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Mom Charges Her 17-Year-Old Daughter Over $16k A Year To Fund Her 18-Year-Old Son, Receives Backlash Online
All parents want what’s best for their kids. But raising two kids of the same age with two different career choices may be a whole new challenge on its own. One mom has recently taken to Mumsnet for advice on whether her mode of financial support for her 17-year-old daughter and 18-year-old son won’t cause resentment.
Turns out, her daughter is now undertaking a full-time apprenticeship course, and since she’s fairly independent, mom is charging her “rent/keep/petrol equivalent to 25% of her take home.” But the same doesn’t go for her son, who decided to accept university offers and start a degree there.
As you can probably guess, mom’s post titled “One at uni, one at work…” raised eyebrows and stirred a heated debate on the platform. Let’s see her whole post in full right below, and be sure to share your thoughts on the whole situation in the comments.
One mom has recently taken to Mumsnet to ask how best to support her 17-y.o. and 18-y.o. children
Image credits: Sharon McCutcheon
Turns out she charges her teen daughter rent and gives the money to her son, who decided to go to university
To see what a clinical psychologist had to say on this complex situation, Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Lise Deguire, the author of “Flashback Girl: Lessons on Resilience From a Burn Survivor.”
Dr. Lise explained that fairness is often extremely important for children. “The perception that another sibling is favored or treated better can lead to many lasting difficulties, including poor self-image, sibling conflict, and resentment of parents.”
“On the other hand, people often deeply appreciate feeling that their parents treated all their children with equal love, care and support,” she added.
Not knowing any of the people involved in this case, Dr. Lise said she wouldn’t feel comfortable predicting how they will feel about each other. “We don’t know their history, or how the mother may have supported her daughter in the past. We also don’t know the mother’s history or how she may have supported her own parents. Perhaps there is more to the story than we know,” she explained.
Having said that, Dr. Lise added that “from this brief snapshot, I could imagine that the daughter might feel unsupported and that her vocational goals were not prioritized or valued as much as her brother’s.”
The clinical psychologist hopes the family finds a way to work out the financial obligations that feel fair to all concerned.
Her post stirred a heated debate and this is what people had to comment on this whole situation
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What do you think ?
Nat Hedley 3 years ago
It absolutely is unfair to fund the life development of one dependent child but not the other, and this parent may already have caused permanent scarring to the relationship with the unequal treatment. If you want to encourage financial responsibility from your child, use your authority to make her build up a savings account, not line your own pocket.
Ella Blackwood 3 years ago
This seems very unfair to me and also a surefire way to cause your daughter to deeply resent you for favoring your son over her. They are both trying to get on their feet in this difficult world, but you are only penalizing one of them and subsidizing the other. It just seems blatantly sexist to me.
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
I can tell you firsthand that this is true. My mother temporarily borrowed $22,000 from me (for about six months) with the promise to repay me as soon as my grandfather's house sold. I withdrew the money from my daughter's college tuition savings account. My mother refused to repay me, saying "we've helped you a lot." Even when reminded that the money was my daughter's college fund, she refused. Three months later, she handed my money over to my brother, so he could pay off his credit cards before he got married. I resent it to this day, and that was 15 years ago. My daughter had to take an additional student loan, which caused her numerous problems down the years.
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I wish I could live in the ocean 3 years ago
No one in those comments seemed to have a problem with the younger sister paying for a part of her older brothers education. Wtf? Also, I would never take rent from my children, ever. But the audacity to take that rent money and give it to another kid?
Kari Panda 3 years ago
Agreed. These comments were all much too friendly.
Load More Replies... Nat Hedley 3 years ago
It absolutely is unfair to fund the life development of one dependent child but not the other, and this parent may already have caused permanent scarring to the relationship with the unequal treatment. If you want to encourage financial responsibility from your child, use your authority to make her build up a savings account, not line your own pocket.
Ella Blackwood 3 years ago
This seems very unfair to me and also a surefire way to cause your daughter to deeply resent you for favoring your son over her. They are both trying to get on their feet in this difficult world, but you are only penalizing one of them and subsidizing the other. It just seems blatantly sexist to me.
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
I can tell you firsthand that this is true. My mother temporarily borrowed $22,000 from me (for about six months) with the promise to repay me as soon as my grandfather's house sold. I withdrew the money from my daughter's college tuition savings account. My mother refused to repay me, saying "we've helped you a lot." Even when reminded that the money was my daughter's college fund, she refused. Three months later, she handed my money over to my brother, so he could pay off his credit cards before he got married. I resent it to this day, and that was 15 years ago. My daughter had to take an additional student loan, which caused her numerous problems down the years.
Load More Replies... I wish I could live in the ocean 3 years ago
No one in those comments seemed to have a problem with the younger sister paying for a part of her older brothers education. Wtf? Also, I would never take rent from my children, ever. But the audacity to take that rent money and give it to another kid?
Kari Panda 3 years ago
Agreed. These comments were all much too friendly.
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