Oh Honey, your wedding just gained extra seats to invite maybe your favourite barista, and work colleagues you're friendly with. So much extra space. Love your dad! Take him, let him walk you down the isle and leave out anybody who has an issue with Your Decision on Your Wedding day. You deserve better, and part of becoming an adult is to understand that family doesn't mean good people who love you unconditionally and support you, most of us have toxic families, understand you can cut ties and not feel bad. Choose.your circle.wisely, otherwise you will be pulled through that c**p all your life reminding you of your bad decision, and unfriendly attitude towards brother's wife. I cancelled my whole wedding because of this, and cut out everyone except mom. Still together, but a lot happier. I am zero contact, mom doesn't discuss me, and as far as the family is concerned I died 2010. Make your life yours!- at the end of the path you will regret giving time and space to the undeserving

The pain of being bullied as a child is *always* deep inside. Even with an apology from the bully, the person who was bullied will never forget it. I was bullied in school & at home, and it 100% shaped who I have been all my life up to & including now. I hope OP & her father stand their ground. The SIL has not earned a place at the altar.

Ma'am, your own *sister* is not _owed_ a Bridesmaid spot, what makes your brother and his wife think an *in-law* is _owed_ a spot in your Wedding Party? Even if your SiL is genuinely contrite and is legitimately sorry for the Hell she put you through...you have (as yet) no relationship with her, and spots in the Wedding Party are for Near and Dear, not hardly known or barely tolerated. Trust, friendship, and care are EARNED, and she has yet to do so.

Even if Gemma was an ordinary family member, it still doesn't mean she's entitled to be a bridesmaid.

It doesn't say how long her brother has been married for, if it's been a few years and they still don't get on then surely an invite was enough. You never really get over being bullied as a child, it shapes you into being the person you grow up to be. Her wedding day should be one of her most precious memories to build on and remember and having the person who persecuted you in your early years there on that special day in a position where she will be in the Photographs especially as a Bridesmaid would be a nightmare. Her Father lived through all that pain with her, it's his day as well as hers.. the day when his little girl gets married. Was she a bridesmaid at her brothers' wedding to the bully? Was she even asked to be one? If no then forget about it and the people causing a fuss .. if so ... then that would be a whole different battle to work through

I was bullied as a child and and no amount of growing into better people is going to change that they ruined a large part of my childhood. OP has to accept that her brother fell in love with her but absolutely nothing else.

Sounds like Dad's a good man, brother and others are deluded, and soon to be SIL is still bullying her in a way. Time for some "Malicious Compliance"! Since future SIL needs to play a small part in the wedding let her park cars and stay in the parking area to help folks get in and out... Penance!

Have one or two assholes from back in school. They come crawling out of the woodwork and ask forgivness so they can feel all better about themselves. F**k you. Treat me (and others) like s**t for years in school, then no contact for years and out of the blue you only contact me to feel better about yourself. F**k you, - - - not that I have any strong feelings on the subject

I would take this even further. If Gemma truly felt remorse and understood what she put the OP through, she would have graciously thanked OP for the invitation to her wedding but respectfully declined as she would not want to make OP's special day difficult for OP with her presence. She would buy OP a thoughtful, meaningful, personal wedding gift (without seeking any advice about what to buy) and write a lovely card wishing them a happy marriage etc. without any pretence about OP forgiving/forgetting Gemma's behaviour. That would have shown true empathy, care, consideration and remorse.

Forget being in the wedding. I wouldn't have allowed her to attend even as a guest.

So Gemma has found a clever new way to torment her. I would write off the entire group of weaklings and sadists. They can’t be called a family at this point. Let Gemma be their new daughter; they deserve each other

There's a difference between forgiving someone and inviting them to be a bridesmaid at your wedding. A bridesmaid is someone who is close to the bride, and this person (Gemma) will never be that, regardless of whether she has been forgiven. So live and let live, but you should never feel an obligation to treat this person like your best friend.

It's good that she apologized, but she doesn't get to demand anything from anyone.

she still wants you to be miserable, she is causing drama on your big day. she is still your bully and i hate to say this but i think she is winning. i can't believe your brother allowed her to do this considering the history.

Was OP at her brother's wedding to Gemma? I imagine some drama leading up to that too.

The worst thing that can happen between a person and their former tormentor is for other people to interfere and tell the victim "Get over it." Bullying causes a lot of damage that can last for decades. you can't just wave a magic wand in the form of an apology and have it all swept away. It's gracious of you to even allow her to attend the wedding as a guest. And WTF was your brother thinking marrying his sister's tormentor? It's the equivalent of your sister marrying your rapist. Thank you, dear brother, for making every future family gathering uncomfortable and awkward! SMH

I am so surprised that there is someone with a true and sensible perspective as the father's. Usually, in these outrageous stories of how entitled some people feel, there is no one to hold the person in the wrong accountable but the OP, alone.

If Gemma was a better person she wouldn't try and force herself onto the OP. A better person would realize they frailed up, understand the best thing to do is be a gracious guest. The brother is a turd for not pulling his wife aside and explaining to her, why she's wrong. The dad is a golden. The OP should have her wedding and if folks don't like her decisions, they are welcome to not attend.