Your birthday is always special, but especially for children, it can easily be the most exciting day of the year! Throwing a party, getting to pick out a delicious cake and getting to open up gifts from loved ones can be a magical experience. As long as you actually get to keep all of your presents, that is.

One aunt shared a story on Reddit detailing how the birthday presents she gave her niece ended up in the trash because her mom wasn’t a fan of them. Below, you’ll find all of the details, as well as some of the replies readers shared and a conversation with Brooke Harris of Happy Simple Mom.

This woman picked out a birthday present for her niece that she knew she would love

Image credits: Thirdman/Pexels (not the actual photo)

So she was shocked to find out that only a few weeks later, the gift had ended up in the trash

Image credits: Pressmaster/Envato (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Prostock-studio/Envato (not the actual photo)

Later, the woman clarified a few more details about the situation

Image credits: Bright-Trick7886

“We give birthday presents to show love and friendship; we want to celebrate the person we are buying for”

To learn more about the etiquette of gift giving, we reached out to Brooke Harris. Brooke is the woman behind Happy Simple Mom, a site dedicated to providing practical tips and advice on decluttering and simple living, so you can find order in life and focus on what truly matters.

Image credits: mstandret / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)

She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and share some of the most important things to keep in mind when giving gifts. Brooke noted that, while it’s impossible to know the dynamics of the family mentioned in the story, there are a few things to consider in general when navigating birthday presents. “As the giver of birthday presents, we give birthday presents to show love and friendship. We want to celebrate the person we are buying for, and it’s a way to show that we care,” she explained.

“In our consumer culture, sometimes we get so wrapped up in the thought that we must give something, that we forget to focus on what really matters, the person we are celebrating!” Brooke says. “As our kids collect more and more things, parents can quickly feel overwhelmed by the sudden inflow of items into their home.”

And if you want to ensure that your gifts are welcomed, the mom suggests reaching out to the parents and asking if their child has any interests right now. “Look for gifts that will peak their interests. You can also ask the child directly. If you know the parents are picky about what enters the home, then ask them for very specific ideas,” Brooke added.

Just remember that it’s the thought that counts when it comes to gifting. “You can’t get hurt feelings if it’s a duplicate, an item they don’t love, or is something that eventually gets returned,” Brooke noted. “In the end, it doesn’t matter, it’s the act of showing someone you care by celebrating them that matters!”

“If your child wants a gift, and it’s appropriate, then maybe give them the space to enjoy it”

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When it comes to being the parent of a child receiving birthday presents, Brooke says she’s seen anything from parents saying “no gifts necessary” or “gift cards welcome” to please buy “XYZ” for my child. “I’ve even seen registries sent to friends and family members… For a birthday!” 

Image credits: GalinkaZhi / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)

“I get it. Clutter inflows aren’t fun. It can be overwhelming,” the mom says. But Brooke urges parents to think of their children first. “What do they love? If someone asks for ideas, then give them very specific ideas,” she suggests. “My child was once obsessed with building things out of Duct tape. I actually told one friend that Duct tape in bright colors would be a welcomed gift.” 

Brooke added that it’s also important to understand that if you are hosting a party or know your child will be receiving gifts from family, there will be gifts received you might not have picked out on your own. “What matters is, does your child like it? As long as the gift is appropriate, then give them the space to enjoy it,” the mom says.

Sometimes, parents will also have to deal with unwanted presents. “My children have received gifts over the years that were not appropriate,” Brooke shared. “For example, one child got a book once where the material was a little mature for her. I stuck it back, and years later, I gave it to her again, reminding her of the gift giver.” She added that it can also be helpful to let your child exchange the gift for something else, if the original present was inappropriate for them.  

“When it comes to unwanted gifts, it can be a balancing act of sorts,” Brooke says. “You never have to apologize for not wanting a gift and returning it. You like what you like.  However, if your child wants a gift, and it’s appropriate, then maybe give them the space to enjoy it, at least for a time.” 

“As the gift giver, know that the act of giving the gift is where it stops; you can’t control what happens next”

It can also be helpful to practice compassion in these situations. “In the case of this post, one of the items in question was a poster. It’s possible posters on the wall wouldn’t work in their home. It’s possible the parents HATE Minecraft and have been battling screen time addiction with their child,” Brooke noted. “A little compassion, from both sides, would go a long way.”  

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“That being said, it never hurts to give children their own space to curate their favorite things,” Brooke continued. The mom noted that she has one child who is super organized, with a clutter-free room, while her other child is a collector of all things. “Realizing the collecting child didn’t have the same desires as I did for a clutter-free space, I gave her the tools to showcase her proud possessions,” she noted. 

Image credits: vozdvizhenskayadina / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)

“Her room now has multiple shelving units built to showcase all her wonderful projects and collections. It’s not my style. It’s her style,” Brooke shared. “That’s okay, so long as we can walk into the room without having to shuffle our feet for fear of stepping on something!” 

Finally, Brooke reminded us that gift giving should be a joyous experience, for both the giver and the receiver. “Recognize the person who gifted the item. Tell them thank you. Go as far as to actually write the gift-giver a thank you note! (Thank you notes are a lost practice that should be brought back.) That being said, as the gift giver, know that the act of giving the gift is where it stops.  You can’t control what happens next,” she shared.  

“As the parent of the gift receiver, let your child receive gifts with an open heart, without fear if mom/dad will allow them to keep the (appropriate) gift,” the mom added. “If the gift is not appropriate, talk about it as a family, and communicate openly.”

Readers assured the woman that she had done nothing wrong, and many called out the sister-in-law for taking away her daughter’s gift

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