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Being kind, treating others with dignity, and respecting others’ boundaries—this sounds like common sense to many people. It’s how any civil and self-confident individual ought to behave. Unfortunately, common sense is in short supply at times… as is basic politeness.

One internet user asked the men of the r/AskReddit online community to open up and share the obvious red flags that they’ve noticed in other men. The question started an in-depth discussion about toxic masculinity, and we’ve collected some of the most egregious examples of it. Scroll down for a crash course on how to never treat other human beings.

#1

Being a modern day Republican in the US. If he votes in favor of diminishing human rights, how do you think your relationship will go? Does he truly respect women if he is Ok with the removal of bodily autonomy? Will he respect your future kids if they are homosexual or transgender? I get that people change, but I would never set a girlfriend of mine up with someone I know to be republican.

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#2

“Invisible Lat Syndrome”: 35 Red Flags That Men See In Other Men, As Shared In This Thread Using terms like Alpha, Beta and Sigma unironically.

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#3

“Invisible Lat Syndrome”: 35 Red Flags That Men See In Other Men, As Shared In This Thread I really dislike men who start lusting and talking about a woman's a*s, breasts, etc. to me, trying to get me to agree. (And they'd assume that I would, since I'm a guy as well.)

Some people just can't keep those thoughts to themselves.

Edit: I really appreciate how I am not alone on this. Sometimes it feels like I am, since those perverts are often the loudest.

buckyhermit , Helena Lopes Report

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ConstantlyJon
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this one is top for me. in one of my workplaces it's extremely bad and most guys there act like animals. it's like they get paid to flirt and be perverted. I do my best to be respectful and lead by example, but often I find myself straight up telling them off because it's just too much. It's especially bad when they try to get me to assist and be their wingman. Like, dude, I'm a father of a 16yo daughter, I'm the opposite of your wingman. I will eat you alive, kid. F**k right off with that s**t.

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The redditors revealed some of the most hurtful aspects of toxic masculinity they spied in other men, whether they were their friends or casual acquaintances. It’s the kind of behavior that is very obviously a red flag and would make practically anyone think hard about whether that’s the kind of company they’d like to keep. 

Some of the most awful examples included guys who would constantly criticize their family, men who’d make fun of others (but couldn’t stand being the butt of jokes), uncontrollable flirts, and anyone not in control of their temper. Other red flags that caught people’s attention included guys who would never apologize, were arrogant, and trampled over other folks’ privacy and boundaries.

#4

“Invisible Lat Syndrome”: 35 Red Flags That Men See In Other Men, As Shared In This Thread "Women don't like good guys like me"

Good guys don't have to self assure themselves that they are good guys.

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Passerby
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, it's not that women don't like good guys like you. It's simply that they don't like you, period.

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#5

“Invisible Lat Syndrome”: 35 Red Flags That Men See In Other Men, As Shared In This Thread Random guys I meet through work showing me nudes a girl has sent them.

Like seriously, those aren’t meant to be shared.

sucks-fake , Luis Villasmil Report

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Passerby
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, that d*ckhead just wanted to brag, which is disgusting really.

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#6

Men who can joke about others but can’t take it.
(Can be applied to women too)

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Chihuahua Mama
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Especially when the jokes they make are just plain mean. My uncle is a prime example. He will mock anyone and everyone over just about anything, but don't you dare make even the slightest joke about him

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At its core, toxic masculinity is the dark side of manliness and negatively impacts other people. According to WebMD, guys who embrace toxic masculinity are often homophobic, sexually aggressive toward women, violent, and promiscuous.

Moreover, proponents of toxic masculinity have a deep need for control and ‘dominate’ everyone around them, including their romantic partners. A 2017 report ‘The Man Box’ found that 46% of men ‘deserved’ to know where their partners were at all times.

#7

“Invisible Lat Syndrome”: 35 Red Flags That Men See In Other Men, As Shared In This Thread If you hear a little voice inside you that says "I can change this man", he is not the man for you.

PowellGrover , JJ Jordan Report

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DE Ray
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Very few people want to be "fixed". They are how they are because they chose to be that way. A few didn't have better options, and will choose something different if it becomes available, but the majority had those options from the start and already rejected them.

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#8

“Invisible Lat Syndrome”: 35 Red Flags That Men See In Other Men, As Shared In This Thread Bartender here...
- They don't respond well to the word "no"
- They argue for no other reason than to maintain their ego
- They use staring as a flirting technique
- They talk over you in conversation
- They get wildly uncomfortable when their partner is casually talking to somebody else in a public place
- They order Fireball, Hennessy, Patron, or a Long Island
- "What's the strongest you got bro?"
- Flashing money

lostigre , Elvis Ray Report

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R Dennis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We had a guy who brought his dates to our restaurant. He was a barfly that was always there. Anyway, his power move was to complain and send his food back. We would then put it on a new plate and send it back out... he never noticed. What a douchebag.

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#9

By remarkable coincidence, all their exes were 'crazy.'

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Cara
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep, constantly blaming their exes for their own poopy behaviour! A good sign to run as fast as you can in the opposite direction….

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Toxic men also often refuse to help out with the housework because they think it’s unmanly. Instead, they view household chores as something that only women ought to do. Around a fifth of American men believe they shouldn’t have to help out at home at all, according to ‘The Man Box’ report. The same report noted that just over a fifth of men thought that they should “use violence to get respect.”

Some guys also frown upon men who show their emotions because they consider that to be a sign of weakness. However, this is a very dangerous perspective because it makes men less likely to ask for help if they’re struggling with mental or physical health issues. 

Meanwhile, a man who is perfectly comfortable in his own skin and an example of healthy masculinity is someone who embraces his emotions, isn’t afraid of his own feminine aspects, and self-reflects on his actions. He’s also respectful of other people’s boundaries and doesn’t mind other people challenging his opinions. 

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#10

“Invisible Lat Syndrome”: 35 Red Flags That Men See In Other Men, As Shared In This Thread Thinking their entitled to a GF just because they’re a male

lwaties , cottonbro studio Report

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Biljana Malesevic
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thinking they are entitled to GF who looks like supermodel, just because they're male.

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#11

“Invisible Lat Syndrome”: 35 Red Flags That Men See In Other Men, As Shared In This Thread Being unable to control their temper.

tubadude123 , Andrea Piacquadio Report

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DE Ray
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have stopped using "unable" when discussing this trait. Aside from those who suffer from neurological disorders and should have their disability cared for, those who do not control their temper are unwilling, not unable.

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#12

I look at how a man treats 'unattractive' women and other men, especially in places like restaurants.

It's all well and good if he's polite and nice towards a waitress who's attractive but try pay closer attention to how he treats those he doesn't see in that same way and see if you can spot a stark difference!

N1cole_Nurko Report

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D. Pitbull
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank goodness this is something at least one other guy notices and is not cool with. I admit I get more than a little annoyed at 'friends' who have watched and shrugged off when I (or another 'plain' person... or person they can't 'gain' from) are mistreated to inhuman levels ... it's like they're agreeing "If you're not attractive, why does it matter if they're rude to you?" - I've given them the "What the actual heck? Thanks for having my back, buddy... let me give the knife back to you." and they just "huh? What... I didn't see anything".

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#13

“Invisible Lat Syndrome”: 35 Red Flags That Men See In Other Men, As Shared In This Thread Believe me, I'm a nice guy.

PrometheusHasFallen , cottonbro studio Report

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Ingo Sauer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Actions speak louder than words. Some sayings stick around for a reason.

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#14

“Invisible Lat Syndrome”: 35 Red Flags That Men See In Other Men, As Shared In This Thread Talking about how many women they've shagged without being asked.

Describing a woman like a piece of meat rather than just saying "she's nice/hot" i.e "look at the tits on that" or "love to tap that a*s"

Always wanting to get shitfaced when out rather than just have a few drinks.

Getting into fights.

themorganator4 , Donovan Grabowski Report

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Gardener of Weeden
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nothing wrong in admiring beauty, but remember - many times the true beauty is hidden by a plain wrapper.

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#15

Constantly s**t talking their wife or girlfriend. Always saying how horrible they are and such a b***h. Then I finally meet them at a get together or something and they are always nice. The guy will act completely different around her also, “yes dear” type of s**t. Then back at work the next day s**t talking her. Grow the f**k up

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David Leick
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The ole' ball n' chain c**p. Dude, if it's that bad then get a divorce and shut up. Or just shut up.

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#16

“Invisible Lat Syndrome”: 35 Red Flags That Men See In Other Men, As Shared In This Thread Consistent lack of personal hygiene

ClaymoresRevenge , Michael Kucharski Report

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Passerby
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This can also be a sign of depression though, so it might not always be a personality problem.

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#17

“Invisible Lat Syndrome”: 35 Red Flags That Men See In Other Men, As Shared In This Thread Going out with younger women with a large age gap. It suggests to me that they like control and manipulation and compliance.

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Mark Bayliss
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can't agree with this. I know a couple of couples where the man is 15 - 20 years older and they are probably the happiest couples I know.

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#18

“Invisible Lat Syndrome”: 35 Red Flags That Men See In Other Men, As Shared In This Thread Routinely acting like a pouty manbaby.

We all have bad days, but I’d steer clear of the guys who very frequently have sour tempers and are very quick to anger. That’s the type of guy who will hit you, punch holes in the wall, drink and drive after every fight, etc

drinks2muchcoffee , Usman Yousaf Report

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Strings
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I struggle to control my temper. And will try to walk away if I feel that control slipping

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#19

Never apologizing

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#20

I had a friend who I confronted for cheating on his wife. He said it's a part of his culture and his people do it all the time. He's no longer my friend.

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#21

Calling women "bitches", and not in the sense of "she's being a b***h" but in the general sense as if "b***h" is a synonym for "woman".

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#22

“Invisible Lat Syndrome”: 35 Red Flags That Men See In Other Men, As Shared In This Thread Suddenly flying off the handle at a minor inconvenience. It's one thing to stub your toe at the end of a bad day and give the table a whack. It's another if every moment of stress or misfortune triggers rage.

Birs1941 , Yan Krukau Report

#23

Using phrases like "do you know who I am?"

Constantly talking about themselves and how desirable they are (to women, recruiters, hiring managers, etc)

*Only* being nice to certain groups of people (women, leaders, minorities, white people, etc)

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#24

Quotes Joe Rogan/ Andrew Tate etc. regulary.

Material_Ambition_95 Report

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Snorky The Pig
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Quotes andy at ALL! I don't know Rogan, but whoever quotes Tate should only have the sense to do so disparagingly!

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#25

“Invisible Lat Syndrome”: 35 Red Flags That Men See In Other Men, As Shared In This Thread Trying to flirt with friend's girlfriend.

SuvenPan , cottonbro studio Report

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Lauren Caswell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or text their ex gf when they break up. I simply texted a list to my last ex, like dudes u may not wanna trust. I did my part, he could believe me or not 🤷‍♀️

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#26

Proclaiming they are an alpha male and treat women like objects instead of people.

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#27

Any man who talks about things like "the natural order" or "the natural hierarchy" is probably an a*****e. Nature is an unruly bush, not a "hierarchy". People who speak of "the natural order" are usually promoting something much darker than that, and they use the concept of "the natural order" as their excuse.

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Biljana Malesevic
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

usually "natural order" is about men being "much better" than women or men having control over women.

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#29

Trying to break your hand with the handshake when they meet you.

I prefer a firm handshake, but when they're squeezing so hard you can feel your bones and tendons move and your hand hurts afterward, that's just ridiculous. It's just machismo b******t to exert dominance by way of physical pain.

Last guy that did it to me (it was at work) I just straight called him out right there. "Oh, so youre one of those hard handshake guys? Why do you do that?" As I shake the pain out of my hand. Was a very awkward professional relationship afterward but he never f****d with me.

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David Fox
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was just thinking about this! I never understood the macho grip of a handshake.

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#30

When you handshake and he forcefully twists his hand on top and yours on bottom.
I instantly don't trust him

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#31

Can’t have a good time without alcohol.

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R Dennis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As an introvert, it is my social medication. But to be fair, I still am not having a good time.

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#32

“Invisible Lat Syndrome”: 35 Red Flags That Men See In Other Men, As Shared In This Thread Throwing their friends under the bus when women are around. Really struggled to deal with guys I thought were my friends doing this when I was younger. It’s like a switch goes off in them when attractive women are around and all bets are off.

Also not making an effort to be friends or even just nice be to people that don’t have anything to offer them. There are plenty of guys at my job that only talk to guys their age or attractive women, like if they can’t hangout or date them they’re not worth interacting with.

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#33

“Invisible Lat Syndrome”: 35 Red Flags That Men See In Other Men, As Shared In This Thread The three F’s will earn an F from me if all they talk about is fighting, fornicating, and frustrations.

I want nothing from their friendships.

Have a life, you’re a lot more interesting if you do things. Because if you do things, you have things to talk about, to relate with, and experiences to share.

Again… have a life, be able to tell a story.

bristolbulldog , MARK ADRIANE Report

#34

“Invisible Lat Syndrome”: 35 Red Flags That Men See In Other Men, As Shared In This Thread Just being an a*****e at the gym. How bout you don’t stand 4 inches away from me talking with your friends?

Tell_meThings , Jonathan Borba Report

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Subaru645
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or when they stand so close at the checkout counter and pretty much breathe down your back, alpha type ish I guess.

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#35

“Invisible Lat Syndrome”: 35 Red Flags That Men See In Other Men, As Shared In This Thread Clenched jaw and crossed arms. If you're showing me intimidation signals I'm going to ignore you until you go away.

SuperstitiousPigeon5 , LoboStudio Hamburg Report

Note: this post originally had 83 images. It’s been shortened to the top 35 images based on user votes.

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