled our efforts. In 2017, I had to have a hysterectomy.

We were fortunate that we had a niece and nephew that we consider our "kids." Their dad was a drug addict and their mom was seriously mentally ill, so we unofficially took them in. Now that niece has an on-again, off-again drug habit and many personal problems, and we have a similar relationship with her son and daughter, though their grandmother currently had custody.

Not the best situation, but at least we have had opportunities to step into parental roles. At this point, we are pretty set in our ways and have accepted that we don't have kids. We have a great marriage and we like our peace and quiet.

TheNameIsChops Report

Final score:

2points

POST

#46

Little regret every day

anxietyhub Report

Final score:

1point

POST

#47

I wish I had had kids

Uniqueusername360 Report

Final score:

1point

POST

Kristin Matika 5 years ago

Greatest regret of my life and it wasn't even my choice. In my earlier dating life, I was engaged to a lovely man for 7 years, until he came out of the closet. So, no marriage and no kids. I didn't find "the one" until I was in my 40's, and got married at 45. By that time, I had cervical cancer and a total hysterectomy. No bio kids possible. To adopt? Nope, haven't been married long enough since he was previously divorced. Also, too fat, too old, etc. etc.so many barriers put up. Now my great sadness is not only did I not get to have children but I will never have the joy of grandchildren either.

1point

What do you think ?

Daniel R. 5 years ago

Great post, seriously. It's OK not to want kids - can we normalize that already? Especially within other cultures, it's almost a sin to not want kids. I should forward this to some people.

John Louis 5 years ago

It's nobody's business whether you have children. End of story! I am 57 and never regretted never siring offspring. I know plenty of people who feel otherwise. There's no reason to even discuss it except to make this point: It's your decision and no one else need express or have an opinion on the matter.

B 5 years ago

My ex and I decided we wouldn't have children (because, reasons). Then later she decided she wanted them, and for the sake of contentment and keeping our marriage happy we had them. The stress and disagreements that they caused (not their fault, of course, but different parenting methods) was one of the reasons she is now my ex. My advice: think very carefully wbout WHY you're having kids if that's what you decide. If it's 'because that's what everyone does' it's not a good enough reason.

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