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“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Mom That It Was Very Obvious They Never Liked Me?”
The feeling of belonging is one of the most vital experiences a person needs in their life. Some get to experience it in the families they’re born into, while others aren’t that lucky.
Like today’s OP. They were born into a fantasy, sci-fi, board, and video game loving family, but have never loved it themselves. To make matters worse, the family constantly made fun of their interests, which led them to feel like an outsider for years. Luckily, they were able to get out and find people to belong with, but this didn’t come without falling out with their family.
More info: Reddit
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Sadly, not everyone gets the chance to feel a sense of belonging within their own families
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author was born into a family that all love fantasy, sci-fi, board and video games, while they don’t
Image credits: Anna Shvets / Pexels (not the actual photo)
For years they’ve felt like the outsider and that is strengthened by the fact that the family makes fun of their interests
Image credits: stockking / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author finally left for college where they found people who they belong with
Image credits: StudentNaive3292
One day, while speaking with mom on FaceTime, the author noticed her rolling her eyes when they were talking about their fun times and called her out on it
The OP’s family are the kind of people who love board and video games, fantasy, and science fiction. One might be tempted to dub them geeks or nerds, which technically wouldn’t be wrong. But the intention behind it should be thought through, as in the past, both terms were used derogatorily.
At the same time, the original poster themself isn’t into all those things. This caused them to be an outsider in their family. Sadly, such feelings can take a toll on a person’s wellbeing, especially on their mental health, leading them to have low self-esteem, feel lonely, or even develop depression. What makes the OP’s situation even worse is that the family always made sure the author felt that way.
Trying not to be an outsider, the author tried to fit in, but the attempts were fruitless. Plus, the family didn’t even try either and even made fun of them.
At least someone was accommodating to the OP’s interests. For instance, their friend’s mom took them to Taylor Swift’s Eras tour. For this concert, it was a fan tradition to come up with creative, pretty, and fun outfits, usually to honor the singer or her songs and career. The original poster and their friend weren’t an exception regarding this.
Then, when they showed the pictures of the outfits to their mom, she just laughed instead of supporting them. And that’s just one example.
When the time came for the OP to move out to college, they knew they wouldn’t be coming back to live there. These feelings were only strengthened when even after a few weeks of being with new people away from the family, the author felt more accepted than ever before in their life.
Image credits: Diva Plavalaguna / Pexels (not the actual photo)
We mentioned that feeling like an outsider may be damaging to one’s mental health, while feeling accepted tends to have the opposite effect. It can lead a person to have higher self-esteem, be secure within themselves, and be less likely to seek validation from external sources. So, it’s amazing that the original poster finally found it after struggling with their family for years.
Still, family matters remained in their lives; they didn’t disappear the moment they found their community. Recently, the OP was telling their mom about amazing things happening in their life when they noticed that their mom was rolling her eyes.
Unsurprisingly, it made the original poster explode. They started telling their mother she doesn’t have to pretend to be interested in them, as it’s clear the whole family never even liked them and was happy when they left.
Of course, this led her to become defensive and tell her child that they think they’re too good for their own family, which is wild knowing how they treated said child.
After this, the OP wrote that they aren’t as heartbroken by the family relationship crumbling, as they have their new family in New York, but still asked whether they were a jerk for bringing it up.
The netizens’ verdict was that they weren’t. In their eyes, the mom seems like a typical example of a person who will never admit they’re in the wrong. And, she clearly is wrong. Well, the whole family is. Othering your family members for their interests for years it’s not a good thing to do, so they shouldn’t be so surprised that they finally spoke out.
Maybe they aren’t surprised about that and simply are lashing out, as their “punching bag” is going away. Either way, they have each other to enjoy themselves, while the OP finally has someone to do that with too. Perhaps that’s the best thing that could have come out of this.
The author’s mom got defensive and started insulting them, which netizens took as typical behavior of a person who cannot admit they are in the wrong
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What do you think ?
AKA AKA 1 day ago
The fact that her mother got angry instead of upset when OP told her how she felt says enough
Petra Peitsch 1 day ago (edited)
Yaps, and also never argue or keep any contact, just leave. That's exactly, what I've done. When I was old enough to realize, I just don't fit in my "'family", I got the attitude of who-cares-anyway?, seeing just I can still benefit out of them (if you think, that's shítty, think again, how shítty is living with people with what you shouldn't), than I just left without any word. They don't know where I'm living ... and this was almost 20 years ago. No remorse, I should have done it earlier ....
Load More Replies...
arthbach 1 day ago
My daughter felt out of place when she was in school. I explained her Dad and I had experienced the same thing, and it wasn't until we were at university that we 'found our tribe'. It can take time to find the people who are important in your life. Just because someone lives in the same area and is the same age, it doesn't mean they will necessarily be your friend, also just because there is shared blood, it doesn't mean they will be family. Keep looking for your tribe.
Janelle Collard 1 day ago
In cases like this, you have to make your own family. "Blood relations" can sometimes be *the* worst people to us.
AKA AKA 1 day ago
The fact that her mother got angry instead of upset when OP told her how she felt says enough
Petra Peitsch 1 day ago (edited)
Yaps, and also never argue or keep any contact, just leave. That's exactly, what I've done. When I was old enough to realize, I just don't fit in my "'family", I got the attitude of who-cares-anyway?, seeing just I can still benefit out of them (if you think, that's shítty, think again, how shítty is living with people with what you shouldn't), than I just left without any word. They don't know where I'm living ... and this was almost 20 years ago. No remorse, I should have done it earlier ....
Load More Replies... arthbach 1 day ago
My daughter felt out of place when she was in school. I explained her Dad and I had experienced the same thing, and it wasn't until we were at university that we 'found our tribe'. It can take time to find the people who are important in your life. Just because someone lives in the same area and is the same age, it doesn't mean they will necessarily be your friend, also just because there is shared blood, it doesn't mean they will be family. Keep looking for your tribe.
Janelle Collard 1 day ago
In cases like this, you have to make your own family. "Blood relations" can sometimes be *the* worst people to us.
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