There are millions of things people can be proud of, which is why one’s greatest achievements don’t always coincide with what others are proud of the most.

This redditor—a mom of three—got into a heated discussion about such achievements with her neighbors. One of them assumed that the three wonderful children were her greatest accomplishment in life, which is why when she said that they weren’t, people around were shocked and even suggested that she seek help.

Seeking to learn more about how people view womanhood in relation to motherhood, Bored Panda got in touch with a Professor of Sociology at the University of Maine, author of Childfree by Choice: The Movement Redefining Family and Creating a New Age of Independence, Dr. Amy Blackstone, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions. You will find her thoughts in the text below.

People’s greatest accomplishments tend to differ from person to person

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This woman said she resented the assumption that having kids is her greatest accomplishment

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Changing certain deeply ingrained beliefs might take time

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According to Dr. Amy Blackstone, motherhood and womanhood are so intertwined that to disentangle them is, for many, blasphemous. “Yet these are distinct concepts,” she pointed out in a recent interview with Bored Panda. “We tend to link these two concepts because we live in a pronatalist society where our political, economic, and religious institutions are designed to encourage childbearing.”

The expert continued to suggest that within this system, women are taught that motherhood is the greatest thing they can aspire to and achieve.

“Teaching women that motherhood is the one and only role they should aspire to—or at least the only important role than can achieve—not only severely limits their potential, it totally dismisses the millions of women who either can’t or don’t want to become mothers and the millions of women who are mothers and achieve so much in addition to that singular role,” she said.

Comparing mothers with their male counterparts, Prof. Blackstone pointed out that while men are socialized toward parenthood as are women, they are not limited to a single role in the way that women are. “Men are expected—and believed to be capable of—achieving success in multiple roles. Again, this goes back to the project of pronatalism which relies on the production of new workers for the economy and new worshippers for our religious institutions. Women are expected to bear those new workers and worshippers and to raise them.”

Needless to say, both men and women are more than just someone’s parents when they acquire such a title. But in many people’s views, there is no greater accomplishment than bringing someone precious into this world. And while there is nothing wrong with such a view—if one feels like being a parent is what they’re most proud of—it doesn’t necessarily mean that all moms and dads feel the same way; nor does it mean that the others love their children any less.

According to Dr. Blackstone, changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. “Multiple waves of the feminist movement have worked to change this – from the first wave’s efforts focused on voting rights to more recent efforts focused on expanding our views of gender more generally,” she said, adding that we’ve already witnessed decades of a slow but sure chipping away at the narrow and limiting belief that women can only fulfill one role.

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For many people, raising a child is the most important achievement

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The redditor’s neighbors’ reaction to her views are not that surprising, considering how many people view being a parent as their main achievement. A survey of 2,000 Brits found that raising a child is what the majority of them feel most proud of, followed by buying their first home, paying off their mortgage, and getting their first job respectively. They also reportedly feel proud over achieving an undergraduate degree and getting a promotion at work.

Bearing in mind that parenthood and professional life are usually two of the most time-consuming things in one’s life, it is natural that many of their achievements relate to exactly that. However, surveyees also shared feeling proud of traveling on their own, learning a new skill, or volunteering, among other personal wins.

The survey found that close to half of the respondents regretted not having more moments they’re proud of in their life, and close to a third of them said it might be difficult to find something that provides a true sense of accomplishment.

Some of the OP’s neighbors have figured out that it’s being a mom or a dad that provides them with a sense of accomplishment, and they’re not alone; according to the Pew Research Center, as many as 80% of parents find their role to be rewarding. However, the redditor herself believed that other achievements were more important to her than the “biological functions”, as she put it, which is something many redditors agreed with. “Children are people, not an accomplishment,” one of them wrote in the comments, where many shared their opinions; scroll down to find more of them below.

Some netizens sided with the woman, saying that she was not a jerk in the situation

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Others shared different opinions

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