NTA. Bride and groom have every right to the child-free, pet-free, pork-free, flip-flop-free, shoe-free (barefoot), tobacco-free, alcohol free, sugar-free, meat-free or vegan-free, pollen-free (flowerless), gluten free (flourless), clothing optional, selfie-free, indoor, outdoor, underground, or in-flight wedding of their dreams. Bride and groom have good reason to expect any invitee who attends to follow the rules, but no reason to expect -- and no right to demand -- that invitees who can't or don't want to follow your rules, attend -- not even if she's your sister. And please, kind readers, no matter who I.D. as the AH, can we all quit using our outside voice to suggestanybody can "just get a sitter"? It dbecause it's pretty much the the problem: t

My God what is wrong with her sister? Her unborn child's Father passed before she found out she was pregnant? And she's denying any compromise OP is trying to come up with too! I 100% respect child free weddings but at 5 months old, the baby won't be much of an issue. If anything that's one of the happiest stages of a newborns first year of life! And everyone will want to hold it and help out, imo. Maybe the Bride is worried that the baby will take the focus away from her? Either if OP reads Bored Panda she's NTA at all. But her Bridezilla sister is!

Child-free weddings are not odd here in the Netherlands too. However there might be a kid or two from an Important Person, like a sister. Or from someone who can't or won't get a sitter. You ask the couple if they agree, you comfort them by promising that in case of crying you will leave, something like that. Yes you can accept your sisters kid of 5 months but decline your cousins/friends kids. It's your wedding and it makes sense.

Her unborn child is really the only link she still has with her late husband so I can understand that her anxiety might be more intense. Saying that, 5 months is too young to be left with a sitter especially if baby is breast-fed, some babies will never accept a bottle and only boobs will do. If her sister calms down enough to accept the situation, OP could write a speech and either have someone else read it or film it as another person suggested.

Babies are cooler than weddings 😎

Anyone else feel sad that her husband passed away before she knew she was pregnant?

Stay home with your baby. Don't enroll in the drama.

So sister wants a child-free wedding but expects a new mother to attend without her baby. Props to OP for gracefully declining the invite. Usually in these scenarios it's always that the mother is trying to persuade the bride/groom to let them bring their kids.

I feel for this mom. It wasn't that long ago her husband passed away and then the emotional toll she must have endured finding out she's pregnant with his baby after the fact. Of course she's not going to want to part with her baby so soon for any given time. Pretty selfish of the sister to not consider her offer to stay home. Weddings are weird. It's like the Bride and Groom plan them like the people who they invited have never met them before, what with how hard they try to impress the people who know them on daily basis. Js. It's weird. And the children of the people invited are often part of the family. I get kids can be a pain but to each their own, I guess. The mom-to-be is definitely NTA. The sister is being an unreasonable, unrelenting AH.

Or, you know, wait until you get to that point. She's already deciding she doesn't want to do something before ever experiencing it. As a single parent five months in, she might be really happy to have a "grown up" outing. I think no one is the ah here. Her sister has every right to be upset her sister won't be at the wedding, despite the reason. And she shouldn't decide how she's going to feel about leaving her child after months when it's not even born yet. She might have met a very trustworthy person before then that she feels comfortable with having babysit. She's crossing that bridge WAY too early.

Your husband passed before you knew you were pregnant? And sis wants to play bridezilla with a now single pregnant mommy to be? Who's child will only be 5 months at the time of the wedding? And poor kid will never know it's daddy? But bridezilla???????? OOF!

OP is just being a responsible mother, Given what she's been through she will be an amazing Mother. Sis needs to grow up and realize that not everyone's lives revolve around her. Have her dream wedding fine, but should not expect everyone to drop everything for her. Sis is literally asking OP to choose between her and OPs own baby. Sounds like Sis might have some jealousy issues, and is being an immature jerk. I have two kids and no way would I ever leave them with someone I did not personally know and trust. Just because sis friends know some sitters does not mean sitters are known well enough by OP. OPs first responsibility is to her baby, especially as her husband has passed. This makes her baby all the more precious to her. Good for OP for standing up for her child.

If the baby does not have a father, then you're NTA. If the baby has a father then a very soft YTA. If it was me, I would leave my baby to her father and go to the wedding. I would give my speech, stay for the first dance and go home. No drama, no problem.

I would ask the sister to put herself in my shoes. Because the husband has sadly passed on, this child’s existence will mean more. It seems like the bride is a selfish person at heart. To ask your sister to leave the only part of her husband she has left, just so all the attention can be on you is absolutely disgusting. I honestly wouldn’t go either. But I know my sister would never do that. Family is more important to us than one super expensive party.

So what is OP going to do when she goes to work? Kind of painted herself into the corner with "I lost my husband' bit. So she's a single parent at this point, is she independently wealthy? Or like any other adult needs a job to buy food , pay a mortgage, supplies for the baby. WTF does she do then? Strangers? she must have others in her orbit , friends, neighbors , neighbors of her parents. This is hog wash. She could attend the wedding for the 2 hours and return home or let someone keep baby for the time needed. EVERYONE needs a back-up plan for other needs, like when a parent has a heart attack for instance. ERs are better child-free . Injury that is short term, but puts the child in need of care. My Mom worked as does many moms (grandparents) work to get ahead for retirement. So come on, this is BS , as I earn tons of cash as a teenager for 'things' important to me. So there is that resource, and not to use a feeble excuse. It's a 'her' issue, not the wedding.

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I wish people who have weddings that child-free would find themselves suddenly friend-free and guest-less at that wedding! I get the whole child free concept but unless you elope, it’s so not practical and the “stress free” environment you are trying to achieve just backfires and puts tremendous stress on the parents of these uninvited kids to not bring them! The only one it benefits is the bride and groom and quite selfishly. Idc if it is their day, I feel they are asking a LOT of their guests. That being said, an infant is not the same as a kid. Depending on where wedding and reception are, it’s very possible to have an infant there and nobody even knows! They sleep 85% of the day, and if they aren’t sleeping, they aren’t running around knocking everything over or sticking their fingers in the cake! But if Lisa really wants the OP there, she should really be more accommodating to the person she’s trying to get to attend! Even if she allows baby to be there temporarily while mom is

NTA Congratulations on your upcoming baby 💕 also, so very sorry for your loss. That baby is a gift for you, a part of your husband to help you go on. I'm so happy your in-laws will be with you at the beginning to help you out. Your sister sounds like a spoiled brat! No alternatives are good enough for her. So sad that she has tunnel vision. Stand your ground. Your sister and her intended sound very selfish. To the brat, have whatever wedding you want but do not bully your sister. Your mistake will be not having your niece or nephew there on the special day. I thought weddings were about family. SMDH If I were a young widow with a 5 month old I would not leave that baby either!

Really. Mom to be isn't throwing a fit because the baby isn't allowed; bride to be is being the bridezilla here.

As someone who doesn't like to be told what to do, I 100% agree with OP. As someone who's friends recently started sending their 4 month old to baby sitting several days a week out of necessity, I feel like there's at least a small part of OP who is making a bigger deal out of the "no children please" request than it is, and should probably make an attempt to find a sitter. I also find it interesting that it jumps right to "leaving the kid with a stranger". I get the no family available thing, but does she have zero friends? That's more of a red flag to me than anything else in this article. Call CPS! Mostly joking, but seriously, who doesn't have friends? Start the downvoting in 3...2....1....and go go go!

There are so many possible compromises the bride could make here that she just doesn’t seem willing to make. 100% OP NTA. Any new parent experiences anxiety leaving their baby, but when you’re a single, recently bereaved one and the baby is a living piece of your lost loved one? The bride is an unspeakable AH.

My baby girl is 15 months and I wouldn’t leave her with a stranger at this age either let alone 5 months. I don’t blame her and her sister is being unreasonable for not willing to make an exception for her. Babies that young mostly sleep anyway and will only cry if they’re hungry. She can likely time the feedings by then so she’ll know when that time is coming. If she really wants her sister to come she’ll make an exception otherwise sister is TA

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YTA - sorry but I wouldn’t want a baby crying at my wedding either and why can’t a 5 month old have a babysitter? No one is suggesting you get a 15 year old to babysit.

Many Many moms are back to work when baby is 6 weeks old. You’re going to have to leave the child sometime. A few hours for your Sister’s wedding seems like a good time to start!

Oh another thing the fact that she's throwing this attitude and your husband just passed away oh yeah let her have her little child free wedding and you stay home with your baby because that is way over the line

I had a 7 mths old at my brothers wedding while I was a bridesmaid. My MIL came down to the wedding location. When the pictures at the church were over, my MIL took him back to the hotel and looked after him. ANYONE can attend the church BTW. Does your sister not want to include their new neice/nephew in wedding pictures?Can you attend the ceremony with your little one but skip the reception? The wedding ceremony is the most important part.

I wouldn't go, if my childrens are not welcome at my sister'wedding, I'm not welcome too. I never would think in inviting only part of the family and uninviting others, better to go travel with the husband alone than throw a party inviting only half of the family and wanting that they don't being the most inportants people in their life.

God why do people with kids think everyone should make concessions for them.5 months old please,maybe if 2 montgs and under, just dont go then.

I find this claim to make marriages childfree simply selfish and cause for quarrels. I don't particularly like children and I can understand that they can be a nuisance on certain occasions, but if you invite people with children (especially close relatives) it is simply an offense to expect them to come without. It is true that the wedding ceremony must primarily satisfy the husband and wife to be, but if other people are invited, they must also be thought of. How boring these rude and demanding women are.