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Experience is likely the best teacher when it comes to raising children. A 2021 study found that nearly a third of new parents admit they feel unprepared for their new duties. And changing the baby is far from their only worry. In addition to the basic day-to-day challenges, half of the first-time parents (51%) feel the pressure of social shaming, mainly coming from social media.
There is also the constant flow of must-have baby products, parenting trends, and other sources for ideas of what your baby might need. When parents don’t have personal experience, they might rely on the word of others, whether it’s a book, a friend, or a very persuasive ad. Raising their second, third, or other children might help them distinguish the essentials easier.
Here at Bored Panda, we have gathered some firsthand accounts from parents comparing their life with the firstborn vs. life with the following children. These examples show that, in most cases, experience is key in finding the subjectively best way to raise them.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
First kid drops their pacifier, they got a totally new one and the dropped one gets sterilized.
Second kid drops their pacifier, it gets rinsed off and handed back.
Third kid drops their pacifier, I pick it up stick it in my own mouth to clean it off, hand it back.
Fourth kid drops their pacifier, picks it back up and puts it in their own mouth. Also finds some old french fries while they're down there. Good, I don't have to make a snack.
Lauren Lewis 2 years ago
Not necessarily. My middle child has the most allergies and my oldest has the least. 🤷♂️
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Robin DJW 2 years ago
All babies crawl around and pick up everything they find. It usually goes into their mouths - "Maybe this is food? I'll try it. Nope. Not food." My kids enjoyed a house of normal household grunge. They are adults now, and have very few (if any) environmental allergies.
Heta Luna 2 years ago
Sucking on anything they can find laying around is pretty healthy for the development of the immune system. As babies raised in lockdown start being exposed to illness, the number of Overfilled doctor's offices are skyrocketing to numbers we've never seen, and it's all just babies who probably have a weak immune system because they've never had a cold before.
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Lady Miss Pie 2 years ago
This is stolen from Vicki Iovine’s “The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy”….except hers is better, since she ends with “fourth kid, I take the pacifier out of the dog’s mouth and hand it back to the baby”
Emma Kilcup 2 years ago
...Are you OK, parent? You should've stuck with the same routine as #2.(Not to judge, but the parent doesn't seem very concerned with sanitation or health in 3-4.)
RELATED:
#2
I realized that a lot of what makes babies expensive is not actually necessary. I had the whole shebang of everything everyone said I needed, I followed the list given by my doctor at my initial appointment, I made the registry, I had the nursery.
I used maybe 15% of the stuff. The necessary items *you* need will vary depending on the baby and season. Babies need a whole lot less to survive than people are told they need. Just like crazy commercialized holidays like Valentines Day, infants are monetized by baby "necessities" companies.
I also learned that there is no such thing as a spoiled infant. They are not tricking you. I was incessantly told that my child was "using" me and "tricking" me by older women in my family as well as medical professionals. Babies don't learn manipulation for personal gain until about 9mos old, and even then the manipulation end game is usually for an extra snack or being held.
Mason Kronol 2 years ago
I gave a friend champagne and expensive conditioner at her kids first birthday. I don't have any kids but from my other friends they complained about the tons of baby clothes they got that were not the right size or had to be washed first. Babies don't know what gifts are yet. Buy useful things.
Joelle Jansen 2 years ago
I think for baby items, you also pay for convenience. You pay for the convenience of a stroller that walks smoothly and that easily collapses to fit in your trunk. You pay for the convenience of not having to do laundry as often. You pay for the convenience of baby food that's instantly ready to go. Etc. etc. So babies can be much cheaper, but that tends to require quite a bit more effort and time on your part.
Miss Frankfurter 2 years ago
What’s needed? Onesies. Lots of them. In different sizes as they grow. But sizes especially for the early months. It doesn’t get the oooohs and aaaaahs at the baby shower, but you’ll hear incredible gratitude from mom and dad after the baby is born.
Elaine Morinelli 2 years ago
I'm a Boomer and my mom told me it wasn't that long ago when people put babies in dresser drawers with a clean blanket. So yes I agree they don't need much.
Nitka Tsar 2 years ago
This! A Baby does not need a fully furnished „nursery“. It just needs a bed, preferably on Mommys side in the bedroom and that‘s it, if we talk about furniture. The changing table is for the parents, which I highly recommend, but anything else is just for esthetics. What I did like later on, was my LennyLamb wrap and BabyBjörn. Cool items to have (not necessary by these brands but I don‘t know the correct words in english and wanted to be sure you understand what I mean).
censorshipsucks 2 years ago (edited)
you need: diapers, teated bottles and formula so your partner can feed the kid when its' their night shift, and five or so onesies to swap around while the others are being washed. That's it. The rest is nonsense. Oh yeah maybe omeprazole powder if the kid has reflux.
Panda Kicki 2 years ago
Omeprazole is not to be used unless prescribed by a doctor. Also, growing evidence hints that it doesnt work good enough. https://bpac.org.nz/Report/2013/December/omeprazole.aspx
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liz MacClain 2 years ago
Diaper Genie is just a REALLY LONG baby diaper turd. I never used mine especially since the garbage went out every night anyway
Lene 2 years ago
Yeah. We are told that each child will cost you at least 1 million Danish Kroner from they are born until they are 18 years old (I think). But I can assure you that my kids will end up costing a lot less. We have a ton of hand-me-downs from cousins and friends. We go to flea markets all Summer. Lol. And we have always been very observant as to what parents we knew told us was important or not of things to have. Also, we had a nurse telling us about items that we absolutely should never ever buy (like that round pillow with a hole in the middle. Is advertized as great for baby's neck when in reality it's horrible for baby's neck and spine). Our kids get so much toys for birthdays and Christmas so we spend almost nothing on toys outside those days. Oh, and until the kids are 1.5-2 years old they can happily entertain themselves with a colorful book and a plastic spoon for hours. And the first 6 months babies are fully entertained by looking at (parents') faces. Totally free! Lol
#3
Other people’s opinions about my parenting.
With my first, I was so worried about being judged for my choices, and I definitely was. I was either ridiculed for my goal of birth without an epidural (which I pulled off), pressured to breastfeed (but not where anyone could see me!), shamed for not getting my son circumcised, mocked for trying cloth diapers and deciding they weren’t for me. A lot of this came from my family, my grandmother in particular.
With my second, I felt more confident. I knew my choices were my own. I’d learned the nasty truth, that as a woman and a mother I am always damned if I do and damned if I don’t. There will always be someone with an opinion.
Nicole Weymann 2 years ago
Opinions are like butth0les: everyone has them...and generally speaking people around you are happy not getting them shoved in their face.
Catherine Spencer-Mills 2 years ago
For my grandson's baby shower, i gave his parents a subscription to a diaper service. When mine were babies, disposable diapers did not exist. So I knew how much work it was to keep them laundered. My DIL thought it was strange, but later she told me it was the best gift.
Jada Levijoki-White 2 years ago
And I won't do things exactly the way my mother-in-law did with her son.
lykanzwolf 2 years ago
Not getting circumcised is a great choice. Babies shouldnt have their bodies be mutilated before theyre even old enough to to form memories. If he so chooses to be circumcised later in life that should be his choice and his choice alone.
BoredPandaSucks 2 years ago (edited)
as they say, and parenting is not immune, opinions are like a$$holes. everyone has them, most of them stink, and don't want to hear it unless i ask for it.
#4
Shoes, matching outfits, crafting a feeding schedule, creating a napping schedule, quiet when the baby is napping, not going out during nap windows, definitely the cast food one.
Honestly just parenting in general...
I'm on baby 4 and I have nursed while baby wearing, worn 2 babies simultaneously, gone camping with a 2 month old for 2 weeks, nursed IN the ocean, given whole fruit to a young toddler to eat, let a 1 year old wander around by themself in a playground for 3 hours(I was watching the whole time),
My third and fourth are the happiest, most paid back, most confident kids I've ever met. I wish I had known better right off the bat because I think my helicoptering really held my older two back developmentally.
Jane Thorne-Gutierrez 2 years ago
We all learn eventually, and your first will most certainly find their way because their parents care.
WhydoIneedaname 2 years ago
That is honestly one of my biggest concerns with the shift towards safety in schools currently. Obviously, it's better for kids to be safe, but a lot of schools in my area won't even let kids climb onto a mound of *snow* because they could fall or something and the school would get sued. Then parents see this and treat kids the same at home, and kids just grow up surrounded by "You can't do that because you might get a scraped knee", while simultaneously being told "You can do anything you want"! It just sends confusing messages and I think it exacerbates anxiety. Parents shouldn't have to helicopter in order to be considered good parents.
#5
Over focusing on intelligence and being smart. My son is very smart. But I didn’t focus enough on other things like kindness, empathy, etc. I caught it early enough to change course but he’s still a bit of an arrogant smart kid.
Lauren S 2 years ago
When my son was in kinder, that was a main focus of all parent teacher conferences. Caring for others, being kind, expressing emotions in a healthy way, dealing with not getting your way, etc. And these were not problem areas for my kid (he is so sweet and the most empathetic child you’ll ever meet). Yes, we also touched on all the academic areas, but that was always second. And his school has a “Principal Award” for good grades but also has a “Citizen Award” for his behavior, how he treats others, etc. The school cares about education but also cares about producing healthy adults.
Nitka Tsar 2 years ago
Fun fact: „kinder“ is the German word for children. You said „when my son was in children“.
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Christine Evans 2 years ago
As a teacher, I did a reading and comprehension test with a gifted and sweet seven year old. My beginning spiel for the test is to explain that they are not to worry if they don't finish it as it goes up to high school and they are not in high school yet. She told me that she could read anything. The look of puzzlement on her face when she got to a level she couldn't read and started to get worried. Once I found her level I quickly reassured her that she was very clever (She was gifted) but we also discussed the fact that there is always more to learn. She had been told how clever she was so many times that she really thought she knew more than everybody. She'd never before faced something she couldn't do and it threw her whole world image out. It demonstrated two things to me. The importance of challenging gifted students and made me think about how those students react who never fully get that sense of confidence by always having to do work that is beyond the stage they are at.
Auntriarch 2 years ago
You have to learn this young, otherwise it's just an add-on, a nice to have
#6
Caring about milestones. I was so hyper focused on when my first would learn to smile, sit, crawl, walk, be potty trained etc. looking back I have no idea why. Looking at a group of 5 year olds, no one gives a s**t who the first one was to walk.
Monday 2 years ago
It is worth paying attention to milestones though, if your kid misses one you need to figure out why. It doesn't matter if they learn the thing at the start or end of the milestone age range though.
Angie Heno 2 years ago
Exactly! I didn't keep the best track of it for my son. He ended up having some hearing and behavior issues that popped up between the ages 2-4. The doctors asked about these milestones and we had to guess some of them since we didn't keep track.
Load More Replies... Robin DJW 2 years ago
My daughter finally walked independently at 18 months. The funny thing was, she could walk at 12 months, but chose not to. Milestones are flexible. give them six months extra. then you can worry. I had a colleague whose son did not talk until he was almost 5. His first words were "What the h**l was that?" He could talk. He just chose not to.
Savannah Newman 2 years ago
My son has a speech delay. From 1 to 3 people would tell me that children will just start talking. Then it did not happen so we got him services. He is still speech delayed but making great progress. Not every kid just starts talking all of a sudden. So I wish I would not have listened to those around me and trusted my gut that he needed extra support earlier.
Lauren S 2 years ago
Mine too! He’s 6 now, does speech at school. He’s made tons of progress. I feel bad about it too like I should have done this more or this less. It’s hard when you’re bombarded with opinions and advice to navigate that. We did the best we could, Savannah, and he’s getting the support he needs now. It sounds like you’re a great mom!
Load More Replies... Auntriarch 2 years ago (edited)
I do sometimes brag about how early I was out of nappies...🤣 Since I'll probably be back in them in a couple of years...
Tejasvi Challa 2 years ago
This is actually not true. When your kid developed normally looking back you will feel silky for being so hyper focused but ask moms that had children with developmental delays and they will tell you why being hyper focused on milestones is extremely important.
Dee 2 years ago
Paying some attention to milestones sure, being hyper focussed on them sounds exhausting… and possibly missing out on enjoying where they are at.
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Lauren S 2 years ago
I don’t think name calling is helpful, VonBlade. I think you’re trying to say that monitoring major milestones can be important in order to identify delays and areas that need support. For parents who haven’t had children with developmental delays, it probably seems unnecessary when they look back. But for those of us who have had a child struggling in one or many areas, we understand the importance of early intervention. Most pediatricians track the milestones and test for them during wellness visits too.
Load More Replies... #7
A lot of things tbh.
I was much more relaxed with the second mainly because I had way more experience. But starting solids was probably the one I will say. We did baby-led weaning with the second.
The first one was on this super strict schedule of purées and the second was just whelp here is some really soft food. I was too tired fighting with the first kid over what he’d eat to deal with the same rigorous feeding schedule.
First one was super picky the second ate whatever you put in front of him.
Mason Kronol 2 years ago
My friend fed her first child anything she could chew- healthy foods. That kid is a healthy eater and eats a wide rarity of food.
JoJo Anisko 2 years ago
According to my mother, I was well over a year old before she stopped sterilizing my bottles. Probably wouldn't have ended then but the doctor pointed out "you don't sterilize her bowl or spoon, do you?"
Richard Willis 2 years ago
My late sister, mother of six single babies in seven years with a 'whoops' seven years later, used to chew food and feed it to her weaning babies. It passes on all sorts of antibodies and starts the process of breaking down carbs. Bitches will actually vomit up food and feed it to their puppies, same reason.
Lene 2 years ago
We accidently did baby led weaning with our 2nd kid. She had intense belly aches from the porridges we gave her. So we started with soft bread and soft fruits and so on. We didn't mean to do it (at the time blw was super super hyped and the mom's who followed it in my country seemed almost militaristic about trying to convince everybody that blw was the only correct thing) but our kid needed it so... we did it. Without actually researching it. We just knew that we should try and keep it soft and avoid certain foods until a specific age. It worked out fine!
Linda Phipps 2 years ago
I remember when I was dealing with a baby and his brother was maybe 19 months old (!) - it was lunch time and I gave him a chicken drumstick to deal with.
#8
Omg, almost everything.
From bedtimes to mealtimes.
I was stricter about my oldest finishing his dinner, my had a bit more flexibility but I wanted a good effort, and my youngest just tells me she’s done and wants to leave the table and I’m just like “ya, go ahead”
My oldest had set bedtimes, my middle has bedtimes but they’re flexible in that I’ll allow her 15 mins after bedtime to read a book, and my youngest goes to bed when she says she’s tired (she’s also only a toddler and usually says she’s tired at a reasonable time).
My aunt and uncle, who practically raised me told me “kids need your love and support, that’s all. You can make whatever decisions you want but they’ll always be who they’re meant to be. That’s why every parent can parent different and raise perfectly healthy kids so long as they have love and support”
Pinkjoelle 2 years ago
its easier to have set bedtimes and naptimes when you have one kid, it gets harder with mutiples with different ages and needs.
Jane Thorne-Gutierrez 2 years ago
And they are right. Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff.
Load More Replies... censorshipsucks 2 years ago
yep i agree, just chill. Be kind to your kids and don't talk down to them. No need to discipline kids that are treated with respect and shown why boundaries and good behaviour are necessary. E.g. "you know your sibling doesnt like it when you do that, please stop otherwise I have to separate you" instead of "do you want a smack"
#9
Screen time allowance changed a lot—somewhere between baby #1 and baby #3 I stopped feeling guilty for letting my kids watch TV or play video games. Unrelated, but also swears. I’m more laid back (read: exhausted) on actively developing their vocabulary. An example: Child #1 at age 5–“mom this salmon is delectable” Child #2 at age 5–“mom this is tasty soup” Child #3 at age 5–“mom this damn toast is pretty damn good” To be honest, the youngest is no less precocious, she’s just more uninhibited
Savannah Newman 2 years ago
Video games has actually helped me to teach my son words and emotional regulation. For a child who has delays playing video games is a task we engage in together and he will pay attention to for blocks of time.
A P 2 years ago (edited)
My son has learned tons of vocabulary, spelling and even math from his tablet. Large chunks of that are spent on videos, not just learning apps. He's only three, but he can sing This Is Halloween from start to finish from memory lol. (and he still loves reading books and being read to)
Miss Frankfurter 2 years ago (edited)
My nephew’s mom before he was born: I’m never going to start sitting him in front of the TV in his little baby seat just because I need the time. 🤣 so his aunty thought. Bought him his first movie when he was about 4 months old. I bought him the cartoon version of “101 Dalmatian’s”. I came to visit and guess who’s down on the floor in his baby seat watching 101 Dalmatian’s on TV because my friend has things she needs to do and this keeps him happily occupied looking at the great big black dots moving around on the screen? The best laid plans. You’re welcome🤣 P.S. He’s going to become a dad in July. You guessed it. Onesies and 101 Dalmatians comin’ up!
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
Yeah I'm the blame for my nephew too. One time the poor little guy was just inconsolable while I watched him and it was a nightmarish battle trying to change his diaper. As soon as I saw a little spark in his eyes amidst the crying when my phone jingled I just put the TV on. The cartoon had singing and he slowly started calming down and after about 10 minutes he was calm and mesmerized and I was able to change his diaper too. After that, tv was put one when he got bad like that (he had acid reflux issues so often cried hysterically) or was being a nightmare about diaper change; he absolutely hated wearing diapers and clothes
Load More Replies... RedPanda 2 years ago
My parents are like this! I used to only get an hour of screen time but now they’ve relaxed. Then and now, everything I do is supervised by the nanny program or whatever that they use tho… I still have no access to certain websites like social media or Netflix and I have 30 min of YouTube time and a wifi shut off.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
oof though yeah screen time is bad, my youngest is not nearly as literate due to getting dopamine rushes from s**t on youtube. I'd say do not use screens if you can.
Adam Heath 2 years ago
100 percent disagree.. nothing wrong with letting a little one watch sone videos
Load More Replies... #10
My attitude about breastfeeding. I bought into the propaganda that breastmilk is liquid gold, so why would anyone ever do formula? Breastfeeding with my first went awful. Before my milk came in, she was fussing and cluster feeding and therefore the first few days of her life were absolutely miserable. Painful for a long time. I didn’t produce enough. (Looking back, this was my fault because of some behaviors.) I finally had to start supplementing with formula when she was 6 months old, and honestly it was so freeing! She was happier and so was I. Baby #2, I had a lot of strategies to improve the experience and my supply, and they worked. But I also decided from the beginning that I was going to feed my baby whenever she was acting hungry, and if at the time I was too stressed out or in pain or empty or anything, I’d give her formula. Ended up using formula for the first four-ish days of her life, which were much more relaxed and peaceful. Haven’t needed any since, but I have it and will use it if and when it is the right thing for us! Also my attitude about breastfeeding in public. I was never judgmental about that at all, it is a normal and acceptable thing to do IMO. But with my first I was very conscientious about always wearing a blanket to cover up. With my second, I wear a cover at church and work but nowhere else! Restaurants, store, etc. I am just feeding my kid. A family member told me that “people, especially older men, did not sign up to see that when they are just doing their shopping.” Well, I didn’t sign up to be sweaty and deal with messing with a blanket every time my kid is hungry, plus I don’t exist to accommodate male fragility. Otherwise, I was a pretty intentional parent with my first, did a lot of thinking about what is and isn’t important. Including things that I was going to be intentionally relaxed about. I have continued most things with my second.
Adam Heath 2 years ago
I wanted to say don't have any issue about feeding in public but..I'm a guy so not my call..
Savannah Newman 2 years ago
It is people's inability to see breasts as anything but sexual. Breasts are for feeding babies, not sex. Male fragility..doesn't that explain it well
vintage_one 2 years ago
I had the same experience. I tried to breastfeed my first and I just wasn't successful; I would leak but never had enough to feed her so I switched to formula and she was a happy camper. My second, I never even tried to breastfeed and she was the BEST baby. She was never fussy, so easy-going and, oddly enough, the healthiest kid (she did not get sick until she started kindergarten). On my 3rd I tried to breastfeed again and, once again, it was a disaster. I admire the moms out there who are able to breastfeed successfully (my daughter nursed both her girls without issue).
GadgetGirl 2 years ago (edited)
I usually wore tshirts which are easily lifted up to feed the baby. Not long after she was born, we were at another couples house that had a baby a few months older. The guy said, "I don't mean to tell you how to parent, but you're going to smother the baby, holding her like that". I was nursing the baby with no cover, just my shirt lifted up. He was sitting not 10 feet across from me and couldn't tell. Men who complain about seeing boobs when a woman nurses are looking to see boobs when a women nurses.
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
I am a 39 year old female. Breastfeeding wierds me out so when someone does it in public (wait for it) I look away 🤯 See how easy that is? Just don't freaking look and dont say a dàmn thing. It's the most natural thing in the world and no mom should ever be told any negative comment, made to feel uncomfortable, or shamed for it. It's my freaking issue not theirs and they should never have to deal with anyones cràp.
SL SL 2 years ago
What do you mean by that? Everyone has to see everyone else's "bodily functions" all the time (unless blind, of course). I've also never put a full naked breast on the table, but totally covering up while breast feeding is often difficult, especially when the kid is fuzzy (and I assume you do not demand of babies to be fed on a restaurant toilet). The baby generally covers most of the breast most of the time and if you still see too much for your taste, you should question your own tendency to stare at women's "boobies"
Load More Replies... #11
Not every picture needs to be a curated, edited, Instagrammable post. Some of the best pictures I’ve taken weren’t posed, they were candid or completely off the cuff cute moments and a lot I’ve never posted anywhere because they don’t need to be seen and ‘liked’ to be enjoyed.
I used to worry about getting the monthly posed milestone photo and it looking just right. With my second I haven’t done any milestone photos, I just make sure to capture cute moments I’d like to remember like her being worn by dad while he’s cooking, or her laughing while her brother is making faces at her, or her looking up smiling while I’m holding her.
Adam Heath 2 years ago
Everyone can do them ..but f**k you if you are taking pictures of your kid for f*****g anything other than memory
#12
Everything, basically. I feel so sad that my first born did not have my best to give. My best isn't even that great, but now i have 3 with my youngest turning 2 next month, and I wish I could go back and change so much for my firstborn and myself. I was so stressed and depressed.
Catherine Spencer-Mills 2 years ago
I never had that clean of a kitchen floor while they were eating. If you can manage it, fine.
Adam Heath 2 years ago
Post partum depression is my biggest worry as a dad...I watch for it in my wife, but who watches for me
#13
Almost everything, but one that really sticks out in my mind is potty training. I was SO WORRIED about my oldest being in diapers “too long.” With my second, it was like “meh, it’s not like he’s going to go away to college in diapers. We’ll get there when we get there.” If anyone had an issue with him being in diapers (looking at you MIL), that was on them. They weren’t the one fighting with a toddler that was TERRIFIED to poop on the toilet. Like most things, kids just randomly outgrow their strange fears. One day, he wanted nothing to do with it. The next, “I’m going poop on the potty!”
Sweet Taurus 2 years ago
I was in the middle of potty training my oldest when the self flushing toilets came out. It flushed while she was on the potty and fully traumatized her for a good year or 2.
Nikki Angulo 2 years ago
They have those in the kindergarten bathroom at a school I taught at. They covered the sensor with paper so they wouldn’t flush randomly, and taught the kids how to push the button (or whatever) to flush them.
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Lauren S 2 years ago
Potty training was so hard for us!!! And what I didn’t realize was that my son HAD to be fully potty trained in order to start preschool. he was over 3 and half before he was potty trained. We were so thrilled to put him in preschool finally! He went for 2 weeks then it was March of 2020… anyways, if you’d like different ideas on potty training I read a million things and tried everything!
Linda Phipps 2 years ago
My middle basically potty trained himself. He hated a wet or messy diaper.
Jennifer Biness 2 years ago
My oldest was also terrified of pooping on the toilet, at least we're not alone. Finally happened "by accident," and he was good to go after that
Dogcat vet (retired) 2 years ago
My first nephew did not want to number two in the toilet. So I bought a bag of the little chocolate bars and bribed him. Nothing like having your nephew drag you into the bathroom to see his production. But it worked. On a side note: if you train your cat to use the toilet then some of them will sit there and watch the toilet bowl flush as they repeatedly hit the handle. So might not be a great idea to train them to go in there.
#14
No screens for the first one till 2.5 years old, second was looking at my phone/TV much earlier.
Both kids love reading books, so I’m glad I waited to introduce TV, screens to my first one as the second one follows the lead and likes to read books in his spare time as well.
A P 2 years ago
Yep, and kids born right now will be interacting with screens 1000x more than any of us parents needed to throughout most of our lives. They may as well practice as much as they can, as long as they're still getting exercise and learning new things.
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#15
First one...documented, baby book, nearly complete despite colic. Milestones tracked. Thousands of pictures. Portrait, professional photogs, pics sent to family.
Second kid...got a baby book. Maybe filled a little out. Lots of pics of the two of them. A few professional but usually through school, and some share with family.
Third kid... No baby book. School pics. Digitals sent to family ... Maybe.
WhydoIneedaname 2 years ago
Completely understandable for the parents, a tad painful for the younger kids- I was the second, so my brother got a baby book devoted to him and I can find about 3 pics of me, which also are of him. Even though I understand why, I hope that if/when I am a parent I will make an effort (not saying OP didn't!) to keep a more balanced record.
Miss Cellania 2 years ago
I was friends with a high school aged girl who was the tenth child in her family. This was before phone cameras, and there were no pictures of her at all in that house. Her dad had trouble remembering her name.
#16
I don’t think that I could ever be described as chill but I was less inclined towards obsessiveness and doing everything exactly right with my second.
I nursed both kids but had trouble with milk supply particularly for the first. I almost killed myself pumping every 45 minutes after nursing for months on end and I could never get the supply where it needed. For my second, I wanted to nurse but wasn’t willing to go to extreme lengths to make it happen, particularly because I also had a toddler to care for. So I nursed and supplemented with formula when needed and pumped when I could but not religiously. Still had milk supply issues but way less and the kid ending up nursing way longer than my first.
Everything was kind of like that. I am a huge believer in routine and naps for young children, but I was more flexible. With my second, he needed a morning and an afternoon nap, while the toddler needed a nap in between. If we stayed home for all those naps, we would have never left the house. So second child got his second nap at the zoo or library or in the grocery store strapped to my chest or in his stroller.
Both kids are amazing, kind, creative, good readers and healthy eaters so I doubt it matters too much as long as they are in a loving home.
#17
I have 3. The second two are twins. They’ve just turned a year, and I’m weaning in September. With my eldest, I’d still be breastfeeding him if my ob didn’t make me stop around wk20 of pregnancy with the twins.
I do not sit and entertain my kids like I did with my eldest. I would sit for hours and play with him. No tv, just some background music. Pandemic + infants = a lot more tv than I planned. They do lots of independent play. And cry a whole bunch more than my eldest ever did.
Things I’m still particular about: getting enough water/milk and sunscreen or keeping out of the sun.
#18
Sleep training.
With the first one we put up with hours of screaming night after night while attempting to sleep train (not continuous hours; I am not trying to imply I left the baby crying alone for hours). Then we tried the thing where you get them to go to sleep with you sitting by the crib, and then gradually move farther and farther away. Except it was just night after night of me sitting by the crib or patting his back while he screamed.
We would make a tiny bit of progress but then he would get sick, or we'd go to grandma's house for the night, and we'd lose it again. Eventually we were still struggling with it when he realized he could climb out of the crib. So that was the end of that, and I wound up sitting next to his big boy bed every night holding his hand while he fell asleep until finally I figured out I could bribe him with extra video game time to go to bed on his own.
With the second one it was like, well we can't have her keeping the older kid up to all hours, and also that was f*****g hard and pointless, soooo we walked her to sleep every night and put her in bed already asleep. Still a commitment but much less stressful for everyone involved.
9 animals and counting 2 years ago
Spent months sleep training my kid. Eventually gave up and she slept with me until
#19
The mom guilt. Which is something is a term i heard all the time but I didn’t really understand because I never felt outright guilty about anything. With my first I was so high strung (difficult birth, medical issues, feeding issues and he NEVER slept). He wasn’t latching? I just wasn’t trying hard enough. He didn’t go to sleep, even after 2 hours of nursing? I just hadn’t given him what he needed yet. If I just carry him around the room for an hour he’ll go to sleep. With my second I didn’t have time to spend three hours putting him to bed every night, or an hour to try to latch him at every feeding. If it didn’t work, then we moved on with the day. Guess which kid turned out to be a perfectionist like his mom!
#20
I don’t think it’s representative of their general upbringing, but two incidents with blood come to mind.
My firstborn was one when he got a little cut on his finger from a rough edge of our HVAC’s air vent. There were maybe three drops of blood. I was freaking out, and even called a relative who talked me down from taking the baby to urgent care. The whole ‘incident’ took place in a span of about 5 minutes. My heart rate had to have hit 200bpm.
Second kid, made of rubber, loved being outside as much as possible. She was about six when I heard her come in the front door, and I walked into our hall to find a trail of bloody footprints leading to the bathroom. She was cleaning up her knee that she had scraped and then ignored became she wanted to keep riding bikes. It wasn’t that bad once we cleaned it up, but the bending and activity had turned it into a gusher. I said, “Why didn’t you at least ask me for help cleaning it up when you noticed? That’s a lot of blood!” Well her jerk brother had assured her that she’d be tortured with peroxide (which was the wisdom of the time) and made to sit still for an hour. We skipped the peroxide. No panic, just appropriate monitoring at normal intervals. Poor thing did have to keep her knee still until it stopped soaking bandages though. I’m so mean.
Dee 2 years ago
By the time my husband was eleven his mother has become so accustomed to his injuries that she once yelled at him to get off the deck as he was bleeding on it. For a little more context he and a few friends had formed a stunt club so it was pretty common for him to come home bleeding or banged up, and the deck had been recently stained.
meow point1 2 years ago
My dad tells me that when I was one, I split my lip on something and he freaked out and rushed me to the ER.
#21
2 girls, 3 years apart. First kid lived in cute outfits, matching socks, bows, etc etc.
I'm pretty sure my 2nd baby lived in a diaper or the same onesie for days in a row.
Catherine Spencer-Mills 2 years ago
My mom tried to get me to wear cute outfits. And she sewed a lot of them since she didn't work at the time. It was a lost cause. I would come home from school with torn skirts and bloody knees. The time I came home without scabs, she took my temp!
#22
I was SOOOO uptight with my first kid, and I really chilled out for my second one. It's just way easier that way hah. I still try to stick to a schedule, feed healthy food, etc but I'm just a little more lax when needed and it's benefited everyone, I think. I also now understand that a baby crying is not the end of the world (it was when I had my first kid, but I also had horrible postpartum anxiety and struggled a lot in general). Either way, 2 is enough!!!
Elaine Morinelli 2 years ago
Even I, as a stranger, can tell what a baby's crying means. Mostly basic needs. Rarely death and destruction. I always volunteer to sit next to babies on planes.
#23
Mother of 3 adult children. I followed the pediatrician guidelines with food introduction to the day- yes I seriously kept a calendar to track baby food for my first child. My second child ate from the table with no real plan. My third child ate pizza from the takeout box way earlier than I care to admit. I once put Mountain Dew in his bottle when stuck in road construction.
The difference was massive in our household. It makes me laugh in a sorta cringe way. Looking back my middle child had the most consistent parenting.
#24
Myself. I was really stressed about how much my life was changing and whether I was making the right choices for my baby. With my second I able to roll with the changes more easily and didn't worry that diaper rash was actually bubonic plague or something.
#25
EVERYTHING. My kids are only 19 months apart in age but the experience I earned in that 19 months of having the first made me SO much more ready for the second. It's particularly ironic to me because prior to being a mother I worked in daycare and as a nanny so I *was* already comfortable around babies. When you have your first baby you're terrified the slightest thing could break your fragile creation. By the time you have your second you've learned babies bounce and there's next to nothing a boo-boo buddy (ice pack) and a band-aid won't fix so long as it has cute characters on it.
#26
I did so much more for my first one... he has been the slowest one to want to grow up. My middle one was probably the best balance.. My youngest one has had the 4 going on 16 attitude forever and wants to do everything himself without help. As the oldest child I always hated that my mom showed total leniency to my bratty youngest brother. I do however hold my youngest one accountable though, because I remember how unfair it was. My husband is the youngest one and always tries to give our youngest one a pass, and is harder on the older two, it drives me nuts.
ObsidianAce_ 2 years ago
Oh, I see the second one in my parents too… my dad was the youngest of 3 and always was lighter on my little brother, while my mom was the oldest of 3 and took no sh**.
#27
Depends I was very old fashion with both kids not having them out and about early. I did allow folks to come visit. Wash your hands, sanitizer and use this cloth. I tried breastfeed my 1st. Support system wasn't there. In the African American community (between 60s-early 2000s) here in the USA formula was pushed more so than breast milk. This doesn't include Caribbean or African born families.
Hospital were just starting to promote breast is best. Health insurance was struggling to meet electronic pump demand. I couldn't afford one. I was WSM and the father wasn't there. I tried for 2 weeks. It was a struggle and I couldn't keep up.
I did breastfeed with my 2nd. Situations and circumstances were different in my life with both kids. That played a part in what I did how I cared for them. Support system, employment, health insurance, relationship with father, living in a different state, etc.
#28
With my first I was very serious about following all of the guidelines for everything- eating, screen time, socializing, etc. Everything I did was because I felt like I “should” be doing it based on his developmental stage. It caused me a ton of stress trying to fit him and I into the box of these average guidelines. With my second, I relaxed and did was was best for him and our family. I’m sure I’m breaking all the best practice rules, but I know I’m a better mom for not obsessing about what everyone else is doing.
#29
Nearly everything. The first one was our little guinea pig. Neither my husband nor I had ever taken care of an infant before. Our first kid taught us it’s not as easy to harm an infant as you might think.
Auntriarch 2 years ago (edited)
Yes! Let's hear it for all the little guinea pigs! Just kidding (a bit). My mother was a bit dirt phobic with me, but my brother cured her of that 🤣. And I'm not remotely dirt phobic, so all's well that ends well
#30
I returned to work after one year for my first, way earlier for my second. This was also for practical reasons, not because I took care less of him of course. We used to buy more bio products for the first, the second just followed our food program earlier. But to be fair, I breastfed the second much longer, he was a huge fan of me!!! :)
#31
Everything. I was going to my parents house which is only about 2.5 hours away with my first baby. Baby was sound asleep and halfway I stopped and woke him up to make sure he wasn't hungry and just didn't know it because he was asleep. Learned real fast that you never wake a sleeping baby and they will definitely let you know when they are hungry
#32
First one I was super freaked about everything. Older mom, no babysitting experience with babies, and my little brother is practically my Irish twin since he's only 14 months younger than me. So when I struggled to breastfeed, it was the end of the world. I felt like a total failure and struggled until about 8 weeks, which by then I'd been back at work for two weeks with no real place to pump besides a bathroom, which regardless of me posting a sign on it to state I was pumping, people would pound on the door. Because yes, you must use that bathroom, not one of the other five in the building. Supply sank and I gave up. I mean at that point I had been doing everything possible to increase my supply and the odds were against me. And I felt like a total failure. Flash forward to kid two. At five and a half weeks she starts having issues with my milk. Too much lactase, not enough supply. I immediately declared the boob diner closed and went to Target for soy formula. Baby starts sleeping through the night immediately and is the happiest baby ever. Yes, I was super sad because breast feeding does make you bond, it makes momma feel all relaxed (in my case so much so that I would occasionally nod off, not a good thing either) but just being able to snuggle her and give her a bottle and have her be happy and satisfied was good enough. More than anything, I learned with kid two, it is not about mom. It's about baby. If baby is happy and thriving, you are doing great. Also it ended up being an added blessing, because my older kid and I caught RSV, so little one had to be cared for my family on and off for a few days while I was caring for her big sis and then staying with her in the hospital.
#33
I barely keep track of the second one’s milestones and she gets a lot more cookies. That being said, when the second one came along I relaxed a lot with both of them. I feel like I am doing a much better job overall now that I have a few years of full-time experience.
#34
Crying/throwing fits. I'd run to my first child at any sign of crying or upset. This one? If I know he's not tired, hungry, teething, hurt, or soiled, let him cry.
#35
Everything. Mine are only 11 months apart but my momming during the baby stage was so different. Logging poops and farts and burps. Coordinating super cute outfits. Buying baby shoes. Refusing help. Felt like I needed to entertain them every second like a court jester. The second I was just much more relaxed. I think it’s part of why he crawled and walked so early, I wasn’t there helicoptering as much so he worked through things.
#36
I stopped caring about food. With my first, I fought soooooo many battles over making her try bites of things. Couldn’t leave the table until she took a bite. I created so much stress and tension over meals. And somewhere along the line, I just gave up. I stopped fighting with her. And it took a couple of years, but she slowly got more adventurous. Now I feel like if I had never pushed at all, she would have figured it out much sooner. With my younger child, I just don’t care what she eats. You want chicken nuggets for every meal? Ok then. Our home isn’t a free for all with chips and cookies and candy, but if she wants to live off of yogurt and cherry tomatoes for a day....what’s the harm?
JoJo Anisko 2 years ago
My sister ate nothing but baby cereal (with apricots) for the first five years of her life. Finally, after her doctor pointed out she wouldn't starve herself, mom cut her off baby cereal on her fifth birthday. Although she was a picky eater for years, she's well into her sixties, so I guess doctor was right.
Lauren S 2 years ago
Ooof! So I have a word of caution with this one. My son is a really picky eater and always has been. We took pics and videos of first food and my son was disgusted by it. Hated it. He liked very few things and he’d rotate a couple weeks on this, a couple weeks on that. I was diligent about multivitamins because I was sure he wasn’t getting the nutritional balance he needed. Welp, what I didn’t know could happen is the foods he loved (yogurt and bananas for example) are constipating foods and this long term lead to a prolapsed r****m. So, we did a major food overhaul after this issue popped up. I literally sat and spoon fed my 3 year old to get him to try new foods, slowly building up how much he had to eat before he could have what he wanted. Then we got to giving him foods one at a time rather than a full plate. Here’s your peas, now your peaches, now you can have your chicken nuggets. So “what’s the harm?” Medical issues. Medical issues are the harm.
#37
Scrapbooking. Our first kid got every moment documented and journaled, with theme pages and little cut-out decorations. Our second kid's book only had like three pages completed for over a year and a half. Then we pulled a couple of all-nighters, coming up to her second birthday. We ended up just making up the dates of most of the things. I think it *still* doesn't have those plastic protector sleeves on half the pages.
#38
I worked with kids for years prior to birthing my own, so i was never the helicopter parent that some first time parents are. But with my first, I was very NO bottle or binky after age 1. My second still has both and is much older than 1. He's medically complicated and goes through A LOT and the binky, specifically, is his comfort item... he'll let me know when he's done with it. *shrug*
#39
With my first it was baby monitors diaper bag changing table all the fancy things I was told I "needed".... By the time my second came I was already a light sleeper and we live in an apartment with VERY thin walls so if I forgot my baby monitor in another room or forgot to charge it up no big, changed him on my couch, bed, floor, trunk of my car... Pretty much anywhere but my changing table which by this point was being used more as a shelf. And as for the diaper bag once you have had babies long enough you can easily tell how much and of what that you'll need and the only time I ever used it is if I was going to be gone on long trips away from home... Otherwise everything is shoved in a grocery bag or my purse if it'll fit.
#40
Schedules. I was obsessed with keeping my oldest on a feeding schedule (breastfeeding) and napping/sleep schedule. Staying on schedule just dominated my life and honestly ruined the little time I had with my baby outside of work. There were definitely positives. I attribute it to helping me breastfeed for two years and why my child still naps and goes to bed on schedule with little fighting about it, if any. But I still think I could have been a little more lax about it and not get so worked up when the schedule had to slide a little.
#41
Most injuries. Most of the time if they fall and hit their heads they are fine. Also, screen time. I’m learned to let a lot of things go during this pandemic while homeschooling 3 boys. I was constantly worried about brain injuries with my first. Now at our third who is way more of a handful than the other two combined it just doesn’t feel like a day of the week unless one of them gets hurt using furniture as the jungle gym we’ve already stated countless times that it’s not. I can’t imagine what it must be to be a parent to more than 3 kids.
#42
Cleaning, flexibility on working, music genre, etc. My first is a boy, my youngest is a girl. I feel like my eyes opened even more after having my daughter. I treat them both the same way.
#43
Swears and vocabulary. I'm more laid back (read: exhausted) on actively developing their vocabulary. An example: At age five, Child No. 1 would say, 'Mom, this salmon is delectable,' Child No. 2 would say, 'Mom, this is tasty soup,' and Child No. 3 would say, 'Mom, this damn toast is pretty damn good.' To be honest, the youngest is no less precocious, she's just more uninhibited.
#44
College application season.
#45
Being nice to people/giving them multiple chances. Seriously. Some kids just don’t mesh. Better to just recognize it and move on then keep setting yourself up for failure over and over.
What do you think ?
Rens 2 years ago
I was pretty laid-back with my one and only child because I didn't really know how to have a baby and how to raise a baby. I had undiagnosed Asperger's at the time so I really struggled to play with her; I always treated her like a little adult with less life experience. I always explained everything to her, and taught her, spending so much time with her assured me that I bonded with her properly. Looking back now I think I might have also had undiagnosed postpartum psychosis because I was absolutely terrified she would die, and completely obsessed with her, to the exclusion of almost everything else including my long-suffering husband.
Diolla 2 years ago (edited)
My dad was like that with me and used to get into arguments with my mom about not treating us enough like children. To me it always felt like a form of respect and being taken seriously. Even when he was tough on me sometimes. Not to mention the easy time I had in school beause of my extended grown-up vocabulary. My siter and me grew up to be very independent adults.
Load More Replies... GadgetGirl 2 years ago
Biggest new mom mistake: cutting a newborn's nails. MiL had me a little paranoid as hubby has a scar on his face where he scratched it as a newborn. So I trimmed her nails. One bled, so I put a bandaid on it. On her teeny preemie newborn finger. And I couldn't get the damned thing off again. I was afraid the adhesive would hurt her skin, or what if it was too tight...I ended up taking her to the doctor so they could cut the bandaid off. After that, I instead took a file and filed them short, then filed up and down ways to dull them.
Katherine N 2 years ago
We only have one kid, but I see other mums hauling around these huge bags and strollers absolutely loaded with stuff, and I can't imagine what they are carrying in there. Babies don't really need that much!
Kevin J. Henning 2 years ago
The only parenting advice I took seriously was, "adapt and survive."
pug nose curly tail 2 years ago
As a mother of 4, my answer is EVERYTHING. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Beck 2 years ago
I just do not understand this. At 18 I had my first kid. I worked full time and had to go back to work less than a month after giving birth so I did not breast feed. I stuck her into daycare and since it was just her and i at the time, night time was hard due to her colic. She would scream at night and if she fell asleep with me holding her in the rocker, that is where we both slept. I did what I had to do. I had no time to worry about silly things like some of the things mentioned above. All four of my kids, on their 1st birthday, had the bottle taken away and got toddler beds.
Rens 2 years ago
I was pretty laid-back with my one and only child because I didn't really know how to have a baby and how to raise a baby. I had undiagnosed Asperger's at the time so I really struggled to play with her; I always treated her like a little adult with less life experience. I always explained everything to her, and taught her, spending so much time with her assured me that I bonded with her properly. Looking back now I think I might have also had undiagnosed postpartum psychosis because I was absolutely terrified she would die, and completely obsessed with her, to the exclusion of almost everything else including my long-suffering husband.
Diolla 2 years ago (edited)
My dad was like that with me and used to get into arguments with my mom about not treating us enough like children. To me it always felt like a form of respect and being taken seriously. Even when he was tough on me sometimes. Not to mention the easy time I had in school beause of my extended grown-up vocabulary. My siter and me grew up to be very independent adults.
Load More Replies... GadgetGirl 2 years ago
Biggest new mom mistake: cutting a newborn's nails. MiL had me a little paranoid as hubby has a scar on his face where he scratched it as a newborn. So I trimmed her nails. One bled, so I put a bandaid on it. On her teeny preemie newborn finger. And I couldn't get the damned thing off again. I was afraid the adhesive would hurt her skin, or what if it was too tight...I ended up taking her to the doctor so they could cut the bandaid off. After that, I instead took a file and filed them short, then filed up and down ways to dull them.
Katherine N 2 years ago
We only have one kid, but I see other mums hauling around these huge bags and strollers absolutely loaded with stuff, and I can't imagine what they are carrying in there. Babies don't really need that much!
Kevin J. Henning 2 years ago
The only parenting advice I took seriously was, "adapt and survive."
pug nose curly tail 2 years ago
As a mother of 4, my answer is EVERYTHING. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Beck 2 years ago
I just do not understand this. At 18 I had my first kid. I worked full time and had to go back to work less than a month after giving birth so I did not breast feed. I stuck her into daycare and since it was just her and i at the time, night time was hard due to her colic. She would scream at night and if she fell asleep with me holding her in the rocker, that is where we both slept. I did what I had to do. I had no time to worry about silly things like some of the things mentioned above. All four of my kids, on their 1st birthday, had the bottle taken away and got toddler beds.
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