Nobody’s an island—we need other people not only to survive but also to thrive. On top of that, loneliness and isolation have thoroughly negative impacts on our health. So it makes sense that we want and need active social lives and the respect of our peers. That’s why many people copy what others do in order to conform with the crowd and create relationships with others.
However, just because everyone’s doing something doesn’t mean that it’s right for you or even the ethically right thing to do. Reddit user u/avaspark started up an interesting conversation when they asked everyone to share the things that society normalizes, but that they absolutely refuse to do. Scroll down to see what these internet users had to say.
We reached out to the author of the thread, redditor u/avaspark, and they were kind enough to share their thoughts on the topic. You'll find Bored Panda's interview with them below.
This post may include affiliate links.
Influencers. I have a hard time articulating the depth of their collective uselesness.
According to the author of the thread, what made them ask the question on Reddit was how out of place they felt in society as a whole. "The thing that inspired me to create the thread was due to how much I feel left out from the society," they told Bored Panda.
The redditor explained their position that even though society has created a "way of living" that's commonly accepted by most people, there will always be some aspects of it that individuals refuse.
"So I began to think if there would be anybody who felt as much left out as I did," they said.
Going to work while sick. If I’m sick with something contagious I’m staying home period.
In the author's opinion, it's precisely because there are some individuals who don't conform to social norms that they're pressured to do so. The more they don't conform, the greater this pressure will probably be.
Meanwhile, Bored Panda was curious to get the OP's thoughts on marriage, something that they mentioned in their post they refuse to accept, even though it's normalized in society.
"From my perspective, some people frown on others who don't want to get married because of the differences in personal opinion and preferences. Some people might think marriage is beneficial, some might not," they said.
Going into debt for a wedding. I do like marriage even if the benefits are next to nothing these days but the normalization of a $20-$30k wedding in America is ridiculous. We just went to the court house and had a small party afterwards. No need to spend all that cash just to start your life together in debt
Hustle 26 hours a day, grind to be successful, etc.
I just wanna do my job I enjoy, come home for dinner, play with my dogs, listen to music and sleep.
YOU can be the billionaire. I'm good where I am brah.
"The numbers of opinion also play a part in this. The opinion with the majority of votes will influence what it is that the society defines as a norm/acceptable. Meanwhile, opinions with a minority of votes will be defined otherwise by society," u/avaspark said that it's this contradiction in opinions that will cause friction and judgment of people's choices.
"In addition, not every norm is acceptable and not everything acceptable is a norm. If anyone out there feel like they are missing out or being left out or not belong to the society, at least they know it's not a must," they said.
Social disconnection is as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes per day, and many are now worried that there is an epidemic of loneliness in the United States. However, it’s not just people’s physical and mental health that suffers—this social isolation has economic impacts, too.
Worshipping people, I don't really get the concept of looking up at actors, politicians religious figures or "influencers", just feels wrong, and 99.9% of the times, this "figures" end up being s**t
What I don't get is why people like Andrew Tate are always in the trending. Like, he's a bad guy, let's not pay him attention, let's move on.
Filming and photographing everything I do or experience and putting it online for attention from family and strangers.
For example, Forbes points out that disconnection costs businesses $154 billion per year due to productivity loss. So there are both humanitarian and utilitarian reasons to encourage people to connect with others and develop deep, meaningful relationships.
However, it’s important to find balance in your connections with others. If you simply copy everything that your social circle does—from values and attitudes to style, body language, and life choices—you might feel like you’re losing your sense of self.
Religion/teaching my kids to be religious. I live in the Bible Belt so when I tell people I'm not religious nor plan to teach my children to be religious they always look at me like I told them I beat my kids with a metal bar.
Meanwhile, they probably beat their own kids just the same. Indoctrination just leads to mental health problems later in life, and anyway, kids naturally develop an aversion to anything pushed upon them against their will. If they will be religious, let it happen naturally. It is a personal choice, and your kids should not have to think and live exactly like you do. Leave them be.
Using punctuation and proper spelling on text messages or chat applications. I don't care if you don't do it, I will still write my text properly.
Edit: I meant to say, it is now normalized to NOT using punctuation and proper spelling.
I’m petty enough to refuse to answer people if they don’t use reasonable grammar and punctuation. I can understand trying to use abbreviations like lol and stuff, but the amount of run-on sentences and misspellings (their, they’re, there) drives me mad.
Sketched on eyebrows and bee sting lips... ugh.
I only hear half of what women with airbrushed eyebrows say. To me those things are even more distracting than spinach between teeth.
Being an individual with your own particular set of values, opinions, dreams, and ambitions is nothing to sneer at. It’s pleasant to be part of a collective and we strive for this. But at the same time, every human being is more than just the community they belong to.
You should live with the courage to stand up for what you truly believe in, instead of fearing that you might become an outcast if you go against the grain. You shouldn’t find yourself in a position where you shut off your critical thinking just because it’s easier to follow everyone else’s expectations.
Getting extremely long eyelashes or nails
Not against personal taste, but what I wanna know is how my long-nailed sisters text, wipe their bums and pick their nose. 😂 Seems impossible. Ouch.
Endless consumption
cheating/infidelity while in a monogamous relationship. Also social media.
I will never understand cheaters, unless the partner is abusive. How can you betray the one you love, your best friend? Totally alien concept to me.
As Psychology Today explains, conformity can be seen as negative when it’s done out of fear, or concern for a person’s social standing, or has dangerous consequences.
On the flip side, conformity is also what can help communities thrive and succeed because everyone’s on the same page in terms of rules and norms.
Crypto
Still thinking about the guy who asked if he could pay for his purchase at Home Depot in Bitcoin. Lord, I wish I'd had the wit at the time to say we don't accept Monopoly money.
Hating on the person your partner is cheating on you with. I see so many girls hate "the other girl" when yk, your bf/husband should care more about your relationship/marriage than some random girl they decided to f**k. Make it make sense.
Well, if the person knew that a married person was having an affair with them and they still let it happen, that is kind of s****y.
Hook up culture
To each their own, I guess, but personally I highly appreciate the security and closeness of monogamy.
Amazon. Jeff does not need more money. I go straight to the company sites.
I don't buy from here mostly because of either crappy quality, crappy working conditions, lack of union, or just don't need to sponsor giant clocks in mountains nor huge space penis.
Working over 40+ hours in a week without getting paid for it. F**k that….
That's called wage theft and the Department of Labor is waiting for your call so you can get back OT wages in a lump sum check.
Wearing makeup to work, I used to because I felt like I had to. The transition got me comments that I look tired and/or sick, but now I throw on mascara only when I want to 😊 I'm not good at make up and am lazy so I'm glad that women aren't expected to as much anymore 👍
On one morning preparing for work, I remember thinking, "Oh, my under eyes are dark again. I look tired, I should use more concealer." And it hit me. I AM tired. I am working six days a week and I do not get enough sleep and I AM TIRED! Who am I hiding it from? My co-workers who are in the same condition? My boss who should know that we are not getting enough rest?! I started putting on less make up from then on, especially in the eye area. If I am tired and it shows, it shows! I don't have an obligation of pretending I am well and energetic and all chipper when I am not. Live with it.
The death of privacy
It depends. It is a lot safer if cameras are in public places like parking garages and used to catch criminals, rapists, et cetera. Obviously, there needs to be a balance.
Call the drinks at Starbucks anything other than small, medium, or large.
Monetize all my hobbies and produce "content" for social media.
I find a ot of sewing and craft Reels very helpful. We love to share, and the money probably just helps support hobbies.
Normalizing obesity
People are enormously cruel to overweight people and it's just unnecessary. The number of people I've talked to who think bullying overweight people is "good for them" because it'll motivate them to lose weight... JFC. I totally understand why there's a body positivity movement. I don't think it's normalizing obesity; I think it's saying people deserve love and respect regardless of their weight.
I think normalizing obesity and bullying the obese are two very different things.
Load More Replies...Not "normalizing," but accepting and respecting. Some people have health conditions and naturally cannot/have a very hard time losing weight, and they shouldn't be considered "ugly" or have less clothing options or be stereotyped as lazy. They should be treated just as normal as any other human beings. Normalizing would be telling your kids that they can eat however many hamburgers they like because it is okay to be fat. As far as I am concerned, nobody is doing that.
I think the post is referring to the general hostility towards people who innocently suggest that someone should lose some weight and instantly get accused of "fat-shaming." If I advise someone to lose weight, it's because of a sincere concern for their health, not due to a desire to hurt or humiliate them.
Load More Replies...Thinking that more than one third of the society being overweight is normal is normalizing obesity. I have amazing + sized friends, love them to bits and never once shamed them. I have a couple of friend who lost a person worth of weight. And they sure as hell are the first ones to consider obesity should not be normalized. Their health vaslty improved, and their self esteem as well.
By calling it "Plus sized" or "Thicc" you are normalizing it. It's overweight. But I completely agree not to shame people who are overweight. That is cruel. Just call it what it is.
Load More Replies...This one should be MUCH higher in my opinion. There are far too many people who are delusional in thinking that being obese is okay because of “body positivity.” It’s perfectly fine if you want to feel comfortable and choose to live your life however you want. But don’t you dare try to lie to people and say that it’s healthy. It’s not. It never was and never will be.
I have to put my 2 cents in on this. Yes, it is out of control. On my Late husband's death certificate, it was NUMBER ONE cause of death. Never shamed him, but tried over and over to help him (food, walking, etc) It was always my Christmas/Birthday wish, just to start walking to the corner and back. It can be done. The result of NOT controlling it is devastating!
How about just not butting into someone else's health issues, whatever they may be? There used to be a time when plump was beautiful and skinny meant sickly. Standards of beauty change every century or so. So maybe stop concerning yourselves with other people's bodies and mind your own business.
If you live in a country with public healthcare it is our business. Obesity is directly contributing to the overtaxing of our public healthcare systems
Load More Replies...FFS, this dogwhistle again? Obese people just want to be treated with the same dignity and respect as non-obese people, that's what the fat acceptance movement is about.
While I agree that we should not "normalize" obesity, I also think that it is insanely cruel to bully and shame people who are overweight or obese. Obesity and overweight can be compounded by a number of factors from depression to some medications (antidepressants, steroids, and some anti-rejections medications can cause significant weight fluctuations in some people), and I don't think it is fair to bully people when you don't know what they are dealing with.
In the sence of not shaming, treating with same respect in healthcare, online and in ordinary life? Then absolutely!
Let's see.. when I stopped taking my medication I lost so much weight, "looked good" and had people complimenting me. Then I was in the icu and nearly died because, although I knew what I was doing was bad for me, I was more acceptable looking. When I'm fat I'm taking care of myself, but I'm also treated poorly. I guess it's better than being dead, right? Mind your business about people's weight, you have no idea what the situation is.
The fact that people are over weight is normal!!! No one said that being overweight should be a goal but it's definitely normal.
It's not normalizing obesity. It's normalizing minding your own business and letting me live my life the way I want calories and all.
there's a difference between normalizing obesity and normalizing all bodies. no one except a doctor can tell if someone is overweight, and I feel like people should just accept that.
You can surely tell someone is overweight without being a doctor but you don't have to tell it to that person because they most certainly already know.
Load More Replies...Nobody is "normalizing" obesity. Lol! But neither should obese people be treated as if they're immoral, reprobates simply because their body doesn't confirm to the cultural norm.
Go check fattok. Not sure how it's like rn but a few months ago, it was a content gold mine.
Load More Replies...Its true that some people are to blame for their health issues like obesity, but you can never know for sure, so you can't assume.
There seems to be a lot of confusion between beauty and medical when it comes to obesity. Medically, obesity is high risk, but when a doctor says you are overweight, they are not fat shaming you for beauty.
I feel like over weight people are the last group that it's on to bully. I have seen more inclusion on TV of different sized women, but I don't think that's normalizing obesity. There's not a movement for everyone to gain weight and become obese. The body positive movement is normalizing being happy and proud of the skin you're in, but doesn't push for people to be unhealthy. And overweight does not equal unhealthy. Some people just have a thicker body type. And yes, I am overweight. I had bariatric surgery in 2018 and went from 459 lbs to 270 lbs. Let me tell you the difference in my physical abilities.
Someone's weight, whether they are overweight or underweight, is none of your damn business. Period.
Too skinny is not healthy. Too heavy is not healthy. The origin for weight problems is most likely a result of capitalism, but it does not make it ok. An unhealthy lifestyle should not be ok because more than half of the country does it.
Being happy with urself is important, but if u r 600 lbs, u r NOT "healthy" despite what u say, and no Dr will tell u that.
AGREED!!!!!! Someone who drives a diesel car gets vilified for killing the planet yet someone eating enough calories for 2+ people is an example of body positivity. BS!
I have a skinny cousin that can eat enough for two people. Just saying.
Load More Replies...Replying all to work emails just to say congratulations to someone.
Vaping - it’s so disgusting 🤮
Cigarettes are more disgusting, vaping helped me stop. Now I need to stop vaping.
Social media. I'm on reddit, but I don't see that as social media, it's more an online forum.
I'm tired of so many people trying to normalize teens dressing like grown women
Going out in pyjamas.
This shouldn't really bother people. I used to be like, "oh, now they dress like slobs and in the 50s I would have put on my pearls just to serve my family dinner" but in the end, I realized it's their choice and they are not hurting anyone by going out in pajamas. We should leave them be.
Consumer debt. Don't care if it's electronics, vehicles, or anything else - if I don't have the money to buy it outright, I won't buy it.
Edit: to exclude a mortgage
Edit 2: the comments have been interesting to see the 2 different schools of thought on the matter.
1 hand is the people who take a similar approach and mention how much of a relief it is to not have debt and the freedom it awards.
On the other is people telling me how I'm missing out, foolish, "good luck getting a loan" (which is funny because that's the whole point is to *not* get one), or how I must be privileged because I don't have debt (even though I have a very modest income, I just choose to approach purchases differently and delay them so i can and pay myself the interest over several years to pay cash at the time of purchase vs getting that item now and paying someone else later).
It definitely takes a different mindset than society pushes and a lot of financial discipline to maintain that lifestyle, but to me it's worth it. I don't have to stress over small hiccups life throws at me because I'm not burdened by monthly payments.
Again, you do you. But no loan for car? I can get electronics and unessesary luxury items. But to have a car is often a means to get to work?
Ghosting
Sometimes needed? Say a women experiences many red flags from "nice guy" and realised ge will not stop the nagging or worse. Block and go on with something healthy.
Using AI
For practical things, I get it. But my sisters and I have a rollicking good time putting in complicated prompts and getting the wildest pictures. AI can be a very fun toy.
Food delivery services. Unless im too wasted to drive ill pick it up myself thanks
Working 5x8h. Do I remotely earn enough? I really don’t. Would I be happier with more work + money? No way in hell!
Definitely. I would rather be poorer and still be able to relax and enjoy life. What is the point of money when you can't even stop to appreciate what it buys for you?
Not being forthcoming on the prenup part of Marriage.
If I ever get married I am going to be honest and straightforward with doing a prenup way early before any marriage proposals will be made.
Even if I am much more poorer than my SO.
This whole article isn't about societal "norms". It's maybe about several problems that exist in society, but I've seen a lot of things that are far from the norm. Child pageants anyone?
The Christian hypocrite pedophiles won't allow that they need their child pageants the disgusting old Christian men to enjoy. And the dumb bitches allow their husbands to list after little girls. Stupid rednecks trash
Load More Replies...Is this sarcasm by any chance, cause you do a good job at it if it is sarcasm :)
Load More Replies...I think praying may give spiritual easiness to some people BUT praying instead of doing something about your problems, nope.
Load More Replies...Normal? Seem to me to be a bunch of first world problems.... But what would I know, I'm an antisocial freak.... So very few of these have any relevance to me....
"Live and let live" should be #1 on the list by a long shot. So many people upset by total strangers they'll never meet doing or being things without their express permission...
Load More Replies...I mean the site is called Bored Panda...what are you looking for?
Load More Replies...I couldn't finish this list so much of it doesn't effect anything so y care
kids being expected to care for their parents in old age. you do not owe your parents your home or money for their retirement. they wanted you, they had you, they raised you. the end. their reward is seeing you become a fully functioning adult, not being their live in caregiver
So you actively provide financial support for people and causes you don't agree with. How noble.
Load More Replies...This whole article isn't about societal "norms". It's maybe about several problems that exist in society, but I've seen a lot of things that are far from the norm. Child pageants anyone?
The Christian hypocrite pedophiles won't allow that they need their child pageants the disgusting old Christian men to enjoy. And the dumb bitches allow their husbands to list after little girls. Stupid rednecks trash
Load More Replies...Is this sarcasm by any chance, cause you do a good job at it if it is sarcasm :)
Load More Replies...I think praying may give spiritual easiness to some people BUT praying instead of doing something about your problems, nope.
Load More Replies...Normal? Seem to me to be a bunch of first world problems.... But what would I know, I'm an antisocial freak.... So very few of these have any relevance to me....
"Live and let live" should be #1 on the list by a long shot. So many people upset by total strangers they'll never meet doing or being things without their express permission...
Load More Replies...I mean the site is called Bored Panda...what are you looking for?
Load More Replies...I couldn't finish this list so much of it doesn't effect anything so y care
kids being expected to care for their parents in old age. you do not owe your parents your home or money for their retirement. they wanted you, they had you, they raised you. the end. their reward is seeing you become a fully functioning adult, not being their live in caregiver
So you actively provide financial support for people and causes you don't agree with. How noble.
Load More Replies...