Man Refuses To Spend More Time On Meal Prep Just To Make Vegetarian Options For GF
Interview With ExpertEnjoying a delicious meal with someone you love feels incredibly special. There’s nothing better than your heart and stomach feeling full and warm at the same time, and eating together is a great way to grow closer to loved ones. But food can sometimes become a point of tension in relationships when both partners don’t see eye to eye on what they want on their plates.
One man recently reached out to Reddit after his vegetarian wife started complaining about him not including meat-free options in his meal prep. Below, you’ll find all of the details about the beef that this couple now has, as well as a conversation with Deirdra Barr, Director of Marketing and Communications at The Vegetarian Society.
Sharing meals together can be a great way to bond with your partner
Image credits: Los Muertos Crew/Pexels (not the actual photo)
But this man found himself in hot water when he refused to make vegetarian-friendly meal prep for his wife
Image credits: Timur Weber/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThrowawayMealpreppin
“It is entirely possible for meat eaters and vegetarians to be in happy relationships”
Image credits: Jack Sparrow/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Having different dietary preferences from your partner can be stressful when meal time comes around. If you have a gluten allergy but your partner wants nothing more than an authentic pizza with actual flour in the dough, you might find yourselves hangrily ordering from two different places so everyone can be happy.
To gain more insight into this situation, we reached out to Deirdra Barr, Director of Marketing and Communications at The Vegetarian Society. Deirdra was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t follow the same diet.
“It is entirely possible for meat eaters and vegetarians to be in happy relationships,” the expert says. “Like with anything else in relationships, mutual respect, communication and understanding are critical. There are a few key factors that influence how people can make this work.”
“One is: at what point did one person become vegetarian, was it at the start of a relationship or did they decide to make a lifestyle change during an existing relationship?” Deirdra asks.
“Some single vegetarians may decide they only want to date someone who aligns with their lifestyle when they are meeting people. Many couples find that they may start a relationship, but then one person decides to make changes to their lifestyle choices. So like with any change, adaptations and compromises are needed. It is important that you communicate your preferences early on and avoid judgmental language and hoping to or trying to change someone.”
The expert says another key factor is why someone has become vegetarian, as that will often affect how they feel about their partner eating meat. “Many vegetarians have chosen to not eat animals, so if they see their partner choosing differently, this can be upsetting for them. Many vegetarians might also find it difficult to cook or handle meat as they have a strong affinity with animals. Equally, they may not even want to see meat in the house or fridge.”
“Try and find the commonalities, like maybe cooking together and making a dish where meat can added in at the end like pastas or stir fries”
Image credits: Amina Filkins/Pexels (not the actual photo)
“For many vegetarians, they can only see meat as a dead animal, and as harsh as that may feel to a meat eater, it is a fact,” Deirdra explained. “We have all been conditioned in our society to see animals as food. ‘Vegetarian’ can be a dietary choice, but often, it is underpinned by deeper convictions. It is important that the couple communicate preferences around shared spaces such as the fridge and use of utensils.”
The expert also noted that vegetarians may have chosen to make changes because they have strong environmental reasons or are doing it for their health. “The environmental and health benefits evidence is undisputed these days in terms of eating less meat and increasing plant-based foods,” Deirdra shared.
So what can couples do to deal with the possible conflicts that might arise from their different diets?
“Understand where each other’s boundaries and compromises are,” the expert says. “Try and find the commonalities, like maybe cooking together and making a dish where meat can added in at the end like pastas or stir fries. When eating out, find restaurants that cater to both preferences and be mindful of the partner that has limited choices. So many cuisines naturally lean into more vegetarian such as Indian, Mediterranean and Ethiopian.”
“We know of examples where a separate fridge for meat has been a compromise, or the vegetarian partner has agreed to serve ready-cooked meats but not to handle or cook raw meat,” Deirdra continued. “We know of other examples where the non-vegetarian partner eats veggie at home but non-veggie when out.”
“Finding a healthy middle ground is down to each person understanding their own needs and communicating those clearly”
Image credits: Alex Green/Pexels (not the actual photo)
“The bottom line is communication and respecting and understanding each other’s boundaries,” the expert shared. “Even a simple thing like a meat eater brushing their teeth after eating strongly flavored meat (like bacon!) before kissing their veggie partner can be a sign of respect. Not every vegetarian is bothered by this, so it’s important to talk openly about your individual preferences. It is really important for the vegetarian to educate without preaching.”
Finally, Deirdra says it’s always important to learn about and be interested in your partner. “Don’t be defensive or lecture. Because vegetarians are not always catered for well in restaurants, a partner who learns to cook some veggie meals is greatly appreciated,” she shared. “It’s also beneficial to the meat eater in terms of their health to introduce more veggies into their diet.”
And if you’re looking for delicious vegetarian (and vegan) recipes or more information on introducing vegetarian meals and nutrition, be sure to visit The Vegetarian Society’s website!
“Finding a healthy middle ground is down to each person understanding their own needs and communicating those clearly,” Deirdra added.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Then, you can find another Bored Panda piece discussing similar issues right here!
Many readers took the author’s side, and he joined in on the conversation to answer some of their questions
The majority agreed that it’s not his responsibility to make his wife’s lunches too
However, some thought that the man was being unfair to his wife
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
He's already setting out ecta potatoes and rice, how can she not work with that? Due to allergies etc, my partner and I don't eat the same meals, and when either one of us does prep, if we have extra that falls in the overlap (bacon, steamed veg etc) we leave some for the other, but as grown adults, we pack our own lunches. She is just upset he's not converted to veggie.
I'd never marry such a hardcore " my way only" type of person like her
Load More Replies...OP's wife's remark about children should give OP food for thought, because it's probable that the wife won't let her children choose whether to go vegan or not since she used the word 'when' and not 'if'. Maybe she even intends to bring them up vegan from the start. Having kids with her will only make things worse for OP, because his wife has no respect for him.
She’s vegetarian, not vegan. And most people feed their kids meat as soon as they’re old enough, so how is not feeding them meat any different? The kids can choose whether they want to eat meat or stay vegetarian later.
Load More Replies...My initial response was that yes, he was TA. But reading the comments, I realized he didn't give us enough perspective in his post. According to his answers he works full time, does the majority of the housework and pet care. If a woman wrote those answers to questions about her post, people would be up in arms, telling her to divorce him, he's going to try to baby trap her and force his lifestyle on them. That it's okay not to make his meals so she could have some time for herself. He's a grown adult and needs to help with the housework, the least he could do is make his own food. The most honest response I can make is 30-45 extra minutes isn't that much time, but nothing is mentioned about the extra labor that goes into 10 other different meals. I can understand not wanting to put that time and effort in when you do most of the chores and also work full time. I'd be concerned about the baby comments. Ultimately, I think it's time for OP to reevaluate his relationship.
This isn't a marriage. It's two roommates who don't even like each other. God forbid they have any children. She wants her desires catered to buy hubby, her chores done by hubby and she wants to preach her eating habits until hubby gives in and goes veggie with her - he gets nothing in this marriage, so why did he marry her?
My fiance is vegetarian, I'm almost a carnivore. I learn vegetarian recipes so I can introduce him to new veggie food. He gets me meat and non veggie meals. It's all a compromise. I don't expect him to eat my food and he doesn't expect me to eat his. That being said, I don't expect him to do all the work and he doesn't expect it of me. It's about teamwork. Sounds like this guy is being used, at least in this respect.
He makes her lunches sometimes, it doesn't mean he has to do it all the time. There are times she can help him and there's time she can make her own food and not get pissed off at him about it. She is a grown a*s adult and can make her own food. She also can't just say that their kids would also be vegetarian like her.
After that text, OP needs to ask himself whether or not there are going to be any (future) kids.
It wouldn't be much extra effort at all to fry up some tofu (or just buy pre-prepared at the market) while you cook your meat, to throw in the rice and veggies. But talk with her about kids being vegetarians now, before you get in too deep. Make sure you are agreed before you have kids!
For anyone thinking their children should be vegetarian or vegan, there is an age they need to reach before it is suggested. A vegetarian co worker wanted their son to grow up without eating meat, but discovered it was too difficult to ensure he was getting the proper amount of protein and right nutrients. The realized they wiuld have to wait until he was older.
Or maybe let them decide for themselves and accept their decision.
Load More Replies...She wants a servant, not a partner. Plus the long term incompatibility due to the preferred diets won't work. It will even get worse once/if they have kids. Also, she is tired a lot because she isn't getting enough protein in her diet. Divorce and find someone more compatible - problem solved.
The real problem is that their chore balance is off—if he’s truly doing 90% of everything I can see why adding in one more thing for his wife feels like the final straw. If it were balanced and cooking was just his job while laundry was hers ir something, it probably wouldn’t seem like such a big deal for him to make lunches that could be topped with chicken for him and tofu for her, etc. Personally I’m not vegetarian but my wife is. When I make dinner it’s always a full meal both of us can eat. When I meal prep lunches I often make something with meat since she usually skips lunch. Breakfast meal prep is baked oatmeal or something else for both of us. BUT she does so much around the house I wouldn’t mind doing something for her lunch if she asked. These people don’t seem to like each other very much.
Don't see much benefit to a relationship when a girl won't eat meat especially his LOL
I've been a vegetarian for 36 years, and I would never ask a, what, "regular" eater to cook for me, nor would I agree to cook for a regular eater. And I would never try to dictate how another person eats around me. I also can usually find something on any menu, especially salads, that I can eat and have fun with the group. Unless this woman works so much that it's all the time she has between work and sleep during the day and is having trouble finding time to get groceries and do any cooking, she needs to figure out a system that works for her to deal with the meal prep.
He likes to cook but to make some meals for his partner is a hardship he's not willing to do. Sounds like he's getting resentful he has to do most everything and has become passive-aggressive about it.
Cook the extra starches and veggies, and tell her to add whatever she wants to them. You take your portions and add cooked meat to them. She'd be SOL in my house if she wanted me to cook extra meals just for her. And unless she's working 60+ hours a week, she has time to cook for herself, just like he has time when he's not working. They'll just have to cook at different times. She's simply being lazy and entitled. I'd like to know why he married her when they're such polar opposites.
You might as well just go veg. Otherwise, the stupid b***h will never stfu about it.
I am a decades-long vegetarian and the household cook. I prep meals in the morning to cook at night. I make her meals as well. Virtually all dinners include an appetizer, main course, and dessert. Her meals adds a minute or two to prep.
Partner is a fully grown adult, if she does not like the meals he preps for lunch because they have meat in them, she can make her own. He even mentioned he sometimes makes vegetarian dishes, or will prep extra of the components she can have (rice, potato etc), there is nothing to stop her adding whatever soy etc she wants to it. Far more selfish to think you are entitled to have your partner prep all your lunches, tailored to your specifications.
Load More Replies...He's already setting out ecta potatoes and rice, how can she not work with that? Due to allergies etc, my partner and I don't eat the same meals, and when either one of us does prep, if we have extra that falls in the overlap (bacon, steamed veg etc) we leave some for the other, but as grown adults, we pack our own lunches. She is just upset he's not converted to veggie.
I'd never marry such a hardcore " my way only" type of person like her
Load More Replies...OP's wife's remark about children should give OP food for thought, because it's probable that the wife won't let her children choose whether to go vegan or not since she used the word 'when' and not 'if'. Maybe she even intends to bring them up vegan from the start. Having kids with her will only make things worse for OP, because his wife has no respect for him.
She’s vegetarian, not vegan. And most people feed their kids meat as soon as they’re old enough, so how is not feeding them meat any different? The kids can choose whether they want to eat meat or stay vegetarian later.
Load More Replies...My initial response was that yes, he was TA. But reading the comments, I realized he didn't give us enough perspective in his post. According to his answers he works full time, does the majority of the housework and pet care. If a woman wrote those answers to questions about her post, people would be up in arms, telling her to divorce him, he's going to try to baby trap her and force his lifestyle on them. That it's okay not to make his meals so she could have some time for herself. He's a grown adult and needs to help with the housework, the least he could do is make his own food. The most honest response I can make is 30-45 extra minutes isn't that much time, but nothing is mentioned about the extra labor that goes into 10 other different meals. I can understand not wanting to put that time and effort in when you do most of the chores and also work full time. I'd be concerned about the baby comments. Ultimately, I think it's time for OP to reevaluate his relationship.
This isn't a marriage. It's two roommates who don't even like each other. God forbid they have any children. She wants her desires catered to buy hubby, her chores done by hubby and she wants to preach her eating habits until hubby gives in and goes veggie with her - he gets nothing in this marriage, so why did he marry her?
My fiance is vegetarian, I'm almost a carnivore. I learn vegetarian recipes so I can introduce him to new veggie food. He gets me meat and non veggie meals. It's all a compromise. I don't expect him to eat my food and he doesn't expect me to eat his. That being said, I don't expect him to do all the work and he doesn't expect it of me. It's about teamwork. Sounds like this guy is being used, at least in this respect.
He makes her lunches sometimes, it doesn't mean he has to do it all the time. There are times she can help him and there's time she can make her own food and not get pissed off at him about it. She is a grown a*s adult and can make her own food. She also can't just say that their kids would also be vegetarian like her.
After that text, OP needs to ask himself whether or not there are going to be any (future) kids.
It wouldn't be much extra effort at all to fry up some tofu (or just buy pre-prepared at the market) while you cook your meat, to throw in the rice and veggies. But talk with her about kids being vegetarians now, before you get in too deep. Make sure you are agreed before you have kids!
For anyone thinking their children should be vegetarian or vegan, there is an age they need to reach before it is suggested. A vegetarian co worker wanted their son to grow up without eating meat, but discovered it was too difficult to ensure he was getting the proper amount of protein and right nutrients. The realized they wiuld have to wait until he was older.
Or maybe let them decide for themselves and accept their decision.
Load More Replies...She wants a servant, not a partner. Plus the long term incompatibility due to the preferred diets won't work. It will even get worse once/if they have kids. Also, she is tired a lot because she isn't getting enough protein in her diet. Divorce and find someone more compatible - problem solved.
The real problem is that their chore balance is off—if he’s truly doing 90% of everything I can see why adding in one more thing for his wife feels like the final straw. If it were balanced and cooking was just his job while laundry was hers ir something, it probably wouldn’t seem like such a big deal for him to make lunches that could be topped with chicken for him and tofu for her, etc. Personally I’m not vegetarian but my wife is. When I make dinner it’s always a full meal both of us can eat. When I meal prep lunches I often make something with meat since she usually skips lunch. Breakfast meal prep is baked oatmeal or something else for both of us. BUT she does so much around the house I wouldn’t mind doing something for her lunch if she asked. These people don’t seem to like each other very much.
Don't see much benefit to a relationship when a girl won't eat meat especially his LOL
I've been a vegetarian for 36 years, and I would never ask a, what, "regular" eater to cook for me, nor would I agree to cook for a regular eater. And I would never try to dictate how another person eats around me. I also can usually find something on any menu, especially salads, that I can eat and have fun with the group. Unless this woman works so much that it's all the time she has between work and sleep during the day and is having trouble finding time to get groceries and do any cooking, she needs to figure out a system that works for her to deal with the meal prep.
He likes to cook but to make some meals for his partner is a hardship he's not willing to do. Sounds like he's getting resentful he has to do most everything and has become passive-aggressive about it.
Cook the extra starches and veggies, and tell her to add whatever she wants to them. You take your portions and add cooked meat to them. She'd be SOL in my house if she wanted me to cook extra meals just for her. And unless she's working 60+ hours a week, she has time to cook for herself, just like he has time when he's not working. They'll just have to cook at different times. She's simply being lazy and entitled. I'd like to know why he married her when they're such polar opposites.
You might as well just go veg. Otherwise, the stupid b***h will never stfu about it.
I am a decades-long vegetarian and the household cook. I prep meals in the morning to cook at night. I make her meals as well. Virtually all dinners include an appetizer, main course, and dessert. Her meals adds a minute or two to prep.
Partner is a fully grown adult, if she does not like the meals he preps for lunch because they have meat in them, she can make her own. He even mentioned he sometimes makes vegetarian dishes, or will prep extra of the components she can have (rice, potato etc), there is nothing to stop her adding whatever soy etc she wants to it. Far more selfish to think you are entitled to have your partner prep all your lunches, tailored to your specifications.
Load More Replies...
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