I often wish he wouldn't grab my privates without new consent. It still startles and shocks me after 40 years. He's of the "established consent" school and can't understand my objections.

Well TELL HIM. Nearly 20 years together and mine respects me enough to ask first. Probably partly because I’m not safe to sleep with due to ptsd from being a first responder

Candie Lee, I totally understand what you're saying. You should definitely have another series discussion about it. All though y'all have established consent. That doesn't mean things can't be tweaked a little, or a lot. Depending on what you're comfortable with. Also I'm sorry to hear your partner does not listen to your objections. That's not okay at all. I'd bring it up again and if he still doesn't understand. That's something you're going to have to think about in depth. Because you deserve respect and to be heard regarding all of your concerns and feelings. I do know that much. :)

Cecily, yes there is and do you want to know why. Because that's what it means to some people. Maybe not you, but however I feel is how it goes. Because it's my life and how I choose to do things. You'd be wise to learn that one size does not fit all. If you are not okay with something regarding your sexual life. You get to speak on it and apply whatever you like or object to whatever you dislike. You do not get to tell anyone else how they deal with consent. Furthermore however someone chooses to apply consent to their lives. As long as consent is involved and understood. That's what matters. Like the other person stated, she doesn't like when her partner grabs her even though they've been together and established consent. So they should address that. It's really not that hard to understand.

I also meant serious, not series. Lol.

Sorry I spelled your name wrong. I just realized it after I hit enter.

There is no such thing as established consent Stephanie and it’s very sad you accept it. I’ve been with mine for almost 20 years and he never touches me without it. Especially important to someone with emergency services ptsd like me who fight or flight at the very back of my mind or anyone else for that matter.

Communication is always the most important aspect of any relationship. If you want your SO to ask for consent every time, tell them. If you are comfortable with established consent, tell them. No matter what you want, tell them what you want.

Potato, I agree fully with you. Communication is equally, if not more important than consent. Because communication along with bodily language are the only ways to let another person know what you want and how you feel. You stated it perfectly. :)

I have been married to my current husband for 20 years. And if he asked to give me a quick kiss before heading out the door, or taking my hand as we walk through a large group of people, it would not only feel weird, it would feel like we were not at all emotionally connected. My spouse is free to touch me when he feels the need/want/desire. We aren't strangers getting to know one another. That being said, if he were the type to randomly grope or paw me I wouldn't care for that. As he treats me with respect and should I ever pull away or decline his advances (I haven't unless I suddenly realize I need to cough or sneeze or something) he would never insist. If he did, I wouldn't still be married to him. But it's ridiculous to have your spouse request permission every time they would like to do something as small as take your hand. Aside from everything else, a 50 yo asking their spouse "can I hold your hand" would just sound silly.

It depends on the couple and people involved. Some people have issues with that kind of stuff (trauma from being assaulted, sensory issues). Some friends I don't ask, others I always ask if they want whatever physical contact. What you have works for you which is great, but may not work for others.

is your name based off of GreyStillPlays, in anyway?

You are NOT in the minority. Unwanted and unexpected touching is repulsive.

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I like my own personal space as much as anyone, and predatory touching should be condemned in the strongest possible terms, but encouraging children to grow up associating tactile contact with unwanted advances is flawed parenting. It will just contribute with other factors to a generation of people who will be incredibly insular and only communicate digitally, in constant fear of overstepping any boundaries. That is already a sad world. In a world where people get offended by anything they touch, see, hear, smell or taste, and society encourages avoiding this, we may as well be living in a badly programmed simulation with none of the imperfections that differentiate living from existing.

You can of course believe and feel what you want but no-one is telling children that being tactile is bad. Just that they should ask first. That's all. You're the one adding the connotations to it. They are no doubt being encouraged to hug and touch their family, why wouldn't they be?

What? How did you manage to personally interpret what was essentially just a cup of flour (analogy time) into an entire table full of miscellaneous bread that wasn't part of the menu?

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You don't like your SO to touch you casually...?

You would be surprised how many people do not like being touched - not even by their SO - if they are not in the mood for it.

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lol Blanket consent LITERALLY doesn't exist according to the woman who made the post on Reddit.

Read the room, Tom. It always depends on the people involved. Everybody, even the most cuddly person, might have times when they do not want to be touched. Your efforts to ridicule the whole topic do not exactly put you in good light. Try being part of the solution, not of the problem!