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19 People Reveal The Exact Moment That Made Them Divorce Their Spouse
In 2021, a total of 689,308 divorces occurred across the 45 U.S. states that reported this statistic. Often, there's more than just a single factor that leads to it. Couples may face many problems.
But even so, people who dissolve their unions usually report there is one tipping point that causes them to make the big decision. In fact, 69% of divorcing couples noted this was the case.
In these situations, infidelity was cited the most, with 24% of couples specifying it as the thing that pushed them over the edge. Domestic violence was the reason for 21% of them and 12% said substance abuse was the issue.
Interested in how these numbers look in real life, one Reddit user asked divorced people on the platform to describe what was their final straw. Here are the most upvoted replies that they have received.
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#1
A cheese plate. I went over to my friend’s house to visit him after he’d had surgery and he had a cheese plate for us to snack on with some goat cheese. I said “Omg, I love goat cheese!” and my friend looked at me like I was crazy and said “I know? You mentioned it the other day so I got some.”
I realized that my friend had listened to something I had said, noted it, remembered it, and gone out of his way to do something nice for me. After he’d had brain surgery, no less.
My husband had never, ever put in anywhere near that much effort for me. He still didn’t even know what flavor ice cream I liked after ten years of marriage.
So I left. And that friend and I are coming up on our first anniversary.
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#3
He told me 'it was time to get over' my miscarriage the day of my follow-up appointment when my OB said the procedure was successful. AKA, four days later
#4
After two DUIs, multiple relapses, and a separation we decided to work things out. I had to take my friend out of town to buy a car and told my husband I’d be home “around 6.”
I was very excited to be early and surprise him. As I turned down our block at 5, I noticed his car coming down the block. Stopped one house early and tossed something in the dumpster.
I waited momentarily till he pulled into the garage then drove up to the dumpster. It was a beer can he tossed. He was drinking and driving with our kids after all of that.
Came in and immediately tossed him out.
#5
When I borrowed his tablet, I looked thru his messages and saw one where he asked his female friend to spend the night with him on a business trip. And that was just the tip of the iceberg with his cheating. I filed for divorce a few months later after getting all my ducks in a row.
#6
Claiming to want to make it work but still having dating apps and refusing to wear a wedding ring
#7
The realisation that we had become 'apartment buddies' instead of life partners. It was like we were running a co-habitation business without the benefits. The romance had moved out, and we were left with joint custody of a fridge. Time to close that chapter and let the next tenant of love move in
#8
Told me she was cheating and had the papers ready the literal second I got back home from burying my dad.
#9
One Saturday I said to my then husband, "we should take our daughter to the zoo. It's such a nice day." I His reply, "I work all week. I don't feel like it."
I worked all week too. And I was the one that picked her up and dropped her off at daycare every day. Basically I was a single mom before my divorce. I did everything with my daughter by myself. So I thought, if I'm going to be a single mom. I'm going to do with without the useless lump sitting on my couch. Best. Decision. Ever.
#10
When one friend privately tells you they are concerned for your health and safety, you dismiss them and adamantly defend your spouse.
When five friends individually tell you they are scared for you, then you start to listen and to accept an uncomfortable truth.
#11
Made a poor financial decision which almost led to us getting evicted. He did not tell me until he “figured it out”. However, he discussed the matter with people at work. He also had extreme anger issues, and drank a lot. The final straw was when my 7 y/o told me he no longer felt safe with him, and did not want to be nice to him because of how mean he was to me.
#12
After years of his alcoholism and constant belittling, the last straw was his confession that he had done something terrible to our daughter.
#13
Our marriage was miserable for both of us. We'd been to many marriage counsellors over the past few years.
During a counselling session the counsellor mentioned that some couples are just better off divorced. It was an off-hand comment not related to us specifically, but for me it was an epiphany. I realised on the way home that it was over. I left about 4 weeks later, and my only regret since is that I didn't leave years earlier.
Janelle Collard 1 week ago
Sometimes a third person shows you what you weren't able to see clearly for yourself. Glad you got out.
#14
At our second round of marriage therapy; the therapist asked him “What nice thing can you do with your wife?” He replied “She can help me gap the spark plugs in the Durango and re-wire the boat trailer.” After 40 years of marriage; I decided right then and there that I still had some years left to live and I was going to live them…without him.
#16
When she cheated on me. I found out. We went to counseling. Meanwhile I'm trying to save our marriage and she is still seeing him.
I called his wife at her job to let her know my wife and her husband were still carrying on.
Janelle Collard 1 week ago (edited)
Good for you! Cheaters deserve to be outed to their spouse, SO, etc.
#17
I worked non-stop for years to support her ability to pursue her dreams. The financial strain of only my income supporting both our lives and her networking, etc. put a ton of stress on us, and neither of us handled it all that well. But we were moving toward a goal together, and as soon as she landed what she was working on, things would get better.
When she finally landed her dream job, suddenly we were done. Her choice.
It’s a lot more complicated than that, but that’s the emotional core of it for me. She did love me. I know that, but ultimately I’m still not sure if, way deep down, she loved me as a support structure for her goals or if I was a true part of her life plan that she abandoned when it became easier to let go than put in the work.
#18
Got married to my ex husband at 17 and was married for 20 years with 3 kids. He always had anger issues but after 10 years of marriage he started to become physically abusive to me although never in front of our kids.
I didn't leave bc the abuse was "borderline". He never punched me in the face or anything like that. He would push me down, grab me by the back of my hair, etc.
One day I'm laying in bed with our youngest who is 3 years old at the time. My ex comes rushing into the room, grabs me by my ankles and swiftly pulls me off the bed onto the ground. I had been laying on my stomach so when I landed on the floor my face smacked into the ground so I started crying hysterically.
My 3 year old was still on the bed and not only became hysterical as well but also ran to his dad and started attempting to punch him in effort to protect me. It was absolutely heart breaking.
I'm ashamed to say I didn't leave at that time. My son was 3 and I thought he would forget about the abuse he saw. My ex was always remorseful and agreed to start individual therapy as well as medication, which he did. The medication really seemed to be helping.
However, about 6 months later my 3 year old son randomly tells the story of seeing his dad attack me to my parents. This was the first time he ever mentioned it and I was really surprised he still remembered it. THAT was the last straw for me. When I realized my son was never going to forget what happened that day.
He's almost 9 now and he still remembers it.
Edit: Wow, you guys are so amazing! Thank you so much for all the love and support. I never had an ounce of support from anyone while the kids and I were going through this. I had made my parents aware of the abuse long before my son told them that story. My mom's words were, "I think you should just feel lucky you found someone who will tolerate you." And another time, "Well, since you're not really hurt I think calling the police would be dramatic. But you have always loved painting yourself as the victim." Even our marriage counselor never once took me aside and said, "OP, you need to get out of this marriage." He was insistent that we could manage our issues, abuse and all, successfully.
All of my kids and I did go to counseling. All the kids took the split really hard. My older son who was 15 at the time started self harming and using Xanax. I was extremely lucky to have gotten him into a great program. He spent 6 weeks in a mental health facility/rehab, followed up with therapy once he got home and still goes to therapy to this day. He is absolutely thriving now at 20 years old. All my kids seem very well adjusted at this point. I have been to therapy as well but actually have my first EMDR therapy session scheduled for next month.
As far as thinking my son would forget at 3 years old...I realize now that was an ignorant assumption to make. I myself have very early memories even before 3 years old but I was always under the impression that for males, memories typically started around the age of 5. It never occurred to me that being so traumatic it would obviously be stuck in his mind forever but now that it's been pointed out to me it makes perfect sense.
Thank you all so much for your positivity and compassion. Thank you for taking the time to comment and share your own stories.
#19
I didn’t like his girlfriends.
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