Cooking, as with most activities, is enjoyable when done with some inspiration and good energy. Yet sometimes even a well-prepared meal still gets met with hostility and might even end up on the floor. Naturally, the disrespectful party shouldn’t be surprised if next time the chef just doesn’t feel like making one.

At least this was the issue with this Redditor’s mother-in-law, who first threw her homemade lasagna on the floor and then, the following year, threatened not to let her into the Christmas party unless she showed up with lasagna in hand.

More info: Reddit

A woman’s mother-in-law threw her homemade lasagna on the floor and was surprised she refused to make another one next Christmas

Image credits: Ron Lach (not the actual photo) 

The mother-in-law hosts a Christmas party every year, and the woman always brings lasagna, so she did last year

Image credit: u/Impressive_Peace6778

Image credits: Anna Guerrero (not the actual photo) 

Image credit: u/Impressive_Peace6778

Last year the mother-in-law made lasagna as well, however it wasn’t as successful as hers

Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo) 

The mother-in-law was outraged and threw the woman’s lasagna on the floor

A woman shared her Christmas cooking story with the Reddit AITA community online and asked if she was a jerk to refuse to make lasagna for Christmas after what her mother-in-law did last year.

The woman explained that her mother-in-law has hosted Christmas celebrations as long as she has known her, which is a total of 7 years that she has been with her husband. The woman is essentially the family lasagna maker, in the sense that she has always made it on Christmas and other special occasions, which she doesn’t mind as she loves cooking and baking.

However, last year, she was surprised to find that her mother-in-law also brought lasagna to the celebration, which, however, didn’t taste as good and therefore had less success at the party. This led to the mother-in-law’s emotional outburst in which she threw a fit about people loving her daughter-in-law more than her and throwing the remaining lasagna on the floor.

The couple quickly left after the incident, yet never received an apology from the man’s mother. So when the next year, the mother-in-law called to check in with the woman about things she should make for the Christmas party, she politely let her know she would be happy to make anything else, but wouldn’t bring lasagna due to last year’s incident.

The mother-in-law called the woman vindictive for refusing to make lasagna over a small mistake and as she wouldn’t budge, the mother-in-law threatened to not let her into the Christmas celebration unless she showed up with lasagna in hand. Finally, the woman’s husband suggested complying with his mother’s request to keep the peace.

The woman’s post gathered 9.9k upvotes in just 5 days and people judged she wasn’t a jerk in this situation. The most upvoted comment by Mairwyn_ noted that the woman’s husband sounded like he was volunteering to make a lasagna, while others suggested her husband ask his mother to apologize or neither of them would be at Christmas dinner.

The woman left soon after and never received an apology, so the next year, she agreed to make anything but lasagna

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Image credits: Nicole Michalou (not the actual photo) 

The mother-in-law was livid and insisted she either show up with lasagna in hand or she wouldn’t let her into the Christmas party

Several aspects of the mother-in-law’s behavior may be discussed, such as not issuing an apology for throwing the lasagna on the floor and issuing an ultimatum to bring one the following Christmas instead.

According to Dr. Marshall Goldsmith, sincere apologies prompt people to let go and stop living in the past, as by expressing regret, one acknowledges their inability to alter history, yet also expresses remorse and determination to improve moving forward.

When it comes to reasons why people refuse to apologize in situations where they wronged others, Jonathan M. Pham lists a number of them, and these include a threat to self-image, fear of emotional vulnerability, unwillingness to make amends, or simply not caring enough about another person’s feelings or the relationship itself. Finally, difficulty expressing regret in a sincere manner due to a lack of social skills may be an additional reason.

When it comes to the ultimatum that followed the woman’s refusal to make the lasagna for Christmas the following year, it might be noted that ultimatums may have different functions in personal relationships depending on the context.

Based on the study by Hallie Liberto, the ultimatums that include threats in personal relationships are sometimes meant to control another person. In cases when they fail to express our true and crucial boundaries, they usurp complete control over issues that belong to the realm of debate and disagreement. 

In some cases, a person tends to present one severely unattractive option to the target and uses it to force them into “choosing” a second, only slightly better option.

According to Williamsburg Therapy Group, ultimatums tend to focus on pressure, while boundaries are meant to establish a healthy neutral zone.

They explain that healthy relationships tend to be built on trust, which means an understanding that another person’s autonomy and free will are crucial while also trusting them to not use their free will to hurt you.

There may be circumstances where an ultimatum may be necessary for one’s mental or physical health; however, they also advise using boundary communication whenever possible.

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