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“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is one of those lies some folks like to repeat, despite the fact that words can and will do a lot of damage. Experience shows that some folks are particularly adept when it comes to creating biting insults that might mortify the target, but make everyone else chuckle.
Someone asked “What is the most brutal insult you’ve ever heard in your life?” and people shared their best examples. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to comment your own examples and experiences below.
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#1
Good old Oscar Wilde provided many harsh, yet eloquent ways of being rude.
"Some people bring joy wherever they go. Some whenever they go.".
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#2
Probably not the most brutal,but I liked it alot…I remember some comments in Reddit before where a guy said to another dude something along lines:
”I f****d your mom last night”
And dude replied with the simple:
“So you’re a disappointment to both our mothers”
I started using it since because it was a nice comeback imo….
#3
I'm not the quickest of wit, usually I'll come up with something that would have eviscerated a person about 2 hours after the conversation had finished, but there was one shining moment where everything came together.
A group of idiot teenagers got onto the bus that I was on, being loud and abrasive, and one of them, as they were passing me, burped into my face.
Without skipping a beat, I sniffed the air and said "hmm, smells like c**k".
It was wildly stupid to do given that there were a group of them, and it could have gone really badly for me, but his friends just collapsed in laughter and he turned beet red and just sat down sulking.
#4
Absolute stuck up brat of a girl at school, to a teacher: "Do you know who my dad is?"
Teacher, without hesitating for a second: "No, does you mum?".
#5
During a teenage fight with my brother, I repeated what I thought was an iconic line:
"Did you roll off the changing table as a baby?!?!"
Before he could answer, our mom replied, guilt ridden, from the other room:
"THAT ONLY HAPPENED TWICE!".
#6
Bessie Braddock MP to Winston Churchill "sir, if I were married to you, I would put poison in your coffee "
Winston Churchill "Madame, if I were married to you, I would drink it".
#7
I told my wife, jokingly, "You're not the dumbest b***h who ever lived but you better hope she doesn't die."
Without missing a beat, my wife said, "Don't worry, I'd remarry.".
LittleTeapot 2 weeks ago
Don’t know why GP has so many downvotes?? Sure, not the most woke to assume the storyteller is a man but valid point that the comment doesn’t sound like the best indicator of a healthy, respectful relationship. Could be in well meant jest but honestly, dang.
Mark Olsson Moreno 2 weeks ago
The joke only makes sense if they're both women.
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Hodmi 2 weeks ago
Why are you assuming it was a man? It could easily be two women.
Load More Replies... #8
When asked for his thoughts on the migration of New Zealanders to Australia, the then Prime Minister of New Zealand stated that the "annual exodus of Kiwis to Australia raised the average IQ of both countries".
#9
My sister delivered an insult in the form of advice when I was pursuing a girl...
"You can't play hard to get if you're hard to want."
Devastating.
#10
In Germany we ask politely "Did the Swings in your childhood stand too close to the wall?"
#11
I came back from the barbers and said to my daughter (12 at the time).
"Daddy looks good, doesn't he?"
She barely glanced at me before saying
"You look like something I drew with my left hand.".
#12
There was a reddit thread about retail work awhile back where someone recounted a customer verbally abusing them. Another customer nearby chimed in
"Your adult children don't speak to you do they."
The reddit poster said they were looking at the problem customer when it happened and saw the insult land with devastating affect.
#13
Used to argue with a woman at my job. She cursed like a sailor, this place had no HR department to speak of. One time we were going at it over some protocol and she got so pissed she yells "BITE ME!"
Not skipping a beat I replied, "I don't eat pork.".
#14
That gamer girl that told a dude getting on her "I'm gonna f**k your dad and get pregnant so I can give him a son he'll love" (paraphrasing obviously).
#15
"I envy people who don't know you.".
#16
I had a drunk female patient at work one night who was belligerent, treating the staff like s**t, etc. I informed her we are merely trying to help her. She screams at me "do you know who I am?! My husband has a bridge named after him!" I calmly reply, "ma'am if I were married to you, I'd jump off that bridge." This was the only time in my multi decade healthcare career that I was written up. The CEO of the entire hospital system consisting of facilities in multiple states personally called me and laughed about the whole thing...... specifically stating he's golfed with the husband and the husband hates her.
Jane Jayne Jain Jeign Jein 2 weeks ago
I hate that employers discipline staff for telling rude customers where to go. THIS is why society is collapsing, because A-hole people can lord it over service staff and it's the staff who worry about their jobs but it should be the customer who should worry about being banned and shamed.
#17
"I'm so happy you're here. Give the people at home a break" Dylan Moran to a heckler at a comedy show i was at.
#18
“He’s so dense light bends around him!”
That’s the best way I’ve heard to call someone stupid. Delivered by Malcolm Tucker from The thick of it.
#19
My buddy had a dude from work try to pick a fight with him. Dude said something like “well maybe I’ll kick your a*s” and my friend responded with “if you fight as hard as you work, I got nothing to be worried about.”.
#20
“Usually they throw out the placenta and keep the baby, but I see in your case they did the opposite “ - a Jamaican sheet rocker I used to work with.
#21
Along the same lines:
"Knowledge seeks you, but you're faster"
#22
"Sending regrets I cannot attend your wedding. I'll be sure to catch the next one."
ETA: You seem like the type of guy who gets jealous of his girlfriend's dog.
#23
40 more IQ points and you'd be a moron.
#24
Makes me think of:
"Your family tree is a wreath."
#25
“If you had a single thought in your mind, it would die of loneliness.”.
#26
I've said: "if you could understand why your wife was right to leave you then she wouldn't have left you".
#27
"You have delusions of adequacy" - commenter's mom, apparently.
#28
I dropped a bucket of paint at one of my first jobs.
A man that worked there for years turned to me and said "Good one d**k fingers you f**k everything you touch."
It still hurts.
#29
"Your learning curve is a circle."
Saw it on reddit once.
#30
"You're more annoying than the toe seam of a wet tube sock." To be fair, in that moment, I deserved it.
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Tiger 2 weeks ago
If someone said that to me I’d definitely remember it 😂
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Tonyah Mcanelly 2 weeks ago
A few years ago one of my ex co workers told me " i would slap you but s**t splatters. my come back " i didnt know your hand was that soft" .
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 2 weeks ago
My favorite go to is "You're worse than Scrappy Doo". That one hits hard if you're a certain age,
Blair Logue 2 weeks ago
I hardly think of a good comeback when needed but here is one that was right on point. I was at a big box store one Christmas season, buying ONE bottle of shampoo. As I'm heading to cash out, a woman comes barreling past me cut me off & got in front of me with 3 FULL SHOPPING CARTS the check out woman said nothing & just checked her out, long wait. When she was done, I looked at the rude woman & said, you know, I hope that someone does to you what you just did to me & I HOPE YOU HAVE TO PEE!!!!!!!
UncleJohn3000 2 weeks ago
Why don't you go back to the trailer park and whip up some more mac-n-cheese for cousin-daddy?
Grace Skerp 1 week ago
From the original House of Snark the England Parliament: The honourable member has demonstrated that there is no such thing as unutterable nonsense.
Nathan Shipman 1 week ago
One morning in sixth grade, we were in a moment of silence and the person operating the loudspeaker forgot to hang up the phone and we could hear everything being said in the office. We heard one woman in there say "NO, she is not worthy!". Everyone in the class looked like that office meme of a guy going "oooooooooh!". Everyone was trying to stiffle their laughter for the rest of the announcements. We all lost it when our teacher smiled and said "I just love to eavesdrop"
ThatNatureNerd 2 weeks ago
Having worked in a zoo you are the least pleasant cow I’ve ever had the displeasure of being around
Tiger 2 weeks ago
If someone said that to me I’d definitely remember it 😂
Load More Replies... Tonyah Mcanelly 2 weeks ago
A few years ago one of my ex co workers told me " i would slap you but s**t splatters. my come back " i didnt know your hand was that soft" .
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 2 weeks ago
My favorite go to is "You're worse than Scrappy Doo". That one hits hard if you're a certain age,
Blair Logue 2 weeks ago
I hardly think of a good comeback when needed but here is one that was right on point. I was at a big box store one Christmas season, buying ONE bottle of shampoo. As I'm heading to cash out, a woman comes barreling past me cut me off & got in front of me with 3 FULL SHOPPING CARTS the check out woman said nothing & just checked her out, long wait. When she was done, I looked at the rude woman & said, you know, I hope that someone does to you what you just did to me & I HOPE YOU HAVE TO PEE!!!!!!!
UncleJohn3000 2 weeks ago
Why don't you go back to the trailer park and whip up some more mac-n-cheese for cousin-daddy?
Grace Skerp 1 week ago
From the original House of Snark the England Parliament: The honourable member has demonstrated that there is no such thing as unutterable nonsense.
Nathan Shipman 1 week ago
One morning in sixth grade, we were in a moment of silence and the person operating the loudspeaker forgot to hang up the phone and we could hear everything being said in the office. We heard one woman in there say "NO, she is not worthy!". Everyone in the class looked like that office meme of a guy going "oooooooooh!". Everyone was trying to stiffle their laughter for the rest of the announcements. We all lost it when our teacher smiled and said "I just love to eavesdrop"
ThatNatureNerd 2 weeks ago
Having worked in a zoo you are the least pleasant cow I’ve ever had the displeasure of being around
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