Man Doesn’t Understand Why Wife Doesn’t Send Family Christmas Cards, Gets A Reality Check
For many people, the weeks leading up to Christmas can be as fun as the holiday itself, especially if they enjoy decorating their homes, baking cookies, and taking part in all sorts of holiday customs.
However, not everyone is equally excited about having to spend a ton of time—and, often, money—just so they can follow certain traditions. Take this TikToker, Abby, for instance – in a video that went viral, she explained why her family has only done Christmas cards once; and they’re not planning on doing that again. Scroll down to find her video below, where you will also find the netizens’ reactions to the TikToker’s thoughts.
Some holiday traditions can be a beloved festive activity or a pain in the neck
Image credits: Aaron Burden / unsplash (not the actual photo)
This woman went viral on TikTok for her reasons not to do Christmas cards
“My husband asked me one year why we didn’t do Christmas cards, and he has never asked me again since.
We have done Christmas cards one year, and that was when our oldest was a baby. And my husband was like, ‘Why don’t we ever do Christmas cards? You should do Christmas cards.’ I was like, ‘Yeah, I mean, it’s just cards, right? Like, why don’t you do the Christmas cards?'”
Image credits: abbyeckel
“I said, ‘So then you can source a photographer, and then you can find a date that aligns with her and with our schedules.
And then you can decide on what kind of clothes we should all wear and the location.
And then you can pay her, and then you can pick the edits.
Then you can find whatever website you wanna use to print out the Christmas cards.
Choose which picture or pictures you wanna put on there, what you’re gonna say.
Then gather up everybody’s mailing addresses that you want to send them to, your side and mine.
Then go buy the envelopes for them, then address them, then go to the post office and get all the stamps that you’re gonna need, then mail them out.'”
Image credits: Ethan Hoover / unsplash (not the actual photo)
“And he was like, ‘Huh?’ I was like, ‘Yeah. It’s not just Christmas cards, is it?’ The mental load behind Christmas cards has never seemed worth it to me.
Anybody that I would send a Christmas card to, I see regularly. If you don’t see me regularly, then you wouldn’t be getting a Christmas card for me to begin with. That is what the mental load of sending out Christmas cards is.”
Abby made it clear why she didn’t think doing Christmas cards was worth the hassle
@abbyeckelChristmas cards just arent a priority for me.♬ original sound – abbyeckel
Despite being quite a hassle, preparing Christmas cards remains a holiday tradition followed by many
Many people, including yours truly, love all sorts of Christmas activities. Making Christmas wreaths? Just tell me when. Baking cookies? Get your cookie cutters ready. Decorating the home? I’m already on it. While it does take quite a bit of time and often entails spending that some would consider unnecessary, I, personally, enjoy it, which makes all of it worthwhile.
However, like most such enthusiasts, I can only really enjoy it when I have the time and am in the mood to create the holiday spirit. Not even the biggest holiday craft aficionados would have a smile on their face if they were neck-deep in errands and had something else to add to the list.
That’s why it’s easy to see why Abby didn’t think preparing Christmas cards was worth it. After her husband suggested she prepare the cards, she explained just how much work that one task entails, and, bearing in mind that the family hasn’t done Christmas cards for years, it’s safe to assume that the husband didn’t want to go through all the trouble, either.
Be that as it may, sending out holiday cards is something that many families do. It remains a tradition beloved and engaged in by many, despite some believing that in the 21st century, the regular Christmas card would fall at the feet of its digital counterpart. According to Statista, people in the US spend an average of roughly 30 dollars on holiday greeting cards and postage.
Image credits: daylight letters / unsplash (not the actual photo)
The first Christmas card dates all the way back to the 1840s
You might be wondering—do people on the receiving end actually enjoy getting holiday cards? Well, to the disappointment of all the Grinches out there, they actually do. Okay, at least half of them do. According to 2018 statistics illustrating the share of people who love receiving Christmas cards in the UK, somewhere between 50% and 65% of them, depending on the age group, do. Surprisingly, despite being the generation that grew up glued to their devices, the youngest age group—young adults aged 18 to 24—seem to be the biggest fans of holiday cards, followed closely by those 65 years of age and older.
Beloved by young and old in the 21st century, holiday cards are believed to date back to the mid-1800s. The first card, commissioned by a prominent civil servant, educator, inventor, and the founding director of the renowned Victoria and Albert Museum, Henry Cole, was sent in 1843. Illustrated by Cole’s friend, John Callcott Horsley, the card depicted three generations of the Cole family raising a toast.
The first Christmas card was later published and offered for sale at the price of one shilling a piece, but since that was considered pricey at the time, it didn’t become a commercial success. However, since then, the commercialization of Christmas has picked up speed, and the period between 1860 and 1890 became a golden age for Christmas cards, prompted by new printing processes and techniques.
Nowadays, the possibilities when it comes to Christmas cards are nearly endless. But they still require quite a bit of work to reach the final product, as Abby pointed out in her video. In the comments underneath the video, some netizens sided with her, saying that Christmas cards are not worth the hassle. However, for some, it was considered a beloved holiday tradition, worth all of the work they put into it.
Image credits: Annie Spratt / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Netizens shared their views on the matter in the comments
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Not sure why she's assuming a Christmas card must be a family photograph, nor why it must be done by a professional. A paper card is fine. That's said, I understand about the mental load of making holidays happen...the shopping, meal prep, cooking, cleaning, decorating, traveling, etc. If you're the only one who ends up doing all of those things every year, it gets old pretty quickly, and starts to feel like a new set of chores and responsibilities, rather than a holiday.
Came to say exactly this! If you want to send out cards, buy a bunch of ready made ones and just sign them.
Load More Replies...This is my hill to die on this year. For the last 27 years, I have been the one to make them out, address and post them (2 batches....the ones for in the states, my side in Nov and then another batch for the UK in Dec...his side, plus the children's friends and his work mates). This year I decided to not do them. Hubs asked when I was doing them and I said I'm not. If he wanted to send Xmas cards, he was more than welcome to do them. I've done the ones for our kids and that's it. He's done 2....2! I'll be damned if I'm gonna get strong armed into it for another year.
What? Go on Moonpig or Funky Pigeon. Choose your card, choose your text, add to basket, checkout, done. This woman is bonkers.
If he wanted cards, he was absolutely free to think about this solution and do it! The thing is - he didn't want to think. He wanted her to do all the thinking and organizing.
Load More Replies...Not just no cards, no presents either. WHY beat yourself up finding "the perfect gift", blowing your budget for the next two months, etc., just for something that people will get a refund or exchange on or throw in the garbage? The only people you should buy things for are family and friends poorer than yourself. And for them, something like a $100 or $200 gift card for a supermarket or department store near them will do a LOT more than some lousy "present". That's the alleged point of the pointless December "holiday" that imitates the winter solstice celebrations, helping those worse off than yourself.
[ "Can someone older explain how ppl did this so easily back then?" ] Answer: They DIDN'T do it "easily". They did it because long distance phone calls were horrendously expensive and mail was the only way to stay in contact before the internet. Sending cards in December almost always included letters that would have gone in the mail in any other month. Cards were another chance (and the only way) to send a letter to people you kept in contact with.
Load More Replies...She's not wrong, IF you feel you have to use a professional photographer to take your family photo, and that photographer does no additional services (such as making up the cards for you) then yes. This is actually a very good list of how do I make a family photo Christmas card. The steps are all there. And yes. If you're just the guy who likes to receive the kudos about the family photo, glance at the final result and say "yeah that's nice we should do that every year" but not the one who goes to the trouble of getting the photo, making the card, and mailing the cards, then this should be an alternate year swapping task. One year she does it, one year he does it. That's fair.
Since when did the sender need to put themselves on the front of the cards?!
I think that it's an American way of doing this. At least I have only seen it at US movies. This sounds like waaay to much work for me to do, but if someone loves it and wants to do it, that's great. The problem starts when someone loves it and wants to HAVE it but doesn't want to DO it.
Load More Replies...You don't have to go through all of that c**p and crazy expense of pictures. Go to a store and buy a box or 2 of Christmas cards that you like and mail them like normal people. I mailed mine early last week.
That's what my mom always did. There were a couple years we did do photos but never custom cards, she'd just throw a wallet size photo in the card. She doesn't send them anymore though, because most of the people she always sent them to are dead now
Load More Replies...It’s actually WAAAAAY less complicated than that, but OK. Just upload some favorite pics from your phone, do a collage, on the photo card website, and buy the cards with the envelopes. Heck, some places even address them for you!
Yes but the point is it's still time ( and money) that she has to expend. If it's important to him He can do it.
Load More Replies...Misleading tittle. Buying a box of cards, stamps, addressing and mailing them would take a couple of hours at best. Something the wife or husband can easily do . This woman is talking about taking a family photo for a Christmas card which is a whole process. Honestly did we need some idiotic Tik Tok about this.
This is the very reason I refused to do secret santa this year with my family this year. I had to organize the online site for the draw, help everyone with technical problems with emails, buy half of the presents myself (my mom & dad, kids, my own) and mom would even say "just buy whatever you want, you know what they like. I'll pay you later "), wrap such presents... Not again, thank you.
I stopped doing Christmas cards many many years ago...waste of time and money...merry Christmas and all the best for the new year...very few people will get a card from me, my nearest and dearest will if I won't be seeing them, or be able to phone them. Prefer to catch up over a coffee/wine/beer, or a phonecall, and wish them and theirs all the joy if Christmas.
It's fun for me to see how different countries have different standards for Christmas cards. I'm in Denmark and here you just buy (or create) a card with nisser or santa or some other Christmas-y pictures on. You then write on the back of the card, write the address and send it.
You know what grateful for this year? The fact that my country has just temporarily ended a over one month long postal strike. You know why I'm grateful? Because this was the perfect excuse not to have to mail any Christmas cards this year.
I think too many of you focus on how complicated she makes it sound and forget that he is free to take another mental load, find an easier solution, and organize it. She is not responsible for finding an easier solution for doing something she doesn't want to and doesn't have to do. She says it's the way she did it in the past; that's too much for her, and she doesn't want to be the one doing it this year. She is not saying, "I forbid you to do it!". Also, if I were her and for years organized this very professional session only to hear from my husband that it's nothing, I would explode.
Hey, if you want something to look complicated you absolutely will make it seem like the most complicated thing in the world...
My wife and I used to do a couple dozen until about 10 years ago. Then the older generations died out and the younger folks preferred text. When we did it, we did nothing fancy. A box of cards, handwritten notes, and best wishes. We did it together. Took two hours max and was a good cold, rainy/snowy day activity
And woth the price of postage gone up, it is horrrible! They are 4€ EACH stamp, and thst is just domistic. Christmas cards for abroad is easily 15€,not talking about sending Christmas gifts! And then the postal company (who has a monopoly on it) will whine about people not sending cards and letters anymore...
Everyone saying its easy is only acknowledging photos/card part. The real nightmare is the addresses. People move and don't tell you, you realize you don't have others' new address, etc. Every day after the day you send them out, one or 2 or returned to sender for various reasons. Or maybe that's just me, trying to send them to every family member and family friend. I quit sending out those and thank you cards 4 years ago, no regrets. If my husband doesn't have silly little customs that suck up his free time just to keep him in good standing with petty old aunts, neither do I.
She really could have told him pretty much the same thing without being so condescending about it. "Why don't we do Christmas cards?" "Because they're a lot of work and a lot of money and in my opinion, it's not worth it." There we go. But handling disagreements like an adult doesn't get you your precious clicks now does it
In the old days, aka, the dark ages, one just bought a box of cards, signed them, addressed the envelopes and mailed them out. The cards usually just went to family and friends not seen in a while that are out of state or country. Some actually made up an information sheet of milestones the family experienced that year. They would go to a copy shop and have copies made, (again, this was in the dark ages before the internet and home printers) fold them up and insert them in the cards and mail them off. Now things are just too expensive to do cards.
Or you can just buy a box of cards, no photographer needed. There are also places that let you upload photos and order prints. Obviously still work, but the idea that Christmas Cards automatically means hiring a photographer --- well tell me you have wealth without saying it, because most people can't afford that.
I don't get why people think cards are such a pain. My cousins just use the candid pictures from their phone (everyone has them, no need to be like the royal family and be all dressed up), have them printed with the holiday sentiment and names, postage stamp and done. I finally took that plunge last year, so simple! Took me longer to print them out than to sign my name and put a stamp on the envelope. When I was in the military, I loved getting cards, especially if I couldn't make it home for the holidays.
Since 2006 with my (now as of 2015) husband I would make a goofy Xmas card with our cats and sometimes our faces an use my printer and mail them out. He loved it. Made suggestions diff years. Etc. and then I learned I could send my edit to the drugstore to pick up or have mailed to me. Nice. Now I do photoshop freelance. Messed up pic? I'll try to edit it back whole or salvage it. But I enjoy taking our heads and the cats an putting them into stupid things. One year was the Brady bunch. One year a baseball team. One year one of those toy manger settings. Last year tho he wants me to make it look like the cats were popping out of gifts. He wrapped boxes. Posed the cats. Made me take pics. It was cute editing them all into one shot. I think he forgot tho I could edit in the boxes too but whatever. So this year I picked. The Addams family. Everyone buy itt an gran mama were accounted for. I mailed them out an get great responses. Makes me happy.
Wow. I love sending Christmas cards. Go to the store, pick a box of cards you like, go home. Plan a day to do the cards. My husband signs the cards and I address them. Then I hand him the envelope and he stuffs them, seals the envelope and puts a stamp on it. Done. We each take a small stack to be mailed and it's done. Roughly 45 minutes til done. No big deal. I don't usually write in my cards, unless it's for someone special, just to get them up to date on what we are doing. Otherwise, we're done and the cards are being mailed off.
I don't do cards - haven't for a while since I realised most of them can't be recycled due to plastic and glitter. My family all feel this way.
To John Harrison and rdj ... I think you just tried to mansplain the ladies point... Especially rdj if she's got it tell you to do something that's the mental load , that you've conveniently ignored.
Completely unrelated but John Harrison's snarky remark pretty much describes what my brain would be telling me, because of ADHD + executive dysfunction. ;-)
I'm not sure why women are still seeking and having relationships with men. Seems like having an extra child, not sure what they bring to the table.
Cloning yourself is not yet readily available.
Load More Replies...Not sure why she's assuming a Christmas card must be a family photograph, nor why it must be done by a professional. A paper card is fine. That's said, I understand about the mental load of making holidays happen...the shopping, meal prep, cooking, cleaning, decorating, traveling, etc. If you're the only one who ends up doing all of those things every year, it gets old pretty quickly, and starts to feel like a new set of chores and responsibilities, rather than a holiday.
Came to say exactly this! If you want to send out cards, buy a bunch of ready made ones and just sign them.
Load More Replies...This is my hill to die on this year. For the last 27 years, I have been the one to make them out, address and post them (2 batches....the ones for in the states, my side in Nov and then another batch for the UK in Dec...his side, plus the children's friends and his work mates). This year I decided to not do them. Hubs asked when I was doing them and I said I'm not. If he wanted to send Xmas cards, he was more than welcome to do them. I've done the ones for our kids and that's it. He's done 2....2! I'll be damned if I'm gonna get strong armed into it for another year.
What? Go on Moonpig or Funky Pigeon. Choose your card, choose your text, add to basket, checkout, done. This woman is bonkers.
If he wanted cards, he was absolutely free to think about this solution and do it! The thing is - he didn't want to think. He wanted her to do all the thinking and organizing.
Load More Replies...Not just no cards, no presents either. WHY beat yourself up finding "the perfect gift", blowing your budget for the next two months, etc., just for something that people will get a refund or exchange on or throw in the garbage? The only people you should buy things for are family and friends poorer than yourself. And for them, something like a $100 or $200 gift card for a supermarket or department store near them will do a LOT more than some lousy "present". That's the alleged point of the pointless December "holiday" that imitates the winter solstice celebrations, helping those worse off than yourself.
[ "Can someone older explain how ppl did this so easily back then?" ] Answer: They DIDN'T do it "easily". They did it because long distance phone calls were horrendously expensive and mail was the only way to stay in contact before the internet. Sending cards in December almost always included letters that would have gone in the mail in any other month. Cards were another chance (and the only way) to send a letter to people you kept in contact with.
Load More Replies...She's not wrong, IF you feel you have to use a professional photographer to take your family photo, and that photographer does no additional services (such as making up the cards for you) then yes. This is actually a very good list of how do I make a family photo Christmas card. The steps are all there. And yes. If you're just the guy who likes to receive the kudos about the family photo, glance at the final result and say "yeah that's nice we should do that every year" but not the one who goes to the trouble of getting the photo, making the card, and mailing the cards, then this should be an alternate year swapping task. One year she does it, one year he does it. That's fair.
Since when did the sender need to put themselves on the front of the cards?!
I think that it's an American way of doing this. At least I have only seen it at US movies. This sounds like waaay to much work for me to do, but if someone loves it and wants to do it, that's great. The problem starts when someone loves it and wants to HAVE it but doesn't want to DO it.
Load More Replies...You don't have to go through all of that c**p and crazy expense of pictures. Go to a store and buy a box or 2 of Christmas cards that you like and mail them like normal people. I mailed mine early last week.
That's what my mom always did. There were a couple years we did do photos but never custom cards, she'd just throw a wallet size photo in the card. She doesn't send them anymore though, because most of the people she always sent them to are dead now
Load More Replies...It’s actually WAAAAAY less complicated than that, but OK. Just upload some favorite pics from your phone, do a collage, on the photo card website, and buy the cards with the envelopes. Heck, some places even address them for you!
Yes but the point is it's still time ( and money) that she has to expend. If it's important to him He can do it.
Load More Replies...Misleading tittle. Buying a box of cards, stamps, addressing and mailing them would take a couple of hours at best. Something the wife or husband can easily do . This woman is talking about taking a family photo for a Christmas card which is a whole process. Honestly did we need some idiotic Tik Tok about this.
This is the very reason I refused to do secret santa this year with my family this year. I had to organize the online site for the draw, help everyone with technical problems with emails, buy half of the presents myself (my mom & dad, kids, my own) and mom would even say "just buy whatever you want, you know what they like. I'll pay you later "), wrap such presents... Not again, thank you.
I stopped doing Christmas cards many many years ago...waste of time and money...merry Christmas and all the best for the new year...very few people will get a card from me, my nearest and dearest will if I won't be seeing them, or be able to phone them. Prefer to catch up over a coffee/wine/beer, or a phonecall, and wish them and theirs all the joy if Christmas.
It's fun for me to see how different countries have different standards for Christmas cards. I'm in Denmark and here you just buy (or create) a card with nisser or santa or some other Christmas-y pictures on. You then write on the back of the card, write the address and send it.
You know what grateful for this year? The fact that my country has just temporarily ended a over one month long postal strike. You know why I'm grateful? Because this was the perfect excuse not to have to mail any Christmas cards this year.
I think too many of you focus on how complicated she makes it sound and forget that he is free to take another mental load, find an easier solution, and organize it. She is not responsible for finding an easier solution for doing something she doesn't want to and doesn't have to do. She says it's the way she did it in the past; that's too much for her, and she doesn't want to be the one doing it this year. She is not saying, "I forbid you to do it!". Also, if I were her and for years organized this very professional session only to hear from my husband that it's nothing, I would explode.
Hey, if you want something to look complicated you absolutely will make it seem like the most complicated thing in the world...
My wife and I used to do a couple dozen until about 10 years ago. Then the older generations died out and the younger folks preferred text. When we did it, we did nothing fancy. A box of cards, handwritten notes, and best wishes. We did it together. Took two hours max and was a good cold, rainy/snowy day activity
And woth the price of postage gone up, it is horrrible! They are 4€ EACH stamp, and thst is just domistic. Christmas cards for abroad is easily 15€,not talking about sending Christmas gifts! And then the postal company (who has a monopoly on it) will whine about people not sending cards and letters anymore...
Everyone saying its easy is only acknowledging photos/card part. The real nightmare is the addresses. People move and don't tell you, you realize you don't have others' new address, etc. Every day after the day you send them out, one or 2 or returned to sender for various reasons. Or maybe that's just me, trying to send them to every family member and family friend. I quit sending out those and thank you cards 4 years ago, no regrets. If my husband doesn't have silly little customs that suck up his free time just to keep him in good standing with petty old aunts, neither do I.
She really could have told him pretty much the same thing without being so condescending about it. "Why don't we do Christmas cards?" "Because they're a lot of work and a lot of money and in my opinion, it's not worth it." There we go. But handling disagreements like an adult doesn't get you your precious clicks now does it
In the old days, aka, the dark ages, one just bought a box of cards, signed them, addressed the envelopes and mailed them out. The cards usually just went to family and friends not seen in a while that are out of state or country. Some actually made up an information sheet of milestones the family experienced that year. They would go to a copy shop and have copies made, (again, this was in the dark ages before the internet and home printers) fold them up and insert them in the cards and mail them off. Now things are just too expensive to do cards.
Or you can just buy a box of cards, no photographer needed. There are also places that let you upload photos and order prints. Obviously still work, but the idea that Christmas Cards automatically means hiring a photographer --- well tell me you have wealth without saying it, because most people can't afford that.
I don't get why people think cards are such a pain. My cousins just use the candid pictures from their phone (everyone has them, no need to be like the royal family and be all dressed up), have them printed with the holiday sentiment and names, postage stamp and done. I finally took that plunge last year, so simple! Took me longer to print them out than to sign my name and put a stamp on the envelope. When I was in the military, I loved getting cards, especially if I couldn't make it home for the holidays.
Since 2006 with my (now as of 2015) husband I would make a goofy Xmas card with our cats and sometimes our faces an use my printer and mail them out. He loved it. Made suggestions diff years. Etc. and then I learned I could send my edit to the drugstore to pick up or have mailed to me. Nice. Now I do photoshop freelance. Messed up pic? I'll try to edit it back whole or salvage it. But I enjoy taking our heads and the cats an putting them into stupid things. One year was the Brady bunch. One year a baseball team. One year one of those toy manger settings. Last year tho he wants me to make it look like the cats were popping out of gifts. He wrapped boxes. Posed the cats. Made me take pics. It was cute editing them all into one shot. I think he forgot tho I could edit in the boxes too but whatever. So this year I picked. The Addams family. Everyone buy itt an gran mama were accounted for. I mailed them out an get great responses. Makes me happy.
Wow. I love sending Christmas cards. Go to the store, pick a box of cards you like, go home. Plan a day to do the cards. My husband signs the cards and I address them. Then I hand him the envelope and he stuffs them, seals the envelope and puts a stamp on it. Done. We each take a small stack to be mailed and it's done. Roughly 45 minutes til done. No big deal. I don't usually write in my cards, unless it's for someone special, just to get them up to date on what we are doing. Otherwise, we're done and the cards are being mailed off.
I don't do cards - haven't for a while since I realised most of them can't be recycled due to plastic and glitter. My family all feel this way.
To John Harrison and rdj ... I think you just tried to mansplain the ladies point... Especially rdj if she's got it tell you to do something that's the mental load , that you've conveniently ignored.
Completely unrelated but John Harrison's snarky remark pretty much describes what my brain would be telling me, because of ADHD + executive dysfunction. ;-)
I'm not sure why women are still seeking and having relationships with men. Seems like having an extra child, not sure what they bring to the table.
Cloning yourself is not yet readily available.
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