We’re never too old to celebrate a birthday. In fact, making sure that your day is special might be even more important when we’ve grown up and have a mountain of responsibilities awaiting us at any given moment.

That’s why one stay-at-home mother decided that the best way she could celebrate her birthday was to take a solo trip. Unfortunately, however, her husband wasn’t thrilled about being left with their three children for a week. Below, you’ll find the full story that the mom recently shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit, as well as a conversation with the Founder of Pregnant Chicken, Amy Morrison.

All this burnt out mother wanted for her birthday was a relaxing vacation by herself

Image credits: nenetus (not the actual photo)

However, her husband refused to support the idea

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Image credits: Vailery (not the actual photo)

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Later, the mom answered some questions and provided additional information on the situation

Being a stay-at-home parent is often just as demanding as working a full-time job

All moms and dads have plenty on their plates, and stay-at-home parents are no exception. In fact, they might work even more hours than those of us with full-time jobs, but without any pay or vacation days. According to one survey, the typical stay-at-home mom works nearly 97 hours per week, including all of her responsibilities as a teacher, household CEO, psychologist, chef, housekeeper, facilities manager, janitor and chauffeur. So to gain more insight on how challenging it can be for stay-at-home parents to get some much needed rest, we reached out to parenting expert and Founder of Pregnant Chicken, Amy Morrison. Amy was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and explain that how much “time off” stay-at-home parents get completely depends on who they are parenting with. “If their partner understands and values what they do, it’s often easier to make trade-offs in the family workload,” she shared. “If their partner doesn’t view what they do as something they would need a break from, then it’s going to be more difficult to carve out that important time.”

Being a stay-at-home parent can, of course, yield benefits for children, as having a parent stay home often increases a child’s school performance, leads to children having less stress and aggression, allows parents greater involvement in their kids’ day-to-day lives, and many parents feel good about their choice to stay at home. However, it’s not all sunshine and roses. Some parents find themselves missing work, and taking a few years off from their careers can make it extremely challenging to jump back in when they are ready. There’s often a “wage penalty” that parents experience when returning to the workforce, meaning they may make 40% less in earned income over time. Being at home with the kids can also increase a parent’s sadness, make them feel isolated, and increase their risk for mental health issues. 

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Parents who stay home are prone to experiencing burnout as well

According to Choosing Therapy, “stay-at-home mom burnout” is “a state of chronic stress and exhaustion experienced by moms who have the full-time job of taking care of a home and kids.” Mothers with this type of burnout may experience depression, anxiety, insomnia, self-doubt, mental exhaustion, irritability, mom rage, loneliness, feeling overwhelmed, feeling like they have no time for themselves and sometimes even turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance abuse. Some of the most common causes of stay-at-home mom burnout are financial stress, feeling unappreciated, not having anyone to share the work load with, stigma or self-judgment about their own role, lack of support, isolation and lack of connection, and lack of resources to manage stress.  

Just like anyone else, stay-at-home parents require some healthy alone time to relax and unwind. “Everyone deserves a break,” Amy told Bored Panda. “Some people recharge surrounded by family and friends, and others recharge tucked away with a good book in a hotel room. Everyone is entitled to time for themselves, no matter what it looks like. However, it gets tricky when household labor is unbalanced to start with and one partner is unable (or unwilling) to manage the family in the other partner’s absence.”

“Caring for kids can be very rewarding but it can also be an exhausting 24/7 job with no breaks,” the parenting expert explained. “It’s easy to lose yourself in the daily grind and quickly burn out. It’s incredibly important to regroup and recharge away from the daily demands to gain some perspective, take a breathe and even get a full night of sleep.”

Image credits: dvatri (not the actual photo)

Time for rest and relaxation is crucial for everyone

Alone time for moms is crucial because nurturing goes both ways. When parents give themselves a chance to recharge, they can have even more meaningful interactions with their partner and children. Taking some alone time can also help prevent resentment. Being constantly surrounded by noise and messes can feel overwhelming, and it can make it impossible to see the big picture. And we all know that some healthy distance can make the heart grow stronger, so some time away may be exactly what this mom on Reddit’s heart needs. Or perhaps she needs some time away to re-evaluate her marriage.

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“I think this mother should definitely take her holiday and have a hard think about her relationship,” Amy added. “It doesn’t sound like her husband values her contribution to their partnership and isn’t in any hurry to correct the imbalance. It sounds like she needs to book her vacation, then hire a dog walker and a divorce lawyer.”

We would love to hear your thoughts on this story in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this mother was right to stand her ground and defend her solo vacation, or do you agree with her husband? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing how challenging being a stay-at-home parent can be, look no further than right here. And if you’d like to hear more parenting advice from the experts, you can find a wealth of information at Pregnant Chicken right here!

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Many readers assured the mother that she does deserve a vacation, but warned that there may be larger issues in her marriage that need addressed

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