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Despite someone’s best efforts, not every relationship is destined to actually work out. Possibly one of the saddest feelings are the one-sided texts, the constant need to initiate, and the feeling that something is off. Still, many people persist, often deluding themselves that all will be ok.
Someone asked men “When did you realize that she's not into you and you should move on?” and netizens shared their moments of clarity. So settle in, prepare to get a little uncomfortable as you read through, and be sure to upvote the most interesting examples. If you’ve been in a similar situation, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below.
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#1
If it’s not a hell yes… it’s probably a no. Save your time.
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#2
When you have to try extra hard to make it work. If it isn't happening naturally, just let it go. Also, when they aren't interested in kissing or cuddling, thats usually a dead giveaway.
Tempest 9 months ago
I’m quite over sensitive to touch and don’t like people touching me so it took me a long time to get at least somewhat comfortable with physical touch from my ex. I would often wince or squirm when he tried to hug, etc at the start and he was visibly annoyed with it. Doesn’t mean it’s a problem on your end necessarily. But I also don’t like the scraggly feeling of beards (and beards in general) so it was always uncomfortable for me if his beard touched me.
#3
Way way way way way too late. Pro tip: if it takes a woman two months to get back to you she isn't interested. Wish I learned that sooner.
#4
She acted like I was bothering her when I went to talk to her.
#5
When I asked her out and she said “no, I think of you like a brother.” No hard feelings or drama. I wasn’t mad. I was kinda touched that she thought of me that way. We are not as close these days because life sent us in different directions.
#6
If a girl likes you, they'll let you know.
Just because they respond to you means nothing.
Multa Nocte 9 months ago
Responding is called "politeness" and "manners" - it's not a sign to jump into bed and marry someone.
#7
In online dating, when the girls give me very short responses to what should be open-ended questions. Either she's not interested in me, or she's not interesting enough for me to keep trying. Regardless, I'm not going to waste my time or hers.
#8
She always had a “girls night”, or some excuse to never show up, yet expected me to drop everything and be with her when she wanted.
#9
Getting one word responses back to everything and always being the one to initiate a conversation. Kinda just true of friendships in general, tbh, it sucks to feel like the only person giving a s**t.
Multa Nocte 9 months ago (edited)
I am concerned about people who receive such blatant signs of disinterest from a person and yet still trying to press a relationship with that person. Are you going to try to browbeat her into the relationship you want that she obviously doesn't?
#10
The moment she starts referring to you as “bro” you know it’s over.
#11
When she said that she's not ready for a relationship and then got into a relationship two weeks later.
Multa Nocte 9 months ago
Many of us didn't know we were ready for a relationship until we ran into a specific person. I'd much rather someone tell me that we aren't clicking for whatever reason than lead me on.
#12
• The effort isn’t reciprocated
• Flirting and/or conversation is one-sided
• “You deserve better”
• “I’m not ready for a relationship”
• “I don’t want to lose you as a friend”
• The good-old hot & cold routine
• “I’m always so busy”
• “I need someone that’s going to fight for me”
My love life was a dumpster fire until I decided to stop wasting my time. Go out with the main priority to just have fun. Don’t take it so seriously. They’re allowed to feel however they want to and you’re allowed to not play games. Be cordial, don’t waste your energy. Don’t be afraid to date multiple women at the same time. If you fit together well, it’ll click.
horseloving panda 9 months ago
I recently met up with a guy who seemed sweet, but I just didn't think it was going anywhere. I straight up told him that I didn't want to meet again, but he didn't get it. Now I'm just ignoring him
#13
That's incredibly easy to answer.
If you reach out to her a couple of times over a few days and she doesn't respond. It's really that simple. Or she shows no interest in you in terms of family or friends or work or anything.
My first date with my wife was a bit of a disaster. All my fault when my friend got into a fight and marooned us at a music festival. I should have totally taken a car of my own.
I decide to wait a couple of weeks before asking her out again. But then after the second date, she called me when she bought a new car and wanted to show it off.
Never make someone a priority in your life if you're not a priority in hers.
#14
If she says she would love to hang out but isn't making concrete plans — she doesn't want to hang out
#15
When she takes days to reply, finally does, and then she makes excuses that she was busy
#16
When, after three years together, i stumbled across some explicit texts between her and her Ex.
It hammered home that my view of the relationship was a lot different than hers. That was 7 years ago. It left me heart broken. I've thought about her every day since.
As soon as the name calling starts, you know the other person has no respect for you and it's over with. That is the sign that you need to part ways.
#17
A 3 year relationship, living in my house, complete trust in her, deposits on a wedding venue and vendors, etc.. started acting suspicious and defensive. Told me she’s lost herself and doesn’t know what to do. Turns out she was flirting with her boss that’s 21 years older than her. Caught them in her car in the middle of a parking lot “talking”
I don’t believe it’s physical, but definitely emotional and her boss is taking advantage of her being vulnerable. Changed the locks on the doors and moved all of her things to her bathroom, yet I’m the one who is the jerk for moving her stuff.
#18
When we were out to dinner and she went to the bathroom and never came back. We had dinner, drinks, dessert and I had asked for the check. After a while I acted like I got a call and made it seem she had trouble getting the car.
Multa Nocte 9 months ago
I've seen both men and women do this. It's rude either way. Sticking the remaining person with the bill is a d i c k move either way.
#19
Others have said it here, but it’s pretty obvious when they fail to initiate conversation or make little to no effort to spend time with you.
Years ago, I talked to a girl for a few months and things were going well. All of a sudden she’s too busy to chat, too busy to go out, too tired to respond to texts.
After a few weeks of trying, it’s like, ‘Yeah…I get it. You’ve completely lost interest…’
Last text to her was a happy birthday text because we shared the same birthday, and me asking for the book I had loaned her back.
MurderMittens 9 months ago
So if my husband fails to initiate conversations, dates, or physical touch, what am i to believe?
#20
When she said we should open the relationship because she wants to experience what/who else is out there and not be tied down, then immediately after we broke up she left the country to go live with a guy she met online and they’ve been exclusive for four years now.
TheBlueBitterfly 9 months ago
Moving to an open relationship, when the relationship already has problems, will never fix anything.
#21
Usually either:
I am putting all the work into making conversation
I've tried to arrange something concrete in terms of going on a date and I've been dodged
Either are a good indication that things are going nowhere and it's time to move on.
#22
When I asked her out and she said "Sure, we could go on a date. I don't know what the point would be" Ice cold. I didn't mind the pain of the rejection, because the rejection was so well played.
#23
When my friends told me she was using me to get back at her ex.
They were right.
Multa Nocte 9 months ago
Don't you just hate it when people tell you the truth and you don't believe them? Darn them!
#24
Got ghosted for weeks at a time, but stayed because I was emotionally vulnerable and belittled into staying
Don’t worry she’s long gone.
#25
When she emptied my bank account and got pregnant by another man, I finally figured it out -- after she left with all her stuff
#26
After she said she liked me but couldn’t get into a relationship at the time, then a couple weeks later she was in a relationship with someone else.
Multa Nocte 9 months ago
Sorry, but you weren't that special one for her. I have always read "not at this time" as "ever." Saves a lot of useless wondering.
#27
Once upon a time, I matched with a girl on OKCupid and we set up a date. We get there sit down and order drinks. Once the drinks arrive she sllooks at me, "I'm glad we had a chance to get together but if I'm being honest? I just don't think I could ever be sexually attracted to you." I finished my drink quickly, put money on the table and walked the hell out.
In hindsight, I appreciate the honesty, but geeze. You knew what I looked like. Why did you agree to the date in the first place?
Multa Nocte 9 months ago
Maybe it wasn't his looks she wasn't attracted to. I have met many people who were attractive at first glance but as soon as they opened their mouth it was game over. Conversely I have met a lot of people who wouldn't have jumped out at me as a "looker," but their kindness and personality made it all worth while being with them.
#28
She basically turned me into one of her girlfriends and started telling me about her "h*e phase" she was having at 40 years old. Took me a few months to realize that she's a giant walking red flag.
#29
She invited me to meet her at a bar by her job. We had been planning to meet after a few days of talking. I had met her in person and we exchanged numbers, this was well before tinder or POF. We met up, I was really thrilled to be drinking with her.
She had a boyfriend and was complaining about him. Then asked for "male advice" on some matters. I stayed an hour then made a sad drunk subway ride home. It happened again a few years later with a different woman, almost same situation exactly. She began complaining her BF plays too many video games and has no job. Yikes.
#30
When my texts were ignored for a few days and when she sees me now she gives a smile but it's not the one she used to give me. It's that half grin when it used to be an eye roll leading into looking down smiling and then looking at me and scrunching her nose.
#31
She spontaneously made out with this other dude and asked me for advice. I knew then I was never leaving the friend zone. Moved on instantly.
#32
She came to me upset about falling out with her friend. She shared a screenshot of the conversation and it became quite clear that they had been talking to the same guy. That guy wasn't me. Made much more sense on why she was reluctant to meet me in person.
#33
When she messaged me suddenly at 2 AM and said she was cutting me out of her life because I "wasn't respecting her boundaries despite her repeatedly asking me to stop." Spoiler alert, I went back and looked through literally our entire conversation history on every communication platform we had, no boundaries had ever been mentioned and no requests for me to stop anything I was doing every happened.
Arlecchino The Knave 9 months ago
Just an idea, but it could have been what OP was doing in person...
What do you think ?
clairebear 9 months ago
Sometimes a woman will try and back out of a situation gently because some men get really angry and abusive at being dumped. She has no way of knowing if you are one of them. Sorry if it is confusing but that's the way it is.
LB 9 months ago
I didn't finish this list. Yes, sometimes women blow people off with nonsense reasons, and that can be a d**k move. It can also be to try to protect your feelings by not being too direct about the rejection, or because it's safer because you don't know if the other person will get angry and potentially hurt you. And then there's a few stories about actual abuse.
Debbie 9 months ago
Some of the posts are common knowledge / normal social cues (independent of wether it is a man or a woman and often also independent of the type of relationship). Some were shocking in the sense that the poster really seemed to not get clues...2 months no response? Her never initiating conversation or never asking about you? Also it depends on how long the posters were interested in the women, some seem way too long before picking up the cues. And no, that weren't all posts. But I was amazed by many of them.
clairebear 9 months ago
Sometimes a woman will try and back out of a situation gently because some men get really angry and abusive at being dumped. She has no way of knowing if you are one of them. Sorry if it is confusing but that's the way it is.
LB 9 months ago
I didn't finish this list. Yes, sometimes women blow people off with nonsense reasons, and that can be a d**k move. It can also be to try to protect your feelings by not being too direct about the rejection, or because it's safer because you don't know if the other person will get angry and potentially hurt you. And then there's a few stories about actual abuse.
Debbie 9 months ago
Some of the posts are common knowledge / normal social cues (independent of wether it is a man or a woman and often also independent of the type of relationship). Some were shocking in the sense that the poster really seemed to not get clues...2 months no response? Her never initiating conversation or never asking about you? Also it depends on how long the posters were interested in the women, some seem way too long before picking up the cues. And no, that weren't all posts. But I was amazed by many of them.
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