@Lucinda My Dad once told me when he was 10 years old he prayed for a good woman that he could take care of and God delivered him my mother. I had to laugh inside because for 25 years, it was my mother taking care of my dad. Cooking, cleaning, doing his laundry, dealing with the creditors while my father went to work and came home expecting dinner on the table when he arrived. When they divorced...he was lost trying to figure out how to do everything on his own. I was 17 at the time and he automatically thought I would take her place and take care of him. I looked him dead in the eye and said "I'm not your wife, I'm not your mother. You're going to have to figure this out for yourself because in two years, I'm gone." He finally figured it out and he was mature enough to handle it. Sometimes these guys need to be thrown in the deep end of the pool to learn how to swim.

@Quazer, if you're going to take the time to write a long-winded acrimonious response at least take the time to read what you're responding to. Carol was talking about her father. If you think it's appropriate for any daughter to take care of her abled father as though he were a child then I pity you for living in a different century than the rest of us.

There's a reason why 1950's housewife is no longer the norm and sad to think that she was brought up by the residue pockets that still believes that. I can't imagine the kind of man that wants to be/ is dependent on another person to meet his basic needs is going to be anything other than a cliché... What does she do when she has a child? Juggle him like mothers of twins do?

Beyela is giving me "desperate for a ring" vibes lol. I don't think this was very deep.

... If that's all she was taught in values and wasnt taught other ones then it's not really a choice. She just doesnt know any other way.

It’s not a choice if you have been brainwashed and fed nonsense as a kid.

Were you able to leave the cult, hon? Blink twice for yes.

It is, but honestly when it's phrased that way it sounds (to me, at least) like she doesn't know any better, that there are other ways to do it. Especially in this age of social media, with other peoples' lives on full display for everyone to see, the options are there, so maybe she does genuinely want to live that way, I just can't imagine anyone who would want to.

@Quazer I do get what you're saying, and agree that there are very often double standards in play when discussing gender roles around the house; but I got a different point from Carol's comment, and that's that when her mother left her father he was not capable of taking care of himself on a fairly basic level. He needed to learn to do basic things like cooking and laundry just to be able to live on his own. I didn't read it as being unthankful, rather just being frank in stating that sometimes there's no one around to take care of you, and you have to learn to handle it yourself. This applies to both men and women- I've lived alone (I am female) and when there's a break-in or other dangerous situation you're the only one who's there to deal with it, so you learn to. Just my two cents.

it's not a choice if you were raised to believe it's the only good way to be a wife

Wrong, she's been brainwashed, just like children to are scared into believing in a god.

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@notinterested Oh i read it very carefully ... and I´m sure her father raised her equally at the side of her mother. May it be that he didn´t do much housework, but I´m sure he did other things, so Carol can thrive and grow up. The way she described the moment of telling her Dad to get his s**t together ... AWESOME - not unthankful as a daughter at all - and I really really hope that her dad can return this favor some day, when she needs help with something - because everybody can do everything and you don´t need anybody in your life. Thats the deal of her statement, right? -> which was pointed out in my example, but guess what: I got downvoted to hell ... HMMMM ... could it be that ..*gasp* .. we have some double-standards in the current society? If you demand that a man has to be able to do all the housework - because if he can´t, you go ballistic - then I`m calling you out and demand that all women have to take care of burglars, dangerous tasks, and so on. Fair, isn´t it?

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Looks like Quazer triggered some people by showing them what they are saying.

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@Carol Love this attitude. Had the same conversation with my wife. There were weird noises in the middle of the night and my wife wanted me to check with a baseball-bat, i looked her dead in the eye and say "I´m not your bodyguard, I`m not your protector. You´re going to have to figure this out for yourself" She finally figured it out and was mature enough to handle it (was just a drunk neighbour). Sometimes these girls need to be thrown in the deep end of the pool to learn what equalism looks like - BOOYA what a time to be alive.

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its a problem of you making a wrong choice, and nothing else. Your wrong choices are on you, not on society.

No, my point was that if she was raised that way, perhaps she just doesn't know there are options out there that don't include your life revolving entirely around someone else. It's unlikely, but you never know.

That's an incredibly poor comparison. Raising a person to believe they should be subserviant to their partner, usually to their own detriment, is very different than teaching someone that not destorying the enviornment is essential for their surival.

Man pro tip, try not to use blatantly sexist hashtags, makes one come off as kinda incel-y

huh?

It always ends up that way

I don't think parents raise their kids to be an X type of wife or a Y type of husband. People are raised with certain values and norms which they often take with them into adulthood and which are reflected in the way they work and how their relationships are constructed. If you can't see the connection between the two, then you're the creepy-minded one.

Look at all of these purposefully obtuse people looking for an argument. Gross.

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It's "creepy" to be raised to be a decent human being? Wow. To quote yourself, " to even think that way smacks of being raised with the wrong mentality about other people in general."

I never said there was a crime in spoiling each other. she was saying her relationship dynamics and I was sharing mine. I don’t care what she does if that is what she chooses. No need to get so butt hurt about my comment.

Switched roles: He is doing the ironing on sunday and mumbles "grml grml grml ... I´m not a slave ... I´m her HUSBAND, I´m equal ... grml grml grml ... I just do it because she needs a time out ... grml grml grml .... but if she complains about wrinkles, SHE CAN DO IT FOR GOD SAKE HERSELF!!!! ! grml grml grml" I think YOU are a little bit butthurt ... :DDDD Literally EVERY man who would do this would get told to f*****g relax .. it´s just housework. But for some reason, some women make a very big deal about it ... dunno why, is it because of the potential "labeling"?