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Being a mom is no easy task. They have to fight the unpredictable tantrums of their kids, keep the whole house afloat, and stay sane while doing all this. You could say, then, being a mother is not that different from being a superhero. But even beloved superheroes sometimes get sloppy and take shortcuts, hoping that their latex-laden contemporaries won't take notice.
Keeping this to themselves, however, can be one of the most nerve-racking things. Superheroes do it because they don't want to put their loved ones in harm's way. Mothers, meanwhile, do it because they feel like they might be judged by other childbearers. "Can everyone share their mom secrets, so that I don’t feel so bad about myself?" pleads u/brookeaat in her Breaking Mom subreddit's post. From bribing kids with extra screen time to co-sleeping with them, there's nothing better than spilling some tea without feeling like you've committed a crime.
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#1
The only battles worth fighting small children over are safety related ones. You want to roll in the mud and eat nothing but doritos for 3 weeks? Go for it. You're going to wear disney princess heels, a swimsuit, a tutu, and a ski hat to the grocery store? Rock on little one. I've been raising kids for 18 years, all different ages and personalities. It just isn't worth the energy to battle them if it's not actually affecting their safety or the safety of others around them.
In the grand tapestry that is human experience, few roles can rival the complex and demanding nature of motherhood. The journey of becoming a mother encompasses a multitude of challenges that intertwine with the joys, excruciating pain (during birth and later in life when your kid discovers slapping) and selfless sacrifices that ultimately forge an unbreakable bond between a parent and their bundle of joy.
It is no surprise, then, that being a stay-at-home mom is widely regarded as one of the most strenuous jobs in the world, often likened to the equivalent of 2.5 full-time jobs, as highlighted in a 2018 study conducted by Welch's.
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#2
Sometimes I just seriously want everyone in my house to leave me the f**k alone.
As with every job and routine, then, it's appropriate that sometimes even the best moms take shortcuts to save some time and sanity. "I don't care what my child eats," one mother in the post admitted. "I mean, I care. I try. But it's so draining for me to fight him about food."
Many of them echoed their own stories of bribing kids with screen time and junk food - things that are (technically) considered a no-no when you're responsible for growing a perfectly healthy human being. Indeed, when it comes to discussing parenting strategies with fellow moms, adhering to societal norms can be met with criticism.
#3
I truly hate playing with my kid. I do not want to play Barbies, dolls, or ponies. I can do crafts, coloring, puzzles, dancing. But I hate imaginative play.
lenka 1 year ago
I'm with you. And I hate listening to my kids stories. My son goes on and on and on about stuff that is totally uninteresting to me. I do my best to teach him how to tell a succinct story, or to get to the point of the story, while still encouraging and supporting him but my god its so painful.
#4
My husband cleans the house while I breastfeed my kid to sleep. I almost always lay next to her for a bit longer and scroll on my phone and enjoy her presence until I can hear him finished, so that I don’t have to help.
😜
However, behind closed doors, it remains a mystery how many corners each parent cuts to preserve their sanity and prevent a potential meltdown. Nevertheless, the fact that 64% of mothers feel their parenting choices are sometimes judged by other moms, as revealed by recent data from The Research Moms, it comes as no surprise that many opt to keep their approaches to themselves.
#5
Oh man...
I don't care what my child eats. I mean, I CARE. I TRY. But it's so draining for me to fight him about food. He turned 3 in April and you know what? He gets almost all of the important vitamins/nutrients from smoothies. I hide zucchini and carrots in banana bread. Spinach is tasteless in smoothies.
Eats pasta. Refuses veggies most of the time. Will eat chicken if fried or in nugget form but no other meat and no other way. If my child is gonna sit there and eat a whole loaf of bread, I really do not care anymore.
I DO care about his sugar consumption. That's all lol
Toni 1 year ago
i feel this so much. i try everyday, with soooo much patience. i dont fight over food. i prepare healthy meals. he often chooses the not so healthy parts on his plate. i dont force him. but i limit sugar. if he chooses bread over vegetables i accept it. at the moment he loves strawberries and could eat them all day 😁 i am sure if he sees me eating healthy food he will gain an also healthy attitude towards food during growing up.
#6
I still sleep in my 2.5 yo room most nights. I put a full bed in there because his twin hurt my back. And honestly, if I’m in there he will sleep all night. Since I’m
The nighttime parent, I’ve decided my sleep is worth being uninterrupted.
I also sometimes lay with him until he falls asleep then go down to visit with husband and watch tv until he inevitably falls asleep on the couch, and I’ll head right back upstairs to kids room before he wakes up calling for me.
Love my husband but this is the season I’m in and I’ve accepted it. It won’t last forever. But I get lots of judging about how my husband must be lonely and some other bs when people find out.
"I absolutely think some moms fear judgment from others because we internalize societal pressures the minute we give birth. Scratch that - the minute the pregnancy test turns positive," Vicki Broadbent, the founder of the celebrated blog, Honest Mum, and a mother of three, told Bored Panda in an email.
#7
My daughter lives on broccoli and French fries.
I bathe her twice a week
Teeth brushed once a day
I swear a lot around her
We are all great moms... we just have our own unique styles.
#8
I mostly watch “adult” shows with my 4 year old every day. I pre-screen episodes (and sometimes skip scenes) so he sees nothing too outrageous, but at this point his favorite shows are Futurama, Bob’s Burgers, Simpsons, and King of the Hill.
The occurrence of bullying among mothers, meanwhile, may be linked to our primal survival instincts. Scientific research suggests that engaging in such behavior can confer an evolutionary advantage by allowing certain individuals within a social group to achieve a higher status at the expense of their peers. You know, the same way that jocks sometimes make fun of drama students in school.
#9
I let the 10mo, the 4yo and the 7yo spend 40mins putting dirt into the snap side pool.
Its filthy. And they are covered in mud.
But I got to make dinner with no interruptions.
Yesterday they got all the chalk wet and made an absolutely horrific mess on the side of the house, porch concrete and every yard toy within reach. Combined with the pool/dirt thing going on today, it looks like a rainbow massacre. Baby has dirt and chalk in his hair.
I had to repot some plants last week so had a potting mix throw down with the leftovers, and then they gathered up the remnants and "potted" some random trash. We finna see if a piece of foil and cutting of a pizza box sprouts any day now.
When I was in the worst of my symptoms from covid 10 days ago, we received my husbands fishtank supplies in a massive box full of packing peanuts. I let them roll around in them and play bumper cars in diaper boxes through the mess.
I frequently let them make huge messes I have to clean up to get some spare minutes or just because its funny.
Jeremy James 1 year ago
Don't throw out the pizza plant, just in case it works! When I was really little, I got so upset with my Mom for throwing out my experiment to clone myself that I had left on my windowsill. She said, "That's not going to work and it's gross." I screamed, "How do you know? Have you ever tried!?" Finally, she said, "Well, why don't you just call Information and ask them for the number to get a new mother!" So I did! The Information Operator was sweet as could be and talked me through my tearful story, saying, "You know, it sounds like you should stick with the Mom you already have. Give her another chance." Mom listened to the whole exchange from around the corner, stifling laughter.
#10
Both my kids slept in the bed with me when they were newborns. With my first I really, really fought it — but my wife deployed a month before my second was born so I was alone that entire first year. She slept with me from the day she came home from the hospital to 6ish months when I (also controversial in mom-groups) sleep trained.
I think my *secret* is that… I don’t regret it. I see so many parents on the Reddit get so up in arms about other parents bedsharing and I’m just over here like… huh, wild. It felt like the most natural thing in the world.
"I'm always honest with fellow parents, and three kids in, I'd say I'm confident in my parenting style but I also respect that other mums will parent differently to me and that's okay," Broadbent explained. "I definitely think the longer you parent (one kid or more), the less you fear what I term, 'the back seat parents': those who try to pressurize you into parenting exactly as they do. It's their way or the highway."
#11
Screen time is ongoing at my place. I’m 37weeks pregnant and I don’t think I could do toddlering without blues clues. When this baby comes I def will continue the screen time.
Survival.
Brendan (banned for downvotes) 1 year ago
I feel guilty about the amount of screen time we give our boys, but it's the only way we get a little peace or get a chance to get stuff done.
#12
Not sure if this counts. But I want another baby to get a redo of the newborn days. We tried for years to get pregnant with fertility treatments and recurrent loss and I had a traumatic postpartum experience which drastically impacted our bond. Had to rush back to the hospital and was separated from her. Medical issue causing me to go back to the hospital prevented me from breastfeeding and I had no intention of formula feeding prior to this. And when we got back from the hospital she had wicked colic for 3 months and had multiple things wrong with her that took us 3 months to figure out and now she’s a high needs baby. She’s about 9 months and I just now feel like I’m coming out of my ppd fog and just now feel like I actually love my baby. I feel like I got robbed of delighting in the newborn stage, of delighting in my baby at all and I want a do over. I feel guilty as hell for even thinking this because I’m not even a good mom to the baby I have.
F**k now I’m crying 😭
According to a 2017 report from the C.S. Mott Children's Hospital National Poll on Children's Health at the University of Michigan, more than two-thirds of mothers with children aged 0-5 (60%) have experienced criticism regarding their parenting choices. The critique encompasses a wide range of topics, spanning from discipline methods to breastfeeding practices. You choose formula over breastmilk? Gasp!
#13
I have a son and I’m having him take dance class next year for many reasons. One is that the other option is gymnastics and I’m worried he’ll be really good at it, and that’s the sport I’m scared of most when it comes to injuries. I know the horror stories so for my own anxiety, please don’t add your horror stories here without a trigger warning. Pretty please.
My mil clearly doesn’t want him doing dance because she’s worried he’ll get bullied. He’s 4. Of kids are bullying him, show me their parents because they’re the reason for it. Kids this age love to dance by nature- I teach preschool- they all dance right now. It isn’t until they’re told that dancing is for girls that they stop, and it’s heartbreaking that this happens.
I tell my mil he’s dancing because of all the benefits: counting, rhythm, beat, memorization, crossing the midline, listening to directions, working as a team and as an individual… the list goes on. And while she can try and convince me of gymnastics, gymnastics doesn’t always have those things especially at the younger ages.
And if he doesn’t enjoy it, it will be his only year.
Jane No Dough 1 year ago
I think dance is a great idea, terrific exercise and an outlet to express joy. I suggest you emphasize film or videos of the many incredible male dancers and young performers to your MIL.
#14
• My daughter started sipping off my coffee at 13 months. She’s 6 now. If she asks for an ice coffee when I make my own I make her one too.
• We co slept from birth until she was 5. Her first 3 months were in a recliner. If I set her down she screamed for hours on end. I felt like I was losing my sanity from the exhaustion. That chair saved my life.
• We play a ton of video games together. We both have a Switch and LOVE it. I taught her Animal Crossing and she’s teaching me Minecraft. Sometimes we play for a few hours without breaks. Oops (but we also got a giant backyard water slide so she does get plenty of outdoor exercise I promise)
• I’ve never made her wear pants at home unless we had guests. To this day her go to outfit is a shirt and underwear. She even sleeps that way.
• Sometimes we just have Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast.
Broadbent, who is no stranger to silently being judged by other mothers, believes this is partly because experienced parents like to think they know things better than those who are having their first puke-stained, sleep-deprived rodeo. "Most advice is well-meaning of course but a lot can feel undermining and makes first-time parents in particular second-guess themselves when it's imperative to trust your gut," she said. "Also, do what we need to survive and thrive as a parent juggling an overwhelming mental and physical load."
#15
I regret having my oldest child. He has ruined my life and I’m stuck in a hellscape I never wanted for myself. My literal only hope some days is that he leaves at 18.
#16
Oreos or a brownie for breakfast about 3-4 days a week. It’s not worth the meltdown and food refusal. We make up for it with our other meals and she usually doesn’t ask for any other sweets the rest of the day. Besides, I’d rather her have sugar earlier in the day than at night, after dinner, before bed.
Of course, this also falls down on there not being a perfect formula for raising kids which gives a lot of room for comparison and judgment. A lot of silent tsk tsk's when one sees other moms snapping at their little ones at the playground. Broadbent suggests not minding what others think and trusting your gut. "Find your voice. Politely but firmly shut down those trying to manipulate or pressurize your parenting style," she said.
#17
I'm tired of being nice to my kid all the time. She is like, the nicest lil 6 year old ever. Nice to toddlers. Popular with all ages. Sticks up for others. Would literally give me her last bite of ice cream if I asked.
But, oh, man, I want to scream I DONT F****N CARE!!! the next time she says "Mom, look at me..." do whatever inane thing she's already done 10000x. I want to scream SHUT UP FOR ONE DAMN MINUTE every time she runs out of her limitless words and begins just making stupid noises to entertain herself. I want to say OMG I DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU the next time she hits me with a weaponized "you're weeelllcooom" when she does the barest minimum of anything and I'm supposed to fall over myself with gratitude. I want to ignore her every time she narrates her every friggin action to me, oh hey, she's telling me a riddle right now that makes no sense, oh god it's still going and I'm smiling and pretending to get it. *Ha ha, that's a good one.*
Seriously. The best kid ever. Teacher's favorite. Emotional intelligence far beyond her years. I'm a monster. I would never actually say any of this.
But my poor brain, just let it hear itself think. Just let me be still. Let me stop having to react all the time.
#18
I use medical cannabis, I have a severe spinal injury that left me with neuropathy in my left leg, I don’t work either I’m a stay at home mom to my 5 and 2 year old. I get judged by my family a lot, even though I use a vape pen or edibles or cannabis oil, I don’t use it around the kids, and at this point with my pain it doesn’t give me a “ high” like everyone assumes, and of course I’ve had to explain again and again that I used to use narcotics and muscle relaxers but they would literally wipe out any energy I had so it wasn’t exactly a solution with kids thrown into everything. I’m very lonely because of it, the injury and my pain management method keep me from getting close to anyone really, and a lot of the cannabis friendly moms I have hung out with make it seem like that’s the only reason they want to hang out in the first place when I really really try to not make it a huge part of my personality or anything like that. I try really hard in the other areas of parenting to compensate for my lack of physical ability, like I can’t run around the back yard with my kids, or even take long walks around the neighborhood or the mall, it just sucks sometimes and I don’t really have anyone other than my husband to vent to.
BluEyedSeoulite 1 year ago
I wish I could hang out with this OP. I don't use cannabis but have zero issues with it. Compared to muscle relaxers, cannabis is safer with young kids
Finally, if you feel like it's high school all over again, with all-telling glances, smirks and judgmental tones, it might be the case that you're simply in the wrong crowd. It's time to look for a healthy and positive environment. "[Find] other parents who understand you and whose company you enjoy," says Broadbent. "Every day is a school day so be open, but most of all, hang out with those who make you feel happy and who you can be yourself with. Also, learn from your kids because they're the greatest teachers of all."
#19
my 2.5yo had two slices of cheese and an ice cream sandwich for dinner
#20
I let my kids eat as much bacon and eggs as they want. It’s a lot.
AndThenICommented 1 year ago
I wish my kid would eat straight eggs. I have to hide them in veggie slices and even on pizza.
#21
I don’t usually bother to put anything more than a diaper on my one year old while we’re at home unless it’s cold or she’s going to bed. She eats in her pjs and they get covered in oatmeal, so I take them off and she just stays like that, not worth the fight and distress of the manhandling that she hates just so I can do even more laundry.
Also it’s interesting how even given the choice to watch as much TV and screens as she wants because I don’t limit it she watches only pretty much an hour a day.
Alyssa Phillips 1 year ago
Agree completely with the clothes point. Mine stayed in those sack-like drawstring gown things as long as I could keep them.
#22
Screen time. Food. Too many toys. I’m a horrible mother. 🥺
#23
I rarely wash my kiddos hair. I brush it and she takes baths daily, but I can’t justify her screaming every night.
#24
Oooh I have another one.
My baby slept on my chest the entire first 4 months of his life. There was no other way. If he was in his crib, I would stare at him endlessly. Make sure he was breathing. I only ever slept when someone else was home and watching him while he was awake. Once he started rolling around 4 months, I had no choice but to have him sleep in his crib. I watched him sleep every night. At 6 months, I started bedsharing and I was able to sleep more.
Brendan (banned for downvotes) 1 year ago
For the first few months, our youngest slept in our arms. It was the only way he (and us) would sleep.
#25
My son slept in our bed until he was like 13. (Years). Sometimes when he visits (he’s 23 now and turned out fine!!) he will still get in my bed with me and read or watch videos. He also camps out in our bed (on my side) when I’m not there, so I think he just likes our bed.
#26
My toddlers have unlimited TV time. As in.. it’s always on. I needed that background noise and distraction when I was home alone with twins, and now it’s just become a part of our lives.
Alyssa Phillips 1 year ago
We are kind of in the same situation, we constantly have a "background" noise going. Sometimes it's just Moving Art on Netflix (great to fall asleep to as well, can't recommend enough). Just because it's on, doesn't mean we are actively watching 24/7.
#27
I put my three year old on one of those little dragon roller coaster things at a carnival today and she haaaaated it and I feel so bad! Like she’s scarred forever 😭 Like I messed her up 😞
I have a three week old and the 5 and 3 year old have gotten yelled too much, I’m so tired between healing and nursing and night feeds.
Meanwhile watch all the freaking tv you want. And here sweet girl, have some of my ice cream/soda when you sneak out of bed, shhhhh, don’t tell dad or your brother.
Josh 1 year ago
My dad made me go on a roller coaster when I was maybe 9, because he'd brought me to an amusement park by himself and he really, really wanted to go on just one roller coaster (as an adult, I get wanting to get your kids out of their comfort zones and to enjoy something you enjoy). However, I was terrified and kept my head down and against the lap bar - and managed to give myself a big bruise on my forehead by the end of the coaster. He felt so bad.
#28
My 3 year old gets way more than an hour of screen time some days - especially if her baby sister is having a high maintenance day.
#29
I only breast fed for three months and the whole time we were supplementing formula because I was going through what basically amounts to a psychotic break over the course of ten months.... Thanks PPD. I told the WIC office that I got sick and that cut off my supply. That was the only way they wouldn't judge me.
Also, some nights my husband works my son and I stay up past his bed time and watch TV/eat ice cream together. He's four, I know it's not ideal but I work full time and the guilt eats me alive either way... might as well enjoy some empty calories with my kiddo!
#30
I don’t limit screen time and don’t want to, I feel no guilt over it at all. I don’t care what my kids eat as long as they are fed. I don’t care if they eat sweets, and my daughter will binge on them, and the result is she gets a stomach ache because that’s what happens when you binge on sweets. If we’re not leaving the house we wear pajamas, my daughter will wear the same night gown multiple days depending on her current favorite. I brush her hair after she showers and for school, otherwise I don’t bother because she has sensory issues and doesn’t need to look pretty at home. Swimming counts as bathing in the summer as long as they get a good bath like once a week (or if we have somewhere to be). I give my daughter (8) coffee, because she’s adhd same as me and her meds have lately caused a huge increase in anxiety so we stopped. She has a go to Starbucks order (iced vanilla latte) and we go about once a week.
I’m a stickler about actual safety issues but not things that are morally neutral and just culturally “shameful.”
What do you think ?
sturmwesen 1 year ago
Dirty after playing? It just means they had fun. PJ days? Sure. But coffee for babies? What the heck are these mothers thinking?
The Thing 1 year ago
I was born in the nineties. My parents had never heard of autism. I had a lot of eating issues and I acted way different than other kids. My mom didn't know what was wrong but still loved me. My dad was abusive and I didn't want to bother my mom with the mental issues I was having. I didn't figure out I was autistic until I was in my mid twenties. I feel bad for not being a normal child and making life hard for my abused mom.
James S 1 year ago
I've brought up two daughters, and sometimes TV and pizza is all I could manage for them. That is OK. Just don't make it routine and make sure they wash, brush their teeth, have clean clothes, learn good manners and go to school. The "shiny happy family" stuff I did when I could.
sturmwesen 1 year ago
Dirty after playing? It just means they had fun. PJ days? Sure. But coffee for babies? What the heck are these mothers thinking?
The Thing 1 year ago
I was born in the nineties. My parents had never heard of autism. I had a lot of eating issues and I acted way different than other kids. My mom didn't know what was wrong but still loved me. My dad was abusive and I didn't want to bother my mom with the mental issues I was having. I didn't figure out I was autistic until I was in my mid twenties. I feel bad for not being a normal child and making life hard for my abused mom.
James S 1 year ago
I've brought up two daughters, and sometimes TV and pizza is all I could manage for them. That is OK. Just don't make it routine and make sure they wash, brush their teeth, have clean clothes, learn good manners and go to school. The "shiny happy family" stuff I did when I could.
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