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Hey Pandas, Did I Make The Right Choice By Ending My Perfect Relationship?
Moderator’s note:
If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.
So, to start, I’m a 26-year-old female, and I’m dating a 26-year-old male. We have been dating for a month now, and things have been going great. The connection we have is amazing. I haven’t connected with anyone like this in a very long time. We’ve both said we wish we could have met earlier so we wouldn’t be in this situation. This could just be the rose-colored glasses since it’s still pretty new, but hey, for some people it works, and for others, it doesn’t, right? I can see both sides.
Now, here’s the situation and what I need advice on: We ended up having a conversation about something that I’m not entirely sure how it came up, but it was one of those random, deep conversations you have with someone. It was mentioned that he has plans to move out of state by the age of 30 and that he has a great job opportunity, which would involve training out of state for possibly a month. This might happen by the end of this year.
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My problem, as the over-thinker that I am, is that I started to question what this means for us
Image credits: Lucia Macedo (not the actual photo)
If that happens, what will happen to our relationship? Would we still be able to make things work? Would it turn into a long-distance relationship? Do we want to try long-distance? Would he come back after the training, or would he decide to move, and this would all be over? If things grow deeper between us, would I want to move? Basically, I have a million questions about where our relationship fits into all of this.
Honestly, this information would have been great to know before we even started dating
Image credits: Kelly Sikkema (not the actual photo)
It would have saved us both the headache and potential heartbreak if things don’t work out. But, of course, it didn’t happen that way, and here we are. I would never ask anyone to stay in a place where they feel limited in following their dreams, and I wouldn’t want my partner to do that to me. So asking him to stay was never an option.
Unless it could have been? I also feel like if he did stay, things would turn sour later. He might blame me for not allowing him to follow his dreams, and I would feel awful making him stay. Logically, asking him to stay is out of the question.
We both talked and came to the conclusion that we should end things now before either of us gets hurt, so it doesn’t feel like one person is just stringing the other along
Image credits: Khamkéo (not the actual photo)
But is this really the best option? I think that because it’s still very fresh and new, I want someone to feed into my delusions and say that everything will work out and that we should stay together and see where things go since we don’t know exactly where things will end up. We compared our situation to the relationship in La La Land, where two people part ways, end up with different partners, and might meet again in the future. That’s a painful thought. I also hope that by ending things now, we might cross paths later and try again.
My question for advice is: Was this the best choice, or could we have tried to see where things would go? I want to continue my grieving process for someone I cared for and for what could have been the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had.
Moderator’s note:
Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.
If you have a comparable experience or story you’d like to tell, we welcome your submissions. Click here to share your story with Bored Panda.
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What do you think ?
lenka 2 months ago (edited)
I am a little confused. You have been dating for one month and you broke up because he might go out of state for training for one month? Or are you more concerned about his plans to maybe possibly move out of state in 4 years time? You are clearly an over thinker :-) (I hope that comes across as kindly as I mean it) You made all your decisions about your future without him in it because you have not even been together long enough to imagine a future with him in it. I think you jumped the gun, but maybe take it as a lesson for next time... not everything can be planned out in advance. In life, and definitely in love, you sometimes just have to be open to possibilities and accept things for what they are, and have a little faith in yourself to make good decisions when they need to made (not anticipatory). It MIGHT mean heartbreak if you decide to go separate ways. It might also mean an adventure with the love of a lifetime.
Binny Tutera 2 months ago
OP, you have known him for only a month. That is a very short time. Let him go away for the month, and when he returns you can get together and decide if you are still interested in being a couple. Or maybe you two will decide to be just friends.
Skara Brae 2 months ago
You've only been dating for one month. If you really think month apart (as long as you are communicating) will be too hard, then will the connection you feel be strong enough to withstand inevitable disagreements in the future? On a different topic, how are you going to maintain a relationship when he moves away by age 30? Will you be willing to move with him? Money is significant in a relationship. Can you get a similar or better job if you move there? Have you only lived in one town/city? If so, I have lived in 12 different towns and cities, and have always found interesting and unique people and places in each of them.
lenka 2 months ago (edited)
I am a little confused. You have been dating for one month and you broke up because he might go out of state for training for one month? Or are you more concerned about his plans to maybe possibly move out of state in 4 years time? You are clearly an over thinker :-) (I hope that comes across as kindly as I mean it) You made all your decisions about your future without him in it because you have not even been together long enough to imagine a future with him in it. I think you jumped the gun, but maybe take it as a lesson for next time... not everything can be planned out in advance. In life, and definitely in love, you sometimes just have to be open to possibilities and accept things for what they are, and have a little faith in yourself to make good decisions when they need to made (not anticipatory). It MIGHT mean heartbreak if you decide to go separate ways. It might also mean an adventure with the love of a lifetime.
Binny Tutera 2 months ago
OP, you have known him for only a month. That is a very short time. Let him go away for the month, and when he returns you can get together and decide if you are still interested in being a couple. Or maybe you two will decide to be just friends.
Skara Brae 2 months ago
You've only been dating for one month. If you really think month apart (as long as you are communicating) will be too hard, then will the connection you feel be strong enough to withstand inevitable disagreements in the future? On a different topic, how are you going to maintain a relationship when he moves away by age 30? Will you be willing to move with him? Money is significant in a relationship. Can you get a similar or better job if you move there? Have you only lived in one town/city? If so, I have lived in 12 different towns and cities, and have always found interesting and unique people and places in each of them.
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