How do we know he isn't carrying his own shoes?

The math just ain't mathing

Elmo sleeps with the fishes.

At least the job comes with its own mask.

space ghost!!

I didn't know DP had diapers that big!! Lmao!!

I spend many hours thinking about my life story, all my current problems, my future problems, worrying about the fact that my house might spontaneously catch fire etc. I wish I was like those people who can just sleep immediately after lights out

Cute kitty.

I cannot sleep in my bed for more than a few hours..I always end up on the couch.

What’s wrong with grown men having fun sometimes? Everything shouldn’t be all about work.

I went through all this mental gymnastics just to go outside my house today for the first time in a few weeks.

im actually pretty good at texting back fast wait...maybe thats s cuz i don't have a life other that sleep, anxiety, repeat :)

Sounds like Christianity to me...

This works for me - my husband is a mechanic and jack of all trades and I spent my career in IT. He handles car and house repairs, I handle all the electronics and tech.

How do you tell if you have a crush on someone or if you want to be close friends?

Can't sleep? Shut your computer screen or TV off. Blue light is bad in this instance. Instead, turn on a relaxation video of soothing sounds and while calmly doing breathing exercises until you drift off.

I feel really sorry for the tall boy on the right. Life must be difficult for him, and expensive. He must need to have everything, from furniture to clothes, specially made for him.

yes i am in the middle of the whole class presentation one by one in biology

The temptation will be there the entire working life.

Just rob a bank

4 hours later, you notice the writing at the bottom of the screen saying 'PRESS ANY KEY TO START'

Once, my dorm roommate's friend organised a speed dating event. There weren't enough women, so the roommate and I agreed to go. Oh, boy. I'm an introvert. Couldn't do that without alcohol. One guy was fooled so badly he wanted to meet again! Ha!

Absolutely! U never turn away a phone from a toddler! It's as unacceptable as moving when the cat is sleeping on u

When you wake up and find you had a surprise tracheotomy while you were asleep.

I have become a morning person. Thoughts of a hearty breakfast and seeing the sunrise get me out of bed. I am apparently very silent, and late risers are surprised and happy to find I have brewed coffee.

This is a few steps up from my (now) husband's apartment when we started dating. It was all given to him by older friends when they got into relationships.The thrift shops wouldn't take anything when he moved out. It got passed down to a younger friend. I imagine it's still out there. Circle of life.

Way back, just out of high school, I worked in a mall. Stores opened at 10m, but the old people had been amassing in the mall an easy hour earlier. They would peer in at us while we got things ready. Kinda freaky, like a low-budget horror film.

I stopped using social media and have much more time for video games these days.

🎶EvErY dAy WhEn YoU'rE wAlKiNg DoWn ThE sTrEeT🎶 (sorry I had to guys)

I’m so old I just can’t imagine having a way (other than the back of the book) to get homework answers! If it was an even number you were SOL

what the heck is that thing

Who wants to carry around just one slice of pizza, though? Once you eat that one, you're mad you don't have any more.

"Lol"

Me misinterpreting her social common decency and becoming instantly creepy.

Nah, fam. You're telling me you're wearing Dior, Fendi, and Canada Goose but you can't pay for a phone plan?