Sister-In-Law Can’t Meet Her Baby Nephew Because She’s Too Broke To Stick To All The Rules His Parents Have Set
Making the transition to parenthood and bringing home a newborn baby is challenging at the best of times. Amid the pandemic, it’s a whole other story. For many soon-to-be moms and dads, everything comes with new worries and questions, so making a plan can bring some calm to the chaos.
However, one couple took it a few steps too far. User No_Letter_1344, a 34-year-old mom who just had her son on Christmas Day, sparked a debate in a recent post on r/AITA after revealing some of the rules she and her husband have for guests that come to see their newborn baby.
Sure, keeping your child safe and insisting that friends and family must be “up to date on all vaccines” and won’t visit late at night is reasonable. But demanding to bring gifts and do household chores takes it to a whole new level.
The woman asked if she was in the wrong for not bending the rules for her sister-in-law, who “studies in a different part of the country” and rarely comes home. Read on for the full story and share your thoughts in the comments below!
A woman shared a list of strict rules she and her husband have for visiting their newborn baby on r/AITA
Image credits: Kristina Paukshtite (not the actual photo)
She asks if she’s in the wrong for refusing to bend them for her sister-in-law
Image credits: No_Letter_1344
No_Letter_1344’s story has amassed more than 13.1K upvotes and 6.2K comments in just a few days. The post started with a few decent requests but quickly turned sour when the author named her unreasonable demands. “Before you ever come, no matter how many times, you will be given a list of food or groceries to bring with you AND a chore for a list of your choosing,” the user wrote.
It seems that all this was a bit much for the sister-in-law, a 20-year-old college student, who couldn’t afford to buy the things this couple requested. She instead offered to clean the whole house just so she could visit the newborn baby, but the woman and her husband refused to bend the rules.
When other family members confronted them about the situation, saying they’re using their child as “a cash grab”, the husband told his parents that they were on a “time out and blocked them”. Members of the r/AITA subreddit quickly determined that the author was completely in the wrong for creating this list of demands and refusing to allow her family member to visit the baby.
Which rules for visitors really matter?
Needless to say, having a child is a major event in a person’s life, and being instantly surrounded by a flock of visitors might be stressful. While setting some rules might be beneficial, it’s important to know which of them truly matter.
Sarah Goldberg, a pregnancy massage therapist and childbirth educator, told ABC Everyday that who visits and when should come down to what’s best for the baby and mom. “When a baby is born, they [ideally] need undisturbed skin-to-skin contact for a minimum of 90 minutes; that’s when all the baby’s hormones and mother’s hormones are working really hard to bond and connect,” she explained.
“Your time in bed snuggling and cuddling your baby is imperative for a healthy postnatal recovery, so I implore rest, rest, rest—and rest does not happen when you have a thousand visitors.”
Some parents prohibit picking up their children or kissing them. Archana Koirala, a pediatric infectious diseases physician, said it’s important to understand that “babies need to be cuddled, they need to be touched, they need to be loved. So when you say, ‘No, you can’t do this, you can’t do that’, you’re actually providing restrictions potentially on a newborn’s development.”
Also, if your visitor is a smoker, you should have a conversation before allowing them to visit. Even if they won’t be smoking anywhere near the baby, the smoke can hang around in their clothes. Your best bet would be to ask them not to do it before the visit, request that they wash their hands, and ideally, ask them to consider changing their clothes to minimize the risk of exposure.
While it might be a difficult conversation to have with your friend or family member, you have to keep your baby safe and healthy—and that’s what setting rules should be all about.
Redditors unanimously agreed that the OP was acting like a jerk, here’s what they had to say
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Ieva is a writer at Bored Panda who graduated in Scandinavian studies from Vilnius University. After learning the Swedish language and getting completely lost in the world of Scandinavian mythology, she figured out that translating and writing is what she's passionate about. When not writing, Ieva enjoys making jewelry, going on hikes, reading and drinking coffee.
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Ieva is a writer at Bored Panda who graduated in Scandinavian studies from Vilnius University. After learning the Swedish language and getting completely lost in the world of Scandinavian mythology, she figured out that translating and writing is what she's passionate about. When not writing, Ieva enjoys making jewelry, going on hikes, reading and drinking coffee.
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I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. I kickstart my day with a mug of coffee bigger than my head, ready to tackle Photoshop. I navigate through the digital jungle with finesse, fueled by bamboo breaks and caffeine kicks. When the workday winds down, you might catch me devouring bamboo snacks while binging on the latest TV show, gaming or I could be out in nature, soaking up the tranquility and communing with my inner panda.
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I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. I kickstart my day with a mug of coffee bigger than my head, ready to tackle Photoshop. I navigate through the digital jungle with finesse, fueled by bamboo breaks and caffeine kicks. When the workday winds down, you might catch me devouring bamboo snacks while binging on the latest TV show, gaming or I could be out in nature, soaking up the tranquility and communing with my inner panda.
I was thinking this would be all about keeping the baby safe and healthy and then, boom! Give me free stuff and work for me? Go to hell.
Exactly. The first sound very reasonable especially now. But the rest.....
Load More Replies...Especially because I assume everybody would have gladly obliged had she asked them politely. As in: could you help me with the ironing please?
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Ok. You don’t iron for functioning adults and assume that adults who just had a baby must be functioning.
I don't assume. I had two kids and I was functioning on both occassions. I didn't say that I got zero help from my mother, tho. However, not in my wildest dream I have the audacity to ask random guest, friend, or family who don't offer first to iron for me, however nicely.
Does children have no control. They are going to be lonely with no visitors!
@Jo Choto, I was okay with "Vaccinated and call ahead." Everything else... Gobsmacked by the greed of the parents.
Exactly - that's the only rule that makes any sense. Yeah, I have 2 kids and know how tiring it is, but to expect groceries, gift cards, gifts and chores on top of that?
I agree 100% that is bs they are in the wrong i would not blame this girl if she never speaks to them ever again most collage students live off of cheap food to survive collage i lived off of ramen and bread and cheap peanut butter and water!!!!!
Sounds like they really don't want guests and, should the guests prove stubborn, they want to punish those guests.
The parents must be a little overly ripe smelling if they themselves aren’t using any deodorant. They probably smell worse then the poopie diapers. Another good reason to stay away.
I also dont see anything wrong eith deodorants. Most have very strong smells, im 33 and still pretty sensitive to perfume, and some ppl use like, half the bottle of deodorant for one use, and i can imagine how uncomfortable it can be for a poor baby that just came to this world. If you are showered, you dont need deodorant at all. I rarely use one, and i guarantee you that i dont stink. And when i start to smell, i either take a shower or washer my armpits with soap.
This is beyond sickening! The shame these 2 people should have but don't and the child will grow up thinking that's how life is supposed to be. He is going to be confused and probably treat people awful because he seen his parents to do it thinking it's normal. Shame on them and good they will reap the hell they created. Shame on them. The way of the world is beyond screwed.
Exactly. I even thought for a moment that the baby's actually an imperial prince. Beg for appointment, complete quests for acceptance, limited time appointment since it's the prince, and even provide tribute and service.
A few of those rules I can understand - no smokers, up to date on all vaccines, no advice (😂) - but pretty much all of the other ones range from stupid to cruel.
Yeah.. also strong perfume, maybe, but deodorant? You want your house to smell like a barn?
Load More Replies...Antiperspirant and deodorant are two different things that work in different ways. deodorant generally covers the BO with another smell whereas antiperspirant can stop some of the smell from happening in the first place. That may be what she means. When my daughter was younger, before we knew what was causing her near constant wheezing and skin rashes it was suggested that we cut out anything with a fragrance (honestly the only reason I know what the difference between deodorant/antiperspirant is).
Oh okay. Then strong deodorant would likely be included in the strong perfume thing. Honestly I use scented deodorant and can't smell it even after exercise¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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...and THAT is usually what is at issue. Those who use toxic fragrance chemicals lose their sense of smell. Yay Johnson and Johnson. 😑
We don't allow anyone to hold my grandson who has on perfume unless we lay his blanket down on them. Perfume on your clothing can irritate a baby's skin as we all found out. Now all of our clothing is washed in All free and clear and those that wear perfume spray it on their backs.
Allergies, I once knew someone who could not eat any protein. If they had even the tiniest amount it would eat away at their brain. Knew another that was allergic to aerosol, so when someone sprayed a air freshener he had to leave for half an hour. Babies can't say what's wrong so avoidance is key.
You don't know what the difference between an allergy and a dislike is. Duh
My bestfriend has a baby the same age as this kid... aside from her parents I'm the only one who has met the baby (I was there when he was born) I am a smoker and also fully vaccinated... I do keep a change of clothes at her house and change evertime I go over, I also don't wear perfume but my friend didn't ask me to do any of that it's just being consideredate and imo having to send a list out like this in general is just an insult to the families when most of it is common sense! and ya know what my friends baby still got covid from his dad,, who is also vaccinated... unfortunately the only guarentee is total isolation but that's not beneficial to the babies development, can't always control the inevitable or live in a bubble ... but u can control requesting ur own family to scrub ur toilets and bring u presents acting like ur the first woman to ever give birth and ur vagina is made of platinum... lol
I don't even understand those: if you are a smoker it does not mean that you start smoking in the face of the child or in the same house where the child lives. Even being up to date with all vaccines means nothing: for example, how could a missed tetanus vaccination harm the child? And the prohibition on giving advice is pure rudeness. These are all nonsense.
I lived in a house with smokers. I have never smoked in my life but everything I owned smelled like smoke, even books and furniture. When I moved out I had to wash everything that was washable, air out non-washables and use a ton of Febreeze to get the smoke smell out. My point is, although the parents are taking their demand to ridiculous levels, the clothing of someone who smokes will always have a nicotine smell/residue. If the baby is sensitive to scents, that could be an issue.
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@Kim Burke: "If the baby is sensitive to scents". I imagine the millions and millions of babies who died or were seriously damaged in the past, because they were exposed for a short time and at a distance to clothes belonging to smokers. Really a serious issue. Fortunately, today there are mothers like the one mentioned in this post, who really care about their children's health and put it in front of everything, even money.
Smokers generally smell pretty bad from the smoke that has clung to them, their clothes and their breath. Add perfume or strongly scented perfume and YUCK.
She basically told everybody do not touch the baby. There is a next to zero chance any of thay could affect the baby 98% of that visit unless an extreme life endangering allergy was involved. Also avoidance of things like fragrance, deodorant can actually cause the creation of severe allergies.Severe overuse can also cause it. (most deoderants now are both deoderants and antiperspirants which is actually a deodorant aimed at helping with sweaty smells and B.O.) also excessive showering for your skin type can cause excema. my foster sister taken to the doctor for everything ie:paper cut. That's how she got excema. She got so babied like OPs baby and became equally entitled if not worse. If OP keeps it up she will be raising a spoilt entitled brat she can't handle. Mother can't handle the word no. Neither will the child. Change your parenting method now while you still have a shot at raising a we behaved kid. Birth to age 5 is most important years for learning behavioral habits.
Smokers hold smoke and nicotine within their clothes it's called 3rd hand smoking. My son was micropreemie so our NICU was strict on smokers my dad had to wear a hospital gown when he visited my son at the hospital. Also here in the US a tetanus shot is usually given with diphtheria and pertussis both are deadly to children.
Yes however no where in the post does it say that her baby was / is a preemie. So if the child is a full term child and healthy I can see saying, no smoking prior to arrival or during visit please wear clean clothing etc. But to just make a no smoking rule period is just crazy. I can see "wash your hands etc prior to holding baby." But "no pictures" come on. these parents are insane.
Ummm ya but the most concerning part should be the demand for enslavement and pre approved payment and fees to just be in the general vicinity of the child ...because you have to work for your hour in their home....and not just demanding a gift for the baby but a gift card for mom too?? And groceries or take out from where they say ??? Thats disgusting 😒 that poor kid their parents just robbed them of a lifelong bond with very important people for their development and put a price on love so sick so wrong
AzKhaleesi ~ The no pictures one makes sense. There are a ton of very sick people out there. As a parent who found out that their child's personal info, including pictures, was hacked out of a medical company's database, I can tell you, the thought that some stranger is looking and knowing where your child is...it's terrifying.
I can see postingbphotos on social media but would be hurt not to take a photo with my grandchild.
Tamara ~ It's a company that helps with tracking/coordinating various doctors and specialist with a person's insurance companies, to help pay for the medical costs of children with special needs. The company has info about her doctors, disabilities, bank account, school, therapists, home address, and various images of her to identify her to help protect from medical fraud.
Smoke can still negatively affect healthy newborn babies and depending on the type of smoker even "clean" clothes can still have nicotine. I'm just speaking from my experience.
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Spores are on the body of a smoker so changing clothes doesn't do a thing. You would need to shower and then change your clothes and no smoking or being around smoke before holding the baby!!
News flash....EVERYONE entering the NICU must wear a "cover gown " over their street clothes.....NEXT
Tetanus is usually in a combo TDAP shot... Meaning it also vaccinates you against the (very dangerous for you) pertussis (whooping cough) which IS contagious. So, your point is a little moot?
What the hell are you talking about? You get a Tetanus vaccine if you have had an injury that might possibly cause Tetanus, as in a nail driven into your hand, cutting yourself with a dirty knife,etc. Generally, you get a Tetnus, Pertussis and Diphtheria every 10 years if you are an adult and follow your normal Vaccination Schedule
Tetanus is ony gotten if one gets an infection from rusted metal. And it's not a communicable infection which means like bronchitis it can't be spread to another person.
Perhaps you need to go back to whatever internet site you get all of your "info" from & re-read the section where it discusses how its transmitted to humans.
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1) TDaP (combined vax for tetanus, diphtheria, and pertussis), MMR, polio, flu, and, uh, Covid. Not just a tetanus booster. Dumbass. 2) Rudeness is offering advice when no one asked you. 3) Smokers stink. Reasonable not to want stink coming in. *YOU* are nonsense. Dumbass!
You are the most rude person here, so far as I have read. Let alone name calling. Don't be one of those people making the internet a horrible place. It does that all by itself.
Rude and extremely. Blunt but rookie does have a point. fetus shot isn't for things like covid or the flu. He is right. Tetanus is not a booster it is a shot that it's effectiveness starts to wear off everything 10 years. It's essentially built to act as a longer term effectiveness than depovera aka depo birth control shot once every 12 weeks for effectiveness "effectiveness" depo is not considered a booster as a result. Flu shots don't have boosters either. Which is factually correct. Depending on how heavy someone smokes , they stink. some people can't stand the stench of tobacco smokes. And Tamara's comment above his wasn't a very bright one. You can't spread tetanus except. potentially through exposed bloodstream like using a used needle on a fresh patient which is highly unlikely. You don't get tetanus simply by touching another human. You can't cough it at somebody either. Like stepping on a rusted nail with your bare feet. It's not guarantee You get it either vaned or not.
Funny you don't make sense and rail about reasonability then end on you are nonsense ... Classic irony vunderbar...
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Vaccinated or not is only about the person themself, nothing to do with passing on an infection to man, mother, beast or baby. The idea of vaccine = infection blocker is being pushed as part of the Covid-19 agenda. People who fall for this so get the so-called vacc often take less precautions like handwashing & soc.distancing. I don't let them near myself even.
It's not worth it, anti vax cultists are like flat earthers, so far removed from reality and sanity that no amount of civil discourse, presenting facts, logic and information will help. The entire anti vax movement started because ex doctor Andy Wakefield did his fraudulent autism study in the late 90s, as a paid scam purely to discredit MMR and sell the single dose vaccines he had stake in. Its been completely debunked, he faked the results of the "gut brain disease" he lost his license, and then had to become anti vax to make money off dumb people at conventions. That's literally it, the single, only study ever, and it's BS. The UK moved past it but he's in the US now and we have a lot of stupid people. It's even more harmful that flat earthers because they cause public health crises, in their mind risking deadly diseases to themselves and others is preferable to imaginary possible things if they get it. It's basically reached anti evolution levels of nonsense at this point.
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Well it won't let me reply to DD. Although avoiding people that have gotten the jab is a bit extreme it doesn't make what they are saying not true. This is evident now that time has passed since this was originally posted and the Pfizer vaccine studies are starting to become available to the public. You know the ones that they wanted to wait 75 years before they released them. It's the darndest thing too because out of the 8,000+ side effects of "special interest" covid was one of them. Yup they admit the jab gives you COVID oh and things like chicken pox, herpes, bacterial arthritis, type 1 diabetes (mind you type 1 has ALWAYS been a Genetic Endocrine Disorder meaning it only runs in bloodlines and makes the person 100% insulin dependent for life. Type 2 diabetes is the one that attacks the overweight and unhealthy that can be reversed and only requires a pill and diet change unless you're completly careless after you're diagnosed, those are the ones losing their feet)
I have a toddler, but this is outrageous. I would never ever use my child as a cash grab. Everyone is free to come and see, ofc, when you arrive, you should wash your hands, but what are you saying, is way way to far... To be honest, i feel for the young kid...
my son is almost 3 yo and when ge was born we restricted the visits per week, too. we just needed time in-between to rest and be for ourselves. I think we had people over 2, max 3 times a week. everyone was understanding, even before the pandemic
Load More Replies...That is the ONLY rule that makes sense out of all of these. New parents definitely need quiet time with baby. But the rest is nuts.
Well..my family came to help..id shower pump nap etc..so depends on who ..BUT- BRING S GIFT.A MEAL.A GIFT CARD.You get 1 hour..( ALL of those require plp to go to STORES ya know!) Sounds like mom is pimping. Out this baby..sad. .y fa. Would come TO HELP.not cater to me..Id shower, pump, take a nap.etc... New parents need HELP in order to GET A quiet min!
Danielle, my mom took a week off work to help me but i promise if i demanded anything in the fashion these primadonnas did they would have laughed...they wont get people coming to help while she pumps or showers etc when the greedy demands make them get on the defense...ya know...she probably would have to gotten those things done without asking as we both had help...but like i said my mom would have been ashamed of me if I'm did as such
Honestly i think they have a sub redit for petty revenge for things like this. Ironically i think atoms of the petty revenge ones are directly tied to some of the YTA wishbones this mom either needs t Oyo change her ways or someone needs to pull shom Sh** from petty revenge on her rear so she gets the idea. Maybe the Family should make equally Rediculous demands when the mom husband and. Or child visit. Petty but it's fair treatment. They would just be treating her like she treated them.
Restricting is something the parents do.. but the intended visitors only need to here " we are tired", it's not a good time", we'll have other family over".... but to straight up tell well wishers to not bother if you can't bring food , clean or a present everything? They were ridiculous.
That rule makes sense as well as vaccines and smoking. The rest....naaa. I had 3 children. Never did any of this other stuff about gifts and chores on demand even come to mind. Baby shower gifts should have been enough if they had one.
Right? Never would have even crossed my mind to ask these things of people
That's the one I understood as a mom. Don't bombard me. Your exhausted and trying to figure out your own baby groove.
I don't have kids but I am an introvert who relishes her quiet time and I also have a basic understanding that families need to bond without people trying to snug the tiny squiggly.
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Yeah, I don't want to sound like I typical internet troll here, but until you really can't possibly understand. You may think that's condescending, but as somebody who didn't have children until he was 37, and had only one, I both understand where you are, and want to tell you unless and until you have kids, You really can't understand it. Plus quiet time when you have a child is basically non-existent.
Um nobody is questioning the time to themselves with their baby lol it's the rest of the insane BS and then not allowing the aunty (husbands sister) to come see the baby....because she can't afford the gift from the store they say they want one from AND a gift card for the mom cause I guess she's just so sweet and special she deserves that AND bring what THEY demand for take out food AND as if that wasn't enough to do a household chore???? Ya I feel sorry for that child because the parents are SELF CENTERED rude assists!!! So do you agree with all their demands?
It's the chores, the gift, and the struggling college student. That's the problem. Not the quiet time. Get a clue
I can understand limiting visits but making a college student pay for the privilege of bonding with her FAMILY??? That is HORRIBLE! I have children and grandchildren and I believe in bonding with the child but you and that child also NEED the village to help raise it. The sis in law knew this and was being family by offering to clean the whole house but you say NO... Grocery item?? Gift card for mom?? Gift for baby??? Did these people go to college?? They should be ASHAMED especially her big brother. He should've given her the money for the gift.
I can understand that. Having a baby is tiring and you don't need to feel like you are entertaining guests. It's the rest of this list that's crazy.
Karina, you seem like a very reasonable and conscientious woman. These parents are Pigs.
Millions of babies born every day. THEY ARE ALL precious. WILL MOM go thru life w/BO,no Deodorant? Not going out since ppl are PEOPLE?. NO IDEA HOW humans have survived in society ALL these years sans these rules.... A gift,a gift card , a meal..1 hr max.sounds like a mommy brothel 🤣Did she see these ppl while gestatig? Bring food, a gift, u only get 1 hour-SO I CAN GO SHOPPING w/ me gift cards- around STRANGERS WEARING DOVE & SPEED STICK🤣. SEND A CARD.
Seriously, its not as bad as like, warping a kid into a scientologist, bible bashing klan member or flat earther from a young age hahaha, & just immediately warp their whole world, alienate them from reality and give them all kinds of issues, but it's definitely reaching them terrible values and norms
No that is actually worse. It's the Psychological, mental& emotional trauma thos will have as a result. This kid will alma likely to hav anxiety and depression issues as well and that's the bare minimum. And don't first the social anxiety. And bottling things up and the problems that creates. The stress and all these other issues that take tole on your physical body later in life. There's a scientifically non genetic based study as to why people in their late 20s early 30s look like they are in thier early 20s at best. Not good for acne or food habits but if you are good with controlling the over eating you will look 16 at 25. That kid will be definitely medicated and need a therapist of some kind maybe even a psych equal and be duped up on medications early on that actually stump physical and mental development. Take respidol for an example. It's not ment for children foe a reason yet it is perscribed to 3 year olds. I feel sorry for this kid. because i know what that can do to a kid.
I was thinking this would be all about keeping the baby safe and healthy and then, boom! Give me free stuff and work for me? Go to hell.
Exactly. The first sound very reasonable especially now. But the rest.....
Load More Replies...Especially because I assume everybody would have gladly obliged had she asked them politely. As in: could you help me with the ironing please?
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Ok. You don’t iron for functioning adults and assume that adults who just had a baby must be functioning.
I don't assume. I had two kids and I was functioning on both occassions. I didn't say that I got zero help from my mother, tho. However, not in my wildest dream I have the audacity to ask random guest, friend, or family who don't offer first to iron for me, however nicely.
Does children have no control. They are going to be lonely with no visitors!
@Jo Choto, I was okay with "Vaccinated and call ahead." Everything else... Gobsmacked by the greed of the parents.
Exactly - that's the only rule that makes any sense. Yeah, I have 2 kids and know how tiring it is, but to expect groceries, gift cards, gifts and chores on top of that?
I agree 100% that is bs they are in the wrong i would not blame this girl if she never speaks to them ever again most collage students live off of cheap food to survive collage i lived off of ramen and bread and cheap peanut butter and water!!!!!
Sounds like they really don't want guests and, should the guests prove stubborn, they want to punish those guests.
The parents must be a little overly ripe smelling if they themselves aren’t using any deodorant. They probably smell worse then the poopie diapers. Another good reason to stay away.
I also dont see anything wrong eith deodorants. Most have very strong smells, im 33 and still pretty sensitive to perfume, and some ppl use like, half the bottle of deodorant for one use, and i can imagine how uncomfortable it can be for a poor baby that just came to this world. If you are showered, you dont need deodorant at all. I rarely use one, and i guarantee you that i dont stink. And when i start to smell, i either take a shower or washer my armpits with soap.
This is beyond sickening! The shame these 2 people should have but don't and the child will grow up thinking that's how life is supposed to be. He is going to be confused and probably treat people awful because he seen his parents to do it thinking it's normal. Shame on them and good they will reap the hell they created. Shame on them. The way of the world is beyond screwed.
Exactly. I even thought for a moment that the baby's actually an imperial prince. Beg for appointment, complete quests for acceptance, limited time appointment since it's the prince, and even provide tribute and service.
A few of those rules I can understand - no smokers, up to date on all vaccines, no advice (😂) - but pretty much all of the other ones range from stupid to cruel.
Yeah.. also strong perfume, maybe, but deodorant? You want your house to smell like a barn?
Load More Replies...Antiperspirant and deodorant are two different things that work in different ways. deodorant generally covers the BO with another smell whereas antiperspirant can stop some of the smell from happening in the first place. That may be what she means. When my daughter was younger, before we knew what was causing her near constant wheezing and skin rashes it was suggested that we cut out anything with a fragrance (honestly the only reason I know what the difference between deodorant/antiperspirant is).
Oh okay. Then strong deodorant would likely be included in the strong perfume thing. Honestly I use scented deodorant and can't smell it even after exercise¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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...and THAT is usually what is at issue. Those who use toxic fragrance chemicals lose their sense of smell. Yay Johnson and Johnson. 😑
We don't allow anyone to hold my grandson who has on perfume unless we lay his blanket down on them. Perfume on your clothing can irritate a baby's skin as we all found out. Now all of our clothing is washed in All free and clear and those that wear perfume spray it on their backs.
Allergies, I once knew someone who could not eat any protein. If they had even the tiniest amount it would eat away at their brain. Knew another that was allergic to aerosol, so when someone sprayed a air freshener he had to leave for half an hour. Babies can't say what's wrong so avoidance is key.
You don't know what the difference between an allergy and a dislike is. Duh
My bestfriend has a baby the same age as this kid... aside from her parents I'm the only one who has met the baby (I was there when he was born) I am a smoker and also fully vaccinated... I do keep a change of clothes at her house and change evertime I go over, I also don't wear perfume but my friend didn't ask me to do any of that it's just being consideredate and imo having to send a list out like this in general is just an insult to the families when most of it is common sense! and ya know what my friends baby still got covid from his dad,, who is also vaccinated... unfortunately the only guarentee is total isolation but that's not beneficial to the babies development, can't always control the inevitable or live in a bubble ... but u can control requesting ur own family to scrub ur toilets and bring u presents acting like ur the first woman to ever give birth and ur vagina is made of platinum... lol
I don't even understand those: if you are a smoker it does not mean that you start smoking in the face of the child or in the same house where the child lives. Even being up to date with all vaccines means nothing: for example, how could a missed tetanus vaccination harm the child? And the prohibition on giving advice is pure rudeness. These are all nonsense.
I lived in a house with smokers. I have never smoked in my life but everything I owned smelled like smoke, even books and furniture. When I moved out I had to wash everything that was washable, air out non-washables and use a ton of Febreeze to get the smoke smell out. My point is, although the parents are taking their demand to ridiculous levels, the clothing of someone who smokes will always have a nicotine smell/residue. If the baby is sensitive to scents, that could be an issue.
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@Kim Burke: "If the baby is sensitive to scents". I imagine the millions and millions of babies who died or were seriously damaged in the past, because they were exposed for a short time and at a distance to clothes belonging to smokers. Really a serious issue. Fortunately, today there are mothers like the one mentioned in this post, who really care about their children's health and put it in front of everything, even money.
Smokers generally smell pretty bad from the smoke that has clung to them, their clothes and their breath. Add perfume or strongly scented perfume and YUCK.
She basically told everybody do not touch the baby. There is a next to zero chance any of thay could affect the baby 98% of that visit unless an extreme life endangering allergy was involved. Also avoidance of things like fragrance, deodorant can actually cause the creation of severe allergies.Severe overuse can also cause it. (most deoderants now are both deoderants and antiperspirants which is actually a deodorant aimed at helping with sweaty smells and B.O.) also excessive showering for your skin type can cause excema. my foster sister taken to the doctor for everything ie:paper cut. That's how she got excema. She got so babied like OPs baby and became equally entitled if not worse. If OP keeps it up she will be raising a spoilt entitled brat she can't handle. Mother can't handle the word no. Neither will the child. Change your parenting method now while you still have a shot at raising a we behaved kid. Birth to age 5 is most important years for learning behavioral habits.
Smokers hold smoke and nicotine within their clothes it's called 3rd hand smoking. My son was micropreemie so our NICU was strict on smokers my dad had to wear a hospital gown when he visited my son at the hospital. Also here in the US a tetanus shot is usually given with diphtheria and pertussis both are deadly to children.
Yes however no where in the post does it say that her baby was / is a preemie. So if the child is a full term child and healthy I can see saying, no smoking prior to arrival or during visit please wear clean clothing etc. But to just make a no smoking rule period is just crazy. I can see "wash your hands etc prior to holding baby." But "no pictures" come on. these parents are insane.
Ummm ya but the most concerning part should be the demand for enslavement and pre approved payment and fees to just be in the general vicinity of the child ...because you have to work for your hour in their home....and not just demanding a gift for the baby but a gift card for mom too?? And groceries or take out from where they say ??? Thats disgusting 😒 that poor kid their parents just robbed them of a lifelong bond with very important people for their development and put a price on love so sick so wrong
AzKhaleesi ~ The no pictures one makes sense. There are a ton of very sick people out there. As a parent who found out that their child's personal info, including pictures, was hacked out of a medical company's database, I can tell you, the thought that some stranger is looking and knowing where your child is...it's terrifying.
I can see postingbphotos on social media but would be hurt not to take a photo with my grandchild.
Tamara ~ It's a company that helps with tracking/coordinating various doctors and specialist with a person's insurance companies, to help pay for the medical costs of children with special needs. The company has info about her doctors, disabilities, bank account, school, therapists, home address, and various images of her to identify her to help protect from medical fraud.
Smoke can still negatively affect healthy newborn babies and depending on the type of smoker even "clean" clothes can still have nicotine. I'm just speaking from my experience.
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Spores are on the body of a smoker so changing clothes doesn't do a thing. You would need to shower and then change your clothes and no smoking or being around smoke before holding the baby!!
News flash....EVERYONE entering the NICU must wear a "cover gown " over their street clothes.....NEXT
Tetanus is usually in a combo TDAP shot... Meaning it also vaccinates you against the (very dangerous for you) pertussis (whooping cough) which IS contagious. So, your point is a little moot?
What the hell are you talking about? You get a Tetanus vaccine if you have had an injury that might possibly cause Tetanus, as in a nail driven into your hand, cutting yourself with a dirty knife,etc. Generally, you get a Tetnus, Pertussis and Diphtheria every 10 years if you are an adult and follow your normal Vaccination Schedule
Tetanus is ony gotten if one gets an infection from rusted metal. And it's not a communicable infection which means like bronchitis it can't be spread to another person.
Perhaps you need to go back to whatever internet site you get all of your "info" from & re-read the section where it discusses how its transmitted to humans.
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1) TDaP (combined vax for tetanus, diphtheria, and pertussis), MMR, polio, flu, and, uh, Covid. Not just a tetanus booster. Dumbass. 2) Rudeness is offering advice when no one asked you. 3) Smokers stink. Reasonable not to want stink coming in. *YOU* are nonsense. Dumbass!
You are the most rude person here, so far as I have read. Let alone name calling. Don't be one of those people making the internet a horrible place. It does that all by itself.
Rude and extremely. Blunt but rookie does have a point. fetus shot isn't for things like covid or the flu. He is right. Tetanus is not a booster it is a shot that it's effectiveness starts to wear off everything 10 years. It's essentially built to act as a longer term effectiveness than depovera aka depo birth control shot once every 12 weeks for effectiveness "effectiveness" depo is not considered a booster as a result. Flu shots don't have boosters either. Which is factually correct. Depending on how heavy someone smokes , they stink. some people can't stand the stench of tobacco smokes. And Tamara's comment above his wasn't a very bright one. You can't spread tetanus except. potentially through exposed bloodstream like using a used needle on a fresh patient which is highly unlikely. You don't get tetanus simply by touching another human. You can't cough it at somebody either. Like stepping on a rusted nail with your bare feet. It's not guarantee You get it either vaned or not.
Funny you don't make sense and rail about reasonability then end on you are nonsense ... Classic irony vunderbar...
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Vaccinated or not is only about the person themself, nothing to do with passing on an infection to man, mother, beast or baby. The idea of vaccine = infection blocker is being pushed as part of the Covid-19 agenda. People who fall for this so get the so-called vacc often take less precautions like handwashing & soc.distancing. I don't let them near myself even.
It's not worth it, anti vax cultists are like flat earthers, so far removed from reality and sanity that no amount of civil discourse, presenting facts, logic and information will help. The entire anti vax movement started because ex doctor Andy Wakefield did his fraudulent autism study in the late 90s, as a paid scam purely to discredit MMR and sell the single dose vaccines he had stake in. Its been completely debunked, he faked the results of the "gut brain disease" he lost his license, and then had to become anti vax to make money off dumb people at conventions. That's literally it, the single, only study ever, and it's BS. The UK moved past it but he's in the US now and we have a lot of stupid people. It's even more harmful that flat earthers because they cause public health crises, in their mind risking deadly diseases to themselves and others is preferable to imaginary possible things if they get it. It's basically reached anti evolution levels of nonsense at this point.
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Well it won't let me reply to DD. Although avoiding people that have gotten the jab is a bit extreme it doesn't make what they are saying not true. This is evident now that time has passed since this was originally posted and the Pfizer vaccine studies are starting to become available to the public. You know the ones that they wanted to wait 75 years before they released them. It's the darndest thing too because out of the 8,000+ side effects of "special interest" covid was one of them. Yup they admit the jab gives you COVID oh and things like chicken pox, herpes, bacterial arthritis, type 1 diabetes (mind you type 1 has ALWAYS been a Genetic Endocrine Disorder meaning it only runs in bloodlines and makes the person 100% insulin dependent for life. Type 2 diabetes is the one that attacks the overweight and unhealthy that can be reversed and only requires a pill and diet change unless you're completly careless after you're diagnosed, those are the ones losing their feet)
I have a toddler, but this is outrageous. I would never ever use my child as a cash grab. Everyone is free to come and see, ofc, when you arrive, you should wash your hands, but what are you saying, is way way to far... To be honest, i feel for the young kid...
my son is almost 3 yo and when ge was born we restricted the visits per week, too. we just needed time in-between to rest and be for ourselves. I think we had people over 2, max 3 times a week. everyone was understanding, even before the pandemic
Load More Replies...That is the ONLY rule that makes sense out of all of these. New parents definitely need quiet time with baby. But the rest is nuts.
Well..my family came to help..id shower pump nap etc..so depends on who ..BUT- BRING S GIFT.A MEAL.A GIFT CARD.You get 1 hour..( ALL of those require plp to go to STORES ya know!) Sounds like mom is pimping. Out this baby..sad. .y fa. Would come TO HELP.not cater to me..Id shower, pump, take a nap.etc... New parents need HELP in order to GET A quiet min!
Danielle, my mom took a week off work to help me but i promise if i demanded anything in the fashion these primadonnas did they would have laughed...they wont get people coming to help while she pumps or showers etc when the greedy demands make them get on the defense...ya know...she probably would have to gotten those things done without asking as we both had help...but like i said my mom would have been ashamed of me if I'm did as such
Honestly i think they have a sub redit for petty revenge for things like this. Ironically i think atoms of the petty revenge ones are directly tied to some of the YTA wishbones this mom either needs t Oyo change her ways or someone needs to pull shom Sh** from petty revenge on her rear so she gets the idea. Maybe the Family should make equally Rediculous demands when the mom husband and. Or child visit. Petty but it's fair treatment. They would just be treating her like she treated them.
Restricting is something the parents do.. but the intended visitors only need to here " we are tired", it's not a good time", we'll have other family over".... but to straight up tell well wishers to not bother if you can't bring food , clean or a present everything? They were ridiculous.
That rule makes sense as well as vaccines and smoking. The rest....naaa. I had 3 children. Never did any of this other stuff about gifts and chores on demand even come to mind. Baby shower gifts should have been enough if they had one.
Right? Never would have even crossed my mind to ask these things of people
That's the one I understood as a mom. Don't bombard me. Your exhausted and trying to figure out your own baby groove.
I don't have kids but I am an introvert who relishes her quiet time and I also have a basic understanding that families need to bond without people trying to snug the tiny squiggly.
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Yeah, I don't want to sound like I typical internet troll here, but until you really can't possibly understand. You may think that's condescending, but as somebody who didn't have children until he was 37, and had only one, I both understand where you are, and want to tell you unless and until you have kids, You really can't understand it. Plus quiet time when you have a child is basically non-existent.
Um nobody is questioning the time to themselves with their baby lol it's the rest of the insane BS and then not allowing the aunty (husbands sister) to come see the baby....because she can't afford the gift from the store they say they want one from AND a gift card for the mom cause I guess she's just so sweet and special she deserves that AND bring what THEY demand for take out food AND as if that wasn't enough to do a household chore???? Ya I feel sorry for that child because the parents are SELF CENTERED rude assists!!! So do you agree with all their demands?
It's the chores, the gift, and the struggling college student. That's the problem. Not the quiet time. Get a clue
I can understand limiting visits but making a college student pay for the privilege of bonding with her FAMILY??? That is HORRIBLE! I have children and grandchildren and I believe in bonding with the child but you and that child also NEED the village to help raise it. The sis in law knew this and was being family by offering to clean the whole house but you say NO... Grocery item?? Gift card for mom?? Gift for baby??? Did these people go to college?? They should be ASHAMED especially her big brother. He should've given her the money for the gift.
I can understand that. Having a baby is tiring and you don't need to feel like you are entertaining guests. It's the rest of this list that's crazy.
Karina, you seem like a very reasonable and conscientious woman. These parents are Pigs.
Millions of babies born every day. THEY ARE ALL precious. WILL MOM go thru life w/BO,no Deodorant? Not going out since ppl are PEOPLE?. NO IDEA HOW humans have survived in society ALL these years sans these rules.... A gift,a gift card , a meal..1 hr max.sounds like a mommy brothel 🤣Did she see these ppl while gestatig? Bring food, a gift, u only get 1 hour-SO I CAN GO SHOPPING w/ me gift cards- around STRANGERS WEARING DOVE & SPEED STICK🤣. SEND A CARD.
Seriously, its not as bad as like, warping a kid into a scientologist, bible bashing klan member or flat earther from a young age hahaha, & just immediately warp their whole world, alienate them from reality and give them all kinds of issues, but it's definitely reaching them terrible values and norms
No that is actually worse. It's the Psychological, mental& emotional trauma thos will have as a result. This kid will alma likely to hav anxiety and depression issues as well and that's the bare minimum. And don't first the social anxiety. And bottling things up and the problems that creates. The stress and all these other issues that take tole on your physical body later in life. There's a scientifically non genetic based study as to why people in their late 20s early 30s look like they are in thier early 20s at best. Not good for acne or food habits but if you are good with controlling the over eating you will look 16 at 25. That kid will be definitely medicated and need a therapist of some kind maybe even a psych equal and be duped up on medications early on that actually stump physical and mental development. Take respidol for an example. It's not ment for children foe a reason yet it is perscribed to 3 year olds. I feel sorry for this kid. because i know what that can do to a kid.
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