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People Share 30 Things That People Who Are Having A Secret Affair Do That Immediately Give Them Away
Sexual tension can be fun and intoxicating, and make our stomachs swirl with excitement. In fact, this form of attraction can be so strong that those bound by it can't even hide it from others. No matter how hard they try.
In an attempt to get better at noticing it, Reddit user UraniumRaven asked everyone on the platform, "What's a tell-tale sign two people are having a secret sexual relationship with each other?" And many pitched in!
From the classic look exchange to more subtle, 21st-century tells, such as logging in to your work chat using the same IP address; continue scrolling and check them out and don't miss the talk we had on the subject with evolutionary psychologist, blogger at Psychology Today, and author of The Science of Romance: Secrets of the Sexual Brain, Nigel Barber, Ph.D.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I was hooking up with the receptionist at my job. People started noticing that anywhere I went I’d walk by her. Just to say hi, just to walk by and see her or just to ask a dumb vague question. Etc etc. I went to grab lunch and brought her back something. Game over lol. Secret was out. That receptionist is my wife and I’d do it all over again the same way In a heartbeat.
Speaking about attraction, Nigel Barber said that both women and men usually see personality as the key component of it. "We look for a partner who is kind and understanding, who is intelligent, and possesses a sense of humor," Barber told Bored Panda. "An evolutionary approach helps us to understand what men and women look for in a potential sexual partner. The focus is on heterosexual relationships as these relate to reproductive success. There are a lot of similarities across gender (and gender categories) but there are also some noticeable gender differences."
According to the evolutionary psychologist, men are primarily interested in female signals of fertility and health that are lumped together under the umbrella term physical attractiveness. "These include unblemished skin, having a healthy glow, lustrous hair, and symmetry of face and body that signal an effective immune system," Barber explained. "A curvaceous figure gives a readout on reproductive hormones and is generally correlated with a woman's health and fertility. Put bluntly, men are attracted to efficient baby-making machines!"
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#2
From personal experience - was hooking up with a coworker and she'd bring her dog into the office. Her dog started sitting under my desk everyday and we were exposed
Momma Panda 2 years ago
Her dog approved you, and that's the only thing you should be worred about
#3
A bunch of us used to hang out on a Teamspeak server to play games. One day we were chatting when the server admin just blurted out: "So [guy] and [girl], you two have the same IP address today. You f*****g?"
"Research on internet dating found that in this context, men are primarily interested in physical attractiveness of a potential partner, implying that their main objective is physical gratification," Barber said.
"On the other hand, females screen prospective dates so as to select partners who are successful or show signs of affiliation to elite schools, sports, or clubs or drive luxury cars. So they behave as though seeking a permanent partner rather than having a brief fling."
Summarizing the analysis of communications on dating sites, Barber pointed out that women generally put a great deal more time and thought into their messages whereas men are much more flippant and monosyllabic.
"Once their social screens are satisfied, women are also interested in baby-making machines who are strong, tall, fit, youthful, healthy, and virile. (Modern women are more likely to pursue short-term sexual relationships than earlier generations, possibly because they have control over their own fertility)."
#4
Their orbits are smaller around each other. Without meaning to, they will change their personal space requirements with the other. They'll think they're normal distance away, but won't be. Also, they'll move around each other too easily (like in small spaces) without the awkward missteps the rest of us make.
#5
I was at a BBQ with dozens of people. A young ridiculously beautiful married couple was there. The wife was pregnant. They brought their short, squat, funnyman roommate with them. At some point funny man and pregnant wife are on opposite sides of the kitchen and I caught a glance between them - no more than a blink of an eye. It was the only interaction they had all night. In that instant I have never been more sure two people were f*****g. Told my girlfriend, "Those two are smashing", she told me to stop being a creep.
Sure enough 6 months later everyone finds out they're f*****g and funnyman is the dad.
Kookamunga 2 years ago
Sometimes you don't need some concrete or tangible evidence. It's just catching a spark between two people that tells you all you need to know.
When it comes to the most common signs of attraction, Barber also highlighted some that can be found on this list.
"If a man is attracted to a woman, it is hard for him to keep his eyes off her, even though staring is often perceived as rude and offensive," he said.
But women too show unmistakable signals of attraction. "They look briefly at the object of their attraction before lowering their eyelids and averting their gaze. This looks like feminine modesty. In reality, it is a sexual come-on," the evolutionary psychologist explained.
"If people are physically attracted to each other, they tend to stand close together. They also mimic each other's actions unconsciously, whether it is sitting down or touching the face with a hand."
#6
Staring. I was secretly seeing a guy in school. As far as everyone else was concerned we couldn’t stand each other.
This girl I barely knew pulled me aside and whispered “I don’t know what’s going on between you two but you need to stop staring or everyone else is going to know.”
Later on he wanted to know what the girl said to me. I wasn’t about to admit she noticed my staring, so I said “she thinks there’s something going on with us because you keep staring at me!”
#7
When your SO brings someone up way too much in the beginning then mysteriously stops talking about them at all, even when the situation potentially calls for it.
Peej Maybe 2 years ago
Mentionitis - then lack of mentionitis. When it gets to the lack of, that's the real dangerous bit because their guilt has overcome their initial 'wows'
#8
The little conversational clues. Like when two people glance knowingly at each other frequently, or have friendly little side whispers because they have their own thing going on apart from the group. And they hover near each other to be physically close. All those little examples of intimacy that is only between them.
A married ex friend of mine once started showing up with a woman and acting like that. I could tell they were banging, and I couldn't believe he wasn't trying harder to conceal it. Turns out, the poor woman had no idea he was married, and was unaware that everyone else DID know. It was later traumatizing to her to realize she had been seen as a mistress, when she was the only person who didn't know what was really happening.
She's now a friend of mine. He is not.
What's more, we can't always maintain a poker face as well.
"While we may often try to manage how we are perceived by others, and to conceal an attraction that is inconvenient or problematic, there is much that happens in the autonomic nervous system that is impossible to control," Barber said.
"If we are interested in someone, our pupils dilate, sending an unmistakable cue of our attraction. Other signs of being struck by Cupid's arrow include blushing hotly, being tongue-tied, and uncharacteristically losing one's train of thought."
#9
Physical closeness
Princess Margaret was (accurately) accused of having an affair after wiping some fluff/dust off of a married man’s suit jacket
#10
When your partner goes over the top of how unattractive, uninteresting, cringy, weird, etc..the other person is.
#11
They start using each other’s speech mannerisms. Like one of them always replies to something you say to them with, “Is that right?”, and then you hear your wife saying it all the time after you get back from a week long work trip.
This is all part of our mating game. "Sexual selection is the process that produced sexual attraction mechanisms during evolutionary history. For example, it produced the gorgeous plumage of peacocks," Barber said.
"Women are more modified by sexual selection than men are. For this reason, they are seen as more attractive, on average, than men are by female and male raters. Women also spend a lot more time and effort on their physical appearance because it is more consequential for them. These phenomena suggest that women compete more intensely over male attention than men compete over female attention. In the language of animal behavior, they bear the burden of advertisement."
#12
These two I used to work with, they got found out because a skunk sprayed outside the guys house real bad. The next day they came in to work separately and ignored each other as usual, but they both smelled like skunk. Then everyone knew, but they didn’t know we knew.
#13
It's definitely the awkward avoidance of one another for no reason.
When I was a supervisor two of my employees were secretly dating and being as young as they were (19-20yrs old) they didn't have the ability to hide their feelings without avoiding each other as if they hated one another.
I figured it out on Day 1. Hilariously cute.
Edit: when they finally told me I told them I already knew. They were flabbergasted that I figured it out. It wasn't that hard! When y'all make googly eyes at one another across the store or try to surreptitiously touch hands at the till I'm gonna notice.
propgamer XL 2 years ago
I awkwardly avoided my coworker, because I had drunk texted him that I liked him and he didn't like me. He only worked there a year. When he left, I confessed to my other coworker what I had done and he had a good laugh.
#14
Eye contact, side glances. Had a buddy of mine who was convinced that a coworker and I were hooking up. One morning he walked up to her and commented on how good she looked, and mentioned how great her haircut was… he immediately turned around to catch me glaring at him. The gig was up. Ended up marrying her.
And women seem to understand this. While Americans tend to think society places more of a premium on masculinity than on femininity, they are more likely to say it's important to them, personally, to be seen by others as womanly or feminine than men are to say it's important that others see them as manly or masculine.
#15
I’ve caught people because they didn’t follow one another on social media to try to avoid suspicion, but they both posted that they were at the same place and similar photos, and despite not posting about one another, it was obvious. They didn’t know what the other was posting because they didn’t follow one another lmfao which ultimately lead to the downfall of their discretion.
#16
They get awkward if you come up to them when they are together. I just want coffee and you’re standing in front of the machine and I didn’t think anything was going on until you got all awkward. You’re allowed to be friends and stand here and talk.
#17
The two of them consistently being the last ones left at the group hangout, especially if one of them is hosting.
#18
If you know them before it they’ll stop flirting as much as they had been prior to it. They make sure they don’t leave a place together but linger around long enough to know when the other is leaving. They look at each other when something funny or bad happens.
#19
They laugh just a little too loud
They stand just a little too close
They stare just a little too long
Duncan Rogers 2 years ago
Maybe they're seeing something we don't, darlin Lets Give them Something to Talk About. Bonnie Raitt--Nick of Time Album 1991
#20
When a bunch of coworkers go out to eat and one just ‘casually’ steals food of another’s plate and that other person doesn’t even try to act surprised or like it’s not normal. This happened not too long ago haha
#21
I worked on a tv show and there were rumors that one of the married cast members was hooking up with this other hot blonde cast member. Wasn't sure if the rumors were true until I saw the stage/reunion show. When everyone walked on stage, they were the only two out of 16 that didn't hug. Totally f****d
#22
Sometimes you can tell by the way they casually (appropriately) touch each other in public. Certain things are awkward until you cross that line.
IDK_Something 2 years ago
Downvoting James for a joke is petty. Do better, Bored Pandas. That comment in no way deserves a ban!!
#23
So my wife had this best friend from college. We will call her "A". A married this guy, who we will call "B". We all had a mutual friend from college who would hang around with us all the time. We will call him "J". We were all really close for years. Then, I started to notice little things between A and her husband. They would bicker, but nothing unusual for married couple. But she wouldn't let it go. As time went on, she started making small, belittling comments towards him. Then I noticed when we went to dinner and he tried to put his arm around her or get her attention, she'd very subtly move away or have to answer an urgent text. All the while, J started showing her a little more attention. Again, we were all close friends and had been for some time, so no one really suspected anything. I told my wife a few days later, "Yea babe, A is sleeping with J." She swore that was impossible. Couldn't be! I mean, we were all in A and B's wedding party! About a year passes and A tells B she wants a divorce. She can't take it anymore. He isn't driven enough for her. He isn't "in shape" enough for her. She was over him. About 6 months after the divorce, A comes over to my house a bit tipsy and visibly upset. Come to find out, in the two and a half years her and B were married, she was sleeping with J for one of them. Exactly around the time I told my wife she was. She was upset because J had promised that if she left B, they would be together. She gets a divorce, A and J go on a trip together "as friends," and the next week, J ghosted her and got back together with his college sweetheart. For me, the tell-tale sign was the subtle distancing from her current partner and the touch bit more extra attention she was receiving from J. That negative vibe she was putting off towards her husband mixed with the smirks and extra attention to detail she showed J was clear as day to me.
Dana Detrick 2 years ago
Vilify the spouse to justify the affair! And for the affair partner, it's just the thrill of the chase. It's such a sad cliché. Hope the ex-husband is living his best life!
#24
If you’re going through something to make you ask this, trust your gut. I had the gut feeling my ex wife was cheating, all the signs were there but I just thought she’d never do that and all the evidence was coincidental. My brain didn’t want to see it, so I put blinders on. Fast forward a couple of months, I found out she was, and my family all said I must be an idiot for not seeing what was right in front of me. Ask others opinions that you both know, they’ll tell you an unbiased opinion. Someone you can trust
thefaithfulspouse 2 years ago
Yeah, been there. He started spending ALL of his time on his phone texting, working late, going out for a beer with the guys. Suddenly wouldnt let me look at his phone, then I knew.
#25
When you stand between them you feel like you are being cooked alive. I once sat between two colleagues who were obviously getting it on and man … felt like I was in an oven.
Pumpkin Spice 2 years ago
Yes, blood rushes to the face and fingertips due to heat. A lot of heat.
#26
Mirroring body position, gestures, facial reactions. People do this in general, with those that they like and/or respect, but with couples it can happen a lot.
#27
Sudden change in music they listen to. My ex wife suddenly started listening to country constantly. I knew right then.
#28
Kind of like what Joey in Friends reasoned. If there is chemistry on stage, chances are no chemistry in real life. If they are awkward on stage, chances are they are having sex in real life.
If they are acting awkward in front of others and clearly trying hard to act like they don’t care about each other, sexual relationship. If they carry out as normal and work well together, no secret sexual relationship.
#29
They exchange a speedy sly glance upon the mention of a sex act. Two co-workers did this during a game of never have I ever. Little did they know, I’d already caught them weeks before. It was fun watching how they responded to various comments. Surprisingly unsubtle once I knew.
#30
Carpooling when there is not much convenience to it because they don't live all that close to each other.
What do you think ?
sugar-dusted-strawberries 2 years ago
i got into country music for a crush. if you love someone, you’ll do things for them!
sugar-dusted-strawberries 2 years ago
i got into country music for a crush. if you love someone, you’ll do things for them!
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