Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
165
Uninvited: Two Longtime Friends Ruin Their Friendship Over Engagement Dinner
Friendships can become complicated when one becomes a parent while the other remains single. Some of the worst cases can lead to rifts that are difficult to mend, which is unfortunate for everyone involved.
The author of this story was recently engaged and decided not to invite their longtime friend Millie to the celebration. According to them, Millie has been absent from many other life events since she became a mother two years prior, so they saw no point in inviting her this time around.
The incident caused a strain between the two, as the author insists Millie could have shown up more “if she actually cared.” Scroll down for the entire story.
RELATED:
Parenthood can complicate a relationship between two friends where only one of them has a child to care for
Image credits: Media_photos/Envato (not the actual photo)
The author of this story chose not to invite their longtime friend to an important life event because of the latter’s repeated absence due to motherhood
Image credits: AnnaStills/Envato (not the actual photo)
The incident caused a rift between the two friends, who’ve known each other since they were in college
Image credits: No-Rough-3283
Having a baby can change the course of friendships, even long-standing ones
Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva/Pexels (not the actual photo)
A massive priority shift happens once a person has a child, and spending less time with friends is among those changes. Journalist Chloe Lovell experienced this when she became pregnant with her first child.
In her article for Cosmopolitan, Lovell admitted feeling “a stab of jealousy” after seeing her six friends during a gathering she wasn’t invited to. After talking to one of them about it, she was told they were only looking out for her since she wasn’t feeling well because of the constant morning sickness.
However, experts say that feeling left out during pregnancy is normal for a woman to feel. As therapist Tasha Bailey told Lovell in an interview, feeling a “sense of loss” comes with being an expecting mother who is about to embark on new life responsibilities.
“You might worry about being forgotten or mourning parts of your life before parenthood,” Bailey said.
Bailey adds that people tend to assume that new mothers may want more space, something Lovell experienced firsthand. Social media feeds and seeing friends live life without you may also add to the “FOMO.”
However, in the author’s account, Millie seemed to have expected her friends to adjust to her situation. It was the exact opposite of what Lovell felt towards her close companions.
The lack of communication can lead to ruined friendships more than anything
Image credits: RDNE Stock project/Pexels (not the actual photo)
In the story, Millie’s priority shift isn’t to blame for her strained relationship with the author. Instead, experts point to the lack of communication.
In an interview with Well and Good, psychotherapist Rena Staub Fisher returned to the classic saying, “If there’s a will, there’s a way.”
“With a little love and some direct communication, it’s totally possible to carry our friendships with us through different phases of our lives,” Fisher said, adding that the failure to address the lifestyle gap could make non-parents feel “sidelined and forgotten.”
Because of that gap, new parents often resort to building new friendships with people who share their experiences. But it doesn’t always have to be that way.
As Oakland-based psychotherapist Sara Ouimette said in the same interview, it’s all about finding balance to make the friendship work. You don’t necessarily have to be on the same life journey to do so.
“You may no longer be on the very same path, but that doesn’t mean you cannot make a point to meet up on your own separate paths,” Oumette said.
In the story, Millie could have made an effort to allot a day to spend with her friends or attend the author’s engagement. And while their sentiments and frustrations are understandable, the author could have nonetheless sent an invite to Millie and avoided the unwanted drama.
What do you think, readers? Who do you think was in the wrong here?
Many commenters thought the author’s actions were valid
However, some of them pinned the blame on everyone involved
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
What do you think ?
Helena 3 months ago
I know people in relationships or who have children thinks the world revolves around them, but it really doesn't. If you want to maintain friendships, you actually have to maintain friendships. I have offered to babysit, changed my plans to revolve around them, bent over backwards for people. Been many a friends emergency contact, or alternate to pick their kids up at school. I stopped. I realized not a one of them ever asked how I was, what was going on with me or ever made a single solitary concession to accommodate my time or needs. Oh, your dad died? I'm sorry, but it is a really inconvenient time for me right now. Maybe we can talk about it in a month and half when junior is at hockey for an hour. Basically I just realized friendship isn't important to them at all. That's fine, but I'm not sticking around to be used and ignored.
arthbach 3 months ago
I was the first amongst my friends to have a baby. There were things I had to turn down because the baby was breastfed on demand. We were a unit, if I went somewhere, she was there too. Naturally, there were events that simply weren't suitable for a baby. In these cases, I'd give my apologies, and arrange to meet up at a different time so we could enjoy spending time together. A one sided relationship is absolutely no fun, and people will allow themselves to gently fade out of your life.
The Phantom Stranger 3 months ago
I often use a quote from Mark Twain on BP: "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then give up--no use being a d*mn fool about it." Seems like that is exactly what OP did in this situation. She tried inviting friend out on several occasions, was rejected each time, so eventually she stopped asking. And the whole "you wouldn't understand, you're not a parent" argument is about as dumb as the "family takes care of family" argument toxic parents use when they're in trouble. When Millie whine about not being invited, OP should have just responded, "you wouldn't understand, you're not single."
Helena 3 months ago
I know people in relationships or who have children thinks the world revolves around them, but it really doesn't. If you want to maintain friendships, you actually have to maintain friendships. I have offered to babysit, changed my plans to revolve around them, bent over backwards for people. Been many a friends emergency contact, or alternate to pick their kids up at school. I stopped. I realized not a one of them ever asked how I was, what was going on with me or ever made a single solitary concession to accommodate my time or needs. Oh, your dad died? I'm sorry, but it is a really inconvenient time for me right now. Maybe we can talk about it in a month and half when junior is at hockey for an hour. Basically I just realized friendship isn't important to them at all. That's fine, but I'm not sticking around to be used and ignored.
arthbach 3 months ago
I was the first amongst my friends to have a baby. There were things I had to turn down because the baby was breastfed on demand. We were a unit, if I went somewhere, she was there too. Naturally, there were events that simply weren't suitable for a baby. In these cases, I'd give my apologies, and arrange to meet up at a different time so we could enjoy spending time together. A one sided relationship is absolutely no fun, and people will allow themselves to gently fade out of your life.
The Phantom Stranger 3 months ago
I often use a quote from Mark Twain on BP: "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then give up--no use being a d*mn fool about it." Seems like that is exactly what OP did in this situation. She tried inviting friend out on several occasions, was rejected each time, so eventually she stopped asking. And the whole "you wouldn't understand, you're not a parent" argument is about as dumb as the "family takes care of family" argument toxic parents use when they're in trouble. When Millie whine about not being invited, OP should have just responded, "you wouldn't understand, you're not single."
You May Like Woman Threatens Legal Action After Friend’s Roommate Steals From Her, The Truth Finally Comes Out Cheating Husband Loses Wife, Demands Her BFF Be A Regular Nanny: "I've Abandoned The Children" Woman Can’t Take Her Cat With Her And Rehomes It, Gets A Reality Check When She Wants It Back
Mindaugas Balčiauskas
Mindaugas Balčiauskas
Justinas Keturka
Related on Bored Panda
36
30