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“AITA For Reminding My Ex I’m Only Responsible For Our Children And Not All Of His Kids?”
After the emotional burden of divorce comes the equally hard task of figuring out how to manage what is left over. Property, assets and, of course, children. Some deadbeats feel like once the divorce papers are signed, their responsibilities end there. However, it takes a certain kind of person to think that an ex should also be in charge of children that aren’t even biologically theirs.
A woman vented her frustration at her ex-husband who had three kids with another woman and now wanted her to also babysit them. We reached out to the woman in the story via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
RELATED:
It’s not out of the ordinary to still help with childcare post divorce
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko / pexels (not the actual photo)
But one woman put her foot down when her ex wanted her to babysit his kids
Image credits: Fernanda De Freitas / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Jep Gambardella / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Plus-Front-2690
It’s not clear why the woman even needed to get a second opinion
The first thing that might strike some readers is the fact that this woman felt the need to actually go online and ask “am I the [jerk] for not wanting to look after my ex-husband’s biological children?” as if it was ever a question. Generally, unless one is on very good terms with an ex partner and has already helped raise their kids, this is not something one is “supposed” to do.
This might demonstrate the fact that the ex-husband has repeatedly tried to talk her into this. Indeed, it was very likely a “normal” dynamic in their relationship where she simply picked up all the domestic tasks that accrued throughout the day, to the point where both of them assume it’s her job. Fortunately, she does seem to be able to draw the line here, as childcare of even one child is a lot of work, let alone three additional ones.
It’s actually quite surprising that the ex-husband could not or would not grasp the fact that this sort of behavior is what caused the divorce in the first place. He seems to believe that the mother is in charge of all the work and while he has fun with his friends. It’s surprising that he wasn’t even embarrassed to constantly ask his wife to pick him up when visiting some friends.
The woman does state that he has perhaps gotten a bit better, trying to offload three entire children on a mother of two is classic deadbeat behavior masked with a smile. Offloading school supply costs to your ex-wife because you are too cheap to even take care of your own is just immature behavior, no two ways about it.
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics / pexels (not the actual photo)
The ex-husband’s behavior is textbook deadbeat
Telling one’s wife that she needs to be “part of the community” by helping him take care of his own kids is hilarious behavior when he seems to be retreating from said “community.” It is possible that he is immature enough to actually believe this, but more likely he is simply trying to manipulate her into picking up the mountain of slack he’s left behind.
As previously mentioned, the ex-wife already seemed a bit conflicted and wanted to ask the internet for advice. It does seem that the only tie keeping her close to him is the fact that their shared kids do enjoy his company, as she clarifies in the comments, some of which can be found below.
Ultimately, this is another tale of entitled partners thinking they can offload adult responsibilities to someone else because they don’t feel like doing their job as a parent, spouse or partner. Childcare and immaturity do not mix, nor is it comfortable to divvy up real responsibilities with a person suffering from an unhealthy dose of entitlement.
In the end, the ex-husband’s behavior, terrible as it is, perfectly reinforced why she was right to end the marriage. He can barely take care of his own kids, let alone his wife or the other children. An entire divorce doesn’t seem enough to make him understand the error of his ways. Hopefully, the woman got the positive reinforcement she needed from the much more helpful commenters.
Image credits: Tamba Budiarsana / pexels (not the actual photo)
Some folks wanted more details
Many thought she was in the right
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What do you think ?
R Dennis 4 months ago
I was so ready to be YTA. I thought she wanted out of taking care of kids from BEFORE they were married. When my wife and I separated (not married at the time), I still took my stepkids to school, made dinner, did homework, and paid bills. Even if we weren't getting along, I had made promises to take care of those kids. But the kids in this story are ex post facto... she has absolutely no obligation.
Alexandra 4 months ago
What is it with this godawful community thing? Bringing up children doesn't take a community or a village: it takes parents. They are responsible for their children, not aunts, uncles, nephews, cousings, nieces, steps or what-have-you. This guy obviously can't afford/provide for his children with someone else, so that's on him. OP is responsible for her children with him and that's it. If you can't afford it, don't have so many children!
Pamela Blue 4 months ago
It takes a village is only valid if you actually live in a small village. I did, when I lived in the UK, and other parents DID help me raise my children, and I helped with their's. Lovely, but I can't see it happening in the US or any big city.
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R Dennis 4 months ago
I was so ready to be YTA. I thought she wanted out of taking care of kids from BEFORE they were married. When my wife and I separated (not married at the time), I still took my stepkids to school, made dinner, did homework, and paid bills. Even if we weren't getting along, I had made promises to take care of those kids. But the kids in this story are ex post facto... she has absolutely no obligation.
Alexandra 4 months ago
What is it with this godawful community thing? Bringing up children doesn't take a community or a village: it takes parents. They are responsible for their children, not aunts, uncles, nephews, cousings, nieces, steps or what-have-you. This guy obviously can't afford/provide for his children with someone else, so that's on him. OP is responsible for her children with him and that's it. If you can't afford it, don't have so many children!
Pamela Blue 4 months ago
It takes a village is only valid if you actually live in a small village. I did, when I lived in the UK, and other parents DID help me raise my children, and I helped with their's. Lovely, but I can't see it happening in the US or any big city.
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