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![“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Mom That It Was Very Obvious They Never Liked Me?”](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/mom-relationship-drama-cover_675.jpg)
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“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Mom That It Was Very Obvious They Never Liked Me?”
The feeling of belonging is one of the most vital experiences a person needs in their life. Some get to experience it in the families they’re born into, while others aren’t that lucky.
Like today’s OP. They were born into a fantasy, sci-fi, board, and video game loving family, but have never loved it themselves. To make matters worse, the family constantly made fun of their interests, which led them to feel like an outsider for years. Luckily, they were able to get out and find people to belong with, but this didn’t come without falling out with their family.
More info: Reddit
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Sadly, not everyone gets the chance to feel a sense of belonging within their own families
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author was born into a family that all love fantasy, sci-fi, board and video games, while they don’t
Image credits: Anna Shvets / Pexels (not the actual photo)
For years they’ve felt like the outsider and that is strengthened by the fact that the family makes fun of their interests
Image credits: stockking / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author finally left for college where they found people who they belong with
Image credits: StudentNaive3292
One day, while speaking with mom on FaceTime, the author noticed her rolling her eyes when they were talking about their fun times and called her out on it
The OP’s family are the kind of people who love board and video games, fantasy, and science fiction. One might be tempted to dub them geeks or nerds, which technically wouldn’t be wrong. But the intention behind it should be thought through, as in the past, both terms were usedderogatorily.
At the same time, the original poster themself isn’t into all those things. This caused them to be an outsider in their family. Sadly, such feelings can takea toll on a person’s wellbeing, especially on their mental health, leading them to have low self-esteem, feel lonely, or even develop depression. What makes the OP’s situation even worse is that the family always made sure the author felt that way.
Trying not to be an outsider, the author tried to fit in, but the attempts were fruitless. Plus, the family didn’t even try either and even made fun of them.
At least someone was accommodating to the OP’s interests. For instance, their friend’s mom took them to Taylor Swift’s Eras tour. For this concert, it was a fan tradition to come up with creative, pretty, and fun outfits, usually tohonorthe singer or her songs and career. The original poster and their friend weren’t an exception regarding this.
Then, when they showed the pictures of the outfits to their mom, she just laughed instead of supporting them. And that’s just one example.
When the time came for the OP to move out to college, they knew they wouldn’t be coming back to live there. These feelings were only strengthened when even after a few weeks of being with new people away from the family, the author felt more accepted than ever before in their life.
Image credits: Diva Plavalaguna / Pexels (not the actual photo)
We mentioned that feeling like an outsider may be damaging to one’s mental health, while feeling accepted tends to have the opposite effect. It canleada person to have higher self-esteem, be secure within themselves, and be less likely to seek validation from external sources. So, it’s amazing that the original poster finally found it after struggling with their family for years.
Still, family matters remained in their lives; they didn’t disappear the moment they found their community. Recently, the OP was telling their mom about amazing things happening in their life when they noticed that their mom was rolling her eyes.
Unsurprisingly, it made the original poster explode. They started telling their mother she doesn’t have to pretend to be interested in them, as it’s clear the whole family never even liked them and was happy when they left.
Of course, this led her to become defensive and tell her child that they think they’re too good for their own family, which is wild knowing how they treated said child.
After this, the OP wrote that they aren’t as heartbroken by the family relationship crumbling, as they have their new family in New York, but still asked whether they were a jerk for bringing it up.
The netizens’ verdict was that they weren’t. In their eyes, the mom seems like a typical example of a person who will never admit they’re in the wrong. And, she clearly is wrong. Well, the whole family is. Othering your family members for their interests for years it’s not a good thing to do, so they shouldn’t be so surprised that they finally spoke out.
Maybe they aren’t surprised about that and simply are lashing out, as their “punching bag” is going away. Either way, they have each other to enjoy themselves, while the OP finally has someone to do that with too. Perhaps that’s the best thing that could have come out of this.
The author’s mom got defensive and started insulting them, which netizens took as typical behavior of a person who cannot admit they are in the wrong
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What do you think ?
AKA AKA 11 months ago
The fact that her mother got angry instead of upset when OP told her how she felt says enough
Petra Peitsch 11 months ago (edited)
Yaps, and also never argue or keep any contact, just leave. That's exactly, what I've done. When I was old enough to realize, I just don't fit in my "'family", I got the attitude of who-cares-anyway?, seeing just I can still benefit out of them (if you think, that's shítty, think again, how shítty is living with people with what you shouldn't), than I just left without any word. They don't know where I'm living ... and this was almost 20 years ago. No remorse, I should have done it earlier ....
Load More Replies...
arthbach 11 months ago
My daughter felt out of place when she was in school. I explained her Dad and I had experienced the same thing, and it wasn't until we were at university that we 'found our tribe'. It can take time to find the people who are important in your life. Just because someone lives in the same area and is the same age, it doesn't mean they will necessarily be your friend, also just because there is shared blood, it doesn't mean they will be family. Keep looking for your tribe.
Janelle Collard 11 months ago
In cases like this, you have to make your own family. "Blood relations" can sometimes be *the* worst people to us.
Alexandra 11 months ago
There are parents that just refuse to see how their child really feels, even if the child tells and shows them that they feel left out, alone, doesn't fit in, whatever. It's an ego thing: they want to think of themselves as good parents even in the face of evidence of the contrary. It's perfectly possible that, even though these are your father and mother, they are not your family in the sense that you feel you 'belong'. Sometimes, your friends are your family and your parents just gave birth to you.
Alex Schneider 11 months ago
Each of my three kids have interests, that I just don't share, they don't call often, but I love everything they tell me or show me. Such a great way to learn about stuff and xour beloved ones - and to be proud they found something their committed to. your parents really miss a chance with their reactions
Mobey Drunk 11 months ago
This reminds me of a saying I heard some time ago. Your family is like your appendix, you only have one, but if it threatens your health you need to cut that s**t out.
Ginger Winters 11 months ago
Hey I've actually had both removed! I love that
Load More Replies...
Nils Skirnir 11 months ago
My family moved from PA to CA while I was stationed in VN. Threw away everything of mine; clothes, books, pictures, shoes, school records, car, etc.
Myrtia Daskalaki 11 months ago
I am really sorry they did that. I hope you have, or you''ll find better people that value you more. Merry Christmas!
Load More Replies... Mark Childers 11 months ago
My younger sister was the "squeaky wheel" and always got the attention while I was a bookworm and kept to myself. No one paid any attention to me, but it wasn't that bad. I still felt they cared. I'm so glad she told her mother off. She needed to hear it, and hopefully she'll think about it and realize the damage they've done to their own child.
Beak Hookage 11 months ago
It must really really suck being born into a family of selfish bullies.
Anna Drever 11 months ago (edited)
I was brought up on sci-fi and learned to love some fantasy, not a lot but some. Our 3 adult kids are ‘love sci-fi and fantasy’, ‘tolerate some of it’, ‘and not at all’. And we don’t mind one way or the other because we not a-hole parents like poor OP’s. Her family sucketh mightily!
Megan Curl 11 months ago
Dear BP staff: Using of the Reddit logo (snoo) is unauthorized use of intellectual property, and legally actionable. How stupid can you be? You actually have it on the main list page. Screen shot and reported.
Pandapoo 11 months ago
I think the OP is justified in feeling hurt and I hope she enjoys Christmas in NYC. The thing about the library I’m only partially in agreement with. When kids move out, it’s pretty normal to repurpose rooms, ONLY if they asked her if she was coming back home or a “I’m going to leave your room as-is for a year and see how it’s going for you in NYC”. I’m sure this mom didn’t bother saying that.
Vinnie 11 months ago
Nothing wrong with repurposing the room, but the mom's immediate response makes it sound as if the mother could hardly wait for the OP to leave.
Load More Replies...
KatSaidWhat 11 months ago
I told my mother that I would always love her but I didn't like her, she was toxic. It speaks to my soul that I am still crying for my aunt who died a year ago every week but have shed very few tears for my mother who left at the end of September. You don't choose who births you and you have no obligation to like them if they can't be bothered being interested in you. That realisation is very freeing.
GalPalAl 11 months ago
A hard lesson I have had to learn when I graduated to truly being an adult was not letting my family guilt me into things they are not supportive of. Your opinion no longer matters to me because you weren't there when I needed moral support. The only person you need to be responsible for is yourself. You don't owe them anything and don't fall for their gaslighting.
fsdnbk8qn6 11 months ago
I totally get her. It’s the same with my mom. They treated me totally different than my sister. It even extended to our kids
Helena 11 months ago
Sounds like parents were made fun of for their interests in their youth. So when they produced a kid that held the same interests etc as the people who once tormented them, It think that was their autopilot reaction, and they didn't bother with self-reflection or examination. Which makes them bad parents. On the other hand, she'll turn around in her 30's and start talking to them again. It'll just be a different relationship. Arms length but still around. My experience was the same, but opposite roles. My family was very conformist, liked the same things as everyone around them, did the same things as everyone around them, I was the odd man out. Never did find a 'tribe' and I'm still the odd man out, but I do keep in touch and attempt to speak their language as they are too limited to try to understand me and I accept that.
AKA AKA 11 months ago
The fact that her mother got angry instead of upset when OP told her how she felt says enough
Petra Peitsch 11 months ago (edited)
Yaps, and also never argue or keep any contact, just leave. That's exactly, what I've done. When I was old enough to realize, I just don't fit in my "'family", I got the attitude of who-cares-anyway?, seeing just I can still benefit out of them (if you think, that's shítty, think again, how shítty is living with people with what you shouldn't), than I just left without any word. They don't know where I'm living ... and this was almost 20 years ago. No remorse, I should have done it earlier ....
Load More Replies... arthbach 11 months ago
My daughter felt out of place when she was in school. I explained her Dad and I had experienced the same thing, and it wasn't until we were at university that we 'found our tribe'. It can take time to find the people who are important in your life. Just because someone lives in the same area and is the same age, it doesn't mean they will necessarily be your friend, also just because there is shared blood, it doesn't mean they will be family. Keep looking for your tribe.
Janelle Collard 11 months ago
In cases like this, you have to make your own family. "Blood relations" can sometimes be *the* worst people to us.
Alexandra 11 months ago
There are parents that just refuse to see how their child really feels, even if the child tells and shows them that they feel left out, alone, doesn't fit in, whatever. It's an ego thing: they want to think of themselves as good parents even in the face of evidence of the contrary. It's perfectly possible that, even though these are your father and mother, they are not your family in the sense that you feel you 'belong'. Sometimes, your friends are your family and your parents just gave birth to you.
Alex Schneider 11 months ago
Each of my three kids have interests, that I just don't share, they don't call often, but I love everything they tell me or show me. Such a great way to learn about stuff and xour beloved ones - and to be proud they found something their committed to. your parents really miss a chance with their reactions
Mobey Drunk 11 months ago
This reminds me of a saying I heard some time ago. Your family is like your appendix, you only have one, but if it threatens your health you need to cut that s**t out.
Ginger Winters 11 months ago
Hey I've actually had both removed! I love that
Load More Replies... Nils Skirnir 11 months ago
My family moved from PA to CA while I was stationed in VN. Threw away everything of mine; clothes, books, pictures, shoes, school records, car, etc.
Myrtia Daskalaki 11 months ago
I am really sorry they did that. I hope you have, or you''ll find better people that value you more. Merry Christmas!
Load More Replies... Mark Childers 11 months ago
My younger sister was the "squeaky wheel" and always got the attention while I was a bookworm and kept to myself. No one paid any attention to me, but it wasn't that bad. I still felt they cared. I'm so glad she told her mother off. She needed to hear it, and hopefully she'll think about it and realize the damage they've done to their own child.
Beak Hookage 11 months ago
It must really really suck being born into a family of selfish bullies.
Anna Drever 11 months ago (edited)
I was brought up on sci-fi and learned to love some fantasy, not a lot but some. Our 3 adult kids are ‘love sci-fi and fantasy’, ‘tolerate some of it’, ‘and not at all’. And we don’t mind one way or the other because we not a-hole parents like poor OP’s. Her family sucketh mightily!
Megan Curl 11 months ago
Dear BP staff: Using of the Reddit logo (snoo) is unauthorized use of intellectual property, and legally actionable. How stupid can you be? You actually have it on the main list page. Screen shot and reported.
Pandapoo 11 months ago
I think the OP is justified in feeling hurt and I hope she enjoys Christmas in NYC. The thing about the library I’m only partially in agreement with. When kids move out, it’s pretty normal to repurpose rooms, ONLY if they asked her if she was coming back home or a “I’m going to leave your room as-is for a year and see how it’s going for you in NYC”. I’m sure this mom didn’t bother saying that.
Vinnie 11 months ago
Nothing wrong with repurposing the room, but the mom's immediate response makes it sound as if the mother could hardly wait for the OP to leave.
Load More Replies... KatSaidWhat 11 months ago
I told my mother that I would always love her but I didn't like her, she was toxic. It speaks to my soul that I am still crying for my aunt who died a year ago every week but have shed very few tears for my mother who left at the end of September. You don't choose who births you and you have no obligation to like them if they can't be bothered being interested in you. That realisation is very freeing.
GalPalAl 11 months ago
A hard lesson I have had to learn when I graduated to truly being an adult was not letting my family guilt me into things they are not supportive of. Your opinion no longer matters to me because you weren't there when I needed moral support. The only person you need to be responsible for is yourself. You don't owe them anything and don't fall for their gaslighting.
fsdnbk8qn6 11 months ago
I totally get her. It’s the same with my mom. They treated me totally different than my sister. It even extended to our kids
Helena 11 months ago
Sounds like parents were made fun of for their interests in their youth. So when they produced a kid that held the same interests etc as the people who once tormented them, It think that was their autopilot reaction, and they didn't bother with self-reflection or examination. Which makes them bad parents. On the other hand, she'll turn around in her 30's and start talking to them again. It'll just be a different relationship. Arms length but still around. My experience was the same, but opposite roles. My family was very conformist, liked the same things as everyone around them, did the same things as everyone around them, I was the odd man out. Never did find a 'tribe' and I'm still the odd man out, but I do keep in touch and attempt to speak their language as they are too limited to try to understand me and I accept that.
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